122 | WED 01 MAY 2024 | Composers
Enjoy the work of several film score composers; not an encyclopedic listing.
Thomas Newman often composes with thin piano or orchestra scoring, in such works as American Beauty (1999) or Shawshank Redemption (1994).
Hans Zimmer composes bold scores; Crimson Tide (1995) and Gladiator (2000).
James Horner emerged with Star Trek II (1982), score called for eight French horns, epic battle scenes between Kirk and Khan.
Dave Grusin’s score for The Firm (1993), features un-accompanied piano; his blues treatment is foot-stomping.
121 | TUE 30 APRIL 2024 | Matrix
Matrix (1999) film is 25-years old. Is it real? Are we living in simulation? Comparisons are often made between the Matrix and Plato’s Allegory of the Cave.
Prisoners chained in a cave facing a blank wall. They watch shadows projected on to the wall by objects passing in front of a fire behind them; they label these shadows. These shadows are the prisoners’ reality, but, do not represent the real world.
Plato explains that a freed prisoner, who comes to understand the difference between these shadows and the real world, as higher levels of reality. In contrast, remaining prisoners have no desire to leave their prison, for they know no other life.
Row, row, row your boat.
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
Life is but a dream.
120 | MON 29 APRIL 2024 | Organ
Cameron Carpenter is Juilliard-trained, virtuoso organist, arranger, and composer.
Carpenter designed and commissioned International Touring Organ, Opus 8, by Marshall and Ogletree; allows Carpenter to share the instrument and repertoire in venues not previously accessible.
Carpenter is praised or reviled by critics; he suggests that audiences don’t want to hear the organ, or a composer, but rather, want to listen to the musician. I find his interpretations unique and thoughtful; he breathes life into music that is often dull.
His performances may be found on YouTube; he records on Telarc and Sony labels.
119 | SUN 28 APRIL 2024 | Itchy Boots
Watch Itchy Boots YouTube channel, or, read Noraly’s blog. She travels around the world on her motorbike, and documents with almost daily YouTube videos, average one-million views per video.
Her travels are intrepid, not for the faint of heart, which provides substance to her content. In contrast, my travels are far too safe, and lead to few captivating stories.
118 | SAT 27 APRIL 2024 | Movies
Ten-hour, 5,000-mile flight, Sydney Australia to Tokyo Japan. Watch movie, Flowers of the Killer Moon, 3.5-hours long; believed that Oppenheimer was long at three hours.
More than fifty movies available; most movies were superheroes, villains, and weapons of mass destruction. Does Hollywood know how to make movies of another genre.
Carnegie-Mellon Professor of Computer Science, Randy Pausch, would not let students refer to sex or violence in final projects; students complained.
117 | FRI 26 APRIL 2024 | Oppenheimer
Canberra hostel with large television and Netflix; watch Oppenheimer, twice. Trinity test scene was most salient, no heroic music, no sound effects, just subtle sound of Oppenheimer breathing. Visited Hiroshima Peace Park (1996, 2024); there are museum images that are truly grotesque, like those of skin sloughing off survivors.
Algebra is like sheet music. The important thing isn’t can you read music, it’s can you hear it. Can you hear the music, Robert (Niels Bohr to Oppenheimer).
Selfish, awful people don’t know that they are selfish, awful people
(Haakon Chevalier to Oppenheimer).
Groves: “You don’t get to say no to me.”
Oppenheimer: “It’s my job to say no to you when you’re wrong.”
Now I Am Become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds (Bhagavad Gita).
116 | THU 25 APRIL 2024 | Tears
Is it our friend we are grieving for, whose life we knew so little.
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011)
Or is it our own loss that we are mourning.
Have we traveled far enough that we may allow our tears to fall.
115 | WED 24 APRIL 2024 | Unfit
Didn’t like Biden or Trump in 2020 election; don’t like Biden or Trump any better in 2024. One candidate is mentally unfit; second candidate is morally unfit. Don’t have to agree on politics, but disagree with lack of civility.
Trump argued that he was not a career politician; difficult to drain the swamp by throwing mud. Many of Trump’s associates have been convicted; crime does not occur in a vacuum. You are the company that you keep.
Peter Navarro: contempt of Congress | prison (2024)
Sidney Powell: plead guilty to overturn 2020 election in Georgia (2024)
Rudy Giuliani: $148-million Georgia defamation judgment (2023)
Allen Weisselberg: tax fraud, perjury | prison (2023 and 2024)
Steve Bannon: contempt of Congress | under appeal (2022)
Elliot Broidy: violate foreign lobby laws (2020) | pardoned by Trump
Rick Gates: conspiracy, perjury | prison (2019)
Paul Manafort: tax fraud, bank fraud (2019) | pardoned by Trump
Roger Stone: perjury (2019) | pardoned by Trump
Michael Cohen: campaign finance violation, tax fraud, bank fraud | prison (2018)
Michael Flynn: perjury (2017) | pardoned by Trump
114 | TUE 23 APRIL 2024 | Hot dog
Seems that people don’t want exercise, but, the benefit that exercise provides.
Seems that people don’t want religion, but, the benefit that religion provides.
Seems that people don’t want meditation, but, the benefit that meditation provides.
Do we confuse the mechanism with the desired end result.
People eat hot dogs, but, often don’t want to see how the hot dog is made.
113 | MON 22 APRIL 2024 | Wet clutch
Cars have dry clutch, most motorcycles have wet clutch, clutch plates immersed in engine oil to reduce friction and wear.
Learned to drive on manual transmission; appreciated in winter driving; use engine braking on snow or ice covered roads.
In a car, driver shouldn’t ride the clutch, but use it binary, on (depressed) or off.
On motorcycle, clutch is variable; rider uses clutch in combination with throttle to control how much power goes to the real wheel.
Riding steep switchbacks in New Zealand and Australia, maintained constant throttle to prevent stalling, and partial clutch engagement to control power to the rear wheel.
112 | SUN 21 APRIL 2024 | Ziploc
Queensland, Australia east coast, much of the region is rainforest with heavy rain during summer. Hostel guest caught in a downpour, without shelter. iPhone works, but won’t charge due to wet port; iPhone won’t dry out in the humid environment.
Apple does not recommend drying iPhone in bag of rice. Some users dry iPhone gently with hair dryer on low setting.
Carry Ziploc bag in my pocket at all times; if caught in the rain, can secure iPhone and keep it dry, even if I get soaked without shelter. Also carry spare desiccant packs, to place in Ziploc with the iPhone. Share the travel suggestion.
111 | SAT 20 APRIL 2024 | Net worth
Completed graduate school with $100,000 loan; extinguished inside two years; Dave Ramsey debt snowball method. Promoted to CFO in 2007, first six-figure salary.
$0 (2007)
$1-million (2012)
$2-million (2015)
$3-million (2016)
$4-million (2018)
$5-million (2020)
$6-million (2022)
$7-million (2024)
Continue to receive after tax carried interest distributions; assets remain in trust, to be given away upon death.
Power of compound interest; Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund; modest living expenses ($35,000 in 2023).
Podcast, How I Built This, ends with the same question. Does the founder attribute her success to intellect, hard work, or luck. I was lucky to have worked in private equity.
110 | FRI 19 APRIL 2024 | Mythology
Attended church until high school; read the bible. Respect religious freedom, but, for some time, have questioned religion; mythology of religion; fallacy or fable.
Intention is to not insult or to be sensational; simply, expressing doubt. Not looking to change anyone’s mind; not suggesting that I am right, or that others are wrong.
Willing to start with Zen Buddhism; there is no proof that Buddha, or, Siddhartha Gautama existed. There is no scientific proof of God, Jesus, Allah, or Prophet Muhammed. Fallacy, fable; stories of heroes, gods, and mythic figures, handed down from one generation to the next.
Religion often provides moral code (compassion and kindness) to live; better than anarchy. Religion also provides semblance of hope in a dark and dismal world.
Religious unaffiliated represent 15% of world population, 10% maintain some religious or spiritual belief, which suggests that fewer than 500,000 people believe in nothing.
Richard Feynman suggested, “Religion is a culture of faith; science is a culture of fact.” Albert Camus suggested, “Religious beliefs are based on faith, not evidence.”
Salvation lies within (Shawshank Redemption, 1994).
109 | THU 18 APRIL 2024 | Failure
Well-known movie director suggested that brief, flickering moments of success occur between large stretches of failure, despite what is purported in popular media.
108 | WED 17 APRIL 2024 | Pearson
Listened to podcast, This American Life, on train from Cairns to Townsville.
Podcast on Carlton Pearson, Christian minister in Tulsa Oklahoma; at its peak, weekly attendance exceeded 6,000 people. Pearson died November 2023, as a pariah.
Following the Rwanda genocide, Pearson had an epiphany; non-believers would no longer spend an eternity in hell, rather, hell is created on earth by mankind, himself.
“I am not re-writing the Bible, suggested Pearson, I am re-reading the Bible. God loves us all, we are all, already saved.”
His beliefs, no longer consistent with Christian ministries, Pearson was labeled a heretic. Pearson’s story may be viewed on Netflix, in the film, Come Sunday.
107 | TUE 16 APRIL 2024 | Folly
Accept that there is no meaning or purpose to life. To ascribe any meaning or purpose, as a coping mechanism, in an otherwise absurd world, is a fool’s errand.
106 | MON 15 APRIL 2024 | Maps
Rented motorbike in New Zealand, used iPhone for map guidance with dedicated UBS. Motorbike vibration may damage the camera; best to use mounting system with dedicated vibration dampener; Quad Lock receives good reviews.
Rented motorbike in Tasmania, used Garmin for map guidance. Dated technology, clunky display; faulty UBS cable wouldn’t properly charge. Preference is to use iPhone with appropriate vibration dampener.
105 | SUN 14 APRIL 2024 | Virtual introduction
Camus meet Feynman.
Feynman meet Camus.
Albert Camus (1913-1960), awarded Nobel Prize in literature (1957).
Richard Feynman (1918-1988), awarded Nobel Prize in physics (1965).
Feynman argued that there is no meaning or purpose in life; to ascribe meaning or purpose where none exists is a mistake.
Camus argued that there is no meaning to life, life is absurd and purpose-less; to ascribe meaning or purpose, based on preference or opinion, is entirely arbitrary.
Camus argued that man reconciling an irrational universe is absurd; man is lost in a world that does not make sense, trapped in never-ending cycle of futility.
104 | SAT 13 APRIL 2024 | Art museum
Visit art museum in Cairns; inscription next to one painting, reads:
I saw myself
in you
wondering
how did I get here.
103 | FRI 12 APRIL 2024 | Habit & routine
Low-grade depression (dysthymia) for more than half my life; often slip into self-hatred. No surprise that I still wrestle with both, despite quitting my career five years ago; travel the world isn’t a solution. Half way around the world, but, can’t run away.
102 | THU 11 APRIL 2024 | Death
Next-door neighbor died, she was 92-years old; end of a generation. Visited her in December before traveling. Feel raw and uncomfortable; don’t push feeling away, allow it to wash over; breathe into the space, not easy.
101 | WED 10 APRIL 2024 | Nothing
How difficult is it to do nothing. Sit down, check messages, check email, check the news, watch YouTube, read a book, listen to music. How difficult it is to sit down and do nothing, no thing.
100 | TUE 09 APRIL 2024 | Raw
Some days, travel is raw, exposed; uncomfortable.
Continuous momentum, all too easy to deceive myself.
Stop moving; it all catches up with me.
Distract myself with books, music, YouTube, Facebook, coffee; constant movement.
In Cairns, guests arrive and depart; not moving, am I doing something wrong.
“Have we traveled far enough that we may allow our tears to fall.”
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011)
099 | MON 08 APRIL 2024 | Regret
Regret not practicing a sport during high school; would have enjoyed cross-country; would have benefitted from physical activity, and balance with studies.
Regret not challenging intellectual rigor during high school; too much goofing off with music, which was tolerated if not condoned.
Regret not quitting music school sooner. Good friend, far more skilled, would call in August, to discuss quitting. It should have been me to suggest the idea.
098 | SUN 07 APRIL 2024 | Modigliani
Grandmother gifted my brothers collection of art books, one book focused on Modigliani. Long, angular faces, drawn without eyes, often fascinated; paintings easily identified in museums around the world.
Many painted murals around the world, perhaps, a mural of Modigilani-like characters.
One scene from IT: Chapter 1 (2017), the Modigliani-style painting comes to life.
097 | SAT 06 APRIL 2024 | Motorbike
Random thoughts after riding motorbike for three weeks in New Zealand and Australia. Intention is to wear all the (safety) gear all the time; sweat is better than blood.
Didn’t find parking lots to practice in New Zealand, street parking. Found parking lots in Australia; practiced slow-speed drills; a lot of useful guidance on YouTube.
One topic not covered in MSF course, how to safely pick motorbike off the ground (after dropping). In my case, 125-pound person safely lift 350-pound motorbike. If ride long enough, will drop (dump) the motorbike. Often, only thing bruised is the ego.
096 | FRI 05 APRIL 2024 | Graduation
Arrived Marine Corps boot camp, San Diego, June 1993. Civilian clothes sealed in a box; had the temerity to include new pair of contact lenses.
Day before graduation, civilian clothes returned. After lights out, inserted contact lenses and returned to bed. Next morning, drill instructors asked about my glasses; suspected that I was wearing contact lenses, likely found it humorous.
095 | THU 04 APRIL 2024 | Opposite
My thoughts are often misguided; not intentional.
0pposite point of view may be more beneficial.
– Equanimity, not depression
– Where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to do; not lost
– Generous, not stingy
– Love myself, not hate myself
– Forgive myself, not condemn myself
094 | WED 03 APRIL 2024 | Clarinet
Studied clarinet for many years. In high school, studied with Ronald Krentzman of Hartford Symphony, and Andy Grenci of New Haven Symphony.
Studied with Robert Schmidt at Ithaca College, he later committed suicide (Ithaca is gorges). During the summer, studied with Richard Schillea; he constantly yelled.
Later transferred to University of Michigan; studied with Fred Ormand. During the summer, studied with Charles Russo at the Manhattan School of Music.
Grateful that music is part of my life, but, regret attending music school.
093 | TUE 02 APRIL 2024 | Brain
Brain is good at thinking, example:
What is the proper accounting for private equity placement agent fee.
If train from Melbourne to Sydney is cancelled, what is the backup plan.
On motorbike; if car behind me doesn’t stop at intersection, what is my escape route.
Brain is good at thinking; but, it doesn’t stop.
It’s been suggested that the brain’s role is to secrete thoughts.
Some thoughts are less beneficial than others.
Likely benefit from meditation.
Intention isn’t meditation, per se, but, to be mindful and aware.
Sometimes, find times to focus on my breath.
When walking.
When driving.
When sitting as passenger on plane, train, or ferry.
Sometimes, just sitting on park bench, and turn off iPhone.
While iPhone is beneficial, it may be equally nefarious at times, too.
092 | MON 01 APRIL 2024 | All Fools Day
Some people ask what I am going to do next, as if, traveling the world is not valid or sustainable. I’ve suggested that I will travel the next decade, until age 65, when I qualify for Medicare. Not really sure that I am traveling the world, not sure of anything, more likely than not, I am simply lost.
How I wish, how I wish you were here
Pink Floyd | Wish you were Here (1975)
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here
091 | SUN 31 MARCH 2024 | Corolla
In Melbourne, rented car to visit the twelve (sandstone) apostles; provided 2023 Toyota Corolla hatchback.
Included Apple CarPlay and good-sized display for using navigation maps, although, it took a few minutes for the maps to initially calibrate. Car had dynamic (adaptive) cruise control; it would set the speed automatically based on posted speed limits, and, adjust speed and braking, based on forward traffic. Car had steering assist, and, would guide itself back into a (painted) lane. If I skewed out of the lane; steering corrections felt odd, electronic, almost mushy. Interesting to drive a “new” car with so much technology.
090 | SAT 30 MARCH 2024 | Un-born
Many people don’t approve of suicide. Never thought that I would see 40; still here, mostly, stubborn. Psychologists mostly useless; no pharmaceuticals; no drugs or alcohol. Better living through chemistry.
It’s not like people have the choice to be born. I would choose not to be born. Open to the idea of expunging any memory of me in the minds of others, like scraping the hard drive of a laptop; it’s not suicide.
Gate Gate Pāragate Pārasamgate.
Gone gone, gone beyond, gone far beyond.
089 | FRI 29 MARCH 2024 | Laundry
Travel in Mexico, washed clothes in sink; clothesline dry. Twist excess water out of clothes damaged fibers; early demise.
Travel in New Zealand and Australia, inexpensive wash machine; clothesline dry; bright sunshine, light wind is ideal.
088 | THU 28 MARCH 2024 | Shave
Keep hair short when traveling; once it requires a comb, ask barber to shave head bald; easier to stay clean. Also shave my legs in the shower. Difficult to find shaving cream, but, conditioner works just as well; silky, smooth legs.
087 | WED 27 MARCH 2024 | BMW 310 GS
Rode BMW 310 GS motorbike for three weeks in New Zealand and Australia. BMWs smallest adventure bike; German design, manufactured in India, $5,900 MSRP.
Digital dashboard, visible even in bright sun, displays gear selection, RPM, speed, fuel and range; LED headlamp provides crisp visibility in pre-dawn riding.
Single cylinder engine, 310cc (34 horsepower), six speed manual gearbox, slipper clutch, ABS, and 350-pounds. Mid-engine controls, offers comfortable upright posture; could easily flat foot the motorbike in all conditions.
Top speed 90-mph; easily reach highway speed of 70-mph, but, little reserve to pass slow-moving traffic. Buzzy engine at times, example, steep switchbacks. Often kept motorbike in low gear with high RPM.
086 | TUE 26 MARCH 2024 | Validation
It’s odd to go through life, to seek validation or acceptance from others; to seek something that may or may not be granted. What is my inherent worth; will I spend my life in purgatory.
Rather than seek external acceptance, may I focus inward, and accept myself. Tired from holding my breath.
085 | MON 25 MARCH 2024 | Peace
Stay overnight at AirBnB in Strahan Tasmania Australia; quotation on the wall.
There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.
084 | SUN 24 MARCH 2024 | JR Pass
Cost for seven-day Japan rail pass increased 65% in fall 2023 to $340; there are restrictions on its use, or, premiums required for certain legs of travel.
Train tickets may be purchased 30-days in advance, start buying on-line tickets after March 1st. Anticipate buying point-to-point tickets for the 8-week period in Japan.
083 | SAT 23 MARCH 2024 | Eggs
Hostel in Launceston Tasmania Australia, limited kitchen facilities; microwave, kettle, toaster. Three eggs for breakfast; half-fill coffee cup with hot (off-boil) water, crack an egg into the coffee cup; microwave 60-seconds. Remove poached egg with slotted spoon, dry on paper towel before serving. Not perfect, but not bad, either.
082 | FRI 22 MARCH 2024 | Enlist
Found my next career opportunity; enlist in International Legion for the Defense of Ukraine, alternative to slumming around the world; criteria include:
– age 18-60 years
– no criminal record
– no chronic disease
– ability to perform basic infantry tasks
– ability to legally enter Ukraine
Ukraine military likely places little value on foreign conscripts. Star Trek “red shirt,” bullet stopper, bullet magnet, insert your favorite euphemism; likely outcome is death.
081 | THU 21 MARCH 2024 | Mural
Empty school parking lot in Tasmania; perform slow-speed motorcycle drills. Large mural painted on school wall that reads, “Loving yourself is the greatest revolution.”
080 | WED 20 MARCH 2024 | Stop
Wise person once suggested, if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. Sometimes it is difficult to recognize. In a foreign country, travel fatigue, and tired of five-minute friends; introverted and shy, and often, don’t want to interact with others. Sometimes, isolation gets worse before it improves.
079 | TUE 19 MARCH 2024 | Assassination
Sometimes wonder why he hasn’t been assassinated; would the assassin be celebrated as a hero.
078 | MON 18 MARCH 2024 | New Yorker
Stumbled across New Yorker article, “The Case Against Travel,” by Agnes Callard (June 24 2023); tag line reads, “It turns us into the worst version of ourselves while convincing us that we’re at our best.”
Callard is Associate Professor of Philosophy at University of Chicago.
It’s possible that I disagree with Callard; it’s possible that I agree with Callard.
Willing to suspend judgment; willing to accept Callard’s argument as true. Convince me, change my mind; maybe, I will learn something, because, really, I know very little.
077 | SUN 17 MARCH 2024 | Reading
Finish reading a book; compelled to read another book; am I not Sisyphus.
Is it possible to read a book, and be so satisfied, no desire to read another book.
Is it possible to read a book, so satisfying, that it may be re-read without fatigue.
Don’t buy new books; struggle to find anything that I want to read at used bookstores.
Don’t know how to read; how should I change my reading habits.
076 | SAT 16 MARCH 2024 | Personality test
Walk in Adelaide; sidewalk sign reads, “personality test.” Enter store; employee tells me that “I failed.”
075 | FRI 15 MARCH 2024 | Hernia
Equanimity is a hernia.
December 2008, patient at Shouldice Hospital in Toronto Canada, to repair left inguinal hernia. Hernia existed for several years before surgery was required. Shouldice considered one of the best hernia specialists in North America. It does not use mesh, but rather, skin on skin; patients must qualify with “normal” body mass index. 25% of males develop a hernia, often due to structural weakness during fetal development.
Right inguinal hernia existed for several years; now requires surgical repair. Feels like right testicle is being squeezed; neither romantic, nor, pleasant sensation. Scheduled to visit Shouldice July 10th for consultation and surgery (first available appointment). Cost $7,200, with $5,000 deductible; will return home with matching scars.
When I served in the Marine Corps, believed that my body was indestructible. Thirty years later, no longer feel that way; old age, sickness, and death.
074 | THU 14 MARCH 2024 | Judgement day
Stand before a judge to justify my life.
Don’t contribute or create value.
No redemption.
Life and death appears arbitrary.
People die in Gaza.
People die in Ukraine.
People die in random traffic accidents.
Why is Alexei Navalny dead.
Why am I still alive.
073 | WED 13 MARCH 2024 | Equanimity
Often address topic of equanimity, and recognize, that I don’t understand the meaning of the word. Equanimity is to not resist that which I want to resist. Equanimity is to accept that which I do not want to accept. May I breathe into the discomfort and disarm an inappropriate response.
072 | TUE 12 MARCH 2024 | Book
Recently read a book, author’s first; underwhelming. Introduce the characters, then everything goes wrong. By the end, everything is right as rain, entirely saccharine.
How about a story where everything goes sideways, no superheroes, and no hope.
071 | MON 11 MARCH 2024 | Vulnerable
World travel often leaves me emotionally vulnerable; emotions frequently on edge and sensitive, in a manner that does not exist when I live in the United States.
070 | SUN 10 MARCH 2024 | Pretty
Travel the world, often observe pretty women. Would like to compliment, simple appreciation, without appearing improper. To not risk offense, don’t say anything.
069 | SAT 09 MARCH 2024 | Party
Would like to host euthanasia party, say goodbye to family and friends. Ask doctor to be euthanized, harvest organs for the benefit of others; bring my checkbook, and hand out payments to beneficiaries identified in trust. Party on, Wayne.
068 | FRI 08 MARCH 2024 | Aleve
Age 54; various aches and pains; side effect of being active. Aleve is beneficial; one tablet lasts 12-hours, during daylight hours, to get through any soreness, take nothing at night; better than repeat doses of Ibuprofen every few hours. Can’t find Aleve in New Zealand or Australia; will stock up at Costco back in the states.
067 | THU 07 MARCH 2024 | Exercise
Take time off from running to heal; yoga, at least once, maybe, twice per day. Recognize hip flexor weakness, and poor balance. Hip weakness and imbalance has frequently caused friction in left iliotibial (IT) band.
Focus on one-foot exercises, like calf raise, or reverse lunge with a leg lift. Stop moving, and recognize some of the body’s aches and pains. Not my normal focus, but, will improve running when I return.
066 | WED 06 MARCH 2024 | Cuboid
Mid-December, trail run, sore foot afterwards. Possible peroneal tendon strain (at insertion), or fifth metatarsal bone break. For one week, one Advil once a day; remained sore for a month; break from running for two months, allow time to heal. Currently, no pain or discomfort.
Likely, cuboid bone displacement, at the fourth and fifth metatarsal; likely irritated by barefoot sandal trail running; narrow trail, steep camber, and mid-foot strike, landing on rocks, stumps, logs, and streams.
065 | TUE 05 MARCH 2024 | Uh Oh
Outback is hot, intense sun, temperature greater than 100-degrees. Difficult to stay awake driving. Pull off Stuart Highway into rest area; park in the shade. Leave the van’s side door open, allow air to circulate. Lay down on the bed for brief nap. Set iPhone timer for 12-minutes; iPhone in left hand, van keys in right hand. Timer goes off, wake up ready to depart, but, van keys are missing; in the middle of nowhere, no cell service. Uh oh.
Wake up, keys in my hand; all a dreadful dream.
064 | MON 04 MARCH 2024 | Feynman
Freakonomics podcast series on Richard Feynman, theoretical physicist, noted for his atomic bomb contributions, and awarded Nobel Prize in 1965. Feynman demonstrates beauty about “not knowing.”
I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing, than to have answers which might be wrong. I have approximate answers, and possible beliefs, and different degrees of uncertainty about different things, but, I am not absolutely sure of anything, and there are many things I don’t know anything about, such as, whether it means anything to ask, why we’re here. I don’t have to know an answer. I don’t feel frightened not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell.
063 | SUN 03 MARCH 2024 | Friends
Do I risk being a superficial, five-minute friend. Recent podcast, This American Life, suggested that “friendships are more like pleasure craft than a life raft; will not save you in rough waters.”
062 | SAT 02 MARCH 2024 | Life
For several months, have asked the question, what is my life’s work. Beyond education, beyond career, what is the over-arching thread. I don’t know, but, would like to know; perhaps, revealed only in hindsight; perhaps, it’s a koan.
061 | FRI 01 MARCH 2024 | Ideation
Suicide ideation, can never quite escape its grasp. Mind is contaminated, and, can’t quite make it go away; do we become friends. Fake a smile; feign politeness; when strangers look at me, do they see this tempest, this dark cloud.
060 | THU 29 FEBRUARY 2024 | Begging
Some people fully prostrate themselves on the ground, begging for money. Sometimes wonder, how much money would it take for the person to stop begging.
059 | WED 28 FEBRUARY 2024 | Sohla
New York Times producing series of 30-minute YouTube videos with chef, Sohla El-Waylly. First video on eggs; second video on rice. If you enjoy cooking, she shares all manner of tips, tricks, and insights.
058 | TUE 27 FEBRUARY 2024 | Ferry
Stationed at Marine Corps base, Naha Okinawa Japan, southernmost, prefectural island (1996). Two ferry companies, website in Japanese; overnight ferry, 26-hours; ticket more expensive than flying. Contacted several travel agents, none wanted to assist with ticket purchase; instead, purchased airline ticket for ninety-minute flight.
057 | MON 26 FEBRUARY 2024 | App
Sometimes, not able to complete travel reservations on website, however, able to complete with iPhone app. Traveled by train in Saudi Arabia. Could not complete travel reservation on website, but, purchased ticket with iPhone app.
Recently purchased plane ticket from Buenos Aires to Ushuaia Argentina. Aerolineas Argentinas website wouldn’t accept US credit card; downloaded iPhone app, and completed reservation with credit card.
Purchased plane ticket on Asiana (Seoul > NYC); couldn’t pay with US credit card, but, PayPal accepted.
056 | SUN 25 FEBRUARY 2024 | Amtrak
Lived in San Diego; red-eye flight to Newark; train to Connecticut to visit family.
One occasion, flight delayed. Amtrak train operated every six hours. Air Train from terminal to train platform; Amtrak train on the platform.
Ran down the stairs. Reached platform, train started to pull away. Ran alongside the train, pounded the glass window, and shouted, “stop the train.”
Train stopped; conductor stepped out and yelled at me, but, allowed me to board. Collapse into my seat. Passenger leans over, an older woman, she smiles, and suggests, that this only happens in the movies.
055 | SAT 24 FEBRUARY 2024 | Carpet
For past month, yoga twice a day, morning and evening. Don’t have yoga mat; hard floors hurt my body; often perform on carpet or towel.
Carpet doesn’t often smell good. If I ever own a home, would prefer hardwood floor, stone, or brick. Remove shoes at the door; no dust, dirt, or debris.
054 | FRI 23 FEBRUARY 2024 | Campbell
Read collection of essays by Joseph Campbell, quotations below.
Wandering time is positive.
Don’t think of new things, don’t think of achievement.
Get those pressure ideas out of your system.
Desire for mortal gains
and fear of loss
hold you back from giving
yourself to life.
When we create duality in our thoughts and lives, we create opposition.
What is the meaning of life?
There is no meaning, except, what we bring to life.
It is not out there, but, it is here.
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.
Warrior’s path is to say yes to life, yes to it all.
We must be willing to get rid of the life we have planned,
to live the life that is waiting for us.
Destruction before creation.
It takes courage to do what you want
other people have a lot of plans for you
nobody wants you to do
what you want to do.
053 | THU 22 FEBRUARY 2024 | Suffering
I teach suffering, and the end of suffering, said, the Buddha.
I create my own suffering; I may end my own suffering.
052 | WED 21 FEBRUARY 2024 | Fragile
Some days, feel fragile. Likely overtired. Momentum and movement mask many sins. Stop moving, everything catches up; not a good feeling; don’t dwell, allow it to pass.
051 | TUE 20 FEBRUARY 2024 | Tolerance
Not very tolerant; often reminded during world travel.
Middle aged man enters hostel in Christchurch; reeks of moth balls, not subtle.
Sometimes, busload of tourists; step off bus and take hundreds of useless pictures.
Try to suspend judgement, judging never makes things better.
050 | MON 19 FEBRUARY 2024 | India
Tom Friedman, New York Times Reporter, covered Middle East 45-years. In October, he published opinion piece, and reflected on Manmohan Singh, India’s prime minister from 2004-2014.
In November 2008, Pakistani jihadist militants infiltrated India and killed more than 160 people in Mumbai, including 61 at two luxury hotels. In remarkable restraint, Singh did not retaliate against Pakistan.
Shivshankar Menon, India’s foreign secretary at the time, explains:
“I myself pressed at that time for immediate military retaliation; to have done so would have been emotionally satisfying and gone some way toward erasing the shame of India’s demonstrated incompetence.”
“On sober reflection and in hindsight, I now believe that the decision not to retaliate militarily, and to concentrate on diplomatic, covert, and other means was the right one for that time and place.”
Friedman comments: once India retaliated, the world would immediately have had what Menon called a “ho-hum reaction.” Just another Pakistani-Indian dust-up – nothing unusual here.
By not attacking Pakistan, India was free to pursue all legal and covert means to achieve its goals of bringing the perpetrators to justice, uniting the international community to force consequences on Pakistan for its behavior, and to strengthen the likelihood that such an attack would not be repeated.
049 | SUN 18 FEBRUARY 2024 | Rip
Return motorcycle in Christchurch; bus to city center; check into local hostel. Walk to grocery story, en route, piece of metal snags and rips my pants. Alteration shop asks for an appointment. Explain that these are my only pants; seamstress agrees to repair.
Remove pants; stand in t-shirt and underwear; skinny white chicken legs. Five minutes, pants repaired, far better than I could have sewed by hand. Certain that seamstress was fast because she didn’t want to see me in my underwear.
048 | SAT 17 FEBRUARY 2024 | Please
Summer day; cut the grass. Rock flies out from under the mower deck, hits him in the temple; drops to his knees, bleeding profusely; mower turns off. Neighbor runs over.
“Are you okay,” she asks, “I’ll call 911.”
“Please,” he replies, “don’t.”
“You need an ambulance,” she admonishes.
“Please,” he replies, plaintively, “it’s an accident.”
Let.
Me.
Die.
047 | FRI 16 FEBRUARY 2024 | Wonder
Wonder, if in my lifetime, anyone will ever love me; and wonder, if I will ever love me. Likely not.
046 | THU 15 FEBRUARY 2024 | Impermanence
World travel is transitory and impermanent, like everything else; permanence is an illusion.
045 | WED 14 FEBRUARY 2024 | Sign
Hostel in Franz Josef New Zealand; quotation pasted on refrigerator, which reads:
Be the calmest person in the room
Know more than they think
Think more than you say
And notice everything
People fear the quiet one.
044 | TUE 13 FEBRUARY 2024 | Active
Intention is to remain active while traveling; walk five miles per day, or, various bodyweight exercises; sometimes, both. Small habits…may I perform ten pushups, feels good; leads to more activity, like lunges. Better than sitting on the couch.
043 | MON 12 FEBRUARY 2024 | Hostel
New Zealand, consistently the best hostels during my travels. Small, employee-owner. Not a revolving door of guests; small, fewer than twenty beds.
Often vacuum the owners’ brains; some hostels close during off-season; down time for the owner.
Often consider opening a hostel, likely Tucson Arizona; prefer desert climate (non-summer); no hostels in the region. Seasonal, October through March, daytime temperature below 90-degrees.
No bunk beds; lockers; electronic keypad on front door, no keys; use single reservation system (Booking.com); provide wash machine (no dryer) for token cost (so people don’t take advantage); provide coffee and tea in the morning, and bake a loaf of fresh sourdough for breakfast, with butter and salt. Offer discount if guests stay more than one night. Induction cooktop in the kitchen, more safe than electric or gas burner. Set-up a puzzle table, everyone contributes; just thinking out loud…it doesn’t change the world.
042 | SUN 11 FEBRUARY 2024 | Glee club
Performed with University of Michigan Men’s Glee Club, one of the finest musical experiences in my life. Conductor, Jerry Blackstone, longtime director of choral activities at the University. Accompanist, Howard Watkins, now teaches at Juilliard.
Music was memorized, most intimate. Wore white tie and black tail coat. Music was a range of university songs, popular music, and choral classics; performed the soulful spiritual, Motherless Child; remember fondly to this day.
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.
A long way from home.
A long way from home.
041 | SAT 10 FEBRUARY 2024 | More bad
Some days are better than others, down day. Don’t suggest quick fix, don’t suggest any fix at all. Maybe I am overtired, maybe not enough caffeine in morning coffee. . Not going to end my life tomorrow, but, don’t find any redemption. Willing to accept the feeling, breath into the space, easier than resisting. Resistance is futile (the Borg).
040 | FRI 09 FEBRUARY 2024 | Observation
Visit art museum in Wellington New Zealand; one gallery focuses on quotation from Austrian author, Karl Kraus “the closer the look one takes at a word, the greater distance from which it looks back.” Don’t understand; maybe it’s a koan.
039 | THU 08 FEBRUARY 2024 | Sleep
Wake up early, many days, 4am, time to write before morning train or bus. Prefer to wake up early, take my time; when I rush, make mistakes (in judgement).
Schedule gets tiring, become overtired. At least one day per week, turn off alarm and sleep in; which means waking up at 6am sunrise; it is nice to allow my body to wake up on its own, and get out of bed when I am ready.
038 | WED 07 FEBRUARY 2024 | Water
Wake up in the morning, often dehydrated, drink glass of water. Mitigates risk of stomach upset; don’t drink (black) coffee on empty stomach.
Intention is to drink just one cup of (black) coffee; enjoy taste, smell, and hit of caffeine. If I have access to good coffee, might drink two cups.
037 | TUE 06 FEBRUARY 2024 | Smile
Step off train in Wellington. Tourist asks about my small backpack; asks about my clothes. Reply that I’m wearing all my clothes. Tourist asks what I wear on laundry days. Reply that I wear a towel and a smile. Tourist walks away incredulous.
036 | MON 05 FEBRUARY 2024 | Paradise
Read Pico Iyer, The Half-Known Life (2023); read most of his books, combination of travel and spiritual; some of the author’s points are noted below.
Monk, Thomas Merton, confessed in his letters that the only faith that he could trust would be the one that came to him, not as an answer, but as an unanswerable question. Merton suggested that to have all the answers might be proof that you weren’t asking the right questions. Uncertainty, perhaps, is the place where all of us have to make our home.
Iyer suggests that a person’s task is to make friends with reality; the unrest that you feel often has more to do with you, than with what is around you.
Buddha comes across a group of travelers; they are enraged having been robbed. Buddha asks, which is more important, to find the robber or to find yourself. For Buddha, the way to transform oneself is to sit still, and cure the unease within.
Iyer suggests that it is easy to place equanimity in the past or future, anywhere but here (the present moment). Equanimity is found within oneself.
035 | SUN 04 FEBRUARY 2024 | Park Hyatt
Begin travel reservations for Japan (April-May). Movie, Lost in Translation (2003), filmed at Tokyo Park Hyatt. Looked into reservation for one night, splurge, perhaps. Standard room starts at $1,500 a night. Maybe not.
034 | SAT 03 FEBRUARY 2024 | Kindness
“Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it; whenever kindness is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished” (Prophet Muhammad | painted mural in Wellington New Zealand).
033 | FRI 02 FEBRUARY 2024 | Nothingness
Visit art museum in Auckland, discover quotation attributed to Samuel Beckett, “Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.”
Scholars suggest that the quotation reflects Beckett’s exploration of the limitations of language, and the struggle to convey meaning in a world that may ultimately be devoid of inherent significance.
Quotation may also be extended towards speech; drivel muddies the water, and any chance for clarity.
Often wonder if the world is devoid of meaning. Practice of Zen Buddhism suggests that the nature of reality is emptiness; nothing is permanent, but, impermanence.
032 | THU 01 FEBRUARY 2024 | Free range
Train from Auckland to Wellington, pass through small town; sign reads “free range children, speed limit 50 kmh (30 mph).”
031 | WED 31 JANUARY 2024 | Instant
Don’t enjoy instant coffee, sometimes, it is the only option. In certain parts of the world, there isn’t any cream to mellow its “bite.” Often, the only alternative is sugar, which I try to avoid.
Found two helpful suggestions on Google; one, dissolve instant coffee in the mug with a little cold water; second, allow boiling water to come off boil, before toping up the mug, bit more tolerable.
Instant coffee is never going to be good; only, less bad.
030 | TUE 30 JANUARY 2024 | Long black
At local coffee shop, brewed coffee or Americano not on the barista menu.
Long Black, popular in New Zealand and Australia; pour an espresso shot over hot water; crema from espresso is retained; strength and intensity start high.
Americano; pour hot water over the espresso shot, mixes everything together; taste is homogenous.
Good hit of caffeine and productive morning; sometimes a flat white, if I want a dash of heavy cream.
029 | MON 29 JANUARY 2024 | Terminal
Last evening in campervan; gentleman parallel parks his campervan; say hello, and congratulate him on his skill. He’s a local Kiwi, likely in his 60’s; shares that he has terminal cancer, but, you wouldn’t know by looking at him.
He acknowledged that he has cancer, it won’t go in to remission, he will die. In the meantime, he remains physically active, walking, riding his bicycle, and eats an alkaline-food based diet.
For a person who is terminal, and we are all terminal, he was vibrant, joyous, and alive.
028 | SUN 28 JANUARY 2024 | Assets
Assets, car or house, are not assets. They have value, but do not generate cash, rather, they consume cash; they are a liability with a put option. Owner has the right, but not the obligation, to sell.
House burns cash on mortgage, repairs, and property tax; house generates cash is when it is sold.
Rental real estate is an asset; rental income exceeds debt service and operating expense. Investments, like stocks, bonds, or mutual funds, are also assets; generate cash in the form of capital gains, interest, and dividends.
Warren Buffet argues that cryptocurrency is speculative, and not an asset, as it does not produce anything.
027 | SAT 27 JANUARY 2024 | Lazy
Asked if 2024 travel is lazy; four, primarily English-speaking, first-world countries.
Anticipate traveling Cairo to Cape Town (overland) in summer 2025, inspired by Paul Theroux, Dark Star Safari. Nothing easy about this journey; would like to complete before ago 60, when I may lack patience for such an arduous journey.
Would also like to travel to Algeria; tourist visa, challenging, not impossible, but, not easy; obtain from Algerian Consulate in NYC, once issued, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to Algiers.
026 | FRI 26 JANUARY 2024 | Pit of despair
It doesn’t get better. It seems misleading to suggest that “everything is okay” or “everything will work out.” Life often involves garden-variety dissatisfaction; to be human is to eventually learn acceptance.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel; there is no end to the tunnel.
There may be a fleeting glimpse of something better, shimmer of hope, but, it’s not permanent.
No promotion or pay raise; not a new house, car, job; not vacation or holiday; revert back to the norm. Find equanimity only when accept that “it” doesn’t get better; just this moment.
025 | THU 25 JANUARY 2024 | Death & Taxes
Filed first tax return in 1993, following Marine Corps enlistment. Recorded adjusted gross income (AGI) and taxes paid; nerds are easy to spot.
Over thirty years, saved 60% of gross income; paid 30% to income tax, paid 10% to living expense. Didn’t earn six-figure salary until 2007 (age 37). Frugal habits well-established, and continued to live modestly.
Prior to 2007, average income $23,000. After 2007, average income $500,000. For three year period, in Houston (no state income tax), income exceeded $1,000,000.
Highest marginal tax rate in 2013, 48%, following sale of Epocal; taxed in Canada (federal), Ontario (provincial), United States (federal), and California (state).
024 | WED 24 JANUARY 2024 | Expectations
If I lower expectations, better yet, surrender any expectations, the world, life, becomes more tolerable.
023 | TUE 23 JANUARY 2024 | Evacuate
Tuesday January 2nd, Japan Airlines Airbus A350 collided with coast guard aircraft as it landed at Tokyo Haneda Airport. 380 passengers and crew safely evacuated before the Airbus was engulfed in flames.
In an evacuation, passengers are told to leave everything behind; take nothing from the overhead bin.
Passport and credit card always in my pocket; would have lost vaccination records, laptop, and secure flash drive; everything else may be replaced, OTC medication, contact lense, and eyeglasses.
On my next flight, Christchurch to Sydney, will likely place vaccination records in my pocket, along with secure flash drive. In the meantime, started to back-up certain data files to the cloud.
022 | MON 22 JANUARY 2024 | Pain
Wake up with migraine. Excedrin not working, pain grows worse, and nausea. Pull into campground in afternoon, and rest in bed, try to sleep, fitful and delirious, given overwhelming amount of pain.
In the evening, before sunset, stumble to the bathroom. Kneel down in front of the toilet; doesn’t take much to inspire vomiting. Break into a cold sweat, bloodshot eyes; when I’m not puking, I’m groaning. Step outside, splash cold water on my face, and return to the campervan; for the first time, muscles begin to un-clench, and fall asleep, almost peacefully, until morning.
021 | SUN 21 JANUARY 2024 | Spectrum
Popular media often presents good versus evil, as if, two sides of the same coin.
Maybe good versus evil exists on two sides of a one-dimensional spectrum; people may be more good (less evil), or, more evil (less good); not absolute, not binary.
Other examples: good-bad, rich-poor, famous-infamous, healthy-sick, right-wrong.
Often get myself in trouble, or, painted into a corner, with binary thinking.
020 | SAT 20 JANUARY 2024 | Arrived
Drive through New Zealand. Google Maps tells me that “I arrived.”
Maybe. But. Doesn’t feel that way.
019 | FRI 19 JANUARY 2024 | Rewards
Bank of America, banking partner for more than twenty years; use its Travel Rewards Visa card; no 1% transaction fee when using the card overseas. Also receive “cash back” each month, $850 in 2023. Pay off credit card balance each week, don’t miss a deadline while traveling; maintain $5,000 card limit.
018 | THU 18 JANUARY 2024 | Earthquake
New Year’s Day, 7.6-magnitude earthquake, west coast of Japan, Ishikawa prefecture.
Following day, Japan Airlines Airbus A350 collided into Coast Guard aircraft at Tokyo Haneda airport; Airbus passengers and crew evacuated before aircraft was engulfed in flames; reports indicate that Coast Guard aircraft entered active runway without authorization. Fly Japan Airlines, Boeing 787, from Sydney to Tokyo Haneda in April.
017 | WED 17 JANUARY 2024 | Freighter
Wanted to take freighter from Hong Kong to New York City via Suez Canal. Prior to global pandemic, freighters would accept passengers on-board; private stateroom, dine with officers and crew, and allowed to observe on the bridge.
Freighters not accepting passengers; disappointing, so much like life.
Scheduled non-stop flight, Seoul to New York City (JFK), on Asiana, 13-hours; less expensive than connecting through San Francisco. Scheduled to arrive mid-morning; time to clear customs, and trains to Connecticut.
016 | TUE 16 JANUARY 2024 | Morning
Wake up.
Hour before sunrise.
Sky less dark.
Sit in an easy chair, in mostly-dark room.
Stare at twinkling lights on Christmas tree.
Hostel is quiet.
No one else awake.
Drink cup of coffee.
Wonder how I got here.
Not just half-way around the world.
But.
How I became a “drop out.”
015 | MON 15 JANUARY 2024 | Ugh
Twin brother converted Super-8 family movies to digital; shared a copy on USB flash drive. Often dread seeing myself in old, home movies or photos. Ugh.
014 | SUN 14 JANUARY 2024 | Limbo
During flight to New Zealand, watched movie, Limbo (2023), directed by Ivan Sen, starring Simon Baker. Understand that the movie is streaming on Netflix.
Movie represents art cinema, and perhaps, a movie that film critic, Roger Ebert would have enjoyed. Movie is filmed in black and white, and captures wonderful lighting, on the moonscape of the Australian outback, Coober Pedy (will visit in February). There are no elaborate movie sets or sound-stages; no special effects, sound effects, or soundtrack. Three actors and thin dialog. Pay attention to film cuts, close-up and wide shots, silence, and facial expression.
Movie is described as “desert noir” crime fiction; it likely doesn’t appeal to the masses, and it’s not faultless, but, if you’re patient, the movie is quite masterful.
013 | SAT 13 JANUARY 2024 | Headache
Visit family during the holidays, migraine-free, pleasant surprise. Avoided trigger foods (chocolate, fermented, etc.). Frequent mild headaches, irritating, but not debilitating.
012 | FRI 12 JANUARY 2024 | Walking
Recent obituary shared mantra of the deceased, Latin phrase, solvitur ambulando, it is solved by walking; belief that walking is the remedy for any travail.
During graduate school, often hike Ragged Mountain Nature Area to clear my head.
Would like to repeat 45-mile Grand Canyon rim-to-rim-to-rim hike; hike Camino de Santiago or Camino de Frances; complete 88-temple Shikoku (Japan) pilgrimage.
011 | THU 11 JANUARY 2024 | Bird by Bird
Re-read, Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott (1994); shares advice for aspiring writers.
“Good writing is about telling the truth. Most people want to be published; they kind of want to write, but they really want to be published; but getting published won’t do any of those things for you. All I have to do is to write down as much as I can see through a one-inch picture frame; all I have to do is to write one paragraph.”
Lamott’s life has been difficult; read many of her books; her truth is often touching.
010 | WED 10 JANUARY 2024 | Holidays
Return home during holidays to visit family and friends; not my favorite time of year. Don’t enjoy cold weather; limited daylight; grey, overcast skies. Don’t enjoy large crowds. May I find a quiet corner, and hide, until it’s time to leave the holiday party. Smile, be polite, make small talk; completely draining; is my face going to crack?
Holidays remind me of all the ways that I’m not normal. No house, no car, no spouse, no children. Just an investment portfolio. Twinkling lights on houses feel empty, not festive and bright. What I dislike about myself, stares back at me in the mirror.
009 | TUE 09 JANUARY 2024 | Scream
Decade ago, joined a firm as CFO; one year of heavy lifting to clean-up the back office. Asked how the job was going, I shared that it felt similar to the Edvard Munch painting, The Scream (1893). All the more entertaining, when my boss gave me a framed copy of the print for my office.
During my five-year tenure, the firm started a tradition of giving this framed print to the most recent hired employee, sort of like, “good luck, you’re going to need it.”
008 | MON 08 JANUARY 2024 | Imperfect
Baking, perhaps life, is more tolerable with permission to be imperfect. Certainly would like to bake “perfect” loaves of bread, but, perfection often feels paralyzing. Baking is more enjoyable when I may embrace mistakes without judgment.
Dough wouldn’t release from its proofing basket; it ripped, and I threw the mass into the garbage. Recently, baked ugly baguettes. Baguettes are often used to evaluate the skill of a baker, similar to making an egg omelet to evaluate the skill of a trained chef.
Same is true for writing; all I can do is write with conviction; some days I just stare at the computer; other days I write, and it’s pure drivel. Kurt Vonnegut once suggested, “When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.”
007 | SUN 07 JANUARY 2024 | Silence
Wide-body jet cruising at 40,000 feet. Some passengers doze off, other passengers watch movies. An explosion shatters the silence, and shudders the aircraft.
In contrast, silence, as if, operating in a vacuum, time slowed down. See the anguish on passenger faces, but, hear no screams, no cries for help. Strangely, the absence of sound, makes the ensuing carnage, almost peaceful. An opportunity to practice acceptance of one’s fate; this is when I die, and the manner of my death.
No one will be saved by a superhero; no dramatic background music.
Aircraft splinters apart, as if, a child’s toy. Debris falls gently to the ocean surface. The only sound, gentle waves washing over the flotsam. Almost. Melancholy.
No survivors, no one to rescue, and no rescuers. Following day, a passing headline in the news, and quickly forgotten, as if written in sand.
006 | SAT 06 JANUARY 2024 | Life lessons
Marine Corps commanding officer diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. He shared “life lessons” before his death (age 62). As with any life experience, if lessons are not learned the first time around, there will be a second time.
Unknown: you never know what tomorrow may bring. Thursday afternoon, I was cleaning up tools to leave work when I received a phone call. Six hours later I was in the hospital for leukemia treatment.
Vulnerability: no one is invincible. We may look into the mirror and think to ourselves, “That won’t happen to me.” Stuff happens to everyone.
Acceptance: when faced with adversity, denial is futile; choose acceptance.
Humility: when we become ill, exhibit grace and humility to accept help from others.
005 | FRI 05 JANUARY 2024 | South Korea
Sketched out travel for South Korea, visit in June. High-speed ferry from Fukuoka Japan to Busan. Round-trip flight from Busan to Jeju Island, similar to Hawaii.
South Korea has an established train network; main routes are serviced by high-speed train. Visit Gyeongju, Andong, Gwangju, Jeonju, Daejeon, and end in Seoul.
In Seoul, day trips to Chuncheon, Incheon, Suwon, and de-militarized zone along the North Korea border; non-stop, return flight on Asiana to New York City July 1st.
004 | THU 04 JANUARY 2024 | Japan
Sketched out travel outline for Japan, visit April and May, during cherry blossom season. Ten-hour flight from Sidney to Tokyo. One week in Tokyo for Japanese immersion, second week to visit nearby Yokohama, Kamakura, Hakone, and Mt. Fuji.
Train to Kanazawa; overnight meditation practice at Eiheiji Zen Buddhist monastery.
One week in Kyoto, visit nearby Osaka and Kobe; onward train to Hiroshima; day trips (via ferry) to Miyajima, Iwakuni, and Matsuyama; visit Mazda Museum (Zoom Zoom).
Onward train to Fukuoka, Kumamoto, and Kagoshima; overnight ferry (25-hours) to Okinawa, where I served in the Marine Corps (1996).
Flight to Tokyo; train north to Hokkaido, if possible rent motorcycle to tour the northernmost island; flight to Fukuoka, and high-speed ferry to Busan South Korea.
Try to arrange the trip so that I spend a week in each destination, with opportunity to make day trips, bit less tiring than traveling every few days.
003 | WED 03 JANUARY 2024 | Maya train
Mexico’s Maya train launched service last month. $29-billion, 950-mile passenger railroad in Yucatán Peninsula connects Cancún with colonial cities (ie. Campeche and Mérida), and archaeological sites of the ancient Maya civilization. Rolling stock utilizes Alstom’s X’trapolisis electric train, operating at speeds up to 100-mph (160 km/h).
Visited Mexico in winter 2023, observed project construction. Cancún is sixth most popular tourist destination in the world; service should increase economic growth.
002 | TUE 02 JANUARY 2024 | Question
“In all affairs, it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”
Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970 | British philosopher, logician, and public intellectual
An opportunity to challenge my misguided assumptions in the New Year.
001 | MON 01 JANUARY 2024 | New Year
Best wishes to family and friends for a healthy, peaceful, and prosperous New Year.
365 | SUN 31 DECEMBER 2023 | Peace
Recognize Hamas as terrorist. Recognize October 7th attack as brutal. Recognize state of Israel. Recognize Israel’s right to defend itself.
Disagree with Israel’s heavy-handed bombing of Gaza, killing 22,000 civilians. How many Palestinians were killed with US-provided weapon systems or munitions.
United States dispatched two aircraft carrier battle groups off the coast of Israel; at no point did United States dispatch a hospital ship to treat injured Palestinians.
New York Times reported that Israel was aware of Hamas attack plan, Operation Jericho, but chose to ignore, believing that Hamas lacked the capability.
It is also reported that Prime Minister Netanyahu authorized Qatar to fund $30-million per month to Hamas since 2018, in order to weaken the Palestinian Authority in the West Bank, and undermine negotiations for a two-state solution.
No population in history tolerates oppression. As long as Palestinians are oppressed (ie. Gaza blockade, border wall, illegal Israeli settlements in the occupied West Bank), there will be no peace in Israel.
364 | SAT 30 DECEMBER 2023 | Health care
Wanted to cancel health share at year-end; rates increased twice in three years. Never used health share; most preventative medicine costs are below $5,000 reimbursement threshold.
Wanted to purchase stop-loss insurance plan, often used by employers that self-fund medical care. Insurance kicks-in after passing a threshold, for example, $100,000 for a catastrophic illness (ie. cancer). Reached out to twenty-five underwriters; none would write a policy for one person.
Reviewed $2,000,000 fixed indemnity plan with $10,000 deductible, but, concerned that the plan would only pay out the contractual minimum despite incurred costs.
So, I renewed the health share, as it provides coverage outside the United States, unlike the marketplace-plans (ACA). Don’t qualify for Medicare for another ten years.
363 | FRI 29 DECEMBER 2023 | Dinner & movie
“I think I know so much. Maybe not everything may be known.” Watched Leave the World Behind on Netflix, and subsequently, read the book by Rumaan Alam.
Many movie scenes didn’t occur in the book: oil tanker aground, plane crash, leaflet-dropping drone, crashing Tesla, gunpoint stand-off, and the basement bomb shelter.
Scenes likely ensure that the movie is less cerebral, and more appealing to audiences.
In the book, Ruth is the wife of GH, not his daughter, and portrayed as an older couple.
Appreciated the economy of characters, seven, including Danny. Book is shorter than expected; 240-pages, despite some of the prose being tedious and long-winded.
362 | THU 28 DECEMBER 2023 | Revocable trust
Updated revocable trust; review annually. Assets in trust don’t risk delay in probate court; may be distributed to beneficiaries upon death. Because the trust is revocable, may revise allocation at any time. Assets in trust $5.6-million; anticipate additional $1.1-million in carried interest distributions (earned income and return of capital):
$4,700,000 to family (70% | $340,000 per person)
$800,000 to educational institutions (12% | ie. University of Virginia, et al)
$600,000 to other institutions (9% | ie. National Park Service, et al)
$600,000 to spiritual institutions (9% | ie. San Francisco Zen Center, et al)
361 | WED 27 DECEMBER 2023 | Land ho
Flight from Los Angeles to New Zealand is 6,500 miles, 13-hours, no land in sight. Air New Zealand operates Boeing 777-300ER, ETOPS rated to fly 330-minutes to a diversion airport on a single engine. Hopefully, that won’t be necessary.
360 | TUE 26 DECEMBER 2023 | Redux
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.
United Airlines moved departure time one hour early; take last train to the airport on Tuesday, instead of first train to the airport on Wednesday.
Six hour flight from Newark to Los Angeles; thirteen hour flight to Auckland New Zealand. Six months of travel to New Zealand, Australia, Japan, and South Korea.
359 | MON 25 DECEMBER 2023 | Bethlehem
Bethlehem lies in the occupied West Bank, six miles south of Jerusalem; designated “Area A” under full Palestinian control, following 1993 Oslo Accords. Thirty-thousand Palestinians are surrounded by 37 illegal, Jewish enclaves with 170,000 Israeli settlers.
Bethlehem is predominantly Arab Muslim, and attracts 2-million tourists to the Church of the Nativity, the birthplace of Jesus of Nazareth in the New Testament.
Christmas in Bethlehem is celebrated on three dates: Roman Catholic and Protestant December 25th, Greek Orthodox January 6th, and Armenian Orthodox January 19th.
May all sentient beings celebrate peace, perhaps, a fool’s errand.
358 | SUN 24 DECEMBER 2023 | Forgiveness
“To the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.”
Herman Melville, Moby Dick, or, The Whale (1851)
When the time comes, when I am wronged, when I suffer at the hands of other people, or a victim of violent crime, I hope that I may forgive. To forgive requires strength and fortitude. It’s easier to argue, fight, retaliate, hold a lifelong grudge, or seek revenge.
357 | SAT 23 DECEMBER 2023 | South America
11-day Antarctica cruise, vessel returns to Ushuaia, few days before Christmas (2024). Travel through Tierra del Fuego, Patagonia, and cross Andes Mountains into Chile.
At Santiago, plan to visit Easter Island; and then head north to Atacama Desert.
Onward travel to Quito Ecuador via Lima Peru, to visit Galapagos Islands. North to Columbia, to visit Bogota, Medellin, and Cartagena. Fly to Mexico City for Spanish immersion, and work my way along gulf coast of Mexico to Monterrey, cross the border at Nuevo Laredo, and visit friends in Texas.
Would like to visit Machu Pichu, but weather will be too wet, visit at another time. U.S. State Department identifies Venezuela as Level 4: do not travel (ie. risk of kidnapping).
356 | FRI 22 DECEMBER 2023 | South America
It’s a long flight to the bottom of the world. Actually, it’s three long flights. New York to Sao Paulo Brazil (10-hours), second flight to Montevideo Uruguay (3-hours), and third flight to Ushuaia Argentina (4-hours).
Need to be in Ushuaia by first week of December 2024 for Antarctica cruise. Begin to sketch out travel plans, in order to make flight reservations.
Depart first week of November, fly to Sao Paulo Brazil, and spend a week in the region, including Rio de Janeiro, and Iguazi Falls. Onward flight to Uruguay, visit Montevideo, onward ferry to Buenos Aires.
Once in northern Argentina, visit Mendoza, Cordoba, and Rosario, and onward flight to Ushuaia. Weather should be favorable (dry and temperate); don’t wish to backtrack through Brazil. Rainy season in the Amazon, visit at another time.
355 | THU 21 DECEMBER 2023 | Reading list
Local library in town, appreciated opportunity to read a “real” book.
From Beirut to Jerusalem (1989), Thomas Friedman; chronicles his days as a reporter in Beirut during Lebanese Civil War, and in Jerusalem, following the First Intifada.
Peace not Apartheid (2006), Jimmy Carter; documents Camp David Accords (1978); following publication, Carter was criticized as being anti-Semitic.
On Palestine (2015), Noam Chomsky; frequent critic of US foreign policy.
Judas (2016), Israeli author, Amos Oz, advocates two-state solution with Palestine; criticizes Israeli government for refusing to engage; dubbed a traitor by Israelis.
The Lemon Tree: an Arab, a Jew, and the Heart of the Middle East (2006), Sandy Tolan; un-tangles the Middle East conflict with a well-researched historical perspective.
The Israel Lobby (2007), John Mearsheimer (University of Chicago), Stephen Walt (Harvard University); based on research article published by London Review of Books; criticized as anti-Semitic for documenting the lobby’s influence on US foreign policy.
354 | WED 20 DECEMBER 2023 | Ted Lasso
Purchased iPhone 15, received three months of free Apple TV.
Don’t watch much television when traveling; didn’t mind binge-watching Ted Lasso.
Enjoyed the show; endearing characters, clever script writing, and despite frequent use of f-bombs, show is thoughtful, without being saccharine or predictable.
Favorite episodes: “A Night in Amsterdam” (S3E6) and “Beard After Hours” (S2E9)
Prefer movies and shows that present a message of “it’s not okay” or “it doesn’t get better” (ie. The Patient, on Hulu) because that seems more consistent with life.
353 | TUE 19 DECEMBER 2023 | Poem
We forget where we came from. Our Jewish
Jews in the Land of Israel, from the Poetry of Yehuda Amichai (2015)
names from the Exile give us away,
bring back the memory of flower and fruit, medieval cities,
metals, knights who turned to stone, roses,
spices whose scent drifted away, precious stones, lots of red,
handicrafts long gone from the world
(the hands are gone too).
Circumcision does it to us,
as in the Bible story of Shechem and the sons of Jacob,
so that we go on hurting all our lives.
What are we doing, coming back here with this pain?
Our longings were drained together with the swamps,
the desert blooms for us, and our children are beautiful.
Even the wrecks of ships that sank on the way
reached this shore,
even winds did. Not all the sails.
What are we doing
in this dark land with its
yellow shadows that pierce the eyes?
(Every now and then someone says, even after forty or fifty years:
“The sun is killing me.”)
What are we doing with these souls of mist, with these names,
with our eyes of forests, with our beautiful children,
with our quick blood?
Spilled blood is not the roots of trees
but it’s the closest thing to roots
we have.
352 | MON 18 DECEMBER 2023 | Storm
Passing storm.
Howling wind.
Driving rain.
Low pressure.Tree tops dance.
And sway.
Hypnotic.
Trance.
351 | SUN 17 DECEMBER 2023 | Comments
Reader comments are disabled on this blog. Please don’t spray paint graffiti. Blog has a link so that readers may contact me with questions, comments, or complaints.
When I taught at University of Connecticut, students were vocal about my teaching, and posted hurtful comments on Rate My Professor.
When I publish a long post, also post on LinkedIn to increase visibility. Limit comments to those people with whom I am connected. When I published Promised Land (Israel & Palestine) earlier this month, I turned off comments.
It may not be evident, but it took time to research and write the post. My intention was not to be incendiary, but the topic is so polarizing, that I disabled comments. It takes little effort to write something derogatory in three words or less.
350 | SAT 16 DECEMBER 2023 | Moby Dick
He piled upon the whales white hump, the sum of all the rage and hate felt by his whole race. If his chest had been a cannon, he would have shot his heart upon it.
Herman Melville, Moby Dick, or The Whale (1851)
Following the escalation of civilian deaths in Gaza, Secretary of Defense, Lloyd Austin, warned Israel that “The lesson is that you can only win in urban warfare by protecting civilians. In this kind of a fight, the center of gravity is the civilian population. And if you drive them into the arms of the enemy, you replace a tactical victory with a strategic defeat.”
There is a parallel between 2023 Israel-Hamas War and 2006 Israel-Hezbollah War. Israel was charged with failing to distinguish between combatants and civilians, excessive destruction of civilian infrastructure, and the use of unexploded cluster bombs to leave the region uninhabitable.
Israel’s Winograd Commission concluded that “Israel initiated a long war, which ended without a defined military victory.” Hezbollah survived the asymmetrical military conflict, and essentially emerged with a military and political victory.
Israel’s objective to eliminate Hamas is criticized as ill-defined and impossible to achieve. Further, Israel’s aggressive tactics in Gaza, resulting in the death of 18,000 Palestinians erodes Israeli support, and fosters support for the plight of Palestine.
Attack by Hamas was grotesque, but, wonder if the Israeli response is blinded by rage. Israel argues that it must “reduce Gaza to rubble” for Israel’s safety and security, but, doubt that its actions of the past two months make Israel any more safe or secure. Likely, the path to peace and safety for Israel and Palestine is a two-state solution.
349 | FRI 15 DECEMBER 2023 | co-CEO
Freakonomics Radio produced a podcast on the benefits of co-CEO strategy. I’ve often viewed the strategy with skepticism. Perhaps it makes more sense for early-stage companies, with co-founders, shared responsibility, and “rules of engagement,” versus multi-billion dollar international company.
Blackberry had co-CEOs; neither CEO could decide on the next strategy, each had a different point of view, so the board of directors made the strategy decision. Instead, the board should have sent the co-CEOs back to the drawing board, reach an agreement, and present a path forward to its board.
If I join a start-up, I’m open to co-CEO strategy, but ultimately, the other CEO would need to be a fundamentally decent person; sociopaths need not apply.
348 | THU 14 DECEMBER 2023 | anti-Semitism
Following October 7th Hamas attack, there has been discussion on anti-Semitism.
“Antisemitism is a certain perception of Jews, which may be expressed as hatred toward Jews. Rhetorical and physical manifestations of anti-Semitism are directed toward Jewish or non-Jewish individuals or their property, toward Jewish community institutions and religious facilities. Criticism of Israel, similar to that leveled against any other country, may not be regarded as anti-Semitic.”
U.S. State Department, adopted 2016 working definition of anti-Semitism
Opposing the policies of the Israeli government, or advocating for the rights of Palestinians is not inherently anti-Semitic.
Zionism refers to the movement to create a Jewish state in the Middle East, the historical land of Israel, and support for the modern state of Israel.
Some suggest that anti-Zionism is an attack on Jews; others suggest that the Israeli government deliberately confuse anti-Zionism with anti-Semitism to avoid criticism.
On December 5th, Congress declared that anti-Zionism is anti-Semitism (311 to 14). Some members of the House who practice Judaism, disagreed with the resolution.
347 | WED 13 DECEMBER 2023 | Peeve
Travel overseas, different customs and cultures. Try to be open-minded, but, don’t like it when people chew food with open mouth; don’t want to see what a person is eating.
I may tolerate other habits; for example, people talk, or, watch videos on smart phone, on train or bus with no regard for people sitting nearby.
346 | TUE 12 DECEMBER 2023 | Veto
Five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council (China, France, Russia, United Kingdom, United States) may veto any substantive resolution.
Russia has used its veto 121 times; United States has used its veto 83 times. Of this total, United States has vetoed 42 Security Council resolutions against Israel. Since 2002, United States adopted the Negroponte doctrine, to veto any resolution that does not contain language that also condemns Hamas as a terrorist organization.
United States vetoed a resolution on December 8th calling for a cease-fire in Gaza. Thirteen members voted in favor, United States vetoed, United Kingdom abstained.
345 | MON 11 DECEMBER 2023 | Amazon
In November, placed two Amazon re-supply orders for travel next year. First order, returned an item, affixed UPS return label, dropped off at UPS location; UPS returned the item not to Amazon, but, back to my house. Contacted Amazon, refund issued, and told to take no action (ie. don’t re-return the item).
Second order mishandled; contacted Amazon, duplicate order issued. Mishandled order “discovered” and delivered. Duplicate order subsequently delivered. Contacted Amazon, and told to take no further action (ie. don’t return the duplicate).
Amazon has a reputation as logistics “superstar.” Dollar amount was not insignificant, totaled $130, which could be a respectable profit margin.
344 | SUN 10 DECEMBER 2023 | Logistics
Reflect on six months of travel – plane, train, bus, ferry – nothing went sideways. Place buffer in travel calendar, so if a flight is cancelled or delayed, subsequent travel plans aren’t impacted. If travel long enough, things will go sideways.
343 | SAT 09 DECEMBER 2023 | Baldwin
Stumbled across this quotation at Shakespeare & Company bookstore in Paris France.
You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me the most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.
James Baldwin, author (1924-1987)
342 | FRI 08 DECEMBER 2023 | Risk
Colleague is evaluating new career opportunity; s/he has concerns and doubts. Identify risk as a means to mitigate; it’s not possible to eliminate risk, but, shouldn’t fear or avoid risk. Often, there is value to embrace risk, and chart a new path.
341 | THU 07 DECEMBER 2023 | Travel clinic
Appointment at travel medicine clinic last month. Doctor surprised that I travel nine months a year. She looks at me, as if, I’m a two-headed unicorn, a rare sight, indeed.
Don’t need two-dose vaccination for Japanese Encephalitis (cost $1,500). Updated Typhoid vaccine; injection lasts two years, four-dose tablet lasts five years (cost $110).
Two prescriptions await; Scopolamine transdermal patch, to reduce nausea and motion sickness when crossing the Drake Passage (December 2024), and Diamox, to reduce altitude sickness, for travel to South America (winter 2025).
340 | WED 06 DECEMBER 2023 | Dining
Don’t enjoy dining out alone. Joy of dining out is the pleasure of another person’s company. Generally enjoy “street food” sitting on a park bench or a stone step.
Doesn’t “feel good” to eat out every day; too much salt, sugar, and processed food, and not enough fruit and vegetables; colon would likely go on strike.
339 | TUE 05 DECEMBER 2023 | Sandals
Purchased Xero Genesis barefoot running sandals; resemble huarache sandal from days long ago. Went trail running, over rocks, tree roots, small streams.
Running stride is different in barefoot shoes; instead of a long stride with heel strike, it’s a short stride, with high knees, and “softly” land mid-foot.
Wanted to take the shoes to Australia this summer, but not convinced that it offers enough foot protection, and also concerned about durability.
338 | MON 04 DECEMBER 2023 | Lamb
When I was a small child, went to hospital for medical procedure. At the gift shop, Mom bought two, small stuffed animals, for me and my twin brother. “Lamby” was my favorite, went everywhere with me, including the operating room.
In my parent’s guest room, lamby sits on a shelf, fifty years-old, but still in one piece.
When I was a hospice volunteer, sometimes, there was a plush stuffed animal in bed with the patient. When it comes time to die, will lamby be at my side.
337 | SUN 03 DECEMBER 2023 | Independence
I know a person who is older, sharp mind, but no longer able to live independently.
I don’t want to live dependently. Perhaps I will feel different when it is my time. I already made the decision that I don’t want to live with a terminal disease.
I’m okay admitting that my time is done; it’s a drain on the healthcare system, generate significant costs with little upside. Just put me out with the trash.
336 | SAT 02 DECEMBER 2023 | Excel
Finished building Excel budget for private equity colleague; 2024 budget and ten-year forecast. Fully integrated set of financials, income statement, balance sheet, cash flow, for fund manager and underlying funds. Very complicated Excel file.
One tactic worked well; outline on piece of scratch paper what I wanted to accomplish, and second, outline possible (compound) formulas.
Inside Excel, I would construct the compound formulas one step at a time, and when the formula was correct, combine the formulas into a single, complicated formula.
Continue to add more Excel formulas to my arsenal, including INDEX and MATCH, IF AND, and OFFSET. One day, perhaps, I may become an Excel Jedi Master.
335 | FRI 01 DECEMBER 2023 | Leaves
Never enjoyed raking leaves as a teenager; wet leaves, frozen leaves, rotting leaves. Rake leaves on cold, windy day in November, snot running down my face.
Maybe it’s karma, or purgatory, or one of the hell realms. Rake leaves at my parent’s house, cleaning up for the fall; almost 2-acres of heavy woodland; don’t enjoy now.
334 | THU 30 NOVEMBER 2023 | Primer
Following October 7th Hamas attack on Israel, and subsequent response by the Israeli Defense Force (IDF), I didn’t understand the appropriate use of the terms below.
Crimes against humanity are any of the following acts committed as part of a systematic attack directed against any civilian population, including: murder, extermination, enslavement, deportation, imprisonment, torture, rape, group-based persecution, enforced disappearance, apartheid, and other inhumane acts (Article 7 from Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court).
Ethnic cleansing is the removal of an ethnic group from a territory, by force or intimidation, to achieve ethnic homogeneity (United Nations Secretary General).
Genocide is to destroy a national, ethnic, racial or religious group (United Nations Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide).
Mass atrocities are large-scale, systematic violence against civilian populations (Fundamentals of Genocide and Mass Atrocity Prevention, Scott Straus).
Mass killing is the deliberate action of armed groups, that result in the deaths of at least 1,000 noncombatant civilians targeted as part of a specific group (United States Holocaust Memorial Museum and the Early Warning Project).
War crimes are violations of international humanitarian law during armed conflict, including: attacks on civilians, use of child soldiers, and destruction of educational and religious institutions (rule 156, International Committee for the Red Cross).
333 | WED 29 NOVEMBER 2023 | Keret
Israeli writer, Etgar Keret, writes this story, “A Story with a Happy Ending,” to cheer up a friend discouraged by fighting in the Middle East; story appeared in the New Yorker on October 13th 2014, and is abbreviated below.
One will never succeed in bringing peace to the region. On one hand, the radical, ultra-Orthodox would say that God promised all the land to them, and on the other, the messianic racists would say that those same lands were their birthright.
Even though many people want to live side by side in peace, there are still enough people on both sides who don’t want to, and they will never let it happen.
If the issue wasn’t about territory, but was about people, all they had to do was update the “two-state solution” to a three-state solution, so that Palestinians would live in the first, Israelis in the second, and the radical fundamentalists, the racists, and all those people who just got their kicks fighting, would live in the third.
In less than a decade, there were three countries side by side in that tiny corner of the Middle East: the State of Israel, the State of Palestine, and the Republic of Force-Is-the-Only-Language-They-Understand, a place where civil war raged constantly and which arms dealers and news broadcasters supported.
332 | TUE 28 NOVEMBER 2023 | Israel & Palestine
Preparing December 1st blog post for several weeks, consolidates one year of essays on Israel and Palestine, and ties in current events, from the October 7th Hamas attack.
Reluctant to publish the post; intention is not to be divisive, but, opinions are starkly divided. Don’t need to be understood, but, don’t wish to be misunderstood.
To be silent is to be complicit. If you see something, say something.
331 | MON 27 NOVEMBER 2023 | Baking
Parents visited family in Maine earlier this month; baked sourdough bread for them to take. Pre-heated oven to a scorching 525-degrees, with Lodge cast iron pan inside.
After the oven came to temperature, placed bread dough in cast iron pan, returned to the oven, and turned oven off, allowing the bread to bake in a “hot box.” Result was fantastic “oven spring,” and well-defined “ear.” By turning off the oven, there is time for the dough to expand before the crust becomes hard, preventing loaf expansion.
After 20-minutes, removed cast iron cover, turned oven on to 450-degrees, and baked the bread for 20-minutes, to develop a dark, chestnut-colored hue.
Baking is often an experiment; open to new techniques that deliver better results.
330 | SUN 26 NOVEMBER 2023 | Lottery
Would rather be lucky than smart. Lucky to win the financial independence lottery. Step away from a career; allows me to do anything, but, not allowed to do nothing.
If my consumption was more conspicuous, it would have been a missed opportunity.
It’s easy to be criticized for stepping away; judged by others, or, condemned by myself. Some days require forgiveness to pursue the less-traveled path.
329 | SAT 25 NOVEMBER 2023 | Pogrom
Israeli author, Etgar Keret, published this piece below, following a hate crime perpetrated by Jewish settlers in the Palestinian village of Hawara (February 2023).
Four-hundred Jewish residents from nearby settlements, accompanied by the Israeli army, tore into a Palestinian town, where they killed and beat local residents and set fire to houses with families still inside.
It was a horrifying act that most members of the Israeli government did not condemn, and a few even praised [NB: using 18-years of data, indictment rate of Jewish settlers for such crimes is 10%, and conviction rate is 3%].
When I was a boy, my late father, who grew up in an Eastern European shtetl, once explained to me why pogroms were so devastating and traumatizing. According to my father, the hatred at the core of every pogrom does not fade when the last ember in the smoldering ruins dies out, it only intensifies.
I shared this insight with my taxi driver the other day, but he berated me for calling the bloody events in Hawara a “pogrom.” He insisted that the word “pogrom” only applies to riots against Jews; when it comes to attacks on other nationalities, we need a different word. I suggested “hate crime,” but he rejected that because he said the rioters who went to Hawara were driven by terrible pain and fury over the horrific murder of two young brothers earlier that day.
We both rejected the term “pain crime,” nor could we settle on “justified crime” because if it’s justified, then it’s not really a crime. My proposal of “crime against the innocent” didn’t pass muster with the driver either, and the ride ended without us reaching an agreement.
We weren’t able to prevent it, and there are members of this government who won’t even denounce it. But can we at least find a name for the tragedy.
328 | FRI 24 NOVEMBER 2023 | Exchange
Today, Hamas exchanged 50 Israeli hostages for a four-day cease fire and supplies. Why did the exchange take seven weeks; why weren’t all 240 hostages released.
In June 2006, Hamas abducted Corporal Gilad Shalit, a member of the Israeli Defense Force, during a cross-border raid along the Gaza Strip that penetrated into Israel.
Negotiations occurred over five years; in October 2011, Sergeant Gilad Shalit was released in exchange for the release of 1,000 Palestinian prisoners, and approved by Prime Minister Netanyahu; 79% of Israeli citizens approved in public opinion polls.
Precedent that Israel negotiates with terrorists, indeed, negotiates with Hamas.
327 | THU 23 NOVEMBER 2023 | Thomas
My friend Thomas died earlier this month. He leaves behind two teenage children.
We worked together in Ottawa Canada. I would have dinner at his house with his family, and giant Saint Bernard; we often traveled together on business.
We weren’t the closest of friends after Canada; we would meet when I passed through San Francisco, and we would speak periodically on the phone.
We spoke in July and October. Called him last week, he didn’t’ answer; called yesterday; his girlfriend answered, and shared with me the news of his death.
On this day of thanksgiving, I give thanks to my friend, Thomas; he will be missed.
326 | WED 22 NOVEMBER 2023 | Reservation
People make reservations: car repair, medical appointment, dinner with friends.
We don’t get to choose how or when we die. I know of a person who lived to 100-years, but, there was no quality of life in the final years, very ill, confined to bed.
What if people used an iPhone app to make a death reservation; schedule date and time, and method. No un-knowing, no surprise; share goodbye with family and friends.
325 | TUE 21 NOVEMBER 2023 | Murakami
Flew from London to New York, on approach to land, encountered strong turbulence. Fastened seat belt so tightly, wondered if the belt would cut my body in half.
Stumbled across quotation from the author, Haruki Murakami. I’ve read many of his novels; his writing distorts any sense of reality, and often, borders on the absurd.
“Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come” (1Q84). On that day, at least, the world didn’t end, and the plane landed safely.
324 | MON 20 NOVEMBER 2023 | Queue
Long travel day, too many queues.
Queue to board London Underground to Heathrow airport. Queue at ticket counter for boarding pass. Queue at security checkpoint. Queue at Starbucks for jolt of caffeine. Queue, to board trans-Atlantic flight. On-board the aircraft, queue to use the lavatory.
In a chilling turn, flight targeted by terrorists; bomb explodes, splintering the aircraft like confetti, over the ocean surface below.
Passenger, incredulously, finds itself in one more queue, longest queue ever, queue with no end, and wonders aloud in the afterlife, if the queue is for heaven or hell.
323 | SUN 19 NOVEMBER 2023 | Books
Visit many bookstores in England; at train stations, and bookstores selling used titles.
Some book titles include curse words or grawlix (string of symbols to replace a curse word). Is the publisher crude; is there no other way to get the reader’s attention.
In the Louvre, Italian and French masterworks were displayed in the Denon Wing; many “obscure” French painters were housed in the Sully and Richelieu Wing.
I may likely write for a decade before my writing is noticed, or, perhaps never.
322 | SAT 18 NOVEMBER 2023 | Work from home
Some jobs, knowledge and computer work, lend themselves to work from home. Since COVID, work from home is acceptable for many companies.
When I led teams, pre-COVID, I tried to be fair, and allow opportunities for people to work from home: sick child, dog to veterinarian, appliance delivery, or home repair.
I’ve been asked to launch my own start-up. Start-up is a unique eco-system, it’s “all hands on deck.” It is a community that is difficult to cultivate by work from home.
It’s argued that smartphones destroy the connection between people. We don’t have to talk, we can text; we don’t have to share time together, we can follow on Facebook.
In a decade, we might regret work from home, as we bear witness to an increase in loneliness, isolation, depression, or mental illness.
If I launch a start-up, it won’t be work from home, which will likely deter talented people from applying. But maybe, after a decade, start-up will have a unique culture, a competitive advantage, that cannot be quickly imitated…working from home.
321 | FRI 17 NOVEMBER 2023 | Cash
Haven’t used ATM overseas since Beirut Lebanon. In Beirut, due to black market exchange rate, tourists should not use debit card, credit card, or ATM. For the first time in my life, had to send US dollars to myself via Western Union; sent $500.
Since that time, exchanged US dollars to foreign currency as needed. In select countries, Bank of America waives foreign ATM fee (United Kingdom, France, Italy, etc.), but charges 3% commission, which is still better than exchange rate offered by foreign ATM. For $100 USD ATM withdrawal, it’s possible to pay between $5 – $12 in total fees.
If patient, I can find an exchange desk offering a fair exchange rate commission-free. I expect the exchange desk to make a small profit on the transaction. I avoid airport exchange desks, with the exception of Tunisia, which has a closed currency system.
Don’t plan to use ATM in 2024; plan to travel with $1,000 US dollars inside money belt. Belt does not look like a money belt, it looks like an ordinary travel belt; nylon webbing, durable plastic buckle, no metal parts.
Belt isn’t waterproof; insert one-hundred dollar bills in “snack size” Ziploc bag, before securing the currency in the belt; keeps currency dry even when it was 120-degrees.
320 | THU 16 NOVEMBER 2023 | Snoring
Downside of staying at a hostel is to share space with a person who snores. Person so loud that s/he may be heard from outside the room; ear plugs are ineffective.
Stayed at small hostel this summer; made on-line reservation; guests that snore were asked to not stay at the hostel, disruptive to other guests.
Snoring was non-issue for most of the summer; it became an issue after returning to Europe; travelers likely older or overweight, which seems to contribute to snoring.
319 | WED 15 NOVEMBER 2023 | Louvre
Visit Louvre in Paris three weeks ago; enter 9:00am when the museum opens; one of the first to view the Mona Lisa. Museum becomes crowded by 10:00am, individuals and tour groups. Denon Wing is like a madhouse, and I become claustrophobic.
Sully and Richelieu Wing was underwhelming; depart the museum earlier than I expected. I was excited to visit the museum, great anticipation; depart with little joy.
Rather than condemn myself for not feeling joy, instead, I choose to forgive myself. Hatred only begets hatred. Life is difficult enough; don’t need to add layer of suffering.
Accept reality, and ignore everything conjured by my own mind.
318 | TUE 14 NOVEMBER 2023 | Hack
Peruse airport bookstore; some titles would have you believe that life may be fixed with a five-minute “hack.” Hack your life. Maybe it’s like hacking through the jungle.
Charlotte Joko Beck, suggested: “What makes life unbearable is the mistaken belief that it may be cured.” People often believe that it is a problem to have problems.
Buddha suggested, “Everyone has 83 problems. Fix one problem, and another problem arises. I can’t help with the 83 problems, but I can fix the 84th problem. 84th problem is that people want to get rid of the first 83 problems.” Life is not without problems.
317 | MON 13 NOVEMBER 2023 | Tour guide
Observed many tour guides this summer; often leading small groups of Americans.
I tend to avoid tour guides; tend to view them a bit like leeches. Respect their intention to make a living, particularly, in regions that are economically depressed.
Sometimes, overhear questions asked by American tourists, often, questions are completely inane. Sometimes, tour guide has a response, and wonder if tour guide is “making shit up.” Maybe the response is appropriate.
Often reminded of the Taj Mahal movie scene from Slumdog Millionaire (2008).
316 | SUN 12 NOVEMBER 2023 | Un-loved
Wait in Lisbon airport departures hall. Will I go through life un-loved. Family and friends, perhaps, those people with some type of obligation, but, likely not the same.
Perhaps, I am not love-able, and, recognize, too, that a person could exist in a love-less relationship. Discarded like a piece of garbage; un-loved and un-wanted.
And did you get what
Late Fragment, from A New Path to the Waterfall, Raymond Carver (1938-1988)
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
315 | SAT 11 NOVEMBER 2023 | Veterans Day
To those who wore the uniform, to those who served, to those who swore an oath to defend a nation, against all enemies, foreign and domestic, Happy Veterans Day.
314 | FRI 10 NOVEMBER 2023 | Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday, Marines. 248-years. Every Marine a rifleman.
For the year ended, September 30th, Marine Corps achieved 100% of its enlistment recruiting target – 29,000 people – against an active duty force of 177,000.
No signing bonus; just the privilege of earning the title, United States Marine.
Army recruited 50,000 of its 65,000 target, against an active duty force of 485,000. Navy and Air Force also failed to meet its target despite $75,000 cash bonus.
I’ve made many mistakes; enlisting in the Marine Corps was a beneficial decision; also acknowledge that I served during peace time (1993-1997). Semper Fidelis.
313 THU 09 NOVEMBER 2023 | Keret
Enjoy the writing of Israeli author, Etgar Keret; his parents immigrated to Israel following the holocaust. Keret wrote June 24th 2016, New York Times Op-Ed, titled, “I’m not Anti-Israel, I’m Ambi-Israel” excerpted below:
I was recently honored to learn that I had won the Charles Bronfman Prize. It’s an award that recognizes humanitarian work inspired by Jewish values. Several news outlets reported on the announcement; one headline caught my attention: “Anti-Israel Author Etgar Keret Awarded Bronfman Prize.”
I found myself contemplating the term “anti-Israel.” Apparently a person cannot engage in Middle Eastern political issues without being labeled “anti-Israeli” or “anti-Palestinian” or sometimes, if his or her opinions are complicated enough, both. What does “anti-Israel” mean. Israel is a state, and we rarely encounter someone who is “anti-Switzerland” or “anti-Netherlands.”
To lend a helping hand to those who are fond of simplified labels, I would like to suggest a third option. Let’s call it “ambi.” The terms “ambi-Israeli” or “ambi-Palestinian” will simply indicate that our opinions on Middle Eastern affairs, while they may be resolute, are complex.
Those with “ambi” positions will be allowed to support an end to the occupation while still condemning Hamas; they may believe that the Jewish people deserve a state, but also maintain that Israel should not occupy territories that do not belong to it. Careful application of this new label might enable us to delve deeper into the essential arguments around the conflict and its resolution.
312 | WED 08 NOVEMBER 2023 | Alcohol
Did not consume alcohol for past six months; not a tremendous sacrifice. Don’t like smell or taste of beer; don’t really like wine. Most alcohol is fermented and aged, for me, migraine trigger. I can usually tolerate vodka or blanco tequila.
Don’t drink alone; not a beneficial habit. Traveling alone, being under the influence puts me at risk. I’m a high-energy morning person, and wilt like a flower after sunset; going out in the evening isn’t appealing.
311 | TUE 07 NOVEMBER 2023 | Re-pack
Maintain a list while traveling, naughty or nice, so to speak; what is coming out of the backpack for the next journey. Reduce weight, and a pack that is less dense and full.
Cable lock when hostel doesn’t have lockers; gone. Replaced laptop mouse using rechargeable batteries, to USB-C chargeable mouse; out goes bulky battery charger.
Wireless iPhone charger often overheats iPhone, especially in hot climates; gone.
Shave soap, shave bowl, shave brush; gone; now use 100-ml tube of shave cream.
Glass water bottle, gone; switch to aluminum bottle and clip to outside of backpack.
Two moleskin notebooks, gone; in its place, small memo pad.
310 | MON 06 NOVEMBER 2023 | Downsize
First overseas journey was China (2008), with my friend, Cathy. Traveled with Black Diamond 40-liter backpack. Purchased Tom Bihn travel bag, 35-liter backpack (2014). Last year, down-sized to 30-liter Synik backpack.
One-bag travel; you pack it, you carry it. Backpack is convenient, especially on cobblestones, stairs, or motorcycle taxi (Port au Prince Haiti, Cairo Egypt).
Keep the backpack with me at all times; don’t like putting the backpack under a bus. Backpack may go missing, or, items may go missing at security check-points.
Some people express surprise at the size of my backpack, when they learn that I traveled for six months. Often inspired by Jason Bourne, when chased, grabs small backpack, passports, and sprints out the door.
309 | SUN 05 NOVEMBER 2023 | Comfort
Recently introduced to the book, Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter in podcast interview with Peter Attia. Author makes several arguments, one of which is that most people don’t want to be bored, so people turn to screens: iPhone, iPad, Netflix. Argues that people would benefit from more down-time or quiet time.
In the morning, my intention is to sit down with cup of coffee without iPhone, no multi-tasking; notepad and pen nearby to write down any ideas that may surface.
After dinner, I grayscale iPhone display; deleted YouTube app. Only listen to podcasts when traveling on bus, train, or plane. Hopefully, I might find a book to read in English.
308 | SAT 04 NOVEMBER 2023 | Foolish
Friend, Thomas, texted yesterday. Asked, again, to borrow money. Nine-hour time difference; time to contemplate an appropriate response. We spoke briefly, so that I could better understand the situation. Company financing is “just around the corner” he told me; I’ve raised enough money as CFO to not believe such a statement. He shared that he has no emergency or retirement savings. Asked how much he needed; replied $500, for food. Asked if he was seeking a loan or a gift.
Next morning, scheduled ACH transfer to his account. Hopefully, he repays in a timely manner; I’m doubtful. It’s an amount that I may afford to lose, although, I would rather not. I would be embarrassed if I needed to ask family or friends for money.
307 | FRI 03 NOVEMBER 2023 | Going Infinite
Read Michael Lewis’ recent book, Going Infinite, on the topic of Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF) and the collapse of the crypto-currency exchange, FTX. Book release coincided with the start of SBF’s criminal trial.
I’ve read all of Michael’s books, many of the books more than once. Michael has the un-canny ability to make complex (financial) topics understandable. Disappointed by the book; appears to lack any journalistic skepticism or objectivity.
Prior to the collapse of FTX, pundits suggested that SBF may become the world’s first trillionaire. In hindsight, FTX had no accounting department, quoted from the book:
Then there was the chief financial officer (CFO). For the past eighteen months, various venture capitalists whom Sam had permitted to invest in FTX had been telling him that he should hire a serious grown-up to act as the company’s CFO. “There’s a functional religion around the CFO,” said Sam. “I’ll ask them, ‘Why do I need one?’ Some people cannot articulate a single thing the CFO is supposed to do. They’ll say ‘keep track of the money,’ or ‘make projections.’ I’m like, What the fuck do you think I do all day? You think I don’t know how much money we have?”
Obviously not. Upon the collapse of FTX, $6-billion of customer deposits remain un-accounted. Last night, jury found SBF guilty of seven counts of fraud in federal court.
306 | THU 02 NOVEMBER 2023 | Boxes
Boxes wait for me in Connecticut. Placed orders in October, delivered to parent’s house. Apple iPhone 15, barefoot running sandals, Tom Bihn 22-liter backpack, Outdoor Research hat, and various detritus from Amazon. Christmas in November.
305 | WED 01 NOVEMBER 2023 | Fair
People expect life to be fair, and later, surprised and angered, to learn that life is not.
304 | TUE 31 OCTOBER 2023 | Victim
There are movie scenes when a gun is put to a person’s head. How would I react.
Would I cry and plead “don’t shoot me” with no sense of honor. Would I boldly attack the assailant, get shot, and die anyway. Would I close my eyes, peacefully await the bullet, and accept my fate. In a moment of suicide ideation, would I say “please pull the trigger” turn my head to swallow the gun barrel, and likely surprise the assailant.
303 | MON 30 OCTOBER 2023 | Dragon Tattoo
Casablanca Morocco hostel, tattered copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, by Stieg Larsson. Read the trilogy previously, don’t mind re-reading, better than nothing at all.
One of the main characters, Lisbeth Salander, wears t-shirt that reads, “Armageddon was yesterday. Today we have a serious problem.”
302 | SUN 29 OCTOBER 2023 | Condiment
AirBnB in Fez Morocco, is traditional guest house. Host serves breakfast, dinner, and mint tea with sweet treats. I’m a gracious guest, and eat what I am served.
Host serves traditional tagine for dinner; stew-based dish cooked slowly over low heat in a clay pot. Couscous with chick peas, onions, potatoes, carrots, and turmeric. Meat was used as a condiment, in this case, cow hoof; mostly bone with fatty, connective tissue. It’s flavorful, and likely more nutritious than muscle meat, like chicken breast. Don’t buy meat, but never wish to be a rude or ungrateful guest.
301 | SAT 28 OCTOBER 2023 | Lawsuit
Read several biographies to better understand Trump before he was elected President. Early in his career, he befriended Roy Cohn, a lawyer with a notorious reputation as a “fixer.” File a lawsuit against anyone who gets in the way.
Trump has been involved in more than 4,000 lawsuits, the most litigious person to serve as President. Lawsuits are almost evenly divided, plaintiff versus defendant.
Trump currently faces 91 felony charges in four lawsuits; I cannot opine on its merit. However, I might argue that the lawsuits do not reflect weaponization of the Justice Department, but, business as usual; as one Trump lawyer suggested, lawsuits are “a natural part of doing business.” He who lives by the sword, may die by the sword.
300 | FRI 27 OCTOBER | Right speech
In Zen Buddhism, one guideline for ethical behavior is right speech. To only speak that which is beneficial and true; to not speak that which is hateful, hurtful, or un-skillful.
When I enlisted in the Marine Corps, first six months was boot camp and combat training. Many Marines swear like truck drivers. At one point, I recognized that if my family or friends observed, that I would be embarrassed; stopped swearing.
As a general rule, I try not to swear. In two years of writing this blog, I’m aware of not using curse words; it is not skillful. How do I communicate effectively without curse words. There are times that I might curse, sometimes driving on the highway and startled to avoid an accident, or, if I am threatened by physical danger.
When I write about others, it’s too easy to be mean-spirited. Self-test: if I wouldn’t say something to a person’s face, than I shouldn’t write it down. Name-calling is like mud-throwing; difficult to throw mud without getting dirty.
We don’t have to agree, but, disagreement shouldn’t be disagreeable. It’s possible to be respectful and civil. Do my words create clarity and insight, or hatred and anger.
299 | THU 26 OCTOBER 2023 | History
Listened to podcast; it demonstrated history of Earth, as if, it occurred within one calendar year; allowed to recognize the insignificance or brevity of (human) life.
Earth is 4.5-billion years old; 144-years equals one second. Earth is created in January. Multi-cellular organisms appear in July. Fungi, fish, land plants and insects appear in November. Dinosaurs become extinct on December 25th. Homo sapiens appears December 31st at 11:30pm, agricultural revolution occurs at 11:59:00pm, and industrial revolution occurs at 11:59:58pm. All else, is likely, tempest in a tea cup.
298 | WED 25 OCTOBER 2023 | Swim
Learned to swim in Ottawa Canada; two decades of running, grumpy iliotibial band. Swim lessons at local pool at night; affordable; eventually, joined masters swim team.
Swim every day during lunch; return to office smelling like chlorine. Over time, learned Total Immersion swim method, which focuses on efficient (almost lazy) swim technique: gentle kick, no splashing; get across the pool with fewest arm strokes.
Moved from Ottawa to San Diego, YMCA had outdoor lap pool. Swim in the morning, and not smell like chlorine after leaving the pool. Pool was heated during the winter. Swim in 75-degree water, with my back exposed to 50-degree air temperature.
297 | TUE 24 OCTOBER 2023 | Dead Zone
Stephen King published the Dead Zone in 1979; best-selling novel chronicles Johnny Smith, school teacher, who develops clairvoyance following an accident.
Smith crosses Greg Stillson, businessman turned politician; Smith envisions a future where Stillson causes a world-wide nuclear attack as President of the United States.
Comparisons have been drawn between Greg Stillson and Donald Trump; King suggests that Trump is more frightening than most characters in his fictional works.
296 | MON 23 OCTOBER 2023 | Near miss
Visit Casablanca, near-miss migraine. Could feel it coming on Wednesday evening, intensified after midnight; dissipated before bedtime Thursday.
Friend, Alex, suggested to soak feet in hot water during migraine. Hot water causes blood vessels to expand, and increases blood flow from the head to the feet.
Soaked feet in hot water three times; it did not make the migraine go away, but, it mitigated intensity, and shortened duration of the migraine. Often, migraine is so intense, that it leaves me sick in bed; able to explore Casablanca, quite subdued.
Soak hands in ice water is also suggested, to sympathetically constrict blood vessels in the head, to mitigate pain. Ice is almost impossible to find outside North America.
295 | SUN 22 OCTOBER 2023 | Dumpster
During the summer, observed cats looking for food scraps around dumpsters. Cat might “tightrope” around the edge; concerned that a cat might fall in and not get out.
Worry for nothing. Depart Sfax Tunisia, early morning; walked to louage terminal, past a dumpster. To my surprise, cat leaped out of the dumpster, likely, surprised both of us.
294 | SAT 21 OCTOBER 2023 | Choosing
The Hamas attack occurred two weeks ago; does a person “choose” sides; is a person anti-Semitic, or, pro-Palestine. Remind myself of a teaching by Norman Fisher.
The true way is not difficult.
Just avoid picking and choosing.
When you don’t grasp or reject,
The way enlightens itself.
Basic point of Buddhism is that all conditioned existence is suffering. Grasping and rejecting is the cause of suffering. Trying to keep what will inevitably be lost; trying to eliminate what cannot be eradicated.
The emptiness teachings suggest that there never was anything that a person could grasp or reject. Discriminative consciousness is based on a fallacy, based on an erroneous projection of separation.
A Zen master suggests, “Not always so.” Maybe it was so before; maybe it is so right now; but it won’t always be so.
293 | FRI 20 OCTOBER 2023 | Fatah
Fatah, founded by Yasser Arafat, is the largest faction of the Palestinian Liberation Organization (PLO), and came to power following the 1967 Six-Day War.
In 2006 elections, Fatah lost its majority to Hamas, leading to conflict between the two sides. Fatah retains authority over three-million Palestinians in the West Bank, whereas Hamas retains authority over two-million Palestinians in Gaza; it was Hamas, not Fatah, that launched the pre-meditated strikes against Israel earlier this month.
292 | THU 19 OCTOBER 2023 | Choose peace
In response to Hamas, Israel could choose not to invade Gaza, it could choose peace.
Israel’s Prime Minister could call vested parties to meet at a neutral location, with a neutral arbiter, and remain until a mutually agreed-upon solution is reached for Jews and Arabs. A solution isn’t reached by taking sides, as likely, all parties are complicit and share responsibility. A solution requires mutual sacrifice, negotiated by understanding inherent interests, rather than deeply entrenched positions.
Transform the atrocious attack to lasting peace, an outcome that benefits everyone.
Hate begets hate; violence begets violence. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. Violence merely increases hate. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.
291 | WED 18 OCTOBER 2023 | Two-state solution
The region that I most wanted to visit this summer was Israel and Palestine, to better understand its storied conflict. Visited in July, and asked anyone who would listen, “what is the solution.” Many times, there was no response, no reply, just silence.
A two-state, Israel-Palestine, solution has been contemplated since the end of World War II. During the past seventy-five years, plans have been supported and opposed.
Some authorities believe that if a two-state solution isn’t reached, the result will be continued apartheid. Alternatively, a one-state solution, would extend equal rights for Jews and Arabs, with representative government.
How many more Israelis and Palestinians must die; the path to peace is not war.
290 | TUE 17 OCTOBER 2023 | Israel
War is not merely a political act, but a continuation of policy by other means.
– Karl von Clausewitz
This summer, privileged to visit Israel and Palestine. Since World War II, a two-state nation has been contemplated, but never agreed upon by the region’s constituents.
Earlier this month, Hamas, a terrorist organization, executed an un-provoked attack against Israel. In response, Israel has promulgated a ground invasion of Gaza, home to two-million Palestinians.
Egypt’s land border with Gaza remains closed, fearing contamination of terrorist attack. If Palestinians are not allowed to flee, it’s difficult to see anything but genocide in Gaza, similar to the World War I Armenian genocide perpetrated by the Ottoman empire. History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes.
Ground assault in Gaza risks escalation of hostilities in northern Israel and Golan Heights by Hezbollah and Syria; further, if Iran steps-up military involvement, all of Israel may become engulfed in war. An eye for an eye makes the entire world blind.
Israeli novelist, Amos Oz, is quoted, “At the end of Shakespeare the stage is strewn with dead bodies and maybe there is a measure of justice hovering high above. A Chekhovian tragedy, on the other hand, ends with everybody disillusioned, embittered, heartbroken, disappointed – indeed, absolutely shattered, but still alive.”
289 | MON 16 OCTOBER 2023 | Progress
Often measure progress by movement, even, if moving in the wrong direction. Board taxi van in Sfax Tunisia, but, is it really bound for Monastir, or, am I going in the wrong direction. Without using iPhone Google maps, how would I know.
There is a proverb that suggests, what is the point of running, when I don’t know where I am going. Another proverb suggests, if I don’t know where I am going, any road will take me there. Ad copy suggests, sometimes I find myself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, I find myself.
Sometimes, there is a benefit to stillness, benefit to quietude, benefit to do nothing. However, who am I to suggest, after traveling twenty countries this summer.
288 | SUN 15 OCTOBER 2023 | Israel
Nir Avishai Cohen is a Major in the Israel Defense Forces reserves, and author of the book “Love Israel, Support Palestine.”
His guest opinion piece appeared in October 13th 2023 New York Times, “I’m Going to War for Israel. Palestinians Are Not My Enemy,” excerpted below.
I’d like to say one thing, before I go to battle: There’s no such thing as “unavoidable.” This war could have been avoided; no one did enough to prevent it.
For 56-years Israel has been subjecting Palestinians to oppressive military rule.
Palestinians aren’t the enemy. Millions of Palestinians who live right here next to us, between the Mediterranean Sea and Jordan, are not our enemy. Just like the majority of Israelis want to live a calm, peaceful, dignified life, so do Palestinians.
In this already unstoppable new war, we cannot allow the massacre of innocent Israelis to result in the massacre of innocent Palestinians.
Israelis must realize that there is no greater security asset than peace.
After all of the dead Israelis and Palestinians are buried, after we have finished washing away the rivers of blood, the people who share a home in this land will have to understand that there is no other choice but to follow the path of peace.
287 | SAT 14 OCTOBER 2023 | Dating
Would like to share my life with significant other. Don’t need to be married, per se; it’s about sharing, not possessing. How might my profile appear on a dating platform.
Unicorn. 53-year old, white male, gray hair, financially independent. Useless skills include baking artisan bread and accounting. Enjoy world travel, abused by overseas public transport, and stretched outside my comfort zone.
Enjoy barefoot running; favorite hike is Grand Canyon, 45-mile rim-to-rim-to-rim.
Don’t own a car or house; funny or sad, all that I own fits in 22-liter backpack.
Weaknesses include migraine headache, osteoporosis, and suicide ideation. High-energy morning person; introverted and shy; wilt like a flower after sunset.
Have only traveled to 40 of 200 countries, there is so much more to explore. Shared joy is multiplied, and shared anxiety is reduced in half. Regrets only.
286 | FRI 13 OCTOBER 2023 | Antarctica
Completed reservation and paid deposit for 11-day Antarctica cruise with G Expeditions, December 12th – 22nd 2024. Depart Ushuaia Argentina, cross tumultuous Drake Passage to the Antarctic Peninsula; before it melts.
Cost $8,000 for shared quad room, no “single supplement.” Includes meals, and foul weather gear for peninsula landing. December cruise coincides with South Pole’s astral summer; pack ice is less dense, navigable by ships with ice-strengthened hull.
Cross Drake Passage, nicknamed, the “Drake Shake.” These waters, unimpeded by land, may be quite rough. In December 2022, Viking Polaris cruise ship, was damaged by a rogue wave, blowing out a window, killing one passenger, and injuring four others. Advised to obtain Scopolamine transdermal patch to mitigate motion sickness.
This is a journey that I’ve wanted to experience for many years. In Cappadocia Turkey, I met Jo, from London, who took this expedition with G Expeditions, with rave reviews.
Fly to Argentina after Thanksgiving. Following the cruise, intention is to travel through South America for three months, followed by Antigua Guatemala, for overnight volcano hike, week of Spanish immersion in Mexico, and visit friends in Texas.
285 | THU 12 OCTOBER 2023 | Advice
Reluctant to share unsolicited advice. Many people just want to be heard; don’t want advice; don’t want to be told what to do. If a college graduate asked for advice, I might share the following.
What experience would transform a 22-year old young adult. What experience would stretch a person into her discomfort (learning) zone. What experience does s/he most fear, likely, that is where opportunity exists.
Experience hardship now; it’s difficult to pursue later when a person has “stuff” (car, apartment, pet, significant other, debt, etc). Next experience is not about earnings potential, but rather, transformative life experience.
Graduate school is likely not the answer, either. It’s expensive, and still have to face the same existential question (what’s next).
It’s difficult to view a job as anything but a wage slave. Few companies care about people, and the same is true of bosses and managers, regardless of what they say.
Consider an apprenticeship, skill or trade not replaced by artificial intelligence.
Volunteer.
Take a gap year, learn how to manage the cash in your pocket, and open yourself to the discomfort of traveling overseas, become an informed world citizen.
Create an enterprise; it’s easier to try and fail at age 22 than age 52. Entrepreneurship is not appearing on Shark Tank. Failure is not fatal; learn from mistakes and reiterate.
Teach English overseas for the Peace Corps; integrate yourself into a local village, and experience discomfort and perseverance, and likely without a WiFi signal.
Enlist in the Coast Guard, whose members save lives every single day; capsized sailboat during a hurricane, or, king crab fishermen off Alaska’s Aleutian Islands.
22-year old person has limited experience, knowledge, judgment and wisdom. As an immature, young adult, Marine Corps instilled self-discipline and accountability. Fortunate to serve during peace time (1993-1997), no regrets.
284 | WED 11 OCTOBER 2023 | Theft
In Tunisia, crossed paths with traveler from Australia. We were on the same flight from Cairo, and crossed paths in Tunis, Sfax, and Sousse.
Waiting for the bus at Kairouan, he sent text on his iPhone, when a local ran past, and stole the iPhone from his hands. Brazen theft has been reported from time to time on the Tunis tram; thief steals the iPhone and runs off the tram as the doors are closing.
Australian was fortunate; he was able to track the iPhone on his MacBook, and with the help of police, tracked down the iPhone, and returned to its rightful owner.
Beneficial lesson to me, as I often have my iPhone out in public using Google maps.
283 | TUE 10 OCTOBER 2023 | Gear
Will use New Zealand and Tasmania motorcycle riding experience (18-days) to gain insight into riding gear, before buying helmet, gloves, boots, pants, and jacket.
Understand that European ECE is more effective than DOT or Snell for helmet safety.
Understand that gloves should have wrist protection to reduce fracture risk, as riders often cushion a fall with an outstretched arm.
Understand that tall boots protect the tibia from fracture when the weight of a falling motorcycle lands on the body.
Considering $1,600 Aerostich one-piece riding suit; provides great deal of protection.
Hard-shell shipping container would allow me to ship gear from country to country.
282 | MON 09 OCTOBER 2023 | No guarantee
Received email from Mr. Money Mustache (MMM), re-visit 2017 blog post about the fallacy of contracts. Buried under a lengthy contract, MMM declined collaboration opportunity, as if, contract’s purpose is to warrant every possible catastrophe. His advice, enjoy life and keep a mop handy.
Completed professional work for a colleague several years ago; no contract, just a handshake. Upon completion, colleague asked how much I should be paid. I replied that he could decide the amount paid, consistent with value delivered.
Performing work for a colleague; one-year to date, anticipate completion in one more year. No contract, just a handshake; I share the founder’s existential risk.
Founder will decide how much I should be paid. Maybe I don’t get paid at all. Willing to absorb that risk. Founder is a good person, and that’s why I agreed to work with him.
281 | SUN 08 OCTOBER 2023 | Wild fox
In Zen Buddhism, wild fox koan is well known. A monk denies that a person is subject to cause and effect, and for his error, was turned into a fox for five hundred lifetimes.
He presents himself to Zen Master Baizhang (Hyakujō), and asks for a “turning word” to prompt realization, and to be freed from this animal form.
Baizhang instructs the monk to not ignore cause and effect. Monk is released from his wild fox body, and asks to be given a monk’s funeral rites.
Cause and effect may be described as karma, intention behind a person’s actions. I’m inclined to believe that certain life lessons are repeated until they are learned. I learn some lessons slowly; other lessons, I fail to learn at all.
Public transportation in Egypt and Tunisia is uncomfortable at times, and wonder, when do I become resilient. There are life lessons that evade me. I want control, confirmation, and comfort, yet, it does not exist, except in a fleeting moment.
280 | SAT 07 OCTOBER 2023 | Motorcycle
Rent BMW G 310 GS motorcycle next year; 300cc single piston engine, BMW’s entry-level, affordable motorcycle, assembled in India.
Rent for ten days at Christchurch, New Zealand. Rent for eight days at Hobart, Tasmania, Australia. Rental companies provide helmet, gloves, jacket, pants, and boots, allows me to travel light.
Motorcycle achieves 70-mph highway speeds, but with vibration, due to single piston design. My intention is to ride on secondary roads, less crowded, at slower speeds; intention is to build a base of safe riding skills and habits at slower speeds.
In Rhodes Greece, rented Yamaha 125cc motorcycle, it did not reach highway speed. For this up-coming journey, it was difficult to find small displacement engine, most rentals were 700cc, 800cc, or 1200cc. Found a few 500cc and 650cc engines, but, would like to spend time on something smaller. Want to ensure, too, that I can “flat foot” the motorcycle, that is, both feet flat on the ground at a full stop.
279 | FRI 06 OCTOBER 2023 | iPhone 15
Pre-ordered iPhone 15 (black, 128 GB) September 15th. Used iPhone X for five years, no longer eligible for software updates, and don’t want to compromise security.
My Mom will transfer from iPhone 7 to iPhone X. She doesn’t have extensive demands (phone, text, photo); I replaced iPhone X battery in March. She received the used iPhone 7 for free. My Dad infrequently uses an iPhone 6, also received for free.
278 | THU 05 OCTOBER 2023 | Writing
When it comes to writing, opinion is neither knowledge nor insight. Is it possible for writing to reveal understanding about the world, or provide a glimpse of human nature.
277 | WED 04 OCTOBER 2023 | Independent
Write about 2024 presidential election while there is time to act. Independent voter, not affiliated with any party. Moderate; liberal policy with fiscal discipline.
I will not vote for Trump or Biden, and will abstain if there are no other candidates. Trump and Biden both lack fitness to serve a second term as President. Gavin Newsom, governor of California, suggests that Democrats support Biden. Feigned loyalty is dangerous, should we not, as an electorate, support competence. It’s embarrassing to travel overseas; there are more than 330-million U.S citizens, yet, neither party presents a credible candidate.
We don’t have to agree on politics, but, there is no benefit to being disagreeable. I will vote for almost anyone else, including a third-party candidate. It would be beneficial for the parties to present candidates other than Trump or Biden. Hallelujah.
276 | TUE 03 OCTOBER 2023 | Camper van
In January, rent self-contained camper van for two weeks in New Zealand, pick-up and drop off at Auckland. Country has a reputation for great beauty, given its abundance of national parks. Van isn’t fancy, rentals were more expensive than I expected, and more than I wanted to pay. Self-contained van has a toilet, which means that drivers may “free camp” in appropriately marked areas without having to stay at campground or holiday park. January and February are peak months; required to plan ahead.
In February, rent camper van in Australia for ten days, pick-up and drop-off at Adelaide, to explore Uluru (Ayers Rock) in the center of the continent. Not a self-contained van, which means that I will have to stay overnight at campgrounds or holiday parks. Once in the center, will stay at a hostel for two nights in Alice Springs.
I can afford full-size RV; cost was an order of magnitude more expensive, and I didn’t want to drop that much money. For a period of time, contemplated just renting a car.
275 | MON 02 OCTOBER 2023 | More trains
Australia has an extensive rail system. Indian Pacific, luxury train, travels between Sydney and Perth. Will travel from Sydney to Adelaide, before traveling north to Uluru (Ayers Rock). One night on Indian Pacific costs $700; entire journey costs $3,000, difficult to justify. Ghan travels between Adelaide and Darwin; will not take this train.
From Adelaide, will travel south to Melbourne, via The Overland, before flying to Hobart Tasmania. Return to Melbourne, and travel to Sydney, via New South Wales train. Once in Sydney, will travel north, to Cairns, via Queensland Express.
274 | SUN 01 OCTOBER 2023 | Train
Next year (2024), anticipate visiting New Zealand, Australia, Japan, and South Korea. Each country offers a fairly robust train system.
In New Zealand, scheduled travel on Northern Explorer from Auckland to Wellington (north island), followed by Inter-islander ferry from Wellington to Picton (south island), and Coastal Pacific from Picton to Christchurch. At a later date, travel round-trip, on board TranzAlpine from Christchurch to Greymouth. Train service has a good reputation, landscape should be sublime, and look forward to the experience.
273 | SAT 30 SEPTEMBER 2023 | FortNine
Recently started watching YouTube content, produced by FortNine, Canadian motorsports retailer. Content is well done: creative, sophisticated, intelligent, independent, and at times, laugh-out-loud funny.
One video addresses topic of freedom, suggesting that “freedom isn’t just doing what you want to do; freedom is doing what you’re afraid to do. Freedom isn’t free will, freedom is will power.”
FortNine suggests that new riders buy protective clothing and equipment first, and use any residual money to buy the motorcycle. FortNine’s philosophy leans toward, all the gear all the time (ATGATT), “dress for the slide not the ride.”
Asked why I’m wearing protective gear, I reply, “because I keep falling off my bike.”
272 | FRI 29 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Earthquake
7.2-magnitude earthquake struck High Atlas Mountains in Morocco, 45-miles southwest of Marrakesh, region’s largest city, on Friday September 9th, killing 3,000 people; country’s deadliest earthquake since 1960. Scheduled to visit Marrakesh today, after flying from Tunis to Casablanca. Flights and trains continue to operate, and local hostel was not impacted by the earthquake, so, I still plan to visit the region. If possible, will try to volunteer and help out, if I may find a way to be beneficial.
271 | THU 28 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Mantra
Public transportation in Egypt doesn’t conform to western standards. Doesn’t matter if it’s bus, van, train, or boat; don’t know if it’s running, running late, or cancelled. When I board, don’t know if I boarded the appropriate bus, van, or train, and don’t know if it’s going in the right direction. It’s all uncertain.
Try to focus on my breath, and often, it’s difficult, if not nearly impossible. Wonder if it would be beneficial to have a mantra that I could recite instead. Something like, “yes, and this, too.” More about acceptance, less about resistance, if possible, try to smile, perchance to laugh, at the madness of it all.
270 | WED 27 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Citizens Bank
During CFO career, worked with more than a dozen banks. First Republic Bank was my preferred banking partner, it lived up to its tag line, “it is a privilege to serve you.” Bank’s customer service was second to none, and was disappointed to see the bank collapse earlier this year, following a bank run.
Recently learned that its private equity banking team landed in-tact, at Citizens Bank, and once again, pleased to be working with my preferred banking team. Recognize that the decision to work with the team is based on strength of personal relationships. Sam, JJ, and Kim, look forward to working with you again, indeed a privilege.
269 | TUE 26 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Experiment
It’s a small turbo-prop passenger aircraft.
It’s so small, that there is no door between flight deck and passengers.
Aircraft may not be up-to-date with mandated maintenance.
Flight crew may be less-trained than western counter-parts.
Aircraft enters phugoid cycle, oscillating up and down.
Phugoid cycle occurs when control surface command is lost.
Noted example, United Airlines flight 232, Sioux City crash.
Pilot begins to panic; contagion spreads to the passengers.
Flight attendant tries to calm down passengers.
Many passengers are screaming, or crying in hysteria.
One passenger sits in the back of the plane.
Calm and quiet, almost serene.
He contemplated suicide for many years.
If the plane crashes, he doesn’t have to commit suicide.
What a relief, literally, from a life of suffering.
Pilot trims the aircraft, more luck than skill; phugoid cycle ends.
Aircraft descends, and lands safely on the ground.
He is disappointed, but not surprised.
He will have to continue on, and endure living, for now.
Please note that this is a short story of fiction.
268 | MON 25 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Brave
Someone commented that my travels are brave. I have to live with myself, and don’t consider myself brave. Often times traveling, I’m deeply uncomfortable.
Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is to take action despite the presence of fear. Reluctant to label myself brave, but, travel at times requires bravery.
267 | SUN 24 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Hungry cats
Off day in Cairo, low-key before overnight bus to Siwa Oasis. Buy box of cat food at the market, walk back to hostel, and feed stray cats along the way.
There isn’t much evidence that food and water is made available for stray cats.
Some cats run away, other cats begin eating. One cat has an injured foot, it looks more like a stump than a foot; hope that it doesn’t become infected.
Some cats don’t eat; maybe they are ill, and need medication. Maybe they are dehydrated and need water. Intention was to be beneficial; likely made no difference.
266 | SAT 23 SEPTEMBER 2023 | More smells
Two years ago parents visited family in Maine. Parents don’t like leaving their cats with strangers. They are indoor cats, very particular in their habits, so I took care of them.
Cat food and dry items are kept in the pantry. There was a terrible smell emanating from the pantry. Wondered if a mouse might have crawled into something and died.
Removed items, starting at the bottom of the pantry and working up. Eventually, I found the culprit. It was a can of cat food, one of those gourmet brands with foil pull-top. Apparently, the foil top became perforated, and the food inside began to spoil. Pantry smelled better after throwing away the spoiled can.
265 | FRI 22 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Smell
Twelve-hour train from Luxor to Cairo; beneficial to be patient and kind to the people next to me. Passengers bring on-board their own food and drink. There are signs to not consume food with strong smells. Begin to think about a long, overseas flight.
Overseas flight often includes some type of meal service based on flight duration. Let’s suggest that I bring a few of my own snacks, besides just a granola bar.
What if I brought on board, items like, sardines, anchovies, tuna fish, Limburger cheese, or durian fruit. When passengers are served a meal, I crack open some of my snacks, and share with the entire cabin, so to speak. When finished, tuck the trash items into the seat back pocket in front of me, to fester for the duration of the flight.
Perhaps for good measure, I could also bring on board a well-ripened banana, and somehow, tuck it beneath the seat next to the inflatable life vest, to continue its decomposition. How long before the banana is detected by cabin crew, aircraft cleaners, or maintenance technicians.
Don’t try this at home kids; I’m not suggesting that I would try these antics on my flight from Los Angeles to Auckland, but, obviously had too much free time to entertain this thought on that tedious 12-hour train to Cairo.
264 | THU 21 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Near miss
Recent near miss migraine. Visit Luxor Egypt, after breakfast, explore Karnak on the east bank of the Nile River, and Valley of the Kings on the west bank of the Nile River.
Feel headache coming on as I entered Karnak. Don’t know the trigger; temperature was 110-degrees, also smoke from burning debris could have contributed.
As the morning un-folded, pain grew worse, and no Excedrin in my pocket. Crossed the river, visited Valley of the Kings, and returned to the hostel by 1:00pm. Felt like I was beyond the point of no return, where the pain is no longer controllable.
Took Excedrin, drank liter of water, cold shower, and fifteen minute nap in a dark room. I was lucky, pain improved during the afternoon. Full-on migraine is often debilitating.
Going forward, it’s likely best to keep Excedrin in my pocket, just in case. My friend, Alex, suggested soaking feet in hot water, and ice pack on the neck, which increases blood flow to the feet, reduces blood flow to the head, and is supposed to reduce migraine pain, willing to try, nothing to lose.
263 | WED 20 SEPTEMBER 2023 | NYT
Subscribed to New York Times (NYT), $10 for full-year, cancel at any time. From time to time, there is some good reporting. NYT certainly has its own slant, as does the Wall Street Journal (WSJ). Likely to not renew at $90.
262 | TUE 19 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Spending
Getting better at spending money, but not reckless. Following decades of saving diligently, spending money is often foreign and uncomfortable.
Hot air balloon in Cappadocia Turkey. Nile River cruise in Egypt. RV camper rental in New Zealand and Australia. BMW motorcycle rental in New Zealand and Tasmania.
Still lodge at hostels, ride public bus and subway, but, a few treats along the journey.
261 | MON 18 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Dean
Several of my business school professors now serve as dean at different universities.
Mary Margaret Frank is the new dean at University of North Carolina, Kenan-Flagler Business School. MMF was my accounting professor at Darden.
Peter Rodriguez is dean at Rice University, Jones Graduate School of Business. Peter was my economics professor at Darden; met for coffee after he relocated to Houston.
Erika James is dean at Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. She taught organizational behavior when I was at Darden.
Andy Rosman is dean at H. Wayne Huizenga College of Business and Entrepreneurship at NSU Florida. Andy was my accounting professor at UConn. Congratulations to all.
260 | SUN 17 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Attack
Parts of Egypt are poor. Strewn with trash. Tourist touts. People begging for money. Incessant vehicle horns. Hot, humid weather. Air pollution, smoke from burning debris.
I’m not being attacked. Matter of choice, matter of perspective. An assault on the sense, perhaps, but not being attacked. Similar to a duck, it all rolls off my back
259 | SAT 16 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Metric
Travel all summer, constant exposure to metric system. Bread baking, training at San Francisco Baking Institute, and stage at Bellegarde Bakery, used metric system. Easy, straight-forward, scalable. Even in Tunisia, the dinar is divided into 1000 millimes.
Don’t see United States switching from imperial to metric system; understand that only three countries in the world continue to use imperial: United States, Myanmar, and Liberia. Little benefit to being the outlier.
258 | FRI 15 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Jaywalking
There are few crosswalks in Cairo. Jaywalking is dangerous, cars do not slow down for pedestrians. When crossing the street, want to shout, “I’m walkin‘ here, I’m walkin’ here.”
Imagine the Netflix television series, Squid Game, could invent jaywalking “game.” Contestants are tasked to cross Interstate-405 in Los Angeles. Unswerving motorists travel at a high rate of speed. Simultaneously, count-down timer runs down; if contestants don’t cross before time runs out, they are eliminated.
Surprised that I haven’t been hit by a car, or, gone deaf from incessant vehicle horns.
257 | THU 14 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Google maps
Spend the day wrestling with Google maps. Recent updates, Chrome and Maps, and no longer cooperating. Saved travel destinations in Google Maps, may view on laptop, but no longer syncing with iPhone.
Perform Google search, an issue for many users. Sign out of Google, delete Chrome and Maps from iPhone, re-install, sign back in, and transfer saved destinations.
Close the app, re-open the app, and saved destinations are again, wiped out. Try the process a second time, and the destinations are saved, at least for now. Ugh.
256 | WED 13 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Lodging
Given the longer-term nature of travel, nine months in 2022, and nine months in 2023, try to stay in better-rated hostels, eight out of ten stars, regardless of price. It’s taxing and tiring to stay at dirty or uncomfortable places, places where I don’t even want to check-in, let alone, stay one night.
If I can’t find decent housing (hostel, AirBnB, hotel), I skip or bypass the destination. I may also bypass a destination if I can’t find reasonable transportation.
Average rate of lodging for nine months in 2023 is $23 including taxes and fees.
255 | TUE 12 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Questions
During past four months, frequently asked similar questions, regardless of destination.
Q1: where are you from: most people don’t understand when I reply “United States,” but do understand when I reply, “America.”
Q2: are you married: “no.” Being single in Muslim countries is frowned-upon. My impression is that many people marry out of social obligation.
Q3: how old are you: “53.” Don’t know why people want to know my age. Often suggest that age does not matter unless one is cheese, single malt scotch, or wine.
Q4: would you like a taxi: “no.” Prefer to walk, I have two good legs, average 7-miles per day; more stubborn (and frugal) than the average tourist.
Q5: what do you do for work: “accountant.” Easier than trying to explain that I am financially independent. I’d like to say that I’m a writer, but has not gained traction.
254 | MON 11 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Self-hatred
During past few months, gradually stop hating myself. Can’t command oneself, occurs on its own, on its own accord. Learning to like myself, may not happen. Learning to love myself may be impossible. Not good or bad, not better or worse, but, the difference is beneficial. Provides space to stop dwelling on suicide ideation.
253 | SUN 10 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Heaven & hell
A samurai visited a Zen monk, and commanded, “Teach me about heaven and hell.”
Monk looked at the warrior, replied without emotion, “I couldn’t teach you anything.”
Samurai became furious, pulled out his sword and raised it above, to slay the monk.
“That is hell,” said the monk, softly.
Samurai, overwhelmed by the monk’s compassion, returned the sword to its scabbard.
“That is heaven,” said the monk, softly.
252 | SAT 09 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Behavior
Recently hiked Mount Sinai in Egypt. Forty-five passengers on tour bus, no empty seats. Return to Sharm, female passenger changed seats. Male passenger, from Austria, became quite angry, and yelled that the seats belonged to his daughters.
She yelled back and didn’t move. He sat down next to her with his backpack, and pushed her against the bulkhead. Before moving back to his seat, he screamed a string of expletives in her direction.
Bus driver talked to the female passenger, and asked her to move back to her original seat. Male passenger’s daughters moved back to their previous seats.
Scenario was uncomfortable to witness; I was sitting behind the male passenger. His behavior was childish, akin to a temper tantrum in the middle of a store.
Why is it not possible to act from generosity and kindness.
251 | FRI 08 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Alarm
Woke up Tuesday 1:00am for early-morning flight to Sinai Peninsula. Provides cushion of time if it takes longer to reach the airport.
Check-in on-line for flight, but, to clear customs, need printed boarding pass, which is stamped along with passport; visual confirmation, when boarding the aircraft.
Never know how long I will wait for boarding pass, not all airports have kiosks, and depending on immigration requirements, may be required to check-in at the counter.
And then, never know how long it will take to clear customs.
At the end of the day, I was awake more than 20-hours, fatigued and irritable. When I went to bed, didn’t set an alarm, and let my body wake up on its own. Sometimes, the best thing that I may do for myself.
250 | THU 07 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Anger
You made me angry. No. Made myself angry.
You offended me. No. Allowed myself to be offended.
Flight delay made me angry. No. Allowed the flight delay to anger me.
Anger destroys the vessel in which it is contained.
Anger is to pick-up a hot coal to throw (at someone); I’m the one who gets burned.
A choice. Not always simple, but, a (skillful and beneficial) choice.
249 | WED 06 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Television
Visit Jeddah, stay at AirBnB; host is away on holiday. There is cable television, movies in English with Arabic sub-titles. Haven’t watched television in four months. Most places don’t have television, if there is television, frequently, programming is not in English. Sit back on the couch, break from the heat and humidity, and rot my mind.
248 | TUE 05 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Yoga
Stopped morning yoga routine. Instead, when working on laptop, set 15-minute timer. When timer goes off, get up from laptop and do any yoga pose; if inspired, more than one yoga pose.
It’s been said that “sitting is the new smoking.” Sitting too long is not good for the body. It’s all too easy to become fatigued sitting in front of a laptop, and slouch.
Process helps my body, less stiff and rigid, and it’s almost fun. Idea isn’t new to me, borrowed it from Katy Bowman, she has useful advice on how people should move and use their bodies.
247 | MON 04 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Free
Is it possible to visit a destination for free, or nearly free.
Is there tourist-friendly public transportation; subway instead of Uber; the former is infinitely less expensive than the later.
Does a city offer free things to see or do; people watching along the corniche, or museums. Almost every museum in Mexico City is free on Sunday.
Does a destination offer great street food, food stands crowded with locals, instead of more expensive sit-down dining.
Anyone may go on vacation and spend a lot of money, but, it’s a deceptive way to travel. One-week holiday may cost $2,000. Annualized, cost exceeds $100,000 post-tax income, a number far less reachable by many Americans. My impression of world travel, is less about tourist sites, and more about bearing witness to how other people and cultures go about their daily lives.
246 | SUN 03 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Early
Wake up early for flight from Riyadh to Madinah. Could have taken 12-hour bus, but, often find that air conditioner doesn’t keep up with desert heat.
Set alarm for 1:45am, ample time for 7:00am flight. Body woke up on its own after midnight; chose to get up than return to bed.
Find that my body is more alert if it wakes up on its own, versus, wake up with an alarm. I may crash later, or take a brief nap on the flight.
Dislike rushing in the morning, dislike rushing through bus terminal or airport. Not smart enough, when I rush, make mistakes, or leave something behind.
245 | SAT 02 SEPTEMBER 2023 | Experiment
An ordinary day, until, it was no longer an ordinary day.
He wakes up, tea, yoga, coffee, write.
Goes out into the city, tourism via osmosis.
Out of the corner of his eye, flash of light, following by an explosion. Blast concussion knocks him to the ground. He reflexively covers his head with his arms. Debris rains down upon his body, perforating his clothes. Muted sirens and car alarms wail in the distance.
He pushes himself off the ground, and rests on hands and knees. He looks down, counts two hands, two feet; good start. Removes iPhone from his pocket; screen is cracked, likely, when he hit the ground. Turns it on, it still works. Selects camera function, inverts the lens and scans his face and head. Other than superficial wounds, he is in one piece.
He attempts to stand, but loses balance, and returns to hands and knees. He recalls the four life-saving steps from his military training: start the breathing, stop the bleeding, protect the wound, and treat for shock; he’s going into shock.
Paramedics arrive on the scene. Technicians hastily erect a tent, as if, they have done this before, done this more than once. Paramedics lead him to the triage area; he watches the graphic violence unfold before his eyes; mangled bodies enter the tent.
Later in the day, he is treated and released by paramedics. They send him home with ointment and bandages, and instruct him to keep his wounds dry for 24-hours. He hugs the paramedics with gratitude, and dazed, staggers back to the hostel.
It’s late afternoon local time, sunrise in New York City; sends a text to his brother.
“You awake.”
Brother replies, “Yup.”
“Car bomb this morning. Might see it on the news. I’m okay.”
Brother replies, “Do you want to talk.”
“No. Maybe later.”
Brother replies, “Are you going to return home.”
“No. What are the odds of another car bomb.”
He returns to his hostel bunk, curls up fetal position. His entire body hurts. He wants to forget about the day, as if it was a surreal nightmare. In a moment of gallows humor, a singular wit, he admits that dying in a bomb blast would have been more noble than committing suicide.
Later in the year, he visits family for the winter holidays. Graduate school classmate sends a gift-wrapped package; inside, t-shirt reads, “I survived a car bomb, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”
Please note that this is a short story of fiction.
244 | FRI 01 SEPTEMBER 2023 | One-year
September 1st, maintained 365 daily posts; haven’t missed a day, even with migraine.
Use MS Word to draft and edit; maintain one week of “clean posts” ready to publish, and one week of “draft posts” that require editing. Lack the talent to write and post in the same day; writing is iterative.
MS Word file is 122-pages, 65,000 words. It’s suggested that a novel is between 80,000-100,000 words; anything less is too short; anything more is too long. In a decade, would like to select, edit, and publish a collection of essays.
243 | THU 31 AUGUST 2023 | House keeping
Six months of travel this summer, only two hotels. Often leave “do not disturb” sign on the door, as I don’t want house-keeping to enter. I keep the room clean, in fact, I usually remove the trash when departing. I don’t want other people in my room, and don’t want to risk theft of my few personal items.
242 | WED 30 AUGUST 2023 | ATM
Travel through Arabian Peninsula, have not used ATM. Only need enough currency to use public bus; foreign ATM fees range between $5 and $15 per transaction.
It’s difficult exchanging currency at the airport; exchange counter offers poor exchange rate and often charge a commission. It’s better to exchange currency in the city center, where one may find better rates without a commission.
For this reason, did not exchange currency at Bahrain airport. Local bus doesn’t accept credit card; bus driver let me on board for free (fare < $1 USD). Another example of the kindness of strangers.
241 | TUE 29 AUGUST 2023 | Oxygen mask
Recent flight, Oman to Bahrain, safety briefing in Arabic and English. Aircraft has oxygen mask in the event of failed cabin pressure. Put on your own mask before assisting others, use elastic strap to tighten the mask, pull down sharply to begin the flow of oxygen.
What if I pulled down sharply on the oxygen mask to begin the flow of oxygen, pulled too hard, and pulled the oxygen mask from the overhead passenger convenience unit.
Does the person sitting next to me, share its oxygen mask. If oxygen masks come down, passengers and crew likely have worse problems anyway.
240 | MON 28 AUGUST 2023 | Retirement
Recent Wall Street Journal article begins, “No amount of money can make retirement worry-free, but five-million might come close. Few Americans manage to save anywhere near that sum in their 401(k)s and individual retirement accounts. A $5 million retirement nest egg puts you in the top 0.1% of households.”
Survey results suggest that 50% of Americans have no retirement savings in tax-preferred retirement accounts. 43% of Americans have less than half-million, 4% less than one-million, 3% less than five-million. Analysis excludes non-retirement accounts, value of pensions, or social security.
People profiled in the article saved diligently and lived beneath their means, not much different than behaviors documented in the bestseller, The Millionaire Next Door, in other words, the garden-variety millionaire doesn’t look (or live) like a millionaire.
239 | SUN 27 AUGUST 2023 | CDC
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported 2022 provisional suicide data. Suicide increased from 48,183 to 49,499 in 2022, highest number in history.
39,000 men and 10,000 women committed suicide. People over age 85 had highest suicide rate, 22.4 per 100,000 people. Non-Hispanic American Indian and Alaska Native had highest suicide rate of 28.1 per 100,000 people. Use of firearms was most frequent means of suicide, more than 55% of cases. Wyoming and Montana have highest rates of suicide, 32 per 100,000 people. New Jersey had lowest rate of suicide, 7 per 100,000 people.
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline – 988 – may be reached at any time by phone or text.
238 | SAT 26 AUGUST 2023 | Face
Face of suicide may not look suicidal; one of many reasons why I write about suicide.
237 | FRI 25 AUGUST 2023 | Trash
AirBnB host in Kuwait invited his guests to the market for falafel. After we finish, he collected our trash, and also picked up off the ground a banana peel and paper cup. He made the world a little bit better. He didn’t argue “that’s not my job.” He didn’t argue “that’s not my trash.” Small acts of humility and kindness.
236 | THU 24 AUGUST 2023 | Razor
Travel through Arabian Peninsula, can’t fly with double-edge razor blades, which I use for shaving. Cartridges are ubiquitous; blades are sometimes difficult to find.
Rarely find in big box store, grocery store, or pharmacy; most often, find them in an unsightly bodega; box of five blades is usually $0.50 USD.
I have cartridge razor in my backpack as a back-up; don’t shave with it because it “rakes” my face; simply don’t shave until I find blades.
When I depart a city, leave the remaining blades at the hostel, for subsequent guest.
235 | WED 23 AUGUST 2023 | Quran
Hotel in Doha keeps the Quran in the bedside table with a prayer rug; direction of Mecca is marked on the ceiling. I respect the spiritual and religious commitment; still enjoy hearing the call to prayer, five times per day, even when it occurs before four o’clock in the morning. In this hotel, there is no Bible placed by the Gideons.
234 | TUE 22 AUGUST 2023 | Run
Run in Doha Qatar at sunrise. Temperature 90-degrees, dew point 85-degrees. Tank top is soaked. Three miles, nothing heroic. Locals stare at me as if I have three heads. Yoga pose before run, strength exercise after run. Find ways to remain active; it would be easy to do nothing, doing something is better than doing nothing.
233 | MON 21 AUGUST 2023 | Countries
There are 193 United Nations members, two observers; total count 195. Some people suggest that this is the number of sovereign countries and territories in the world, others suggest a number greater than 200. Let’s agree that the number is 200.
Perhaps a well-versed traveler may see 60% (125 countries) of the world, and an exceptional traveler may see 75% (150 countries) of the world, and recognize that some places are more accessible, less hostile, than others.
I will have visited 40 countries by end of the year, 20% of the world. If this was an exam, it’s a failing grade. World is a big place, more to see and do.
232 | SUN 20 AUGUST 2023 | UK Train
In late October, return to London, before onward flight to New York City. Will travel a short loop, to experience parts of England outside London; train to Nottingham, train to Manchester, train to Oxford, train to London; each leg is about two hours. Four tickets cost $255 USD for eight hours of travel.
Understand that UK train tickets are the most expensive in Europe, and sometimes, it’s less expensive to fly than it is to take the train. Understand that UK trains are mostly private, and that costs aren’t capped, like other parts of Europe, and that rising costs are driven by infrastructure improvements.
231 | SAT 19 AUGUST 2023 | Euthanasia
See many stray dogs, cats, and kittens over the past four months. Many people put out dry food and water, but likely, few of the animals receive veterinary care. Some animals look okay, and well groomed. Other animals don’t; some animals appear quite dirty, other animals have visible wounds.
If a stray animal is healthy, with minimal risk of causing harm to others, it should be allowed to live. But, if a stray animal is not healthy, and is suffering, wonder if it would be better to euthanize the stray animal. I’m not suggesting that shelter animals should be euthanized, but, wonder how much undue suffering a stray animal should endure.
230 | FRI 18 AUGUST 2023 | Watermelon
Final days in Jordan, purchased watermelon, mini watermelon not available. Weather is hot; watermelon helps to remain hydrated, and more refreshing than hot food.
Downside, is that ripe watermelon contains tyramine, which for me, triggers a migraine headache. This likely explains why I was sick traveling from Jordan to Kuwait.
229 | THU 17 AUGUST 2023 | Loan
Friend called on Monday, have not spoken in a year. He lives and works in San Francisco, CEO for a biotech company.
He asked to borrow money; initially $4,000, than $2,600; repay within 30-days. I asked if he considered credit card cash advance, pay day loan, or borrow money from 401k or IRA. No, no, no.
He works for publicly-traded company; definitive proxy statement hasn’t yet been filed to the SEC, but, his offer letter is public, I know how much he makes, likely $500,000 between salary and bonus. He pays alimony and child support. He’s good at spending, less good at saving. Lending money doesn’t fix anything.
It’s suggested to not loan money to family and friends; better to gift money with no intention of being re-paid. I don’t know how to get to “yes.” Tenet of Zen Buddhism, generosity, remains un-learned.
228 | WED 16 AUGUST 2023 | Hamas
Understand little about Hamas before – and after – travel to Israel and Palestine.
Hamas, an acronym, Ḥarakah al-Muqāwamah al-Islāmiyyah (Islamic Resistance Movement), is a Palestinian Sunni-Islamic fundamentalist, militant, organization, and committed to establish an independent Islamic state in Palestine.
Hamas won the 2006 Palestinian legislative election, and became governing authority following the 2007 Battle of Gaza, for 2-million Palestinians in the Gaza Strip.
Iran is one of Hamas’ biggest benefactors, contributing funds, weapons, and training. Turkey is also known to support Hamas, and is known to house several of its leaders.
Canada, European Union, Israel, Japan, Australia, United Kingdom and United States designate Hamas as a terrorist organization.
227 | TUE 15 AUGUST 2023 | Missing
When I travel, try to be consistent. Left pant pocket, iPhone; left cargo pocket, passport; right pant pocket, credit card; right cargo pocket, vaccination card.
Visited Dead Sea, placed iPhone in right cargo pocket, didn’t want it to fall out when I put on my Speedo. Left clothes on rocky beach, where I could observe from the water. I didn’t remain long in the water, sun is intense, not worth a sun burn.
Went to locker room to shower and change. As I walked out, didn’t feel iPhone in left pant pocket, and struck with the most intense and sinking feeling of dread, that I lost my iPhone, or, that it was stolen. Quickly checked remaining pockets, and a sense of palpable relief, when I found it in the right cargo pocket, not its usual location.
Pack up and move often; despite packing in an orderly manner, using lockers, not leaving items strewn about on my bed, it’s still possible to get knocked on my heels.
226 | MON 14 AUGUST 2023 | Judiciary
While visiting Israel, country’s legislature, the Knesset, voted to curb the powers of its Supreme Court, which risks that the executive branch may take un-checked action. There were riots and demonstrations before and after the vote on Monday July 24th.
Military reservists threatened to not report to duty, there is concern that this contamination could spread to activity duty personnel. Israel depends on its military as the Middle East is politically unstable. Perceived military weakness could prompt Lebanon or Syria to take advantage and strike Israel.
225 | SUN 13 August 2023 | King Hussein Bridge
Israelis are not allowed to travel King Hussein (Allenby) Bridge into Jordan. Palestinians are prohibited from using Ben Gurion airport in Tel Aviv, often travel King Hussein Bridge from Israel to Jordan, and use Queen Alia Airport in Amman Jordan.
Depart in shared taxi van from Damascus Gate, dropped off at Israeli customs, beyond the first checkpoint. May take public bus, but get dropped off at the highway check point, and still need to take an over-priced taxi to Israeli customs.
Israeli exit tax is $50 USD; take mini bus across the frontier from Israel customs to Jordan customs; re-entered Jordan on single entry visa, as the visa had not expired. Morning un-folded quickly; there were few people and few tourists.
There was no mini bus to Amman, only over-priced taxi, contrary to on-line travel guidance. Canadian traveler was picked-up by friends from Amman; they had room in the car, and dropped me off in the center of Amman before mid-day.
224 | SAT 12 AUGUST 2023 | Pick pocket
Sunday, return to Jerusalem from Tel Aviv. Drop off backpack at hostel, walk into Old Jerusalem, ancient walled city. On the way, watch a person, likely, an apprentice pick pocket. Sidewalks are mostly empty, but he purposely runs into people, knocks into them, touches people, and invades their space. It’s uncomfortable to watch.
223 | FRI 11 AUGUST 2023 | Magic wand
My friend, Kris, asked me to share my intentions; what am I cultivating. Don’t want anything, don’t need anything; an opportunity to be transparent with readers.
– Share time with significant other; don’t need to be married (ie. possess)
– Professionally and creatively engaged; create some traction with writing
– Cultivate health (strong, resilient, happy bones; free from migraine)
– Allow peace & equanimity; accept everything, resist nothing
– Generosity; give, don’t take; improve (every) thing within my orbit
222 | THU 10 AUGUST 2023 | Permission
Wise person shared that “nothing may touch me without my express permission.”
221 | WED 09 AUGUST 2023 | Tassajara
For a period of time, considered going to Tassajara for the summer (April – September). Lived six-months at Green Gulch Farm Zen Center, during COVID.
I have the opportunity; no career, no car, no nothing. San Francisco Zen Center makes the teaching available to anyone, but it’s also institutionalized, and tainted by humans.
Will Tassajara make any difference; will I ever achieve equanimity, even for an instant.
Not convinced that being a long-term monastic is the solution. How does the average person practice Zen Buddhism, or any spiritual practice, in a messy world.
220 | TUE 08 AUGUST 2023 | Muslim
Summer travel, visit countries where Islam is the leading religious tradition; indeed, Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world.
1.9-billion Muslims, those who practice Islam, 25% of the world population. Sunni and Shia Muslims disagree on the successor to the Islamic prophet Muhammad.
Sunni Muslim (85%) represent the majority in almost every Muslim nation; Shia Muslim (15%) represent the majority in Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Iran, and Iraq.
219 | MON 07 AUGUST 2023 | Granola
Granola is my kryptonite. Could likely consume my bodyweight in granola. For that reason, don’t buy it, but, if I come across granola at a hostel, all bets are off. Hostel in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv, owned and operated by the same company, served granola for breakfast. Hostel also served lattes, which I would pour over granola, what’s better than caffeinated granola.
At Green Gulch Farm, in Muir Beach California, the Zen Center would often serve fresh-baked granola for breakfast on Sunday morning. Dinner on Saturday was the only night that dessert was served; if there was fresh-made whipped cream, I would set some aside, and mix it into my granola the next morning at breakfast. Certainly not a low-fat meal; high-fat granola with high-fat whipped cream.
218 | SUN 06 AUGUST 2023 | Tomato
It’s taken a little bit of time to confirm, but for me, tomatoes are a migraine trigger. Made pasta last night with cherry tomatoes, and woke up the next morning with a migraine. Triggers often don’t work alone, it’s likely that I also became dehydrated crossing the border between Jordan and Israel. Suspected tomatoes in the past. Tomatoes are from the nightshade family of vegetables, including eggplant and potatoes. A food could be considered a trigger if consumed within 12-hours of a migraine event. Going forward, will try to stay away from tomatoes, unless cooked.
217 | SAT 05 AUGUST 2023 | Allenby Bridge
Information regarding King Hussein (Allenby) Bridge border crossing is ambiguous. Passport stamp would prohibit subsequent entry into most Arabian countries. Jordan stamps exit tax receipt; Israel stamps a separate “visa” kept with the passport.
One hour ride on JET bus from Amman to border at Allenby Bridge. Pay Jordan exit tax, surrender passport to customs, and board second bus for two-kilometer ride across the frontier.
At Israel customs, people and luggage are screened, similar to the airport, followed by brief customs interview; shared taxi van to Jerusalem, offering great views of the Judaean Desert; dropped off at Damascus Gate, outside Old Jerusalem.
Transportation and fees cost $55 USD, and required four hours; morning un-folded as well as it could; much ado about nothing.
216 | FRI 04 AUGUST 2023 | Great Gatsby
Traveling overseas, it’s challenging to find books to read, and challenging to find books to read in English. At a hostel in Jordan, came across The Great Gatsby (1925), by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I read it in high school, or at least parts of it; maybe I skimmed the book, and, have never picked it up since.
Fitzgerald died at age 44, due to a heart attack in 1940. At the time of his death, Fitzgerald believed that his life was a failure and his work forgotten; critics viewed Fitzgerald as a failed alcoholic. The Great Gatsby gained critical acclaim during World War II, when copies of the book were distributed to servicemen overseas. Like so many artists, fame and recognition followed death.
Book is short, and it’s a tragedy; the main character, Jay Gatsby is flawed, just like me.
215 | THU 03 AUGUST 2023 | Jordan
Jordan is governed by constitutional monarchy, under the rule of King Abdullah II, appointed 1999, and 41st-generation descendant of the Islamic prophet Muhammad.
Heir apparent is the King’s son, Crown Prince Hussein. Prince was married June 1st. It’s impossible to go anywhere in the country without seeing billboards of the royal family, or posters of the Crown Prince with his bride, Princess Rajwa Al Hussein.
214 | WED 02 AUGUST 2023 | Kitten
Arrived at Wadi Rum, parked rental car in sad-looking lot; waited to be picked-up for desert jeep tour. There is a dumpster in the corner of the lot; trash is overflowing on to the ground. Next to the dumpster, mother cat and three mature kittens; kittens mew.
Understand that an un-spayed, stray female cat may give birth to 100 kittens in its lifetime, feed on garbage and other scraps.
Following the jeep tour and overnight camp, return to parking lot to pick-up rental car, and drive south to Aqaba. One of the kittens is dead in the parking lot. There are no visible wounds. Its fur appears matted and wet, it may have been licked by its mother or a stray dog Maybe it had diarrhea and dehydration; perhaps the kitten succumbed to heatstroke; yesterday’s temperature exceeded 104 Fahrenheit. There is no sign of the mother cat, and I see only one other kitten, it’s hiding under some bushes.
I want to move the kitten, but, there is no cardboard or other material to scoop up the kitten; I don’t have any tools to dig a hole and bury the kitten; I don’t have rubber gloves, and there is no wash room to clean my hands of this mess.
Life repeats its lessons that I fail to learn. Don’t know what lesson that I’m supposed to learn from the stray cats and kittens that I’ve come across in the past three months.
213 | TUE 01 AUGUST 2023 | Shooting Star
Shooting star.
Shooting across desert night sky.
Faster than a plane.
No sound.
Only silence.
Gone in an instant.
Vanished in a flash.
At what is it shooting.
Is it angry.
Where is it going.
Does it know when it arrives.
Shooting star is small piece of rock, or meteor, which hits Earth’s atmosphere from space; moves so fast that it heats up and glows as it moves through the atmosphere.
212 | MON 31 JULY 2023 | New Zealand
Purchased plane ticket to New Zealand. Haven’t finished the journey that I’m on, and already, taking steps towards the next. Depart December 27th, United Airlines, Newark to Los Angeles; Air New Zealand, Los Angeles to Auckland.
Fare isn’t terrible, given the post COVID pent-up demand for travel. $1,600 for 18-hours of flying, $90 per flight hour. An average fare is $100 per flight hour; $50 per flight hour is a great bargain.
Flight departs Newark 1:00pm; anticipate first train from Connecticut at 5:45am, arrive at Newark before 10:00am. Four-hour layover in Los Angeles; cushion in the event of flight delays; don’t want to be that passenger running through LAX.
211 | SUN 30 JULY 2023 | Comparison
Nothing good comes from comparing myself to others. When I compare myself to others who appear more successful, the result is self-condemnation. When I compare myself to others who appear less successful, karma ALWAYS kicks me in the ass.
Comparison may not take into account how people are different; may not reflect different values and priorities. Comparison risks being lazy; defining my own success requires imagination and creativity.
210 | SAT 29 JULY 2023 | WhatsApp
Often late to the party to use new technology applications; don’t resist new technology, likely, less aware of new technology.
During this current trip, began using WhatsApp; communicate effectively and timely with local service providers; appears to be preferred communication method.
209 | FRI 28 JULY 2023 | Indifference
Listened to podcast, Freakonomics interview with Ari Emanuel, CEO of Endeavor, an entertainment and media agency. If there is one take-away, don’t be indifferent.
Each of Ari’s brothers, is not indifferent. Zeke Emanuel, is an oncologist, bioethicist, and Vice Provost for Global Initiatives at the University of Pennsylvania, and chair of the Department of Medical Ethics and Health Policy. Rahm Emanuel, is Ambassador to Japan; previously, Mayor of Chicago, and Chief of Staff for President Obama.
Indifference disrupted my personal and professional development. From failure, I didn’t learn resilience and reiteration, but rather, learned helplessness. Dysthymia is not about feeling sad, but rather, is about not feeling anything, to be indifferent.
208 | THU 27 JULY 2023 | Joy
Recently discovered piece of music, Breathe Again, performed by singer-songwriter, Joy Oladokun. She was born and raised in Arizona, by parents who emigrated from Nigeria; church played an influential part during her early years. She released four studio albums since 2016; her music comes across as soulful, authentic, and imperfect; as such, her music resembles life and to be human.
207 | WED 26 JULY 2023 | Ethics
Ethics, perhaps an oxymoron. Imagine a world where there are unicorns and ethics. What are the ethics of suicide.
Committing suicide is not against the law in the United States; it is against the law in at least twenty countries. Attempted suicide may or may not be against the law in some US states. Imagine, some troubled soul attempts suicide, fails, survives, and punished for attempting, but failing to commit suicide.
United States has capital punishment. Would be more germane for a heinous criminal to be punished by being forced to live forever; cruel and unusual, indeed.
To argue against suicide, reminded of Buddhist precept, not to harm or kill another sentient being, including myself (won’t argue that there is no self). To argue in favor of suicide, there is free will. If I don’t have freedom to end my life, than I am not free.
Cause of death is irrelevant; there is no difference between a known (ie. cancer) or unknown (ie. sudden heart attack) cause of death. Family and friends may be upset in the short-term, for losing a loved-one, but, the cause of death bears no relevance.
I’m one of ten billion people, not unique, not special, not missed (at least for long).
206 | TUE 25 JULY 2023 | Accept
Accept what I am doing, accept where I am, as if, it is all by design, as if, it was all meant to be. Mark Twain, suggested “the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” Just need to figure out why.
Many parts of my life have not unfolded consistent with my intentions: music, military, CFO, university teaching, bread baking. Maybe it is all okay, no longer a point of resistance. Perhaps the universe has something else in mind for me; would be nice to understand what is next in my future, and why.
205 | MON 24 JULY 2023 | Mew
In Mersin, weather is hot and humid; dew point higher than 70; there is little skin evaporation to cool the body; AirBnB has pedestal fan, but no air conditioner.
In the evening, walk to nearby Forum Mall, it’s where the locals go to cool off in the air conditioning, enjoy coffee beverages or ice cream.
It’s a short walk; as I approach the mall entrance, the shrubbery is mewing. Can’t see anything, but, it’s mewing, like a kitten. Kneel on the ground, and between branches, see a small, white kitten, perhaps three-months old; it’s dirty, and one eye is closed. It seems to be startled by the number of people walking by. Don’t see any other kittens or cats nearby, it appears separated from its mother.
Residents are good about providing dry food and water to the many stray cats and kittens, but the animals don’t receive veterinary care. I don’t touch strays, to avoid risk of a scratch, bite, or infection.
Why is it that I feel more compassion for a stray cat or kitten than for a homeless person. While this kitten breaks my heart, I do nothing; nothing to help, nothing to mitigate its suffering. Disturbed, turn around, and return to AirBnB.
204 | SUN 23 JULY 2023 | Half way
Traveled three months on this summer journey, half way; time has quickly passed.
Reminded of Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” (Hamlet, Act II, Scene 2). Is travel difficult, easy, fun; it’s whatever a person thinks.
Travel involves a certain amount of friction; credit card not working, short-changed at the market; touts and scams, or copious amounts of second-hand cigarette smoke.
Travel is unique to me, but it isn’t unique to other people; many have gone before me, many will come after me. Likely will not find that which I seek, so why travel at all. To quote Dōgen, “why go aimlessly off to the dusty realms of other lands.”
203 | SAT 22 JULY 2023 | Garden
Would like to grow a vegetable garden; there is nothing quite like the flavor of fresh vegetables compared to those from a conventional or convenient super market.
Raised-bed vegetable garden, plant in oversized, galvanized cattle troughs. Some of my favorite vegetables are dark, leafy greens and bitter, cruciferous vegetables: radicchio, endive, kale, arugula, purple cabbage, cherry tomato, mini cucumber.
202 | FRI 21 JULY 2023 | Travel
Visit 28 countries this year, many, even by my own standards, and draining, too. Slowly have reached a decision for 2024 travel.
Intention is to visit Australia and New Zealand, January through March, summer in the southern hemisphere. Intention is less about tourism, and to travel more slowly. I enjoy train travel, and intention is to ride Australia’s infamous trains, both the Indian Pacific and Ghan. Trains are expensive, likely $6,000 for both trips.
Intention is to visit Japan in the spring, April through June; US citizens are allowed to visit up to 90-days. Intention is to travel the country via train, from Hokkaido in the north, to Okinawa in the south (via ferry). If possible, would like to visit the two primary Soto Zen Buddhist monasteries, Eiheiji and Sojiji.
If possible, would like to return to the United States via freighter. Before the pandemic, certain freighters would accept a small handful of passengers. Unique way to see the world, at a fraction of the cost of a luxury cruise ship. Freighter travel was suspended during COVID, and has not yet resumed.
Likely visit family during the summer, July and August. Anticipate ten-day Antarctica cruise in December 2024, depart from Ushuaia, Argentina.
201 | THU 20 JULY 2023 | CEO
If I knew with foresight, that university teaching wasn’t going to “fit,” would have worked with a headhunter, and pursued a CEO position while still working in Houston.
Not sure if anyone would touch me now, given my career “gap.” Likely only path to become CEO is to launch my own company.
Watch many peers become CEO. Not sure if I have an inherent interest, or, if it is simply ego. Ego – and hubris – is likely misguided, and not a valid point of motivation.
Served in the Marine Corps; led teams for thirty years. Believe that my leadership skills are more effective than the average person, but I may be misguided.
200 | WED 19 JULY 2023 | Horror
I write horror stories, not like Stephen King, but, depression-suicide horror stories. If depression doesn’t kill me, suicide will. Would likely commit suicide, but, like so many other parts of my life, concerned that I would fail, an outcome likely worse than living.
199 | TUE 18 JULY 2023 | Antarctica
Göreme Turkey, met traveler, Jo, from United Kingdom. She recently traveled to Antarctica, on board an ice-class vessel, during the region’s astral summer (Nov – Feb). She traveled with G Adventures, celebrating both Christmas and New Year’s Eve on board, cruising across the harsh seas of the Drake Passage (aka. the Drake Shake).
Voyage is expensive, $7,000 – $10,000 per person, for 10-day voyage, depending on peak season (January-February), or off-peak (November-December, March).
G Adventures does not charge “single supplement” for solo travelers; single travelers are matched with other single travelers, and placed in double, triple, or quad rooms.
Meet few travelers who experienced Antarctica, and with the favorable review, look towards a journey in December 2024, and likely, onward travel through South America.
198 | MON 17 JULY 2023 | Roger Ebert
Film critic, Roger Ebert, earned 1975 Pulitzer Prize for criticism, as a writer for the Chicago-Sun Times. People recognize Ebert from television, but it’s his writing, his prose, his poetry, that I often find sublime.
Growing up, found several movies disturbing: A Clockwork Orange (1971), The Deer Hunter (1975), and Midnight Express (1978); reviewing The Deer Hunter, Ebert writes:
It is the record of how the war in Vietnam entered several lives and altered them terribly forever. It is not an anti-war film. It is not a pro-war film. It is one of the most emotionally shattering films ever made.
At the film’s center comes one of the most horrifying sequences ever created in fiction, as the three are taken prisoner and forced to play Russian roulette while their captors gamble on who will, or will not, blow out his brains.
The game of Russian roulette becomes the organizing symbol of the film: Anything you can believe about the game, about its deliberately random violence, about how it touches the sanity of men forced to play it, will apply to the war as a whole. It is a brilliant symbol because, in the context of this story, it makes any ideological statement about the war superfluous.
If you have seen the movie, there are two Russian roulette scenes; re-watching as I write, both scenes remain as disturbing now as a remember watching as a teenager.
197 | SUN 16 JULY 2023 | Charming
Sometimes I meet a person with whom I greatly enjoy the pleasure of their company.
Göreme Turkey, met wonderful, independent traveler, free spirit, and beautiful soul from United Kingdom. She was charming and easy going; appreciated the intelligent and thoughtful discussion. She departed early the next morning, onward flight to Istanbul, but not before we watched hot air balloons quietly drift over the hostel in the morning light. She was attractive even without makeup or fussing in the mirror.
She asked for my contact information; hope to hear from her. Hope springs eternal.
196 | SAT 15 JULY 2023 | Ideas
Several ideas that I would like to try. Not looking for happiness, because nothing moves the needle. Intention is to be energetic, enthusiastic, engaged. Expect every experiment to fail, learn something new, and to reiterate.
- Drive Mazda Miata (targa top) for a year. Not the fastest, not the fanciest; more affordable than BMW, and fun to drive at legal speeds.
- Ride motorcycle for a year, with appropriate safety gear, through National Parks and secondary roads. Likely Honda, 300-500cc, reliable and trouble-free.
- Visit National Parks in a camper for a year. Nothing big and fancy, would prefer small as possible, as some park roads are challenging. Don’t need running water, don’t need a mattress (my superpower is sleeping on hard surfaces). Some electrical capability, always liked Honda Element with added pop top.
- Re-hike Grand Canyon, rim-to rim-to rim (20-hours non-stop), use red-light instead of white-light headlamp. Would also like to hike Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, Arizona Trail, Camino de Santiago, and Shikoku (88) monastery pilgrimage in Japan.
- Work an astral summer (November – February) in Antarctica; would do anything; bake bread, accounting, cleaning toilets.
- Work one summer as a fire watch in the desert southwest, ideally, Arizona or New Mexico, but open to any place west of the Mississippi.
- Work one summer baking bread anywhere in Alaska during tourist season. Enjoy baking, don’t want to do it every day of the year; it’s hard, hot, and heavy.
- Spend summer at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center in California; usually six-month work season (April – September). Not looking to become a resident monk, but, have always wanted to spend some extended time in this mountain region. It’s important that I figure out how to practice Zen Buddhism on my own, no one can do it for me.
- Spend one year working through a really good cookbook, or, stage at a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. Don’t wish to cook meat, but, don’t mind meat being used as flavor or condiment, meat accompanies a dish, it’s not the dish.
- Spend one year working as forensic accountant under an expert, under a person whom I could vacuum her brain. Would have pursued forensic accounting as undergraduate student, field received no attention at the time.
None of this is rocket science. None of this is returning to private equity as a CFO. An opportunity to color outside the lines, break the mold, do something different.
195 | FRI 14 JULY 2023 | Clothesline
In April, purchased $12 travel clothesline on Amazon, pleasantly surprised with its utility. Frequently wash clothes in the sink, especially, if it’s sunny and warm.
Most of the time, hostels charge to use the washer; rarely, it’s offered for free.
In Konya, my room had a small balcony, where I could hang the clothesline, it’s braided, so no need for clothespins. Balcony faced east, and the clothes dried rapidly.
I recall a trip to Tucson, Arizona. Washed clothes; hung them outside on the clothesline. Temperature was 95-degrees; clothes were dry within twenty minutes.
194 | THU 13 JULY 2023 | Meat
Recently listened to This American Life podcast; introduced to the award-winning short story, “They’re Made out of Meat,” from Terry Bisson’s collection, “Bears Discover Fire.” Bisson is a science fiction and fantasy writer, noted for his short stories.
This story is entirely dialog between two characters; it’s almost absurd, and one of the few times where clever writing made me laugh out loud.
The story is a short read, but too long to display here; here’s a link to Bisson’s website.
193 | WED 12 JULY 2023 | Librarian
Sometimes when traveling, too easy to take myself seriously. Short clip from Saturday Night Live, featuring Margot Robbie – not quite as Barbie – helps me to laugh out loud.
192 | TUE 11 JULY 2023 | Seat 61
If you enjoy train travel recommend The Man in Seat Sixty-One. Website maintained by Mark Smith; he worked for extensively for British Rail, and useful resource on how to travel train systems around the world.
Website remains relevant and up-to-date, and has won many awards; I’ve emailed Mark more than once, and he’s always timely and helpful in his replies.
Used website for many trips, including: Trans-Siberian Railroad (2010), India Rail (2011), and current trip, including trains in Greece, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, and North Africa.
191 | MON 10 JULY 2023 | Sly
Not a fan of Rocky or Rambo growing up. WSJ recently conducted brief, thoughtful interview with Sly, pleasant surprise.
Writing the script to Rocky in three days, Stallone shares that he owes most of his success to failure: “If I had made it like I wished early on in my career, I never would have turned to writing, I did that to fill time and to feel creative, even though the writing was truly horrible.”
He is disciplined about writing, he writes every day, whether early in the morning, or late into the evening, a message echoed by many writers. He shares, “I look at the page and go, this is going to be horrible, but you’re gonna fight through it, so you’re not going to leave until you start to write.”
Interview ends with a brief glimpse of compassion, “You don’t have to beat up on yourself. The world will beat up on you enough. Give yourself a break.”
190 | SUN 09 JULY 2023 | Midnight Library
Stumbled across an interesting book at Istanbul hostel.
Midnight Library (2020), Matt Haig, follows a British woman unhappy in her dead-end life, attempts suicide, and is given the opportunity to experience lives had she made different choices. Book reflects the author’s challenge with depression and anxiety.
Do you ever think “how did I end up here.” Like you are in a maze and totally lost and it’s all your fault because you were the one who made very turn. And you know that there are many routes that could have helped you out, because you hear the people on the outside of the maze who made it through, and they are laughing.
Sometimes you get a glimpse of them through the hedge. A fleeting shape through the leaves. And they seem so damn happy to have made it, and you don’t resent them, but you do resent yourself for not having their ability to work it all out.
The protagonist, Nora, “realized that she hadn’t tried to end her life because she was miserable, but because she had managed to convince herself that there was no way out of her misery.”
I contemplate suicide, not because I wish to end my life, but, to end my suffering.
189 | SAT 08 JULY 2023 | Genocide
Last day in Turkey, before departing, wish to address the topic of Armenian genocide. More than one million Armenians were murdered by the Ottoman Empire in 1915-1916, World War I death march to the Syrian Desert, with little food or water. It is suggested that the genocide enabled the creation of modern Turkey in subsequent years.
Turkish government maintains that the deportation of Armenians was legitimate to combat an existential threat to its empire, and does not constitute genocide. Government perceives discussion of genocide as a threat to national security. Thirty-four countries recognize the events as genocide.
188 | FRI 07 JULY 2023 | Peace
I must disappoint people; financially independent, world travel, and not happy.
My happiness set point is likely lower compared to many people. It’s unlikely to change, not going to try to change it, simply going to make peace with it, make peace with myself, make peace with reality. Stop resisting, and start accepting.
Going to stop searching for any sense of meaning. Don’t believe that there is any sense of meaning, and any definition would be arbitrary. Deluded myself for 53-years, it’s time to stop.
Albert Camus suggested, “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”
Jean-Paul Sartre suggested, “Life begins on the other side of despair.”
For the remainder of the year, intention is to resist less and accept more. Allow peace, allow equanimity, even if reality is a dumpster fire. Equanimity is not about being manically happy, in fact, going to give up on happiness, too; I don’t believe in unicorns.
Stop fighting, stop arguing, stop yelling, stop resisting; give up, give in, surrender, let go.
187 | THU 06 JULY 2023 | Earthquake
Turkey lies in an earthquake prone region, in the collision zone of three plates, Eurasian, African, and Arabian, and bounded by two strike-slip fault zones, North Anatolian Fault, and East Anatolian Fault.
Most recent, February 2023, 7.8-magnitude Turkey-Syria earthquake.
Istanbul is Turkey’s most populous city with 16-million people. Istanbul’s Bosporus Strait lies along the North Anatolian Fault. Over a period of 60-years, earthquakes have moved from east to west along this fault. Most recent, 1999, 7.6-magnitude earthquake at Izmit, 65-miles east of Istanbul. There is concern that the next major earthquake along this fault could strike Istanbul.
Bosporus Strait is crossed by three bridges and two tunnels (train, vehicular). Tunnels were designed and constructed to sustain 7.0-magnitude earthquake. Before departing Istanbul, rode subway through the tunnel for onward train to Ankara, and certainly felt claustrophobic and concerned.
186 | WED 05 JULY 2023 | Bosporus
Took short ferry cruise down Bosporus Strait, sat outside on upper deck, provides a different perspective of Istanbul. Headache in the morning, grateful that it didn’t keep me in bed. Low-key day, keep to myself.
Turkish gentleman approaches, an engineer, and introduces himself in perfect English. I might have been staring off into the distance, because I was slightly startled.
He wants to understand my perceptions of Turkey. I share that I’ve enjoyed my visit, the country is clean, good use of resources; the visit exceeded my expectations.
He shares with me that he believes US foreign policy is aggressive. Not the first time that I’ve heard such feedback, and I share with him that I don’t disagree. US foreign policy appears a certain way from the United States, and it appears much different as a visitor in a foreign country.
He introduces his large family, his wife and children; his wife is wearing a hijab; his oldest daughter says hello. Before getting off the ferry, he tells me that I should be married, and that I shouldn’t be single. He shares with me that in the Quran, only Allah, as the creator, may be single.
I reply that I’m single by choice, just not my choice. In seriousness, I reply that there is still hope for me, at least, that is what I tell my Mom.
185 | TUE 04 JULY 2023 | Independence
Happy Independence Day. In Zen Buddhism, it’s often said, happy inter-dependence day. People are less independent, and more dependent, than one would believe.
For example, energy production and distribution, clean water, food in grocery stores, communication and electronics, medical care. Few of us, if any, could successfully live “off grid” as much as we may prefer.
In Zen Buddhism, the concept of inter-dependence is extended, that we should be kind to all sentient beings with whom we encounter. Instead of fighting and arguing, extend kindness and compassion.
Travel the world – depend on travel karma – depend on kindness of strangers.
184 | MON 03 JULY 2023 | Equanimity
Jane “Nightbirde” Marczewski, was a contestant on America’s Got Talent; she died from cancer before competing further.
She shared “It’s important that everyone knows I’m so much more than the bad things that happen to me,” and also shared “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”
Not trite platitudes; these kernels of wisdom were likely hard-earned from the bathroom floor, following chemotherapy or radiation treatment.
I’m all for positive thinking, beliefs, intentions, and affirmations. If I believe that my life is better, is my life better, or, am I fooling myself, living in a world of self-delusion.
Koan “mu” teaches that every sentient being has Buddha nature (to be awake, aware, present). Buddha nature isn’t revealed through meditation, sentient beings already have Buddha nature. Do I (finally) reveal my own Buddha nature when I (finally) accept that I have Buddha nature.
Can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before I decide to be at peace. Can’t wait for life to be fair before I decide to rest in equanimity. Do I allow peace when I recognize that the storm doesn’t have to stop (because it’s never going to stop).
Suzuki Roshi, founder of San Francisco Zen Center, shared “the difficulties that you experience…will continue…for the rest of your life.”
When I become tired of suffering, do I let go of suffering. When I become tired of hating myself, do I let go of hating myself.
If Buddha nature is inherent in all beings, why do we sit meditation. We sit meditation to strip away our conscious conditioning (thoughts & beliefs), which often obscure our inherent Buddha nature.
183 | SUN 02 JULY 2023 | Hotel
For this journey, stay at hostel (75%), when not available, stay at AirBnB (20%). So far, only two hotel reservations, Doha Qatar and Medina Saudi Arabia, five out of 191 nights.
In Doha, there was an abundance of hotels built up for world cup soccer. No hostels, hotel was less expensive than AirBnB, and AirBnB were not centrally located.
In Medina, no hostels, most AirBnB were located well outside the walled holy city. Non-Muslims aren’t allowed to enter Mecca, but, non-Muslims are allowed to enter Medina.
Lodging average is $25, including tax and fee. Decent rate, given some destinations are expensive, and also err towards better properties given the length of this journey.
182 | SAT 01 JULY 2023 | Cormac McCarthy
All the Pretty Horses (2000), No Country for Old Men (2007), or The Road (2009). Each movie was based on a novel written by author, Cormac McCarthy.
McCarthy died June 13th in Santa Fe New Mexico, at the age of 89.
I’ve read many of his works; the prose is lean, dark, intense; epic themes of good versus evil; no one entirely good, no one entirely evil, no one sparred. His writing is evocative of the desert southwest, and makes beautiful, the high plains of west Texas.
McCarthy left an indelible mark on the world, he will be missed.
181 | FRI 30 JUNE 2023 | Isolation
Experience a certain amount of social isolation while traveling. Stay in hostels 75% of the time, but isolation still gets the best of me.
Challenge with travel, is that most of the relationships or discussions, are not of any substance. It’s often the same, cursory conversation. Where are you from, where have you been, where are you going.
Talk with other travelers, they too experience isolation and travel fatigue. They stay in one place for a week or two until they begin feeling better, and ready to move on.
Mentally, I’m better off when I can periodically share time with family and friends back in the states. But even in the states, introverted and shy, I get fatigued hanging out with family and friends, completely drained. Going home for the holidays, joyous and festive time of year, it’s consistently one of the worst times of year for me. Everyone is merry and bright, but me.
Can’t simply wait for people to travel; would just be waiting. Doing my best. I am susceptible to chronic, persistent, low-grade depression – dysthymia – and isolation just makes it worse. I can watch the dark clouds of dysthymia descend, as if watching storm clouds gather on the horizon. I can see myself fall into that hole, like a slow motion car wreck. Wise person once said, if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
It’s all too easy to feel damaged, dented, and defective. If I wasn’t so stubborn, would have ended my life long ago.
180 | THU 29 JUNE 2023 | Keret
Israeli author, Etgar Keret, periodically answers reader questions, titled “Glad you Asked.” It’s thoughtful, like, he’s opening his brain, so people might “look under the hood.” Two interesting questions:
Do you perceive an “improvement” in the way you write? (in comparison to before, maybe five years ago) is it easier for you to express what you want to express? Keret replies, it never gets easier. It’s a sad thing to say, but I don’t think I’ve necessarily become a better writer over the years, although I have become a different one.
What is your best tip to someone who wants to be a writer? Keret replies, learn to enjoy your writing. If you don’t have fun, you’ll never stick with it.
Likely, some of the finest writers and artists, enjoy their work or artistic process enough to stick with it, and become masters of their craft with time.
179 | WED 28 JUNE 2023 | Tout
Welcome, my friend, where are you from?
Texas? I love Texas. I have friends in Corpus Christi.
This is how discussions often unfold in the Turkish marketplace or bazaar. Merchants often speak English well. I’m often wary, as I don’t have space in my backpack for souvenirs. I’m both introverted and shy, the discussions quickly become tiring.
In Izmir, waited to cross a busy street. An older gentleman approached; he looked 70-years, he could have been 60-years. He smiled, and in perfect English, asks me where I’m from. I reply, United States, Texas. He tells me that he likes Americans. We cross the street together, and go off in separate directions. He wasn’t looking to sell me anything, simply being polite.
178 | TUE 27 JUNE 2023 | Dirt
Sometimes, people believe that my ankles are dirty. Travel overseas, I wear pants, unless I go running. There are tourist venues where a person needs to be appropriately covered. It’s less embarrassing to wear pants with skinny, chicken legs.
Often lose body weight traveling. Pants sag and drag on the ground, so I have to roll up the cuffs. Wear flat, zero drop shoes, unlaced, without socks, because I frequently travel in hot or humid locations, and I don’t like shoes laced tightly over my arches. I run in the same zero drop shoes; don’t lace them running either.
My ankles aren’t dirty, they are very tan, as tan as my arms, and stick out against white feet and white legs. I understand why people believe that my ankles are dirty.
177 | MON 26 JUNE 2023 | Travel
What is next, when travel no longer works for me, or, when I discover that travel doesn’t provide any answers, or provide any sense of equanimity. Do I keep traveling anyway, keep moving, rolling stone gathers no moss. Do I make long-term travel a pilgrimage of sorts, a meditation practice. Slow travel, perhaps, live in a country for the maximum number of days allowed, before moving onward. When will I stop clinging, and recognize that to live, to be human, is to lose everything.
176 | SUN 25 JUNE 2023 | Nightbirde
AirBnB host played America’s Got Talent (AGT) “buzzer” beaters on YouTube.
June 2021 video of Jane “Nightbirde” Marczewski, awarded a golden buzzer from Simon Cowell, no less; on stage, she appears genuine and authentic.
Before singing, audience and judges learn that Nightbirde has cancer; rather than perform a popular cover, she sings an original that she wrote, It’s Okay; she shares:
“It’s important that everyone knows I’m much more than the bad things that happen to me. You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”
When judges share feedback, her human and emotional vulnerability is palpable.
She became more ill, unable to compete further, and died in February 2022.
I moved to California in the summer time
I changed my name thinking that it would change my mind
I thought that all my problems they would stay behind
I was a stick of dynamite and it was just a matter of timeAll day, all night, now I can’t hide
Said I knew myself but I guess I liedIt’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay
If you’re lost, we’re all a little lost, and it’s alright
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alrightI wrote a hundred pages but I burned them all
I drove through yellow lights and don’t look back at all
I don’t look back at all
Yeah, you can call me reckless, I’m a cannonball
Don’t know why I take the tightrope and cry when I fallAll day, all night, now I can’t hide
Said I knew what I wanted but I guess I liedIt’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay
If you’re lost, we’re all a little lost, and it’s alright
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alrightOh-oh-oh-oh, it’s alright
To be lost sometimesIt’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay
If you’re lost, we’re all a little lost, and it’s alright
175 | SAT 24 JUNE 2023 | Buddha
When faced with a challenging situation, some people ask, what the Buddha would do.
What if Buddha existed not 2,500 years ago, but today, in 2023. Would Buddha have a Facebook or LinkedIn page; would s/he be creating content on YouTube, or Tweeting.
Would Buddha be scolded for not focusing on growing the subscriber base, or not generating and pushing out new content, criticized for not monetizing the dharma.
Buddha often suggested that s/he taught suffering and the end of suffering. How about writing the next best seller, even better, sell-off the movie rights, too.
Sometimes, it feels like people are shouting to be heard, and nothing is heard.
174 FRI 23 JUNE 2023 | Renew
It would be easy to run back to what I did previously in life. Run back to what I know instead of facing the unknown. Lazy. Not original.
Break free of the confines of a day to day job, and then, in the absence and void, return. Failure of imagination. Like a caged animal, breaks free of the cage, and doesn’t know what to do.
Why should I have any imagination; there was little need for imagination in accounting or finance. Andy Fastow was creative at Enron, look how that turned out.
This will likely take time. If you plant a seed in the ground, it looks like nothing is happening. Then something happens, but it isn’t binary.
Like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, or a flower bud opening on a plant. Opportunity to renew and reinvest. Don’t mind working, maybe even being an employee, but do something different, learn something new, face discomfort. Probably means trial and error, try something, receive feedback, reflect, and repeat.
I don’t know what is next. I don’t need to have it planned out. I planned out most of my life, to no avail, it got me nowhere. Ed Brown often suggests, what has all my scheming and planning done for me. Nothing.
The only manner in which I was consistent, was being consistently wrong. Part of the process needs to embrace or be comfortable with being wrong. Get spun around, knocked back on my heals, and redirected. Again, and again, and again.
Travel through November 1st. What do I want to do November 2nd. No right answer. No wrong answer. Only thing wrong is the failure to try.
It’s likely that social media and the news is a poor influence on what to do next. What will make me rich, powerful, famous. Question is, what would I do if no one was looking. What would I do if I was not being paid. What do I want to do with my remaining time and wealth. Don’t wish to waste this opportunity of human form. I don’t know.
173 | THU 22 JUNE 2023 | Doubt
Maybe Buddhism doesn’t work. Maybe it doesn’t end suffering. Life involves pain, and I create my own suffering. Maybe the koan of life is to suffer. But maybe Buddhism works, and I’m the one defective.
172 | WED 21 JUNE 2023 | Keller
Recently listened to podcast, How I Built This, host Guy Raz interviews acclaimed chef, Thomas Keller, who owns both the French Laundry in Napa Valley and Per Se in New York City, both restaurants have been awarded three Michelin stars.
Keller comes from humble origins, born at Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton in California, and washed dishes at his mother’s restaurant in Florida. He eventually trained with leading chefs in France before returning to the United States, and buying the French Laundry for one-million dollars, after a two-year fund-raising effort. In the podcast, Keller reminds listeners that “having a dream is hard, but living it is harder.”
I’ve had the great privilege of dining twice at Per Se, it cost more than $300 per person, but a glorious evening. I would be willing to wash dishes at either restaurant.
Just as interesting as the podcast, is watching Anthony Bourdain dine at the French Laundry with three esteemed guests, in his television show, A Cook’s Tour (S01E18).
171 | TUE 20 JUNE 2023 | Yamaha
Rented Yamaha XSR 125cc motorcycle, 6-speed ABS, 150-miles around the island of Rhodes. Full-size motorcycle, in fact, could barely reach the ground solidly with both feet. Motorcycle was brand new, so, not without pressure to fall and scratch the handles, muffler, or break a mirror. In Greece, traffic drives on the right side of the road, consistent with United States. Traffic thinned out as I rode south, past the beach resorts. Riding up the opposite coast was much more enjoyable, away from resorts and traffic, and observe how locals live on the island. Didn’t ride faster than 55-mph due to strong cross-winds.
Enjoyed the experience, no stalls, no falls. Appreciated being provided a full face helmet. My reflection is that riding is an inherently dangerous activity. There is not much between the rider and the road. Road surface is far different for a motorcycle than a car, rife with hazards. Full protective gear is paramount: boots, riding suit, full helmet, gloves. Riding was physically tiring, road vibration passed through to the rider.
Imagine that in some temperate venues, if a person has a short commute, motorcycle could be ideal. Could also be ideal for road trips to visit the National Parks, or Alaska.
170 | MON 19 JUNE 2023 | Stomach flu
Became ill after arriving in Heraklion Crete. Progressed from headache to migraine, chills, and vomiting. At least my head didn’t spin around. Wondered if I had food poisoning, however, food poisoning often improves within 48-hours. Wondered if I had stomach flu, not unreasonable given the number of people who pass through a hostel. Stomach flu is caused by a virus, so there is no medical treatment, per se. Very difficult to remain hydrated, with nausea and soul-crushing headache. Pharmacies closed in Greece on Sunday. Difficult being sick while traveling alone.
169 | SUN 18 JUNE 2023 | Fire watch
Mentioned previously that one of my “dream jobs” is to work an astral summer (Nov – Feb) in Antarctica. Willing to do anything, bake bread, accounting, clean toilets.
Some readers reached out that they didn’t approve. Alternatively, I’m also open to serving as a fire watch, perhaps in Arizona or New Mexico.
Inspired after reading Fire Season: Field Notes from a Wilderness Lookout (2011), by Philip Connors. Book details how Connors spent a few months every year for eight years as a fire lookout, living in a cabin, scanning the horizon with binoculars atop 45-foot tower in a remote region of New Mexico.
Connors’ second book, All the Wrong Places: a Life Lost and Found (2015), addresses the suicide of his brother, Dan. Enjoyed reading all three of his books, including a memoir, A Song for the River (2018).
168 | SAT 17 JUNE 2023 | Afraid
There is a scene from the movie, Gladiator that I often appreciate.
Commodus: Maximus! Maximus! Maximus! They call for you. The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! Now the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena
Maximus: You would fight me?
Commodus: Why not? Do you think I am afraid?
Maximus: I think you’ve been afraid all your life.
I have often felt that I’ve been afraid all my life. Likely not an ideal way to go through life. It’s likely difficult to excel when a person is cowering in fear.
There is a quotation from the book, Band of Brothers, by Stephen Ambrose, attributed to Lieutenant Ronald Spiers: “The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it.”
167 | FRI 16 JUNE 2023 | Planning
This is a long journey, six months. Requires constant, daily effort to research and evaluate lodging, transport, and logistics. Some transportation elements are permanently altered following the pandemic, on-line guidance is not always reliable. Do a little each day, chip away; it’s difficult to make beneficial decisions when I get fatigued. While this is not work, per se, still requires diligence, time, and effort.
166 | THU 15 JUNE 2023 | Caveat
Admit that the blog is dark at times, life is hard enough. It’s where I am, it’s what I wrestle with, it’s what I write.
Discuss suicide from time to time; not at risk of self-harm, not today, not tomorrow. No need to call, email, or text. However, it’s difficult for me not to see suicide as inevitable at some point in the future.
Buddha taught suffering and the end of suffering. Not sturm und drang, just garden variety dissatisfaction and dis-ease. In a teaching, Norman Fischer suggested that there is no end to suffering. Maybe, that’s really the truth. Don’t want platitudes. It’s not okay. It doesn’t get better.
165 | WED 14 JUNE 2023 | Zen
This writing, abbreviated below, appeared in The Huffington Post (May 27th 2013) by Mack Paul. It’s one of the better writings, plain English, no mysticism.
The most important thing you can learn from the Buddha is that reality is non-negotiable. Everything that you have and everything you will have, you’re going to lose. You’ll never be rich enough, and you’ll never be famous enough. You can’t have enough family, and you can’t have enough friends.
You might understand this very well and look for a spiritual solution. Those won’t work either. You will never be spiritual enough. Actual spiritual work is a simple matter of paying attention to the gritty, uncomfortable details of life and feeling them without argument. You won’t feel the sandpaper raw emotion that is the essence of spiritual practice, and you’ll think you can skip over all that by adding a layer of spiritual insulation, and that will only make you smug.
You’ve got a choice. You can do the usual thing and cook up a story about what’s wrong with life, how it should be different and you can go to war with it. That is a pretty common approach to this life. Or, you can drop the story and just feel life as it is right here and right now. When you do that, the pain just passes through like a storm and then it is gone, leaving the sky an even brighter shade of blue.
We all armor ourselves to blunt the impact of life’s irritations. We minimize them in our minds to a manageable scale. The irritations build and build, and we become more and more uncomfortable, and then we search for distractions to sooth the discomfort. The challenge of the meditative life is to stop the distracting and allow the feeling. It is very simple, but it isn’t easy. Any feeling that gets a label as bad or good blossoms into a painful story about right and wrong. In feeling, there is no right and no wrong. There is only what is right here, right now, and the right here, right now is absolute.
Reality can’t be negotiated, but when you allow yourself to feel it, you learn that it doesn’t need to be negotiated. Whatever story is churning through the mind, no matter how painful, is just a ripple in a vast ocean of consciousness. Sitting quietly, listening gently, letting the story and the feeling run its course, the story sinks below the wave and into that vast and silent ocean of consciousness where you could say you find healing. It is more accurate to say you discover a space of unconditioned wholeness where healing isn’t needed.
Mediation is not about gritting your teeth and enduring. It is about engaging life with an open vulnerability without going to war with yourself and with other people. What happens isn’t wrong just because it hurts. Life often hurts. You don’t have to stay in painful situations, and you don’t have to fight with them, either. You begin working with life as it is without trying to bend it to your will. When you do that you become a benefit to yourself and to everyone you know. Meditation is not just for great spiritual masters or monks in a monastery. It is for normal people. It is for you.
164 | TUE 13 JUNE 2023 | Exchange
Waiting for ferry to Santorini, listen to Freakonomics podcast, episode 209, Make me a Match, which discusses market mechanisms not influenced by currency.
Episode focuses on the work of Alvin Roth, Professor of Economics at Stanford University, and awarded the Nobel Prize in Economics in 2012 for his work on market design. Roth worked with Francis Delmonico MD at the New England Donor Bank, and increased frequency of kidney transplants.
Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States (46,000 annually). What if, instead of committing suicide, a person could donate his/her organs and tissues (ie. harvesting), and then, when there is nothing left to donate, would be allowed to have his/her life terminated. Could be named, the Suicide Exchange.
Process would save lives through organ and tissue donation, and would also provide an opportunity for the donor to compassionately say goodbye to family and friends.
No grizzly hangings from a tree limb. No brain matter blasted all over a wall. No needless jumping from the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge.
Amy Bloom, in her 2022 book, In Love, writes about the euthanasia death of her husband, Brian Ameche, at Dignitas, in Zurich Switzerland. Process required a psychological evaluation, to ensure that Brian was of sound mind of his decision to end his life, due to a terminal illness.
There may be many ethical arguments, but, perhaps the arguments may be mitigated if the donor was subject to a psychological evaluation prior to donation.
It might be argued further, that a person with the intention to commit suicide wouldn’t pass such an evaluation, but I might argue that many people who wish to commit suicide, are completely functional.
People who are committed to the act of suicide will very likely end their lives. So why not find a way to make the act less selfish, more selfless, and benefit more people.
163 | MON 12 JUNE 2023 | Shining
There is a dramatic scene in the movie, The Shining (1980), when Wendy Torrance (Shelley Duvall) confronts her husband, Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson).
Wendy: Stay away from me.
Jack: Why?
Wendy: I just wanna go back to my room!
Jack: Why?
Wendy: Well, I’m very confused, and I just need time to think things over!
Jack: You’ve had your whole fucking life to think things over, what good’s a few minutes more gonna do you now?
I’ve always enjoyed these few lines, and, if I’m being honest, feel like it’s a reflection of my life. What good is a few minutes more going to do for me now. FUBAR.
162 | SUN 11 JUNE 2023 | Feeling
Wake up in the morning, strong feeling, is it dread, or overwhelming insecurity. Unsure if I have the stamina for world travel. Doesn’t feel glamorous, feel alone and isolated, doesn’t feel good.
Bob Bruner retires after 41 years at University of Virginia – Darden. He comments on the value of relationships. I’m not married, don’t have children, and recognize that I have few, meaningful relationships.
It’s all just a feeling, it’s not real, it’s not true; it’s temporary, it will pass. Experience the experience that you are experiencing. Accept the feeling, let it wash over me, don’t resist. Don’t need to do anything, don’t need to change anything, don’t need to fix anything. Allow the muddy water to settle and clear.
161 | SAT 10 JUNE 2023 | Loss
If travel long enough, things go sideways. Lost $200 in Athens. Fault rests with me. First time in fifteen years of travel. Likely not pick-pocketed, likely not robbed while sleeping. Euros were tucked in with vaccination records. Moved my new credit cards, maybe I dropped the currency. Maybe I lef backpack un-attended when I brushed my teeth before bed. Replay the evening in my mind; long day, fatigued; don’t remember.
Not pleased with myself, embarrassed, feel like a fool and an idiot. It’s difficult to not revert to hating myself. I write about the incident here, because anything else would be disingenuous; I am human, vulnerable, subject to fault.
When I was a young child, perhaps four years old, I was playing on the beach. Buried a small Tonka jeep in the sand, and couldn’t find it again; deeply upset, scarred for life.
There are items more difficult to replace: passport, iPhone, laptop, credit card. I can afford to lose $200, likely 1% of the trip cost over six months, dollar a day. It’s not the end of the world. If this is the worst thing that happens over six months, I will have done well, but, likely it’s not the worst thing to happen over six months.
Yes, and this, too. Don’t get to negotiate with reality…so…may I embrace reality, if not embrace, may I accept reality, if not accept reality, may I at least not resist reality.
Is this a lesson in impermanence. Is this a reminder that I am mal-adjusted; if I can’t accept losing $200, how may I face a terminal illness diagnosis. May I not laugh at myself, may I not take myself so seriously. Is this a source of irritation, because I cling to money without an abundance mindset. To be human is to lose all that is dear.
Is it our friend we are grieving for, whose life we knew so little
Or is it our own loss that we are mourning
Have we traveled far enough that we may allow our tears to fall
– The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011)
160 | FRI 09 JUNE 2023 | Bank
In Mexico, AirBnB reservations paid by credit card, local purchases in pesos.
Travel overseas, dynamic is a bit different, almost everything paid with credit card, and the foreign transaction fee, 1% – 3% of purchase price adds up over time.
Bank of America customer for twenty years, since I enrolled in graduate school. Locations throughout the United States, and generally, good customer service.
In the past, used cash rewards credit card, cash back for every dollar spent. Recently learned that bank has Travel Rewards credit card, with no foreign transaction fees.
Switched to the new card; bank sent card to me in Greece. Should have addressed in the fall; certainly not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but, better late than never.
159 | THU 08 JUNE 2023 | Tahini
Tahini is my new best friend. Always liked Tahini, what is there not to like. Tahini, made from roasted sunflower seeds, healthy mono-unsaturated fats, and less expensive than similar size jar of “fake” peanut butter, with sugar and hydrogenated oils.
Make tahini pasta sauce; squeeze lemon, dash of crushed red pepper, add tahini, add dash of pasta water; toss into pasta, along with good chunk of butter.
Also enjoy using tahini to make egg salad, in lieu of mayonnaise.
Lost five pounds traveling, based on long tail of my belt. Walk five miles a day. Fat is the most satiating food. Perhaps unappealing, but could probably eat a stick of butter.
158 | WED 07 JUNE 2023 | Arabian Peninsula
Completed flight reservations for traveling through Arabian Peninsula. As non-Arab, don’t have the option of transiting land borders, so have to fly between each country.
Eight scheduled flights, intention was to reserve outside 91-day window. Total flight cost $1621, average flight cost $203. Sometimes, there were lower cost flights, but not able to complete on-line reservation with US credit card or PayPal. Book directly with airline, avoid third-party aggregators, as recourse is easier when things go wrong.
Amman Jordan > Kuwait City Kuwait
Kuwait City > Doha Qatar
Doha > Dubai UAE
Abu Dhabi UAE > Muscat Oman
Muscat > Manama Bahrain
Manama > Riyadh Saudi Arabia
Riyadh > Medina Saudi Arabia
Jeddah Saudi Arabia > Sharm el Sheikh Egypt
Additional flights, too: Turkey > Lebanon | Egypt > Tunisia | Tunisia > Morocco.
157 | TUE 06 JUNE 2023 | Gibberish
If I write something silly, for example, there are eels in my hovercraft, would anyone notice. Graduate school classmate used to hide similar phrase in PowerPoint decks.
156 | MON 05 JUNE 2023 | One thing
May I do one thing to make the world a better place. Sometimes. At a hostel, I wash dirty dishes in the sink, or, put away clean dishes in the drain. In a restroom, I might pick-up paper towels off the floor and throw into the trash. Hiking in Greece, picked-up good-sized rock from the road, and placed it off the curb. The broken window theory argues that visible signs of civil disorder yields further civil disorder.
155 | SUN 04 JUNE 2023 | Institutionalized
Feel institutionalized. Not in prison or hospital, but different types of institutions. Public school and university. Military. Two decades as an employee. And religion.
Spent almost my entire life as part of a larger organization. Almost my entire “self” concept is defined by institutions. When the institutions are removed, what remains.
Stepped away from my career four years ago; feel rudderless, drifting through life without any sense of direction or self-worth. What do I do next, do I continue on my own, and see if I may develop some sense of value on my own, or, do I revert back, and join another institution, because I’m too afraid to live on my own, or, too afraid to be judged by society as having no intrinsic worth on my own.
If I’ve blown up life this much, perhaps I should keep going, and blow it up all the way.
154 | SAT 03 JUNE 2023 | Talkative
Haven’t been talkative at hostels. Sometimes I’m fatigued from travel. Other times, I don’t want to suffer through a conversation of broken English. Likely not a good omen so early in the trip.
If I had a travel companion, would it increase or decrease my anxiety. When I travel, does it inspire me to explore and embrace curiosity, or, do I want to stop.
When I go running, there is a warm-up period when I don’t enjoy running. After the warm-up, running feels good and I enjoy. Travel is not dissimilar.
First two weeks in London and Paris were civil. Onward into Greece, not recognizing the language, felt rough. Starting to feel better now, ease into a stride and rhythm.
Sometimes, an “off” day helps too. In hiking parlance, take a “zero.”
153 | FRI 02 JUN 2023 | Why
Why do I travel. Nomads and pilgrims are timeless, wandering, lost souls. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed by the amount of suffering in the world.
Understand who some people don’t travel. It’s often hard, uncomfortable, and frustrating to get knocked back on my heels.
Long-term travel risks being self-centered and selfish. Reminded of Dogen’s Zen Buddhist teaching, Fukanzazengi: “Why leave behind the seat that exists in your home and go aimlessly off to the dusty realms of other lands? If you make one misstep you go astray from the way directly before you.”
I’m so often wrong.
152 | THU 01 JUNE 2023 | Absurd
Re-read a lot of Camus as young adult. I agree, life is absurd, with no objective meaning that may be ascribed to life. Camus argues against suicide, that man should live in the face of absurdity.
I surrender the idea that there is any semblance of meaning to life, and accept that life is absurd. I surrender any search for meaning. Instead, may I find a sense of equanimity in the face of absurdity, as one may smile in the face of death.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
– Mary Oliver | The Summer Day
Am I having a mid-life crisis, or just a crisis. Would I feel any different if I remained delusional until my last breath.
Admit that few people want to read a depressing blog. No sunset pictures on the beach, no Instagram pictures of ethnic food.
Would a house, pet, spouse, child, or career distract me from witnessing that life is meaningless. World travel doesn’t distract me, but rather, reinforces that life is indeed absurd and meaningless.
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell
Blue skies from painWe’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year
Running over the same old ground, what have we found
The same old fears, wish you were here
– Pink Floyd | Wish You Were Here (1975)
My friend, Jani, suggests that I need to spend more money on crack and whores.
151 | WED 31 MAY 2023 | Experiment
Enjoy poetry; spoken word poetry, blackout poetry, no punctuation poetry. Often reminded of the Frog Pond Haiku by Matsuo Bashō.
The old pond
a frog jumps in
plop
Wanted to write poetry verse for some time, and so here goes – an experiment – a short verse that I wrote in Larnaca Cyprus. It’s likely crap. Maybe poetry improves, maybe it doesn’t; maybe in a decade, it’s still crap.
Sitting on balcony
instant coffee
singing birds
barking dog
rising sun
morning
150 | TUE 30 MAY 2023 | Dysthymia
Live with chronic, low-grade depression – dysthymia – never goes away. Can’t run away, can’t get away, can’t escape. There is no amount of coffee or alcohol that can mask its symptoms.
Living with dysthymia is like living in a weather pattern with never ending grey skies and damp weather. A ray of sunshine – like a ray of hope – is fleeting and ephemeral.
There is no semblance of happiness or equanimity, entirely fleeting. There is nothing that I may do or buy that moves the needle on happiness, or a sense of ease.
It’s completely draining and exhausting to fake a smile, be polite, and appear normal.
To be human is to suffer – but suicide – that hurts only once.
149 | MON 29 MAY 2023 | Greek
Struggle to learn and understand Greek alphabet, feel perpetually stupid. Rely on YouTube videos to practice the alphabet song. Recognize that foreign language won’t be easier in Middle East, Arabian Peninsula, or North Africa.
In Mexico, enter Spanish words into Google translate, but visually, Greek characters aren’t available. It feels like my faculties have been diminished and compromised, and that prospect is both tiring and intimidating. I wonder if it will get the best of me.
I’m not a rocket scientist; I’m not an idiot. Learned Cyrillic when I traveled to Russia (2010). Traveled on Trans-Siberian railroad; nothing was dual-signed into English.
148 | SUN 28 MAY 2023 | Selfie
People ask that I share travel pictures, the blog has a new photo gallery. Other people asked for me to post a selfie at famous landmarks. This is likely asking for too much, because, I don’t even like to look at myself in the mirror.
147 | SAT 27 MAY 2023 | Saint
There is a hostel guest, see her at breakfast in the lobby. She appears to be in her 40s, and likely from Germany. She’s leading a group of six young adults with Down syndrome. The woman was completely at ease and patient, and interacts naturally with the young adults, she’s a saint. I lack any of these attributes, one of the likely reasons that I am neither married nor a parent.
146 | FRI 26 MAY 2023 | Internet
Internet in Athens isn’t reliable, particularly between 8:00pm and 8:00am. Service doesn’t go off-line, but internet speed is so slow, can’t get anything done. Perhaps internet in Greece is consistent with banking hours, 8:00am – 2:00pm.
Can’t back-up iPhone unless I make a special trip to nearby Starbucks.
If you see a delayed post, it’s likely because internet isn’t cooperating. If you see me post a day ahead, simply taking advantage of available internet.
145 | THU 25 MAY 2023 | Homeless
Travel the world, encounter stray dogs and cats. Sometimes they are dirty and mangy, skinny and scrawny. Hike Lycabettus Hill in Athens; woman feeds the stray cats, one young cat is limping. I wonder if these animals – sentient beings – consider themselves homeless. Worse yet, is seeing a poster when someone loses their dog or cat. Do I have more compassion for a stray animal than I do for a homeless person, a sentient being without a place to sleep, warm clothes, food, or access to healthcare.
144 | WED 24 MAY 2023 | Inflation
Not pleased with inflation in the United States, but inflation is higher in Europe. Grocery prices reasonable in London, but very high in Paris, four eggs cost $4 USD.
High prices in Greece; gallon of gasoline $7 USD. Expensive fuel yields expensive food prices. One stick of butter (4oz | 113g) costs $3 USD. War in Ukraine, and price cap on Russian oil are definitely impacting the region.
143 | TUE 23 MAY 2023 | Alert
Sometimes when traveling, use Google alerts. Last summer, used alert for Alaska-Canada Highway. Provided advance warning in case the highway was closed. Beneficial information that wouldn’t automatically appear in a news feed, and often times, there was no detour.
Briefly used Google alert for this trip, for rocket attacks in Israel and Gaza. Received an overwhelming number of alerts, not beneficial, and turned it off.
Received email from US State Department; email doesn’t suggest that I not visit Israel, but rather, recommends that I visit Israel Defense Forces Home Front Command website, or, download iPhone app, to receive warnings during the next rocket attack. Strangely, there is more than one app.
Scheduled to visit Israel in mid-July; hopefully, for everyone’s sake, hostilities calm down. I respect religious differences, said differently, religious freedom, and certainly respect Israel and Palestine’s desire for their own homeland.
Often amazing how mankind can’t get along. Children fight in the playground. Professionals and politicians argue at work. Are humans, not simply, a brutish beast.
142 | MON 22 MAY 2023 | Cowboy coffee
Enjoy coffee in the morning; the process, the smell, the taste. If it’s good coffee, doesn’t need sugar or cream. One cup of coffee is fine. Enjoy sitting quietly, no devices, no multi-tasking, slow start to the day.
Recently been making cowboy coffee; add spoonful of ground coffee to a mug, and top off with boiling water. An exercise in patience, the grounds eventually settle to the bottom. I have a sock filter, but don’t like to pack it up damp.
141 | SUN 21 MAY 2023 | Smoking
Observe a lot of cigarette smoking – and breathing in a lot of second hand smoke – in London, Paris, Milan, and Athens. Smell is pronounced, perhaps there is a greater proliferation of unfiltered cigarettes. Many young people smoke, maybe s/he thinks that smoking looks cool. Smoking related illness or disease as an aged adult is likely less cool. To what extent would healthcare be less expensive in a world without cigarettes.
I remember flying on a plane when I was ten years old. Airplane had a smoking section; did the smoke recognize that it was supposed to stop at row ten. I remember because the smoke gave me a headache.
I’m not faultless. If coffee is very bitter, I add a dash of sugar or cream. I may have a cocktail to celebrate a special occasion. Coffee, cigarettes, and alcohol are all drugs, they are addictive; I get a headache if I go without coffee.
140 | SAT 20 MAY 2023 | Journey
Sometimes, prefer traveling from one location to another – train, bus, or ferry – than just sight-seeing, per se. Perhaps it was Robert Pirsig who suggested that, it’s the journey, not the destination.
Some tourist sites are interesting, but sometimes it feels like a “to do” list, when I would rather just watch people and see how they live, how people go about their daily lives; foreign travel by osmosis.
139 | FRI 19 MAY 2023 | Early
Wake up early in Paris, take light rail from Gare du Nord to Gare de Lyon for onward train to Milan Italy. Train hall is cold, wait for departure board to display the train platform. Often stand waiting for planes, trains, and buses, often concerned that I’ll fall asleep and miss the boarding notice.
Growing up as a child, my family was often late for church. We ran into the church as the organist finished the prelude, and sat in the last pew, as the congregation turned around to see who arrived late. Tsk tsk.
138 | THU 18 MAY 2023 | Stories
Sometimes I appreciate reading entertaining stories (ie. Etgar Keret), but, the stories rarely help me to understand the world, and I’m left wanting for wisdom and insight.
I am no threat to Stephen King, I have no inclination to write fantasy stories. Riding the London Underground, recognized that I don’t need to invent fantasy stories, because I may write about what I observe and experience – the ordinary and the mundane – and maybe, the writing helps me to understand the world, and maybe there is just a hint of wisdom and insight. Perhaps not, perhaps the writing is empty and vacuous.
I actually do write fantasy stories; everything that I write, in particular, about my own life, is almost entirely fantasy and delusion.
137 | WED 17 MAY 2023 | T-Mobile
T-Mobile customer since 2018, $55 unlimited data, ONE Plan Military; no rate increase. Appreciate that Canada and Mexico included in data plan without roaming charges.
T-Mobile includes 215 countries, no need to swap out SIM card: United Kingdom, France, Italy, Greece, and Cyprus (so far). Try to be prudent; use WiFi to check email, and WiFi for phone calls (turn on airplane mode | turn off WiFi assist). Your plan may have similar coverage, and I’m simply late to the party.
Satisfied T-Mobile customer, with the exception of two data breaches, although, it’s not the only company that exposed my personal information to the dark web.
136 | TUE 16 MAY 2023 | Travel
Many years of travel experience; when will I learn to not travel on Sunday, as public transportation often operates with less frequency. Segments of the London Underground are closed for maintenance. Take Eurostar to Paris requires a little more planning; Google maps warns about potential closures.
I’m notorious for taking first flight of the day, generally a good strategy to reach a destination without delay or cancellation. However, if the flight departs early in the morning, public transportation may not operate, and have to rely on taxi or Uber.
May 1st was Labor Day in France; many commercial spaces closed; some people were protesting the increase in retirement age from 60 to 65. Workers of the world, unite!
135 | MON 15 MAY 2023 | Nuclear
Eurostar from London to Paris, travel along French country-side on high-speed train.
France produces 70% of its energy requirements with nuclear, highest percentage in the world; 56 plants produce 380 terawatt hours annually (TWh). France moved aggressively into nuclear power after 1973 oil crisis. France has struggled in recent years to keep plants on-line due to maintenance, and lack of skilled technicians.
United States produces 20% of its energy requirements with nuclear; 92 plants produce 772 terawatt hours annually, highest volume in the world.
China produces 5% of its energy requirements with nuclear; 55 plants, and 18 additional plants under construction, produce 383 terawatt hours annually.
134 | SUN 14 MAY 2023 | London
Traveling on London Underground, visit museums, stroll along the streets, recognize that London is ethnically diverse; unique forms of dress, and spoken language that I don’t recognize. It’s not difficult to feel like an ugly American.
In the most recent census, city reports 9-million residents; 54% white (British, Irish), 21% Asian (Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Chinese), 13% Black (African, Caribbean), 6% mixed race, 6% other (Arab, other). In the United States, 58% of the population is white; in Canada, 70% of the population is white.
133 | SAT 13 MAY 2023 | Cooking
Culinary Institute of America has three campus locations: Hyde Park New York, San Antonio Texas, and St Helena California.
Institution has two-year degree program, one-year degree program, and short, one week or one month classes for non-professionals. In my intention to become a better cook, I’ve considered attending one of the short programs. Have also considered just buying a favorite cookbook, and cooking every recipe in the book on a daily basis, treating the experience has an inexpensive learning opportunity.
Not opposed to incorporating animal products, per se, but would prefer to treat as a condiment or flavor; animal products accompany a dish, but not the entire dish. Hopefully, this is a balanced approach, for those cultures that consume animal products, but also, promotes sustainable levels of consumption, given how commercial animal farm operations (CAFO) damage the environment.
132 | FRI 12 MAY 2023 | Intentions
It’s often suggested when driving a car, that the car will turn in the direction that s/he is looking. Don’t look at the deer, focus on the unobstructed road. It’s often suggested in skiing, that the skier will turn in the direction that s/he is looking. Don’t look at the lift tower, focus on the clear slope.
Why is it so easy for the mind to gravitate towards the negative, towards the things that may go wrong. What do I cultivate: earthquake, train crash, or rocket attack.
Is there more value by focusing on positive elements – an intention – planting seeds. What do I cultivate. Perhaps the seeds never sprout, but, not for for lack of effort.
I could focus on: strong, healthy, flexible, resilient bones; mild headaches instead of migraines; being an enthusiastic writer; equanimity in a meaningless world.
131 | THU 11 MAY 2023 | Work life
Work-life balance is likely mis-guided. People that made the biggest impact are likely those people who did not have work-life balance. There is nothing wrong with work-life balance, particularly, for those people who want to have a life outside of work, or, for those people who may have different priorities, for example, family.
Sometimes it’s suggested that we shouldn’t let things bothers us, and instead, sweep issues, feelings, or emotions, under the rug. It’s likely more beneficial to let these things fester, so that we might be motivated to change the world, or dent the universe.
The last folly is to chase fame, fortune, and power. By seeking any of the three, it’s most certain to not achieve any of the three.
130 | WED 10 MAY 2023 | News
If a tree falls in the forest, and no sentient being is nearby to listen, is there sound. Most people know the sound of two hands clapping. The Zen koan asks, what is the sound of one hand clapping.
Is it news if no one reads the newspaper, reads on-line, or watches television. Stop the news, stop the noise. Not suggesting ignorance – or that ignorance is bliss – just perhaps, turn down the volume.
129 | TUE 09 MAY 2023 | Butterflies
Am I nervous before traveling, no. Butterflies in my stomach, yes. Emotions feel raw; feel exposed and vulnerable, in a manner that occurs less frequently when I am stationary in the United States. World travel is not riskless; I am not reckless, but I am neither impervious nor bullet proof. Don’t want things to go wrong, but acknowledge that it’s the nature of the world for things to go wrong. Safety does not exist. Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my. Earthquakes, train crashes, and rocket attacks, oh dear.
128 | MON 08 MAY 2023 | Mud
Completed 30-kilometer, 18-mile, mixed masters relay race with my brother and sister-in-law. Weather less than ideal, 52-degrees, and rain, heavy at times; scattered thunder and lightning before race start; wouldn’t have trained in this weather. Completed the course under three hours, 2:59:51, 9:46 average pace.
Course was half road, half trail; trail was muddy, some sections underwater; surprised that I didn’t lose my shoes in the mud. Lots of wet leaves, rocks, and roots, very easy to twist an ankle.
Generally pleased with my splits; 7:22 road section, 9:30 trail section; pushed my body hard enough to trigger exercise-induced asthma, nothing that some Ben Gay and Advil won’t fix after the race.
127 | SUN 07 MAY 2023 | Recital
Performed senior recital at University of Michigan, studied clarinet with Fred Ormand; can still find concert program on Google. The talented Lynn Kompass was my pianist; I knew Lynn from Ithaca College. My parents attended the recital, along with friends, David and John.
First piece was the Forsaken Maiden, by Hugo Wolf, which I transcribed for clarinet, followed by the Brahms Clarinet Sonata (No. 1).
Following a brief pause, performed Abyss of the Birds, from Oliver Messiaen’s Quartet for the End of Time (1941). Messiaen composed the piece while a prisoner in a World War II concentration camp. Written in eight movements, each instrument (cello, clarinet, piano, violin) has its own solo movement.
Next performed Shubert’s Ave Maria, another piece that I transcribed, and an emotional relief following the Messiaen. Closed with Mozart’s Kegelstatt Trio, composed for clarinet, piano, and viola. Christina Beasley (Swanson), a graduate student from Eastman School of Music, performed on viola. The three of us had the great privilege of coaching this piece with the celebrated accompanist, Martin Katz.
126 | SAT 06 MAY 2023 | Void
Do I pursue the void, face the unknown, face my fears. Do I break away from “safe” comfort zone. Do I live my own life, or live a life that others have planned for me. Do I pursue what is unknown, when it appears less scary than what is known.
125 | FRI 05 MAY 2023 | Tucson
Enjoy visiting Tucson, often feels less pretentious than Phoenix; I often feel “poor” visiting Phoenix. Tucson is easily accessible via Interstate-10, and access point to US southern border, including the historic mining town of Bisbee, and outdoor activities, including Saguaro National Park and Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument. Used to stay at Road Runner Hostel, which has been closed for years.
Have considered opening seasonal hostel in Tucson, six months, October through March, cold weather throughout much of the country, but temperate weather in desert southwest. Would allow time for me to travel during the “off” season.
Offer guests coffee and tea in the morning, along with fresh-baked bread. Shared bathroom, shared kitchen, covered deck, patio, or garden; likely offer pod-style beds and private rooms. Use some type of smartphone-based lock, and no employees, just me as owner-operator. If vacancy is low, offers time to write. Doesn’t change the world, just a place for like-minded, open-minded, world travelers.
Tucson is likely a place where I see myself becoming a part-year resident; certainly don’t want to be in the area during the summer. If not a hostel, at least consider an AirBnB; likely one or two private rooms, and likely one bunk room. Perhaps two-day minimum for the private rooms, to limit transient guests. I’ve stayed at some hostels that require a two-night minimum stay, to build a sense of community, quite effective.
124 | THU 04 MAY 2023 | Tax
Electronically filed federal tax return Monday April 17th, one day before deadline. Received sixty-pages of K-1 partnership tax returns on April 12th that needed to be incorporated. Adjusted gross income of $110,000, $13,000 income tax, 11% marginal tax rate, lowest amount in fifteen years.
Partnership income is carried interest that I continue to earn from my role as a private equity CFO in Houston. Income is earned and taxed, and cash is distributed later (as investment assets are sold), as a tax-free return of capital. It’s likely that the cash will be dispersed over the next five years. Once complete, look forward to a simple tax return that I may complete myself, rather than paying Deloitte (since 2007).
Anticipate that future taxable income will approximate $100,000 annually, in the form of interest, dividends, and capital gains. This may not seem like a lot of money, but, total expenses, including discretionary, but excluding income tax, for past two decades averaged $20,000.
A normalized taxable income would allow me to live in a state (resident or part-year resident) with a reasonable income tax. California, Connecticut, New Jersey, and New York may never be on the short-list, but perhaps, Arizona, Nevada, or New Mexico.
123 | WED 03 MAY 2023 | Expectations
In my limited experience, have come to recognize that it is quite easy to be trapped, or imprisoned by expectations – expectations of my own, or expectations imposed by others – and specifically, clinging to expectations, yielding a toxic stew of suffering. And likely, not just expectations, but beliefs, too. How many times has my life been mis-guided by clinging to mis-guided beliefs that do not well serve.
Expectations that my career or travel experience might unfold a certain way. My life improves when I surrender expectations – and instead – focus on reality, even if reality is a hot mess dumpster fire.
122 | TUE 02 MAY 2023 | Hiking
Would like to complete a long hike; previously brought up Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, and Arizona Trail. Pass through Europe this summer, and consider hiking Camino de Santiago, specifically, the 800-kilometer Camino de Frances (the French Way). Most pilgrims stay at hostels along their journey.
I know of one person who completed the hike; how can the experience not change a person. Writer, Paulo Coelho, completed the hike in 1986, and documented in one of his early works, The Pilgrimage.
121 | MON 01 MAY 2023 | Aztec
In Mexico, would often see late-model cars on the road, including the Pontiac Aztec. When the Aztec was introduced in 1999 at the Detroit auto show, there are reports of a collective gasp from the audience. During marketing reviews, some executives commented that they wouldn’t keep the car if received as a gift. Aztec was a car designed by committee; likely one committee designed the front of the car and second committee designed the back of the car.
At the time, General Motors was criticized for boring cars, and the Aztec was an attempt to be bold and innovative. Aztec was supposed to be sport-utility cross-over with all-wheel drive. Instead, the car was mated to an existing minivan platform, and buried under plastic cladding. It’s fitting that Walt’s car in the series, Breaking Bad, was a Pontiac Aztec.
120 | SUN 30 APR 2023 | Let go
Let go. Should be easy, but often it is not. Even when tired and gravely fatigued, it’s difficult to let go. But at some point, I give up, surrender, and let go.
Visit twenty countries this summer over six months. Earthquake, train collision, rocket attack, plane accident. How many things may go sideways – imagination runs wild – there is no limit. Waste of time and energy. Embrace the idea that things will go sideways. Surrender, give up, let go.
119 | SAT 29 APR 2023 | Yellow jacket
My twin brother, Brett, discovered that he was allergic to stinging insects when he was four years old. Violent reaction, no EpiPen, but rather, life-saving trip to the emergency room.
I was stung many times growing up, but didn’t have an allergic response until I was 18. It was August, cutting the grass for Joe, on Hamburg Cove. Yellow jackets often nest in the ground; I was stung on the ankle.
Didn’t feel well, put ice on the sting, told Joe that I was going home. Departed on Honda Aero 50, arrived home twelve minutes later. Head was swollen; couldn’t remove my helmet. Joe followed me home, and pulled up the driveway behind me, and pried off my helmet.
Entered the house; hands and fingers swollen, couldn’t open Benadryl blister pack. Parents were working; Joe drove me to the doctor’s office, thirty minutes away.
Arrived at the doctor’s office, and fainted on the counter after checking-in. I remember someone dragged me down the hall to the exam room. Doctor or nurse administered epinephrine; vomited across the room, as if it was an Olympic sport.
Remained at the office for observation, my Mom picked me up and drove home. Heart raced and head pounded for the remainder of the day, side effect from the epinephrine, as if I had a quad shot of espresso.
Subsequently immunized against yellow jackets and white-faced hornets. Subsequently stung, with nothing more than a localized reaction.
118 | FRI 28 APR 2023 | Wet shave
Most of my life, shaved with cartridge razor. My friend, Eric, allowed me to borrow one of his safety razors. At the time, frustrated with the high price of cartridges, $5 each; double-edged razor blade costs pennies. Quickly became a convert, and purchased RazoRock Mamba; due to its weight, doesn’t require any pressure when shaving; cut myself less frequently with safety razor than with cartridge.
Continued to use canned shaving cream. While traveling in Central America and Mexico this past winter, resented paying $2 for two-ounce, travel size can, which would last about five weeks.
Purchased Muhle shaving brush and five-ounce puck of shave soap for $5, it will last a year. While applying shave soap, shave brush massages the skin in the process.
Average man will spend 3,000 hours shaving over a lifetime. So often, it seems that shaving is rushed or hurried, with underwhelming results.
When traveling, cannot fly with razor blades; shave with three-blade cartridge razor, but feels like its raking the skin off of my face. Overseas, purchase double-edged razor blades in beauty supply store.
Razor and brush are not inexpensive; however, after initial purchase price, affordable over a lifetime, good value, and better shave.
117 | THU 27 APR 2023 | Finkelstein
Amy Finkelstein is Professor of Economics at MIT, recent guest on Freakonomics podcast, Insurance Is Sexy. Discuss. Finkelstein argues that US government is already the insurer of last resort, and already provides a patchwork of universal healthcare, and that the government should overhaul this patchwork and provide healthcare.
It’s argued that federal government is giant insurance company with a sideline business in national defense. National defense is 20% of federal budget, and 60% of budget is Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, disability and unemployment insurance.
Finkelstein argues that fundamental problem in U.S. healthcare is that government steps in when people are sufficiently ill or destitute, enacting a series of patchwork policies, but never a coherent, unified policy. Provide basic coverage for everyone, and allow people who want more coverage, to buy more in a well-functioning market. Universal health insurance coverage is not as impossible as the oft-repeated narrative, any more than it was in Canada, Germany, or the United Kingdom.
116 | WED 26 APR 2023 | Why
Why do I travel – now – during the prime of my career. Travel because I want to travel; travel because I can. World has re-opened since COVID, borders are open. Wouldn’t be surprised if I experience another pandemic during my lifetime, and quite possibly, worse than the last.
I’m not impervious. At some point, it’s possible that my hips and knees stop working, or my mind stops working, and I fail to remember where I am or where I am going. At some point, it’s possible that I am diagnosed with a debilitating illness or disease. My intention is to not elect heroic medical treatment; don’t wish to extend my life in exchange for quality of life. Don’t want to live forever, send me to Dignitas in Switzerland.
115 | TUE 25 APR 2023 | Dizzy
Some people share that they become dizzy reading about my rapid travel pace; sometimes, it’s dizzy for me, too.
Travel for me is iterative, peel back an onion, layer by layer. Consult Lonely Planet guidebook to outline a trip, but I don’t study the guidebook; due to weight and volume, no longer travel with the guidebook. My travel is a bit like an introduction survey course. Cover a wide expanse with limited depth, find a focal point, and return.
My first trip to Grand Canyon was a grave disservice, but I did my best. Visited the National Park six times, and still plan to return. Made four trips to Arches, Bryce, and Zion National Parks in Utah.
When I visited Mexico in 2022, stayed two weeks in each city, felt too long. Visited Mexico in 2023, stayed two to three days, felt too short. Visited Mexico three times (2015, 2022, 2023), and the country remains fascinating, and look forward to return.
The other challenge is staying in a hostel; sense of community and interacting with other people is healthy for me, but sometimes, the facilities are underwhelming, it’s not resort travel. Often there is no television, no streaming, no hot shower, no clean place for exercise or yoga, no quiet place for meditation. My greatest risk is staying too long, and so I move on.
114 | MON 24 APR 2023 | Fail again
Brief break from travel, do some baking. Baked sourdough loaf for a neighbor, considerably increased the hydration. Before baking, dough didn’t release from its proofing basket, and ripped. It was a mess; threw the dough in the trash. Learn by trying and failing. Disappointed, but try again.
For Easter, made pull apart dinner rolls, it’s an enriched dough, like brioche, with cup of sugar and stick of butter. Dough developed nicely, but made the mistake of adding the sugar all at once, rather than incorporate slowly. Sugar competes with flour for water, and degrades dough strength. Rolls came out fine from the oven, but again, learn by doing.
113 | SUN 23 APR 2023 | Remember
Sometimes, as a thought exercise, remind myself what it is that I’d pack into a backpack, the important elements to life. List isn’t exhaustive, it won’t be the same as your list, and it will likely change with time. There are no tangibles on the list, no things; no house, no car, there is no thing that is permanent.
First is health (physical, mental, dental, emotional), second is meaningful relationships with family and friends, third is financial independence, and living in a world with a (mostly) stable financial system. Fourth is some sense of (spiritual) equanimity. Fifth is to live in a “just” world, which relies on most people behaving fairly. We live in a world that hasn’t yet been completely contaminated by the launch of nuclear weapons or the launch of electro-magnetic pulse (EMP) weapons.
112 | SAT 22 APR 2023 | Afghanistan
Afghanistan evacuation in the news recently. Biden Administration is not critical of August 2021 events, at risk of operating in a vacuum.
Unsure how an open-minded, third-party observer could not point out the evacuation’s failures, and conduct a debrief as an opportunity for learning and improvement. Casting blame is not productive; often leads people to duck under the table. It’s disappointing when leaders are not truthful, and not willing to admit that the operation could have been more effective.
111 | FRI 21 APR 2023 | Rockets’ red glare
Visit Middle East this summer; Lebanon, Jordan, Israel. Enter Israel from Jordan, walk across Allenby Bridge. Recent hostilities in the area cause for concern. Israel attacked Palestinians worshipping at Al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem. Hezbollah in south Lebanon retaliated by firing rockets into Israel’s West Bank; Israel countered by firing rockets into Palestinian Gaza Strip. Hopefully, the parties may find peace; an eye for an eye makes the world blind.
Often look for hostel with WiFi and kitchen; maybe the hostel has a bomb shelter. Likely no such thing as a good death, but, death by rocket attack is likely as good as any other means, at least it doesn’t have the stigma of suicide.
In the Hulu serial, the Patient, Dr. Alan Strauss, played by Steve Carrell, shares a joke: an English protestant, a French catholic, and an Israeli Jew are sentenced to death. Captor allows each victim to choose the method of death. Englishman asks to die by firing squad…boom. Frenchman asks to die by guillotine…chop. Israeli asks to die by old age.
110 | THU 20 APR 2023 | Failure
Recently read, In Praise of Failure: Four Lessons in Humility (2023), by Costica Bradatan, Professor of Humanities in the Honors College at Texas Tech University; author makes the following arguments.
Failing is essential to what we are as human beings. How we relate to failure defines us, while success is auxiliary and fleeting, and does not reveal much. We can live without success, but we would live for nothing if we didn’t come to terms with our imperfection, precariousness, and mortality, which are all epiphanies of failure.
Should you experience failure and be visited by such feelings of inadequacy and out-of-placeness, don’t resist them – follow them. They will tell you that you are on the right track. We may be in this world, but we are not of this world. This understanding is the beginning of awakening, and it places failure, humble thought it may be, at the heart of an important spiritual quest.
The failure-as-success peddlers have managed, among other things, to ruin a profound, appropriately dark saying by Samuel Beckett – you probably know the one. What they invariably fail to mention is that, in his next sentence, right after the phrase they quote ad nauseam, Beckett proposes something even better than “failing better” – failing worse: “Try again. Fail again. Better again. Or better worse. Fail worse again. Still worse again. Till sick for good. Throw up for good.”
109 | WED 19 APR 2023 | Deficit
United States federal government does not have a constitutional balanced budget requirement, amendments have been proposed from time to time. In contrast, most states have a balanced budget requirement, with the exception of Arizona, Indiana, Vermont, and Virginia. Balanced-budget provisions are constitutionally mandated in Germany, Hong Kong, Italy, Spain, and Switzerland, among others.
Deficits may be incurred due to war or economic downturn. In recent years, deficits were incurred because government spending, including discretionary, exceeded tax revenue. United States ran a budget surplus between 1998-2001. Deficit in 2022 totaled $1.3-trillion, 5% of US GDP, deficit spending in excess of economic growth.
United States debt totals $31-trillion, due in part to year-over-year deficit spending. Japan and China hold the largest debt positions, totaling $2-trillion. Annual interest cost in 2022 totaled $475-billion, 35% of the deficit in 2022.
108 | TUE 18 APR 2023 | Level 4
Fasten your seat belt. Traveling this summer, visit twenty countries over six months.
I review the US State Department travel advisories; take them with a grain of salt; the advisories are more strict for US government employees. I often heed the State Department’s Level 4 recommendation, do not travel. I also register my foreign travels, including emergency contact, with the State Department.
This summer, won’t travel to Syria (Middle East), Yemen (Arabian Peninsula), or Libya (North Africa). Lonely Planet guide warns about Syria: “At the time of this writing, Syria is one of the most dangerous places on the planet. To put it simply, you can’t go. And if you can, you shouldn’t.” It would have been fascinating to travel from Turkey, through Syria, and onward into Lebanon.
There are nineteen countries rated Level 4, including: Afghanistan, Belarus, Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Russia, and Ukraine.
107 | MON 17 APR 2023 | Suicide
An essay appeared in WSJ weekend edition, We Need to Talk about Suicide, by Clancy Martin, professor of philosophy at the University of Missouri in Kansas City. Essay is adapted from his new book, “How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind.”
Martin pulls back the curtain, and discusses the often taboo topic of suicide, and not from the antiseptic role of a clinician, but from the point of view from someone who has wrestled with suicide ideation. Martin reminds readers that the stigma of suicide may be reduced by creating an opportunity to talk openly.
Do I live in a world where it’s easier to die than to fail, rather than risk being labeled a “loser.”
In a subsequent interview on NPR’s Fresh Air, Martin shared a Buddhist prayer, may people find happiness without hope. I might suggest, may people find equanimity in a life absent of meaning.
106 | SUN 16 APR 2023 | Darden
Met my friend, Deven, for coffee at Ashlawn Farm Coffee in Old Saybrook. He was en route to Rhode Island to visit family; I visited family, nearby, in Lyme, Connecticut. Deven and I attended graduate school together at University of Virginia; we sat next to each other in second-year accounting.
We shared three hours together; the discussion was thoughtful and meaningful, no different than our discussions twenty years ago.
The number of Darden classmates within my inner circle is small, shout out to Alex, Cathy, Jonathan, and Neal. Love your guts!
105 | SAT 15 APR 2023 | Land of the Free
United States is the land of the free, but, maybe not. United States has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world at 715 per capita.
Cuba 510
Russia 475
United Kingdom 147
OECD 125
Canada 118
Japan 36
Of the fifty states, Louisiana has the highest rate at 1,340. Having volunteered at Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) often reflect on this statistic, and the recidivism rate, the rate at which incarcerated people return to prison after being released. In the United States, economic burden of an incarcerated person averages $50,000 per year, and an annual cost not less than $85-billion.
104 | FRI 14 APR 2023 | Death and Taxes
Deadline to file 2022 tax returns is Tuesday April 18th. Usually submit my tax return close to the deadline; receive about sixty-five pages of K-1 partnership tax returns in early April that need to be incorporated. While close to the deadline, it’s preferable than filing an extension.
Wall Street Journal published recent opinion piece on taxpayers paying its fair share of income tax, based on 2020 statistics reported by the IRS.
Top 1% of taxpayers report more than 20% of Adjusted Gross Income (AGI), and pay more than 40% of income tax. Top 5% of taxpayers report more than 40% of AGI, and pay more than 60% of income tax.
Filed my first tax return in 1993 after enlisting in the Marine Corps. In almost thirty years (through 2021), earned more than $9-million, and paid more than $3-million in income tax; marginal tax rate of 33%. In 2013, paid US federal tax, California state tax, and Canada federal tax; marginal tax rate of 48%. Paid the most tax in 2020, $500,000, after returning to Connecticut (albeit briefly); not a tax friendly state.
Don’t want to pay more tax than necessary, but also don’t mind paying my fair share of tax. Have been well compensated, well above the average American. I domicile in Texas, which does not have a state income tax.
Some people domicile in Puerto Rico, in order to pay no US Federal tax. It’s possible to forget that certain social benefits and infrastructure are funded by income tax. What would happen if every American moved to Puerto Rico in order to pay no US Federal tax, likely, not a sustainable strategy.
103 | THU 13 APR 2023 | Disposable
Do I live in a disposable world. Buy…use…throw away…buy more. Smartphones, short span of attention. Recently contacted by an executive recruiter and presented with an opportunity to join a private equity backed company as CFO. It’s a fix and flip; improve operations, grow revenue, burn through management, sell the company, move on to the next opportunity.
What if I lived in a world where investments or portfolio companies are purchased and held forever; assets so valuable that there is no intention to flip. I only know of one person who does this, Warren Buffet; Berkshire Hathaway has purchased a number of companies that Buffet has no intention to sell, companies like Geico or See’s Candies. Buffet argues that he invests in stellar management teams as much as he invests in an underlying company.
I’ve done my share of fix and flips, it’s not something that I would again pursue. More inclined to do something on my own, grow organically, likely more slowly, but something with indelible value; a valuable asset that should be celebrated.
And yet, the only permanence is impermanence.
102 | WED 12 APR 2023 | Long day
Woke up 3:00am; my friend Eric drove me to the airport at 3:15am. Arrived at security check-point as it opened at 4:00am. Global Entry pass expired during COVID, wasn’t able to conveniently renew. United flight to Newark departed on-time; doze off for an hour, catch up on sleep. No delays or travel issues, but it’s a long day; three trains to Connecticut; New Jersey Transit to Penn Station, Metro North from Grand Central to New Haven, and Shoreline East to Old Saybrook. Long day’s journey into night…hmm…that might make a good title for a play.
101 | TUE 11 APR 2023 | Great
Actor, Bryan Cranston, known for his role in the series, Breaking Bad, was a recent guest on Bill Maher and CNN. In response to the MAGA movement (make America great again), Cranston asked, when was America ever great. Cranston was criticized as a privileged celebrity, but, he increased awareness without berating others.
Cranston’s focus was not on entitled Caucasians, but rather, African Americans or other minorities who may have not shared the same rights as more privileged classes in the history of the nation. When it comes to greatness, I’ve always enjoyed this clip from the Newsroom, starring Jeff Daniels.
100 | MON 10 APR 2023 | Whale
Recently watched The Whale, starring Brendan Fraser, who received Academy Award for best actor, following a brief drought in his acting career. The film, directed by Darren Aronofsky, whom also directed Black Swan (2010), is not without criticism. A24 produced the film, and often takes risks with novel content.
Brendan Fraser plays the role of Charlie, who teaches university English. Before being dismissed from the university, he shares this final thought with his students, “These assignments, they don’t matter. This course doesn’t matter. College doesn’t matter. These amazing, honest things you wrote, they matter.” Subtle reminder, power of words, not rote repetition, but honest, vulnerable writing.
Charlie’s nurse and caregiver, Liz, in a poignant moment shares, “I don’t believe that anyone can save anyone.” Likely jaundiced, but a point of view with some merit.
099 | SUN 09 APR 2023 | Patient
Recently re-watched Hulu series, The Patient. From the onset, it’s clear that Sam Fortner is the patient, and Dr. Alan Strauss is the therapist. Appreciated the opportunity to re-watch, to observe subtle dialog elements that I missed the first time, or to observe Sam’s subtle facial tics. Upon re-watching, its clear that the patient is Dr. Alan Strauss, working with his long-dead therapist, Charlie Addison, to resolve discord in Alan’s family. It’s subtle, surprised that I wasn’t more perceptive.
098 | SAT 08 APR 2023 | Dislike
Visit Houston, my friend Eric shared a teaching from Zen Master Linji, “There is nothing that I dislike.” Linji continues, “The true practitioner of the way completely transcends all things. Even if heaven and earth were to tumble down, I would have no misgivings. Even if all the Buddhas in the ten directions were to appear before me, I would not rejoice. Even if the three hells were to appear before me, I would have no fear. Why is this so? Because there is nothing that I dislike.”
Teaching from the Hsin Hsin Ming suggests that, “The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent, everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinions for, or against, anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind.”
Writer Susan Murphy expounds on the teaching and suggests that, “This practice is not about tidying up the world and making it clean and bright; it’s about recognizing the world as it is, and finding right there the radical freedom of being.”
Teacher John Tarrant suggests that “Dislike is the strain between how things really are, and your own story about how things are, which leads to what the Buddha called, building the house of pain.”
Pema Chodron reminds us that we create our own suffering, “The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
There is nothing that I dislike. Every day is a good day.
097 | FRI 07 APR 2023 | Chernobyl
Read the book, Midnight in Chernobyl (2019), by Adam Higginbotham; researched account of the 1986 Ukraine disaster; followed by the five episode HBO miniseries. Actor Jared Harris, son of actor Richard Harris, portrays nuclear scientist, Valery Legasov. Re-watched the last episode, reminded of some fantastic quotations:
“We’re on dangerous ground right now, because of our secrets and our lies. They are practically what define us. When the truth offends, we lie and lie until we can no longer remember it is even there, but it is still there. Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later, that debt is paid.”
“What is the cost of lies? It’s not that we’ll mistake them for the truth. The real danger is that if we hear enough lies, then we no longer recognize the truth at all. What can we do then? What else is left but to abandon even the hope of truth, and content ourselves instead with stories? In these stories, it doesn’t matter who the heroes are. All we want to know is, who is to blame.”
History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes. Politics, news, social media; noise and distortion. Ubiquitous smart phones, the world at our fingertips, accelerating the rate of transmission. May we differentiate truth from lies, or, are we fooling ourselves.
096 | THU 06 APR 2023 | Tom Waits
At the time, in 2001, Enron was the largest corporate bankruptcy in the United States. Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind documented the incident in the 2003 book, Enron: the Smartest Guys in the Room, followed by the 2005 documentary.
My friend, Ted, pointed out that singer-songwriter, Tom Waits, performs the song, God’s Away on Business, during the movie’s ending credits. Tom’s wife, Kathleen Brennan co-wrote the lyrics. Tom is known for song lyrics that focus on the underbelly of society, and performed with his signature gravelly voice.
095 | WED 05 APR 2023 | Moto Licensing
Scheduled appointment on-line; visited Texas Department of Public Safety; added motorcycle endorsement to driver license; passport used as proof of identity. Left with paper copy of new license; new license arrived following week via mail.
Afterwards, visited local AAA office and purchased international driving permit for $20; provided stamped booklet used in conjunction with Texas-issued driver license. Some countries require an IDP when renting a car or motorcycle overseas.
Intention, when reasonably possible, is to rent a motorcycle while traveling overseas; for example, on the island of Cyprus, motorcycle may be an effective and affordable way to get about the island.
094 | TUE 04 APR 2023 | Moto training
Completed two-day motorcycle training with Awesome Riding at West Oaks Mall in Houston. Weather was unseasonably cold, 45-degrees. Sixteen enrolled students, eight students per instructor; my group had four experienced, but unlicensed riders, and four inexperienced riders.
Rode brand-new Kawasaki Z-125 with four-speed manual transmission; small motorcycle, and friendly introduction to riding. Spent most time in first and second gear, training from 7:00am to 1:00pm.
On second day, completed training, and finished with riding exam. Six of eight students passed, the other two students are allowed to re-take the class or re-take the exam. Cost was $275 and good value for money; learned a lot, and really enjoyed the experience, focus on safety and defensive riding.
093 | MON 03 APR 2023 | Migraine
First migraine in three months, incapacitated for the day. It was my fault. Since returning to the United States, have incorporated fermented foods to rekindle gut flora after food poisoning in Mexico; kombucha, kimchi, miso, and local Greek yogurt.
Avocado, overripe banana, and peanut butter tipped me over the edge. Trigger foods produce histamine, which reach a cumulative level in the body; once triggered, there is little to regain control of a migraine.
Overwhelming nausea; sleep, if any, completely delirious; body couldn’t maintain normal body temperature, alternate between hot sweats and cold chills.
Fermented foods are supposed to be good for the body, but, my tolerance is very low. Subtle difference between poison and cure is the amount of the dose.
092 | SUN 02 APR 2023 | No meaning
Two monks go to a house to offer condolences.
First monk strikes the coffin and asks: “Alive or dead.”
Second monk, replies: “Not saying alive, not saying dead.”
First monk, asks: “Why won’t you say.”
Second monk, replies: “Not saying.”
First monk, says: “Tell me now, or I will hit you.”
Second monk, replies: “You may hit me, but not saying.”
First monk hits the second monk (and becomes enlightened).
From the Blue Cliff Record, Case 55
Examination is distributed to students; one multiple choice question; students are asked to select an appropriate response:
A. Live as if there is no meaning | upon death, assumption correct
B. Live as if there is no meaning | upon death, assumption incorrect
C. Live as if there is meaning | upon death, assumption correct
D. Live as if there is meaning | upon death, assumption incorrect
Writer and philosopher, Albert Camus, suggested that “I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn’t, than live as if there isn’t a God, and to die to find out that there is.”
This koan teaches the delusion of dualistic thought imposed by the thinking mind. To argue meaning or to argue non-meaning subscribes to the delusion of dualistic thought. Life is neither defined by meaning or non-meaning; but, I don’t know.
091 | SAT 01 APR 2023 | Active
Recently asked how I remain active while traveling the world. Intention is to move my body each day, really don’t care how, as long as I am moving. Second intention is to seek variety, what I do today shouldn’t be the same as what I did yesterday.
On average, walk five miles a day; some days more, some days less; quite consistent in Latin America this past winter.
When possible, try to run once or twice a week, and not back-to-back days, to mitigate the risk of injury. Preference is to run on packed dirt; don’t enjoy concrete sidewalks or asphalt streets; don’t enjoy choking on car exhaust. May run five to ten miles; shorter on hard surfaces, longer on soft surfaces. On long run, may periodically walk, allows body to relax a bit; takes pressure off tight iliotibial band that runs alongside the knee. Regardless of run length, also incorporate various running drills, opportunity to surprise my body. After the run, cool shower.
I pack my Speedo, if I come across a lap pool; don’t enjoy open-water swimming.
Other days, intention is to perform five yoga poses, I may do more poses, but the minimum is five, and the poses can’t be the same poses that I did the day before. Sometimes depends on having access to a yoga mat, carpeted floor, or a thick towel. Some hostels are dirty, which makes it less appealing to be on the floor.
Other days, body weight exercise: reverse lunge, one-leg squat, push-up, dip, pull-up; low rep with good form.
When not traveling, throw around twenty-pound kettlebell; learned a lot by watching Mark Wildman. Turkish get-up is a classic exercise, often difficult to perform in good form. Keeps people honest, can you get off the floor under a weighted load.
Lastly, when not traveling, use two-pound weighted jump rope; ropes available in two-pound, three-pound, and five-pound weights. Thoroughly enjoy; activates the core, and you feel the weight. Usually jump on dirt or grass, not a hard surface; pace is slower and more sustainable than speed rope, and often amazed how hard I breathe when finished.
I am 53, and not impervious to injury; often have various aches and pains along the way. Find that injury recover time takes longer and longer; intention is to listen to my body, and allow time for rest.
090 | FRI 31 MAR 2023 | Sit quietly
Often find it difficult to sit quietly. Not just to sit meditation, but just to sit quietly and do nothing. In a world of busy-ness, find it difficult to do nothing; to do no thing.
This morning, made a cup of coffee, and sat down to enjoy without multi-tasking. No iPhone, no news, no laptop, no nothing, no thing.
Find it difficult in the evening, too, especially back in the United States. It’s all too easy to sit down after dinner and turn on the television. Find something to watch when there is no thing worth watching. Whoever suggested, “Kill your television” might also suggest, “Kill your iPhone.”
Between 6am and 6pm, set my iPhone to grayscale; remove the iPhone’s glorious color, making the phone dull, less interesting, so I put it down.
After dinner, why can’t I just sit down, be quiet, and do no thing. Not sit meditation, but just sit, and perhaps for a few moments, rest in peace; rest in equanimity.
089 | THU 30 MAR 2023 | Greeting card
Enjoy a few days in Houston, catch up with some of my mail. There is a holiday greeting card waiting for me, my friends, Tom and Gwen, write a thoughtful message and poem. The poem may have been attributed to several different people, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Napoleon Hill, or anonymous.
To be a star,
you must shine your own light,
follow your own path,
and don’t worry about the darkness,
for that is when the star shines brightest.
088 | WED 29 MAR 2023 | Dark writing
Understand that effective writing isn’t descriptive; effective writing is story-telling; make the ordinary extra-ordinary; make myself vulnerable.
At JetBlue, we used to say that we are only as good as our last flight. In the Marine Corps, we would pin our chevrons on to our uniform each day (sergeant of Marines). In writing, I am only as good as my last essay or story.
Some readers may wonder why I write about suicide, it’s not because I want attention. I kept it a secret for more than two decades; it took many people by surprise when I finally shared. What motivated me to share the dark secret.
I was fatigued; no longer wanted to fake being normal, smiling all the time, when in reality, I don’t smile. I smile to be polite in public, but ultimately, my happiness set point is at a level that I almost never hurdle. Remember hiking Zion Narrows (2021), palpably happy. Before that, I was happy visiting China with my friend Cathy (2008). For me, happiness is a rare event.
Some people suggest faking it until you no longer fake it. Fake being happy until you are happy. It’s a strategy that doesn’t work for me. So I remove the mask and show everyone the truth.
My travel writing is unique; it’s not Instagram photos of people smiling, and fancy plates of food. Instead, it’s stories of things going wrong; shitting my pants at a bus terminal in Mexico.
087 | TUE 28 MAR 2023 | Guns and roses
Travel the world, frequent concerns regarding crime and violence, particularly with the recent incident in Matamoros Mexico. Curiosity gets the best of me, and try to gain some perspective, including North America neighbors and G7 peer nations. It’s likely that the firearm homicide rate in Mexico is driven by drug or cartel behavior.
Wonder if upon judgment day, mankind will be eradicated like a pest, plague, or pestilence, for being truly barbaric. In Houston on March 13th, four-year old toddler was accidentally shot and killed by her three-year old sister using a loaded semi-automatic pistol. How many times do people suggest, guns don’t kill people, but, people with guns kill people.
| Country | Gun Ownership (per capita) | Guns (million) | Population (million) | Firearm Homicide (per capita) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| USA | 121 | 393 | 330 | 4.1 |
| Canada | 35 | 13 | 36 | 0.5 |
| Mexico | 13 | 17 | 130 | 16.5 |
| UK | 5 | 3 | 67 | 0.02 |
| Japan | 0.3 | 0.4 | 126 | 0.02 |
086 | MON 27 MAR 2023 | Cars
Which country has the most cars per capita. China tops the list at 315-million units, 221 per capita. United States ranks second at 296-million units, 890 per capita. Japan ranks third at 78-million units, 624 per capita.
North Korea ranks last, 30,000 units, one per capita. Haiti has 126,000 units, 11 per capita. Cuba has 755,000 units, 67 per capita.
Mexico has 50-million units, 391 per capita. Likely explains visible reliance on motorcycle and bicycle, and explains the effective and affordable bus network.
085 | SUN 26 MAR 2023 | El Paso
El Paso, the pass. After crossing the border from Juárez to El Paso, walked to nearby laundromat. After experiencing the density in Centro, downtown El Paso feels like a ghost town. In Mexico, often had one hand on my iPhone (ie. one hand for the ship). Early morning El Paso, all alone.
Appreciate the city’s architecture, much of it is art deco or beaux arts, built during the city’s growth during the 1900s. El Paso has a unique sense of history, it feels like the wild, wild west; it’s not a “cookie cutter” city. Stayed at the Gardner Hotel, 101-year old institution. John Dillinger stayed here. Black and white picture book in the lobby; an absolute delight to page through. Pictures of men in suits sporting guns and rifles, in a time when threats included Indians, Mexicans, animals of prey, and few men to enforce the law.
Pass through El Paso more times than I may count; at least six. Don’t get tired of being here, nothing short of fascination; some people are easily entertained. City has 300 days of sunshine per year, hence the nickname, Sun City. City still experiences sand storms, and summer thunderstorms may threaten flash floods. Not sure if I would want to live here year-round, but would certainly like to spend more time in the area.
084 | SAT 25 MAR 2023 | Sunk cost
Long bus ride from Durango to Parral, almost eight hours. Provides too much time for mind to drift; fall into a dark hole. So many of life’s decisions have sunk costs, and make it difficult to change life’s direction.
Time and cost of higher education, years invested in a career or marriage, buying a home, the cost of a mortgage (death note), or a house filled with junk, and dare I suggest, even children. There are likely too many people who should not be parents. It doesn’t end, it doesn’t stop.
No surprise that people get “stuck” in their lives. Stuck in careers they don’t enjoy, stuck in homes or neighborhoods that they don’t like, or stuck in a loveless marriage.
Change is hard; it takes so much energy to break the force of gravity and change direction. Perhaps it’s easier to surrender, and change direction, when a person recognizes that there is no (permanent) self. Each of us is on this planet for a brief period of time, before we grow old, fall ill, and die.
083 | FRI 24 MAR 2023 | Border
Wake up early in the morning, pre-dawn, no alarm. Hostel is dark. Step out onto the balcony, night air is cool. Stare across the horizon. Foreground, bright sodium lights illuminate Interstate-10; similar bright lights illuminate arched Paso del Norte International Bridge, spanning the Rio Grande; border crossing operates 24-7. Background, dark silhouette of Franklin Mountains. So close to United States, but not.
082 | THU 23 MAR 2023 | Coffee
Good coffee – beautiful aroma and flavor – deeply satisfying, does not require cream or sugar. Poor coffee, in particular, instant coffee, requires cream or sugar to make it palatable. If coffee requires adulteration, perhaps, drink something else, anything else. Not a coffee snob, it’s just that sugar isn’t really good for people, and it’s all too easy to become addicted.
081 | WED 22 MAR 2023 | Loser
Television show, Six Million Dollar Man, aired from 1973 to 1978, when I was a child; it’s likely that the show came on television after my bedtime, and back in those days, there was no ability to record the show or play on a streaming device.
Premise of the show is that the lead character, Steve Austin, is injured in an accident, and gets rebuilt with bionic body parts, that give him above average human abilities; a bionic eye, arm, and leg. One of my neighbors had the Six Million Dollar Man action figure.
Like many television shows during the 1970s, it was pretty cheesy, with special effects to match, shag carpet, and a clothing style that ought to be burned.
On an eight-hour bus trip that was wearing me down, didn’t view myself as the six million dollar man, but maybe, the six million dollar loser. Just saying.
080 | TUE 21 MAR 2023 | Trash
Riding the bus through Mexico, the country would likely value from world-wide pick-up the trash day. Every citizen gets a garbage bag, and goes through their town or neighborhood picking up debris, and the town or municipality picks up and properly disposes the trash. Initiative would likely place more trash bins around town, too, as it seems people throw trash on the ground when bins are not available.
As it turns out, there is an annual event, World Clean-up Day, that takes place the third Saturday of September. Last year’s event picked-up 60,000 tons of waste by 8.5-million people in 190 countries.
079 | MON 20 MAR 2023 | Superpower
Bus from Durango to Parral, movies played on-board. Final movie, tiring superhero with ridiculous superpower. Movie was in Spanish, which didn’t make a difference, because there was no plot, no need for dialog, just tiring special effects. Stupid villains, no tension, good guys always win, fairy-tale ending. Is the movie simply a distraction, “medicating” ourselves from the world’s suffering.
Would like to see an ordinary person – not a superhero – with the power of equanimity; person with the ability to be at peace in the present moment, when the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Not a hermit living at the top of a mountain, or a reclusive monk, but a person living in Detroit or Memphis.
Ordinary person meets life’s challenges with equanimity: the asshole boss, getting terminated at work, parent suffering from Alzheimer or dementia; child diagnosed with Leukemia; falling ill and doctors unable to diagnose or treat.
I get it; no one is going to make a movie about an equanimity superhero, wearing Day-Glo spandex with an emblazoned “E” on the chest. I get it, movies with over-the-top superheroes are meant to distract people from the world’s pain and suffering; movies don’t help people co-exist with pain and suffering.
Visited Hiroshima (1996), and visited Peace Memorial Museum, watched archive footage and horrified by the images, and couldn’t fathom the survivors will to survive. I likely would not have the will to survive, and likely prefer to be obliterated in the nuclear firestorm.
One attribute of the Hulu series, The Patient, is that there is no artificial, sickly-sweet, happy ending. The protagonist, Alan Strauss – a superhero of sorts – meets his inevitable death and demise with equanimity and grace.
078 | SUN 19 MAR 2023 | Slumming
Sunrise in Durango, forty degrees, walk to central bus terminal; stare into the sun, can’t see. Am I slumming my way through the world. Lack the ability of foresight. What I believe will bring happiness to my life is mostly – perhaps absolutely – mis-guided.
Struggle to look forward, but may look backward and connect the dots. Ten years from now, how may I reflect on a decade of world travel. I don’t know.
Quite possibly, with regret. Living without goals or objectives, do I risk sub-optimal life. Have I already blown-up my life. FUBAR.
Looking back, it’s difficult to not view my life with anything but regret. Where is the gratitude, joy, or equanimity.
What manifested first, regret or suicide ideation. Does a regrettable life yield to suicide ideation, or does suicide ideation yield to a regrettable life. Long day on a second-class bus. I don’t know.
There’s (likely) a pill for that; better living through pharmaceuticals.
077 | SAT 18 MAR 2023 | Tom
Tom Sizemore died Friday March 3rd, his obituary appeared in the Wall Street Journal. Acting film credits include: Natural Born Killers, Saving Private Ryan, and Blackhawk Down.
He suffered a brain aneurysm in February, and died overnight in his sleep, surrounded by his brother and twin sons.
He struggled with drug abuse, and physical abuse towards women, which ended his acting career, left him homeless, and sent him to jail.
The Detroit native wrote in his 2013 memoir, “I was a guy who’d come from very little and risen to the top. I’d had the multimillion-dollar house, the Porsche…and now I have absolutely nothing.”
Sizemore continues, success turned him into a “spoiled movie star,” an “arrogant fool,” and eventually “a hope-to-die addict.”
Sizemore concludes, “I’ve led an interesting life, but I can’t tell you what I’d give to be the guy you didn’t know anything about.”
Always enjoyed watching Sizemore in his acting roles. So often in life, people pursue fame, wealth, power. I too, covet fame, wealth, and power – so elusive – it slips between my fingers. Even for those people who achieve fame, wealth, and power, it is often a double-edged sword. In death, may Sizemore find (equally elusive) peace.
076 | FRI 17 MAR 2023 | Just this
Science is real. Experiments may be designed, tested, and repeated. A person may choose to not believe in gravity, but, gravity (still) exists.
Nothing in my head is real. Figment of imagination. Lifetime of self-delusion. To quote a movie, “smoke-filled, coffee house crap.”
Zen Buddhism; is it real. If I sit meditation, and follow my breath, but don’t label it Zen Buddhism, what is it.
Just this is it. Or not.
075 | THU 16 MAR 2023 | Intention
Listened to dharma talk recently, which asked, what is my deepest intention. Intentions are subtle, often without the narrow confine of a blinding goal.
What is my intention. What do I wish to share with and offer the world.
I seek to understand a world that I do not understand through writing and story-telling, and to share this with the world.
Words are powerful. The act of writing helps me to internalize and crystalize understanding; out of my head, I may let go, and not cling to memory.
074 | WED 15 MAR 2023 | Greece
Tuesday February 28th, train collision outside Larissa Greece; passenger train collided into an on-coming freight train, killing 57 people and injuring more than 80. Train was heading south from Thessaloniki to Athens. I am planning to take this train when I visit the country in May. Right now, a disturbing thought. Earthquake in Turkey, train accident in Greece, protests in Israel, will likely be an interesting summer.
073 | TUE 14 MAR 2023 | Berry
Recently introduced to Wendell Berry’s poem, Our Real Work, from the collection, Standing by Words (1983). Four years after stepping aside as CFO, poem deeply resonated with me; hope that you enjoy.
It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.
072 | MON 13 MAR 2023 | Tattoo
Consider getting a tattoo, actually, two tattoos. Contemplated getting a tattoo for a bit of time. Small, subtle, likely two ankle tattoos, black ink, no color.
First tattoo would be Buddha, or, more precisely, half a Buddha; drawn on one side, but not the other, bit of an optical illusion, because, the image looks like Buddha, mind fills in the rest. Contemplate seriously, but with concern that the tattoo could be disrespectful, and in some countries, the image may need to be covered.
Second tattoo would be small, dancing skeleton, in Latin, memento mori, the fate of all sentient beings, “remember that you will die.” I am of the nature to age, fall ill, and die. Volunteered at Houston Hospice Texas Medical Center, learned this lesson all too well.
Would like to find good tattoo artist. Sometimes when I see tattoos on people, quality looks poor, or, it looks like the ink is mottled, with no distinction.
071 | SUN 12 MAR 2023 | Moving
Intention is to transfer blog host from WIX to WordPress on March 15th. The domain, www.garthmonroe.com, which I own, remains the same. May take between two and seven days to complete; blog may “disappear” during this process; will continue to post daily content. Thank you for your patience.
070 | SAT 11 MAR 2023 | Food
Resumed eating food this past Monday, following five-day fast after food poisoning. Food choices are now more conscious. Intention is to eat healthful food, food that contributes to health, rather than food that contributes to disease.
When traveling, its difficult to eat enough calories, which means that I may eat food that is less beneficial. Try to avoid packaged and processed foods, food with salt and sugar, but when I’m hungry, I’m hungry.
When I was ill, no food looked or smelled appealing. As I resume eating, it feels as if I’m making very deliberate and conscious decisions with each meal.
069 | FRI 10 MAR 2023 | Full of shit
How much do pay toilets contribute to Mexico’s gross domestic product (GDP).
Likely less than 1% of GDP, $32-million of $3-trillion economy (purchasing power parity | PPP), thirteenth largest economy in the world.
Swag the numbers twice; first method places one pay toilet every one-thousand square miles in a country with an area of 762,000 square miles, keeping in mind that there are densely populated cities and areas that are remote and isolated.
Second method places one pay toilet for every one million citizens, in a country with 130-million people. Assumed that toilets are used 15-hours per day, 365-days per year, and a usage rate of one person every three minutes, paying seven pesos, with an exchange rate of 18 pesos to the dollar.
When asked to create a budget or forecast, I often suggest that the numbers are absolutely wrong, but relatively correct.
Issue is not how much do pay toilets contribute to Mexico’s GDP, but rather, the need for countries to have access to clean drinking water and sanitary sewers. Mexico has the highest per capita consumption of bottled (drinking) water in the world, $16-billion annually. The country has adequate water purification systems, however underground plumbing is compromised by sewage. No shit.
068 | THU 09 MAR 2023 | Ability
Came across quotation during winter holiday, “Just because I can’t do something today, doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to do it tomorrow.”
I’ve been a runner for thirty years. When I moved to Canada, stopped running because of left (iliotibial) knee pain. Swapped out running for swimming.
Several years ago, returned to running. Intention is to run injury-free, as I age, injuries take longer and longer from which to recover.
Don’t run as frequently, and run on softer surfaces, like dirt trails. Incorporate active stretching before and during the run. Provides a break in running, or confuses my body, and allow me to run injury free. Recently, added side-step running, backwards running, and jumping too. Cold showers afterwards reduces onset muscle soreness. Go figure.
067 | WED 08 MAR 2023 | Irritation
Travel the world, meet many people; some are irritating. Person who irritates me the most, is often the person whom I most resemble – reflecting back at me – the traits that I dislike in myself. Reminded of this in Tuxtla Gutierrez, meeting a traveler from Quebec Canada.
066 | TUE 07 MAR 2023 | Dalai Lama
Listened to podcast on bus from Acapulco to Zihuatanejo, and reminded of the Dalai Lama’s comments following 9/11 attack. His comments are relevant, regardless of a person’s spiritual inclinations.
“The events of this day cause every person to stop their daily lives, whatever is going on in them, and to ponder deeply the larger questions of life. We look earnestly for ways in which we might recreate ourselves as a human species, so that we will never treat each other this way again.”
“There are two possible responses to what has occurred today. The first comes from love, the second from fear. If we come from fear we may panic and do things – as individuals and as nations – that could only cause further damage. If we come from love we will find refuge and strength, even as we provide it to others. Let us seek not to pinpoint blame, but to pinpoint cause. Unless we take this time to look at the cause of our experience, we will never remove ourselves from the experience it creates.”
“We have not learned the most basic human lessons. We have not remembered the most basic human truths. We have not understood the most basic spiritual wisdom. We have not been listening to God, and because we have not, we watch ourselves do ungodly things. Yet if we meet negativity with negativity, rage with rage, attack with attack, what will be the outcome. My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”
065 | MON 06 MAR 2023 | Social media
Wonder if, to do something unique, means un-plugging from social media: LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube, Google, news. Day-to-day, social media is useful to stay in touch with colleagues, family, or friends. Long-term, it seems too easy to get sucked-in, like sitting on the couch watching television, but also, too easy to adopt mainstream thought patterns and opinions. Takes energy, creativity, and commitment to do something substantially different.
Teacher of creative writing, suggested that, “it’s all about social media, which my students are convinced is the only way to separate themselves from everyone else screaming alone in the crowd.”
064 | SUN 05 MAR 2023 | Better
Feeling better. Fever broke, no longer being crushed by a headache. Collapsed in bed yesterday after arriving at AirBnB. Not much energy today, but I’m vertical. Still haven’t eaten in five days. Walked down to the beach in Acapulco; heat, sun, and humidity is intense and overwhelming. Concerned that I’m so weak, that I could not put up any type of defense or run away, if attacked or threatened. I’m so skinny, that I could be a pouty, underwear model.
063 | SAT 04 MAR 2023 | Doctor
On the overnight bus, make the decision to see a doctor if I find an open medical office; my condition is not improving. Bus arrived in Acapulco central bus terminal before 11:00am. Step outside the terminal, walk five minutes, and find an office. Go inside, wait five minutes for an appointment. Doctor speaks English better than I speak Spanish, no surprise. He takes my vitals, conducts an interview, and performs a physical exam; I should be better in a week. Pay $3 for the visit, and $10 at the pharmacy next door for an antibiotic. Not curing cancer here, but how much would this cost in the United States.
062 | FRI 03 MAR 2023 | Still ill
Still ill. Woke up, cold shower, shave, conference call for work, back to bed until 12:00pm check-out time. My appearance frightens the hostel guests. Lips are cracked; dehydrated. Last meal, breakfast on Tuesday, food is not the slightest bit appealing, smell makes my stomach churn. Other guests tell me that it took them a week to recover from food poisoning. No joke.
061 | THU 02 MAR 2023 | Sick
Yesterday was funny, today is not. I’m still sick, food poisoning on Tuesday, haven’t eaten in two days, trying to stay hydrated, headache that won’t quit, unrelenting pain. Left temple wants ice, there is no ice. In bed fifteen hours last night, it wasn’t restful, it was fitful and delirious. Went out to the beach today, wasn’t easy. Reached the beach, and laid down on wooden park bench in the shade. Curled up in fetal position. People walk by, no one asks, “are you okay.” Maybe they are just wondering why someone threw away a perfectly good American. Walk back to the hostel, and sleep for three hours. Stomach is tied up in knots, feels like I want to puke, but there is nothing to puke. Ask me about my secret for six-pack abs.
060 | WED 01 MAR 2023 | Terminal too
Cross land borders in Central America, often anxious, felt like I would shit my pants. More likely explosive diarrhea; would have to burn my clothes.
In advance of the 13-hour overnight bus from San Cristobal to Puerto Escondido, spent the afternoon at Starbucks. Didn’t feel great, headache, chills, body ache, low back pain, and diarrhea.
Bus has a bathroom, really just meant for pee. Out of precaution, I take an Imodium, it doesn’t fix anything; shove a cork up my ass, and hope for the best.
Eat something for dinner. It’s a mistake, I feel worse. My body is getting hot, I want to lay down, but there is nowhere in the bus terminal. The urge is overwhelming; leave my backpack unattended in the terminal, and step outside into the parking lot. There’s a small strip of grass, and a dog. I stare at the dog and whisper with forked tongue. Whimpering, it cowers off, with its tail between its legs.
I assume the position, wide sumo stance. I’m puking up dinner. Then, I’m puking up food that I haven’t yet eaten. I’m trying not to spray my pant legs or shoes, but it’s not working. Bowels decide that the stomach is having too much fun, sphincter opens up, and diarrhea joins the party. I’m filling my pants with foam, thinking, “You have got to be shitting me.”
I’m a hot mess, but I feel better, how could I not. Hear boarding announcement. Are they calling my bus? Do I have to sprint?
“Can you smell that,” tourist asks quizzically.
“Smell what,” I reply stupidly.
“Smells like diarrhea and vomit,” says the tourist with disgust.
I would have to lie, “No, I can’t smell anything” as I swat away black flies.
Bus boards in thirty minutes. Pick up my backpack and waddle to the bathroom. The security guard at the entrance of the bus terminal just stares at me with disbelief.
United States is the land of the free. United States has free toilets. This is not the case in Mexico. Over six months, I have never used a pay toilet, out of principal. Not this time, this is the best seven pesos that I have ever spent ($0.35). If McKinsey needs a case study question to screen and hire MBA candidates, I might suggest asking, how much do pay toilets contribute to Mexico GDP.
I step into the last bathroom stall; remove shoes, pants, underwear. Sit down on the toilet, and water pours out of my ass like I’m attached to a garden hose. Makes the bathroom scene from the film Dumb and Dumber look like a children’s movie. Toilet should have a seatbelt, if not a seatbelt, than stirrups and hand grips, to hold on for dear life, like a carnival ride.
The carnage pauses for a moment. I look around the bathroom stall, there is no toilet paper dispenser. I step out of the stall, bare-ass, and find the toilet paper dispenser attached to the wall. There is something written in Spanish that says something like “take only what you need.” Yeah, right; clean-up in aisle four.
I’m wondering if I should free ball, or put on clean underwear. Given how I’m feeling, I put on clean underwear. Strangely enough, my pants are clean. Low-rise trunks are skin tight, surprisingly, contained the damage. I’m wondering if I should throw them away. Calvin Klein, likely not.
Toilet flush mechanism is like a gas pedal, you step on it. I step on the pedal, nothing happens. I’m now standing on the flush mechanism with all my body weight, thinking, “dear God and sonny Jesus, please flush.” The toilet flushes, I would feel sorry for the custodian.
Spent and exhausted, I get dressed, and make my way to the sink. I’m cleaning my underwear in the sink, like I’m three-years old, not 53-years old, and place the wet trunks in a Ziploc bag.
I step out of the bathroom, chest held high, proud, and smiling. It’s all too funny to be embarrassed; too sick to be embarrassed. Locals in the waiting area stare at me with disinterest and disdain, like I’m the village idiot.
Passengers begin boarding the bus, it’s a new bus. I don’t know how to say in Spanish, “stop the bus, I need to puke.” The bus driver would probably kick me off the bus out of principal. It’s a thirteen-hour ride to Puerto Escondido, if there was ever a night that I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and go to bed; not an option. Travel is hard sometimes, even harder, when not feeling well.
An overnight bus ride isn’t interesting. Puking in the parking lot and shitting my pants in public, now that’s a story. This is all true, couldn’t make up the details if I wanted too. Pure pay dirt.
Didn’t burn my clothes, only have one pair of pants.
059 | TUE 28 FEB 2023 | Keret too
Recently introduced to Israeli writer, Etgar Keret. He writes on Substack, and shared Q&A insights with readers.
Keret is asked about epiphanies, he replies: “letting go of the illusion that I’m writing in order to try and change the world. Instead, I now understand that I write because it’s the only way I know how to cope with reality and survive it.”
Keret is asked if there are any books that should be banned, he replies: “My father was a Holocaust survivor, and one day, when I was a teenager, I found a German edition of Mein Kampf on his bookshelf. When I asked why he owned a copy of Hitler’s book, he answered without hesitation: “Our family was murdered because of what’s written in that book. Aren’t you interested to know what it says?” And that idea became fixed in my mind as advice for life: when you disagree with someone, you should read them and gain a better understanding of where they’re coming from.”
Keret is asked about artificial intelligence, he replies: “I took part in an experiment where they fed an AI bot with all the texts I’ve ever written, and then asked us both to write a story. The story was certainly original and resembled my writing stylistically, but I couldn’t understand why the bot had written it, or what it was trying to convey. Maybe that’s because it hadn’t written the text from an internal place. I think that in order to improve these AI programs, the developers should give them all kinds of anxieties and insecurities. With enough scars and traumas, I’m sure their writing will improve dramatically.”
058 | MON 27 FEB 2023 | Chiapas
Passed through Tuxtla Gutierrez, purchased Chiapas coffee from a local merchant. Most of the coffee sold in stores is underwhelming.
Coffee is very good; used simple sock filter, it takes little space in backpack. Coffee doesn’t require cream or sugar, and one cup of coffee is completely satisfying. It has caffeine, unlike most of the coffee consumed during the past six weeks. Feel like a superhero today, where are my red tights and cape. Have no fear, El Guapo, is here!
057 | SUN 26 FEB 2023 | Part too
One friend responded to the Antarctica post with light-hearted incredulity; replied that I would add another post.
What else would I do besides baking bread for six months in Antarctica.
I would blow-up, re-design, and overhaul US healthcare system.
In fall 2021, wrote a series of seven blog posts on US healthcare system. If you go to the blog page, and select the drop down filter, you may follow the full-length posts.
In short, US healthcare system is the most expensive healthcare in the world; costs are growing faster than inflation; within my generation, the system is not sustainable.
Revamping US healthcare system is a popular stump point during the run-up to the presidential election; after the election, nothing happens. Following the Affordable Care Act, more than 15% of Americans remain un-insured or under-insured, in the wealthiest nation in the world.
Haven Healthcare, the healthcare start-up launched by Amazon, JP Morgan, and Berkshire Hathaway failed after three years. In part, Haven was unable to disrupt the industry and create change despite a talented roster of executives.
United States will likely ignore the problem until the problem is too big to be ignored.
I’m not able to do this by myself, but it is a venture worth pursuing. If you know of someone who shares the same interest and passion, please let me know. If there is someone within your network, within six degrees of separation, please let me know.
056 | SAT 25 FEB 2023 | Rumble seat
Dan Neil is auto columnist for the Wall Street Journal; his series, The Rumble Seat, is published on Saturday. He earned the Pulitzer Prize for criticism in 2004, the first and only auto columnist, with such distinction.
Enjoy his writing and acerbic wit; read most of his weekly columns, from exotic sports cars that I will never drive, to something as completely mundane as Honda CR-V.
It’s an amazing job to be provided access to such amazing cars. I acknowledge that he likely started off doing much more humble journalism, and paying his dues over time.
What’s interesting, too, is that Dan is principled; he has an opinion, and willing to take a stand, even if that means losing his job.
055 | FRI 24 FEB 2023 | El guapo
Went running yesterday. Usually don’t go running in Mexico, too many hazards in the road surface, mainly, big holes; twist an ankle or break a bone. Sometimes the holes get filled with trash. My preference is to run on soft surfaces, trail running, packed dirt.
Feeling listless, following a long bus ride on Wednesday, and feeling more listless, anticipating a long bus ride on Friday.
Should have gone running in the morning, when the sky was overcast, and the temperature was cooler; dragging ass, ran in the afternoon with intense sun, heat, and humidity.
Don’t see many runners in Mexico. Pasty, white gringo went out for a run without a shirt. The glare is so strong, people have to wear sunglasses to look at me. I’m running as if dressed in neon tights and super-hero cape. Why is he running? Is he being chased? Did he steal something? He’s running for fun?
People are driving past me in cars and motorcycles, they honk the horn and shout “el guapo” (hey handsome). I don’t believe it’s a compliment, likely not.
054 | THU 23 FEB 2023 | Un-generous
I’m not generous. I wish that I was, but I am not. Generosity (dāna), is one of the six perfections (paramitas) in Zen Buddhism.
There are three types of giving, miserly, kindly, and kingly.
Miserly giving, is to give with one hand, offering the least of what I have. Kindly giving is to give open-handedly; to share what I have. Kingly giving is to give the best of what I have, to give with graciousness, even if nothing remains for oneself, as if, to own nothing.
I’ve set aside six-million dollars in a revocable trust, after tax-earnings during a twenty-year career; no handouts, no gifts, no one handed me wads of sweaty money. I spend the passive income generated by the trust, but the principal will be gifted upon death. It’s not kingly giving; I can’t take it with me.
I make small donations and contributions to organizations each year, organizations in which I believe. If I were ever running for political office, and my tax return scrutinized, I’m sure that I would be criticized for my lack of generosity.
053 | WED 22 FEB 2023 | Earthquake
The two, slip-fault earthquakes in Turkey are considered by geologists as a worst-case scenario. 7.8-magnitude earthquake at Gazientep; 7.5-magnitude earthquake at Kahramanmaraş on Monday February 6th, close to the Syria border. Turkey has declared a three-month state of emergency.
Planning to visit Turkey in June; will continue to monitor over the next month, in case that travel plans need to be modified. Planning to visit Cappadocia and Goreme, east of Kayseri; planning to fly to Beirut via Adana airport in the south, which remains open.
If travel plans needs to be modified, could remain in northern Turkey, and consider onward travel to the countries of Georgia, Azerbaijan, and Armenia; due to border issues, travel sequence: Turkey > Georgia > Azerbaijan > Georgia > Armenia > Georgia > Turkey, via train or bus. Could also elect to reduce travel time in Turkey, and spend more time in Lebanon, Jordan, and Israel.
052 | TUE 21 FEB 2023 | Self-murder
During the winter holiday, flipping through television channels, saw advertisement for the film, Girl Interrupted (1999). Didn’t want to watch the movie; local library had a copy of the book, which I never read, until now.
Book is written by Susanna Kaysen, and recounts Kaysen’s experience in a psychiatric hospital after being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
Protagonist chases fifty aspirin with vodka. I think to myself, why I didn’t think of such an idea.
Kaysen shares: “People ask, how did you get in there. What they really want to know is if they are likely to end up in there as well. I can’t answer the real question. All I can tell them is, it’s easy.”
What I might share is that depression and suicide ideation is an illness; it doesn’t go away; it’s something that I live with and manage, not different than managing migraine headaches, perhaps the stakes are higher.
051 | MON 20 FEB 2023 | Homeless
This is not a reference to the 1986 song by Paul Simon and Ladysmith Black Mambazo. Although the Graceland album is one of my favorites.
For many years, I would keep one dollar or two dollar bills in my pocket. When a homeless person approached and asked for money, I would give unconditionally.
One day in Houston, I was walking through the tunnels. Homeless person approached and asked for money to buy a sandwich. I walked to the nearby Subway, ordered a sandwich, and gave the sandwich to the person. He threw the sandwich back at me.
At some point, I realized that what I was doing, trying to be helpful, made no difference.
A handout is just a handout; I wonder if there is a structural solution to homelessness. New York Times had an interesting podcast which highlights Houston’s progress on the issue by helping people get back on their feet and return to being independent.
050 | SUN 19 FEB 2023 | Hitching
Anticipate crossing the border from Mexico to the United States at Juarez and El Paso, at Paso del Norte International Bridge, a corner of the country that I find fascinating. Looking into onward travel options to Houston, perhaps hitchhike.
Looked into 14-hour Greyhound bus. Used Greyhound once, Houston to San Antonio for an onward train. It was an underwhelming experience. Could also take the Tornado bus, too.
Looked into Amtrak, Sunset Limited which runs Los Angeles to New Orleans, which I’ve traveled previously. It’s not uncommon for the train to be six hours late, or more.
Looked into flying Southwest or United; fares are $200 to $250; looked into car rental, too.
Picked up two hitchhikers this past year; one in Alaska, and second in Labrador; he was returning to the mines for work. Trip from El Paso to Houston is 750-miles, ten to twelve hours of driving. High plains west Texas is remote, excluding Fort Stockton.
New York Times prepared a profile piece in 2018 on Juan Villarino, considered one of the best hitchhikers in the world.
Would likely contribute $50 for gasoline; likely buy coffee and a meal at Denny’s. It’s not just transportation, but an experience, a story. Please don’t tell my Mother.
049 | SAT 18 FEB 2023 | Medicine
Passing through Central America, shared time with three medical students who recently graduated from university. There were taking time off to travel before resuming their five-year residency. They were well-spoken, charismatic, and intelligent.
We discussed the world healthcare system, and healthcare in specific countries, including: Canada, Germany, Singapore, United Kingdom, and United States.
I shared with the students my background in the private equity, biotech industry. I also shared that I volunteered with Houston Hospice Texas Medical Center. I volunteered that the experience influenced my decision to not seek life-extending care if diagnosed with a terminal illness. When it’s my time to die, it’s my time to die; make me comfortable, and provide a window of time to say goodbye to family and friends. The students were a bit surprised, perhaps even taken back.
I’m not sure if such a point of view is bold or heroic, certainly not for a person who has struggled with suicide ideation for more than half my life. It’s not that I’ve always wanted to die, as much as I’ve always wanted to end suffering.
048 | FRI 17 FEB 2023 | Different
In the hostel one evening; tired. Smoke from fires irritated my sinuses. Eustachian tubes blocked, sore throat.
Young woman stepped out of the shower, and this imaginary conversation jumped out at me, so I wrote it down, not sure where it might go. In my mind, it reads like Raymond Carver; simple, unadorned, with tension that is never resolved. Like a sketch in a sketch book, some don’t go anywhere, simply practice, simply trying something new, willing to fail.
She’s wearing a towel; white splotches of cream across her back.
“Does it hurt,” he asks.
“What,” she replied.She speaks English fluently, but with an accent, as if English is not her native language.
“Does it hurt” he said. “Your sunburn, does it hurt.”
“It’s okay,” she replies with indifference.He stares sullenly, as she walks away.
047 | THU 16 FEB 2023 | Netflix
Hostel in Valladolid is nice, pleasant surprise. Some hostels are nicer than others, this property feels updated and modern; one sitting area has a large, flat-screen television with Netflix.
Before bed, no one is watching television; I sit down and see what’s available. There is an overwhelming number of shows and movies, but I can’t find anything to watch. Watch a few minutes of the Bernie Madoff documentary (2023), but it’s dreadful, and I turn it off.
I recognize that many people rave about streaming services. Every now and then, I find something that I want to watch, like Wednesday (Netflix), Only Murders in the Building (Hulu), or the Patient (Hulu).
Maybe I’m defective, because I can’t find anything that I want to watch; maybe I’m not the target audience. Television isn’t any better. Sometimes when I visit family, scroll through one hundred channels of cable television, and not find anything that I want to watch.
Maybe it’s different when a person has a family, where everyone might find something to watch, and justify the plan premiums.
Alternatively, on the bus ride from Tulum to Valladolid, bus played the 2020 Swedish film, Breaking Surface, a film about two half-sisters who go diving, and let’s just say that things go wrong. It was 95-minutes of unrelenting tension.
046 | WED 15 FEB 2023 | Writing
Writing reveals itself to me in bits and pieces, fits and starts. Not smart or brilliant enough for words to pour out of me for hours at a time. I only wish.
Not in a hurry; perhaps I will have written something with inherent value by the time that I turn age 60. Although, age really doesn’t matter unless it’s wine, scotch, or cheese. Robert Pirsig reminds me that I only have to write one good work. People might look back and ask when did Garth become a writer; ten years ago – an overnight success – when no one was looking or paying attention.
I’ve journaled for as long as I can remember, which isn’t saying much; I don’t remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday. I write my way out of pain. Don’t drink, don’t complain; just write. I write down what I see, or, more likely, what I think that I see. I’m probably fooling myself, delusions are inexhaustible.
I write, edit, and play with ideas throughout the day; I walk around with a memo pad and a pen in my back pocket. I capture ideas when they arise – even in the middle of the night – my memory won’t remember them as vividly if I’m lazy and write them down later. Writing is like a muscle, like going to the gym, I have to do it every day.
An aspiring writer asked Israeli author, Etgar Keret, how may I be a writer just like you; Keret replied, “the truth is, you’ll never be able to be a writer just like me, but you have an excellent chance of being a writer just like you. One of the peculiar but essential elements for writing is a completely unreasoned faith that all the things you are – your thoughts, fears, desires – are unique and incredibly interesting.”
So I try to write about what I find interesting; if it’s not interesting to me, it won’t be interesting to you. Writing is an iterative practice for me that I return to continuously. I try to be honest, to make myself vulnerable, and to demonstrate some element of humility and humanity. My writing shines a light on the mundane; to quote Steve Martin, pure drivel.
045 | TUE 14 FEB 2023 | Angulimala
In Buddhism, there is the story of Angulimala, a beastly person, who killed people and assembled a necklace with the victim’s fingers. Angulimala was seeking to add another finger, when he spied the Buddha walking down the street.
Buddha was warned not to go into town due to the horrible Angulimala. Nevertheless, Buddha quietly walked down the street. Angulimala ran and chased after the Buddha. Despite great effort, Angulimala could not catch up to the Buddha.
In anger, Angulimala shouted out to the Buddha to stop. Buddha stopped walking, turned around, and replied to Angulimala, that he stopped long ago, that he turned away from harming sentient beings long ago, and perhaps, it was time for Angulimala to stop.
Recounted this story walking along the beach in Playa del Carmen, after reading in the news that there are Americans making more than $100,000 per year, living paycheck to paycheck.
044 | MON 13 FEB 2023 | Judgement
Traveling the world, come across different people. When I judge others, I am often judged one hundred times more harshly. I find that judging others is always a mistake. Judging others does nothing other than cultivate un-beneficial karma.
When I attended music school as a young adult, was taught to listen critically, and share both positive and negative feedback. There was nothing worse than having nothing to say. At some point, being critical was twisted into criticism, twisted into judgement.
More often, I try to observe without judgement. When my mind begins to judge, focus on the breath.
043 | SUN 12 FEB 2023 | Pocket bike
Took early morning ferry from Playa del Carmen to island of Cozumel; dropped off backpack at hostel, and rented 109cc Honda Navi pocket bike and helmet for $20, an opportunity to explore the island on my own.
It was a valuable learning opportunity. While the motorcycle was inexpensive, it was poorly maintained. Brakes had little stopping power, front fork pulled to the left, and horn didn’t work. Wheels and tires are small diameter, there is little rubber touching the road, and didn’t feel stable. Going over a patch of rough pavement, had to visually confirm that rear tire didn’t blow out.
Cold front moved off the island with strong wind gusts. On the unpopulated east side of the island, with no traffic on the road, opened the throttle, tucked down, and got the motorcycle to 60mph.
Looking to rent a motorcycle when I visit the island of Cyprus in May.
If I ride regularly, want to ensure that I have the proper safety gear; full face helmet, leather jacket, boots, and gloves. I felt irresponsible riding in a t-shirt; one fall and I would be skinned alive on the pavement.
042 | SAT 11 FEB 2023 | Un-retired
I’m not retired, not yet, anyway. Seeking out different stories and experiences.
Would like to work in Antarctica during the astral summer (fall through spring), typically, a six-month assignment. I’ve been intrigued by the region since learning of Ernest Shackleton’s doomed 1914 expedition on board the Endurance.
Applied on-line to several recruiting firms that hire non-technical (non-scientific) personnel. Understand that the hiring process is thorough, including a medical evaluation. I have applied for bookkeeping and bread baking positions with no response. No surprise; my resume is a bit of a red herring.
I’m open to getting my hands dirty, too; janitorial or concierge positions are not beneath me. At JetBlue Airways, I used to work on the ramp, packing bags into an Airbus A320 is a bit like playing Tetris.
Please reach out if you know an Antarctica recruiter; the personal connection could make a difference. If you know a recruiter through six degrees of separation, that would be beneficial, too.
Living and working in the region would be a far more interesting story than being a tourist. Back-up plan is to travel to the region, cruise ship out of Ushuaia, Argentina; it’s expensive, $10,000 to $20,000 for a ten-day voyage. In December 2022, there was a “rogue wave” incident on board the Viking Polaris. Would likely coordinate such a trip with travels through South America; the region is so vast, haven’t even begun to outline a possible itinerary.
041 | FRI 10 FEB 2023 | Hiking
When I was a graduate student at University of Virginia, would often hike at Ragged Mountain Nature Area; an opportunity to clear my head.
Long-distance hikes – journeys – have the potential to be transformational.
Considered hiking 2,700-mile long Pacific Crest Trail, but intimidated by the idea of post-holing through snow in the Sierra Nevada mountains. Considered hiking 2,200-mile Appalachian Trail, but really don’t enjoy hiking in the rain.
Alternatively, have considered hiking 800-mile Arizona Trail, that runs from Coronado National Memorial on the US-Mexico border, and terminates in the north, east of Kanab Utah. Hike takes 50 days on average, usually in spring or fall due to intense heat and sun.
It probably makes sense to start with a shorter hike; less than a week, without having to consider re-supply points. Still a half-baked idea, just thinking out loud.
040 | THU 09 FEB 2023 | R2R2R
Traveled by bus recently; don’t read or listen to podcasts; just watch the world go by.
Would like to return to Grand Canyon, to hike 20-hour, 45-mile, rim to rim to rim hike, last hiked in fall 2021; a lot of effort, remember being sore, and vowing to not hike it again.
Logistics remain undecided. Would like to complete the hike within one day, within 24-hours; start after 12:01am and finish before 11:59pm. Part of the challenge is managing time of day when “crossing the box” twice, the bottom and hottest part of the canyon.
Last time, hiked down South Kaibab Trail (south rim) up and down North Kaibab Trail (north rim), and up Bright Angel Trail (south rim). Hiker shuttle doesn’t run before 5:00am; south rim lodge operate 24-hour taxi; alternatively, add additional four miles of hiking from the Backcountry Information Center. Need a headlamp; to preserve night vision, would like to use a red lens instead of white lens.
North rim is open between May 15th and October 15th; likely another fall hike to mitigate 100-degree temperatures at the bottom of the canyon.
Likely make two-night lodging reservation at Bright Angel Lodge; check-in before the hike, and take a brief nap. Last time, stayed overnight at the north rim before completing the return hike the next day. When I entered the cabin, I was dusty, and did a spread eagle on the floor, not wanting to get the bed dirty. After resting a bit, took a shower, and was grateful that the toilet was close by, as I ended up puking.
I learned that there is a limit to how much caffeine my body can take to remain energized. Lost my appetite during the hike, but munched on salted almonds at water stops. I wear Merrill zero drop shoes; need a shoe with a more durable sole; my feet were quite sore. There’s a YouTube video of an older woman hiking R2R2R with bare feet.
Would likely combine this hike with week-long rafting trip on the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon, an experience that I’ve considered for more than a decade. Would also likely rent a camper van for this trip, too.
039 | WED 08 FEB 2023 | Moto
Scheduled two-day motorcycle training in Houston in mid-March with Awesome Riding. Registration cost $275; motorcycles and helmets provided; students must wear boots, gloves, and eye protection. On-line, knowledge portion must be completed within 30-days of the class.
Afterwards, will visit Texas Department of Public Safety, and submit documents to add Class M motorcycle endorsement to driver license. Training class exempts me from having to take the state’s knowledge and riding exam. Training is state specific; must be completed in the state in which a person is licensed.
Intention is to provide an additional means of transportation while traveling, nothing reckless. Looking into renting a motorcycle when I visit the island of Cyprus in May.
038 | TUE 07 FEB 2023 | Care
It likely doesn’t matter what a person does, as long as the person cares about what s/he does, and works to the best of her ability. There is likely nothing more damaging than indifference.
There is a staggering amount of trash along the roads and sidewalks in Central America. Plastic soda bottles, Styrofoam food containers, plastic shopping bags. Would I be of the mind to pick up trash in front of my own house, business, or neighborhood. I hope so.
037 | MON 06 FEB 2023 | Terminal
Boarded the chicken bus from Antigua to Guatemala City. The bus is audacious; paint job, chrome wheels and spinners, air horn. It’s like attending a state dinner with a prostitute, which is probably an insult to prostitutes.
Bus drops me off in the city, which must be the auto repair section. Tire shops, body shops, chop shops; stacks of car doors for sale. Pasty, white gringo sticks out, but everyone ignores him; perhaps everyone is just too busy with their own work.
Step into a Starbucks to get some work done before the evening bus to Flores. Starbucks is mostly empty. Order a drip coffee, but I don’t get drip coffee; I get coffee beverage, which looks like coffee, but there is no amount of cream or sugar that will resuscitate, and it contains no caffeine. I need a kick in the pants. I have a sore throat; feels like swallowing broken glass.
Starbucks is playing music from the 1980s, I could probably sing along, and resurrect my glory days from middle school. Actually, there were no glory days from middle school. I was an awkward teenager. Awkward adult, too; some things don’t change.
Late afternoon, walk down Seventh Avenue, in the financial district. It’s mostly deserted, unlike Wednesday. I don’t feel unsafe; it makes crossing the street much easier.
Step into a Taco Bell, it has WiFi. There is no touch screen kiosk for ordering, and there is no bean burrito on the menu, so I punt, and walk down the street to McDonalds.
I hide out in back of the restaurant, charging my iPhone before heading to the bus terminal. Bus terminal is only a block away; I make the decision to walk to the bus terminal after dark. Of course, I’d be terribly bothered if I got mugged one block away from the bus terminal. Anything is possible.
Arrive at the bus terminal, the same location where I bought the bus ticket on Wednesday afternoon. It doesn’t look any better in darkness than it did during the day. It would be easy to complain about the bus terminal, it’s far more difficult to say anything nice.
It’s made of concrete blocks, not unlike a prison cell. It’s dirty, I don’t even want to rest my backpack on the floor. There are crushed Oreo cookies under my left foot. There are bright LED lights in the ceiling, which helps to highlight the stains on the wall and floor. To my right is a toddler, who is sneezing and coughing up phlegm. I hope that he doesn’t sit next to me on the bus.
There is an older woman sitting across from me. There is a gentleman accompanying her, maybe her son. He obviously cares for her a great deal, his sense of compassion is palpable. He gently takes her elbow and guides her along the stairs to use the bathroom.
Tourist wanders in to the terminal. She is wearing an enormous backpack on her back, with a bright yellow rain cover, and a smaller backpack in the front. She appears over packed; a person couldn’t walk with that much weight, would have to take a taxi. Her hair is tied up in dreadlocks. She is chain-smoking hand-rolled cigarettes in the parking lot. It would be easy to judge her, and that would be a mistake. She speaks fluent Spanish, and jokes with the bus drivers loitering in the parking lot.
We board the double-decker bus; I’m sitting on the second floor, in the front, with a birds-eye view of red tail lights in front of me. Leaving Guatemala City, traffic is congested, the driving is slow. The bus driver is right below me; he’s playing music, all I hear is thumping. He might be chain-smoking cigarettes, too, because smoke is wafting up. At some point, I get bored of watching tail lights; lean the seat back and close my eyes.
I’m wearing all my clothes; t-shirt, long sleeve compression t-shirt, and a windbreaker. The bus is freezing cold; I am freezing cold. I fall asleep, but fitfully. I can tell when the bus stops moving, to pick-up and drop-off passengers. At one point, a police officer comes on board, and asks to see my passport, which I hand to him, half-dazed. My contact lenses are dried out, I can barely see.
Bus pulls into Santa Elena, just outside Flores at 5:00am; wake up abruptly and my head is in a deep fog, I might as well be drunk and hungover. It’s a short walk across the causeway to the hostel. The birds, maybe grackles, are deafening. Hostel guest departs early, and lets me in. I find some cold coffee in the kitchen, and sit down to write up my travel notes. Mid-morning, I’ll go out into town; need to find a bus that goes to the Mayan ruins in Tikal.
036 | SUN 05 FEB 2023 | Night
Elie Wiesel (1928-2016) was imprisoned at Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps, from May 1944 until Buchenwald’s liberation by allied forces in April 1945. His father, mother, and younger sister did not survive. He subsequently authored 57 books, and was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize (1986) as a “messenger to mankind.”
Hostel bookshelf in San Salvador had copy of Night (1958), by Elie Wiesel, which documents his experience during the holocaust.
Wiesel’s holocaust experience deeply challenged his religious and spiritual beliefs.
In one incident, three Jews were condemned to death by hanging for committing a crime. Prisoners were assembled in formation to bear witness. Two of the victims were adults, the third was a teenager. A person next to Wiesel whispered, “where is God, where is he?” After the hanging, the prisoners marched past the gallows. The two adults were dead, the teenager, still alive, writhing in the air. A person next to Wiesel whispered, “for God’s sake, where is God?” Wiesel replied, “Where is God? This is where – hanging from this gallows” as the prisoners marched off to dinner.
In another incident, Wiesel recounts a well-known Rabbi who asks the prisoners, “Where is God’s mercy? Where is God? How can I believe, how can anyone believe in this God of mercy?”
After the prison camp was liberated, Wiesel looked at himself in a mirror; the first time since being transferred from the ghetto to the prison camp. Wiesel writes, “From the depths of the mirror, a corpse was contemplating me. The look in his eyes as he gazed at me has never left me.”
Mankind has some tremendous accomplishments and achievements, and mankind’s inhumanity and cruelty, contains no bounds.
When Wiesel accepted the Nobel Peace Prize, he began his acceptance speech, “Do I have the right to represent the multitudes who have perished? Do I have the right to accept this great honor on their behalf? I do not. No one may speak for the dead, no one may interpret their mutilated dreams and visions.” Wiesel’s humility is overpowering.
035 | SAT 04 FEB 2023 | Boot camp
The Marines (1989), is a coffee table book by John de St Jorre; captures the essence of the Marine Corps in images and writing. Houston native, William Broyles, Jr., is a journalist, screenwriter, and editor. He served as a first lieutenant in the Marine Corps, and earned the Bronze Star during the Vietnam War. One excerpt from the book is an article Broyles wrote for Esquire, which captures the language and panic of Marine Corps boot camp.
There were six showers and forty of us. We scrambled naked over one another, punching and kicking.
“You got ten seconds to get back in the squad bay,” the drill instructor yelled. “Any motherfucker not in front of his rack in the position of attention, I am gonna unscrew his head and shit in it.”
We piled out of the showers.
“You assholes don’t look clean to me! I won’t have any smelly, dirty maggots in my nice clean squad bay. Back to the showers!”
We fought one another to get wet. Someone got a bloody lip. Someone else cut his hand on the shower handle.
“Blood in my showers! You sloppy bunch of shits! Get your toothbrushes! You got ten seconds to be on your hands and knees and clean my fucking head!”
We raced back into the squad bay, tore through our gear, and slipped and fell back into the bathroom, where we scrubbed the floor with our toothbrushes. For two or three hours we stampeded back and forth.
“Move! Move! Move! You don’t move, maggots, you gonna fuckin’ die!”
It was almost 4:00 in the morning when the lights finally went out.
“On my command: ready – sleep!”
At 5:30 the lights flicked on again. The drill instructors were beating trash cans with broom handles and screaming. We jumped out of bed and for half an hour did brutal calisthenics until we couldn’t raise ourselves off the floor. Several men threw up. Others urinated in their underwear, and for their sins had to stick their heads in the toilet bowls. The rest of us marched off in the dark to our first breakfast as Marines.
The Marine Corps has since cleaned up its language, but the terror of boot camp still exists. Recruits are indoctrinated at two locations; Parris Island, South Carolina and San Diego, California. Parris Island recruits get sand fleas; San Diego recruits get Mount Mother Fucker.
When I lived and worked in San Diego (2011-2013), I returned to Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, where I attended boot camp (1993); it’s adjacent to the airport; the runway parallels the obstacle course. Before I turned off the car engine, I heard the drill instructors yelling and the recruits shouting back, unsure how I endured.
034 | FRI 03 FEB 2023 | Spotlight
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we spend most of our time stumbling around in the dark (quotation from the Academy Award winning movie, Spotlight, 2015).
033 | THU 02 FEB 2023 | Dust
It’s unlikely that I will dent universe, despite whatever ambitions that I may have harbored during graduate school. This should be liberating; it frees me to do almost anything else. I also suppose, that no one really cares what I do, anyway.
In Zen Buddhism, one is taught that there is no gaining idea. A person doesn’t practice Buddhism to gain something, for example, to gain peace, equanimity, or enlightenment. A person practices Buddhism to practice Buddhism. Meditation is good for nothing.
Growing up in the 1970s, my brother had an album by Kansas; he played the track Dust in the Wind. “I have seen all the things that are done under the sun, and have found them all to be futile, a pursuit of the wind. What is crooked cannot be straightened, and what is lacking cannot be counted” (Ecclesiastes 1:14).
Is it liberating to stare into the abyss and realize that nothing will save me.
032 | WED 01 FEB 2023 | Mike
At San Salvador hostel, met Mike, traveler from London, England, exploring Mexico and Central America. Afterwards, he will return to London, and to his career as a creative consultant at an advertising agency.
Mike checked into the hostel one day after me; we spoke at breakfast the following morning. He has a positive and upbeat personality; I enjoyed sharing time with him. I asked Mike if his world travels make him intrepid. He suggested that he is not intrepid, but likely, foolish.
Mike has a medical condition that impairs muscle coordination and speech. It didn’t stop him from walking four miles into the city center to explore the city’s central square and architectural gems. He wasn’t even intimidated by the guards armed with short-barrel shotguns.
It’s been suggested that a person is alive to the extent that s/he is willing to embrace fear and uncertainty. As Nietzsche suggested, live dangerously.
031 | TUE 31 JAN 2023 | Cold shower
A decade ago, stayed at the Grand Hyatt in Beijing while traveling on business. Non-stop flight from Los Angeles; hotel driver picked me up at the airport in a BMW. After checking into the hotel, swam laps in the pool to stretch out my body after the long flight. In the spa area, the hotel had both a hot tub and a cold plunge; enjoyed both.
Often intrigued by Wim Hof’s cold temperature activities. Certainly see the value, even if I don’t practice in the same extreme manner.
As often as possible, I take cold showers, not freezing cold, but as cold as I can tolerate. I often start luke warm, and decrease the temperature; if my breathing becomes rapid, I know that I’m going in the right direction. I find that a cold shower reduces muscle soreness after running.
Traveling through Central America, there is little choice, most of the showers are cold. If I see one knob in the shower, it’s going to be a cold shower. Sometimes, the water is so cold, that I have to take a Navy shower. Rinse; turn off the water; soap up; turn the water back on to rinse off.
I walked through Managua Nicaragua on errands. Walked ten miles in the morning; it was terribly hot and humid; the sun, terribly intense. When I returned to the hostel, my body was overheated. Stepped into the coldest shower possible; my body didn’t even flinch.
030 | MON 30 JAN 2023 | Complain
There is little value in complaining. Complaining doesn’t change reality, doesn’t improve conditions. To complain is to resist reality. To resist reality only makes reality stronger. To be equanimous, is to let things be, allow the storm to dissipate on its own accord.
I could complain about dirty hostels, late buses, and cold showers. It’s temporary, not forever. I may choose instead, to let go. It’s better for me, it’s better for the people in my orbit. Not complaining should be a superpower. When a person complains, it often focuses only on the negative. Not complaining, a person is stretched to find the positive. Instead of complaining, find an opportunity for gratitude.
029 | SUN 29 JAN 2023 | Reality
With enough gray hair, have slowly learned that it’s not possible to negotiate with (against) reality. Reality is not negotiable. I gain nothing by arguing with reality; only strengthens reality’s resolve.
This doesn’t mean not trying, not making an effort, not taking action. When I was younger and more stubborn, I would put forth great effort. As I’ve become older, I recognize that I gain little by trying to swim upstream, trying to swim against the current, trying to swim against the tide.
Resistance is futile (said the Borg).
028 | SAT 28 JAN 2023 | Etgar Keret
Listen to This American Life; podcast episodes thoughtful. Half-Baked Stories About My Dead Mom introduced me to Israeli writer Etgar Keret.
Keret reads eight short stories about his late mother; she grew up in Germany during World War II. Stories are entertaining, whimsical, and often, sadly true; I laughed out loud.
Keret writes short stories, graphic novels, and screenplays. Always enjoy finding new writers, uniquely creative, and so different. Plan to get some of his titles for my summer travels.
Keret, too, may be similar to author, David Sedaris; both may be slightly neurotic; perhaps the spark that fuels their creative writing; perhaps, I could join their club.
027 | FRI 27 JAN 2023 | Trust
While passing through Nicaragua, read a book from hostel book shelf, titled Trust (2017), written by the sometimes controversial, Indian guru, Osho; my notes are excerpted below.
Move from known towards the unknown. Move from comfort towards discomfort.
Security is the greatest illusion. To be alive is to live in constant danger.
Man creates and lives behind (false) illusions. Embrace insecurity.
Observe when doubt arises. Don’t let doubt disturb you. There is no “you” to be disturbed.
Your mind is a wish-fulfilling tree. Whatever you think, sooner or later, is fulfilled.
Man becomes addicted to “radio” stations. To what stations are you addicted. Meditate, turn off your mind, turn off the stations, and rest.
What happens after death. Ask instead, what happens before death.
We may know the later, not the former.
026 | THU 26 JAN 2023 | Beirut
Anticipate visiting Beirut Lebanon this summer. I was a teenager in October 1983 when the Marine barracks at Beirut International Airport was targeted by a Hezbollah suicide truck bomb, killing 220 Marines. The attack was the greatest loss of life for Marines since the World War II Battle of Iwo Jima in 1945.
Marines were stationed in Beirut as a peace-keeping force during the Lebanese Civil War. Marines were required to follow strict rules of peacetime engagement, which prevented chambering a round in service rifles, and prevented ammunition to be loaded in crew-served, heavy weapons. This fall marks the fortieth anniversary of the bombing.
Anthony Bourdain first visited Beirut in July 2006, as the Israel–Hezbollah War escalated, resulting in the evacuation of Americans from Beirut to the nearby island of Cyprus, on board the USS Nashville. Following the incident, Bourdain felt that his show needed to focus on issues beyond food, and subsequently visited Libya, Cuba, Haiti, Liberia, Iraq, Beirut again, Israel, the West Bank, and Gaza.
Describing Beirut, Bourdain suggested “the food’s delicious, the people are awesome. It’s a party town. And everything wrong with the world is there. Hopefully, you will come back smarter about the world. You’ll understand a little more about how un-informed people are when they talk about that part of the world. You’ll come back as I did, changed and cautiously hopeful and confused in the best possible way.”
Look forward to the experience, may it shatter my false assumptions, beliefs, and delusions.
025 | WED 25 JAN 2023 | WIX
Used WIX to host website during past 18-months; user-friendly, low-cost platform.
Recently, have been less pleased with WIX; had to break up “The Daily” blog post due to size limitations; preference is to publish a single blog post over an extended period of time.
After some initial research, transitioning from WIX to WordPress.com. I own the domain, and the process should be seamless to the reader. Currently re-formatting the blog posts on WordPress. Anticipate making the platform switch in late March or early April. Anticipate that I will likely migrate from WordPress.com to WordPress.org in the future, after I get up to speed on hosting requirements, back-up protocols, and other administrivia.
If any of my writing has merit, may periodically push pieces to Medium or Substack.
024 | TUE 24 JAN 2023 | Samsara
Samsara (2011) is a non-narrative documentary directed by Ron Fricke, filmed in 25 countries over five years. Samsara refers to the cycle of birth and re-birth to which the material world is bound. Movie captures everything from the miraculous to the mundane; celebrates and condemns humanity.
In one scene, Buddhist monks prepare a complex sand mandala; and watch it swept casually away, a reminder of life’s impermanence.
In a second scene, French performance artist, Olivier de Sagazan, shares a disturbing transfiguration, perhaps, art imitating life.
023 | MON 23 JAN 2023 | What if
“There must be a con like me in every prison in America,” reads the opening line to Stephen King’s novella, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption, from the collection, Different Seasons (1982).
Stephen King shares an element of the writer’s craft, and asks the question “what if.” Take an ordinary situation, turn it on its head, invert the story, and see how it all unfolds.
If you think of a prison story, prisoners are guilty of a crime, and the warden is a just person, administering discipline. Predictably boring; and this is where Stephen King twists the story.
Andy Dufresne is in prison for murdering his wife, a crime that he did not commit; an innocent man in jail. Sam Norton, the warden, isn’t just, profiting from kick-back schemes and lining his own pockets; a corrupt man running the prison.
Stephen King is surprised by the characters’ twists and turns. Hope springs eternal.
022 | SUN 22 JAN 2023 | Why
Before departing for Panama, my friend, David, asked why I travel. I don’t know, beyond the strangely compelling urge to travel. If my life ended tomorrow, I would regret not experiencing the world.
Not counting countries; not striving to break a world record; not trying to slum my way around the world. Travel is an opportunity to remind me where I should be heading instead of where I am going. Recognize my own shortcomings, living in a bubble which I incorrectly perceive as “normal.” My delusions are endless.
Recognize that I am likely wrong; likely mis-guided. Most of my Darden classmates are still engaged in the pursuit of business, to which I surrendered. Maybe travel is a source of fuel, a catalyst for something different, as travel serves as a catalyst for writers Pico Iyer, Paul Theroux, and others.
From time to time, I’ve been offered the opportunity to join a start-up as CFO. As gently as possible, I have turned down each opportunity; can’t imagine surrendering my current path. I didn’t choose this path, it chose me; it was so compelling, could no longer ignore.
021 | SAT 21 JAN 2023 | Cookie
In fall 2021, visited National Parks in the U.S. desert southwest, a region of the country that I enjoy. In September, visited Zion National Park in the southwest corner of Utah, to hike the Narrows, along the Virgin River. Most of the hike takes place in the river, not on a traditional hiking trail.
One of the dangers is hypothermia, as the narrow canyon receives little sunshine, and the water temperature is cold. Water was often knee deep; in a few places, waist deep; one crossing was neck deep; placed iPhone and car keys in my hat (on my head), and hoped that I didn’t slip and go under.
It was a wonderful day, hiking the ten-mile round trip; one of the few days in my life where I was palpably happy. After the hike, drove southeast towards Kanab, to stay overnight at a local hostel.
Didn’t eat breakfast or lunch; after checking-in at the hostel, went to the kitchen to make dinner. There was some banana bread and a chocolate chip cookie left on the counter, to be shared. The banana bread was dry as dirt. I devoured the cookie. I like cookies.
This was not a chocolate chip cookie.
When I sat down to eat dinner, I felt different. Perhaps low blood sugar from fasting, or perhaps hungry after the hike. Slowly realized that it was neither. It was likely the cookie; likely a cannabis cookie.
By the time that I finished dinner, the room was spinning. I don’t know how much cannabis was in the cookie. Understand that the effect from edibles is stronger than smoking. Concerned about possible side effects, and concerned about triggering a migraine. Drank some water and went to bed. Woke up the next morning feeling okay, pretty relaxed, pretty low-key. I had command of my faculties, and drove south towards the Grand Canyon. Registered at the Backcountry Information Center, to hike the 45-mile (south) rim to (north) rim to (south) rim, the following day.
020 | FRI 20 JAN 2023 | Trust
The ability to travel as a tourist is based on trust, fundamental human decency. In December, tourists were unable to leave Machu Picchu, after the Peruvian president was removed from office, and supporters took to the streets in protest.
Tourist travel is fine, until there is a natural or other disaster, like an earthquake, which could result in loss of power, no internet, inability to obtain cash from an ATM. How quickly would travel plans devolve.
Traveling through Central America on a thin and delicate strand of trust.
019 | THU 19 JAN 2023 | Countries
I haven’t visited that many foreign countries, excluding business travel (ie. Europe, Singapore), or transited countries (ie. Belarus, Poland). The list will expand a great deal during the year.
My new passport is fifty pages, with forty-three blank pages for visa stamps. I understand that passports are no longer eligible for page inserts, and once full, a new passport must be obtained. Anticipate that my current passport may need to be replaced within five years.
- Australia (1996)
- Japan (1996 – 1997)
- Canada (2007 – 2011)
- China (2008, 2010)
- Mongolia (2010)
- Russia (2010)
- England (2010)
- India (2011)
- Mexico (2015, 2022, 2023)
- Dominican Republic (2016)
- Haiti (2016)
- Cuba (2017)
018 | WED 18 JAN 2023 | Kittens
Parents got Siamese kittens several days before Christmas; best Christmas gift ever.
Siamese kittens may be expensive, often between $1,000 and $1,500 each. We found a local breeder to avoid “shipping” the kittens, and purchased two for $900. Kittens were born at the end of October; brought home eight weeks later, weighing one and a half pounds each.
They are seal point kittens; their bodies are cream colored; the cool parts of their bodies (ears, nose, feet, tail, etc.) become dark brown over time. Suki, is a little girl, Milo, is a little boy. When they aren’t playing, they sleep side by side, as if glued together. Can’t imagine bringing home only one kitten. My parents didn’t have any other pets in the house, didn’t have to worry about compatibility. Sometimes, when playing, they are “popcorn” kittens, leaping straight up into the air.
My parents live in a rural area, and keep their cats indoors; cats become easy prey for coyotes, bobcats, and other predators.
017 | TUE 17 JAN 2023 | Eyes & Ears
When staying at hostels, would frequently use ear plugs to block out noise when sleeping, and an eye shade, to block out light. For this trip, I packed neither. Foam ear plugs compress ear wax into the ear canal, and risk not hearing fire alarm, in case of emergency.
If I am tired, I find that I fall asleep despite the noise around me. Focus on my breath, breath-in, breath-out, a form of meditation. I could complain about the fireworks, loud music, noisy guests, but there is no value in complaining. Breath-in, breath-out.
On non-travel days, don’t use an alarm clock. Awakened by noisy birds, barking dogs, crowing roosters, and the rising sun.
016 | MON 16 JAN 2023 | Socrates
Ascribed to Socrates, it’s been said, “to find yourself, think for yourself.” How does a person learn to think for one self. Indoctrinated in school from an early age on to graduate school. Served in the military, following lawful orders. Worked corporate job, being told what to do. Go to church, told what to believe. Follow social media, cave into peer pressure. How does a person break away from this powerful gravitational field, and learn to think for one self.
015 | SUN 15 JAN 2023 | Meaning less
Listened to podcast interview with Yuval Noah Harari, historian and professor at Hebrew University in Israel.
Harari suggests that life is meaningless. If the planet explodes tomorrow, it would have nothing to do with me or you, but simply physics; stars explode.
I become liberated (from this world) when I recognize that life is meaningless. How does a person exist in a life that is meaningless. I don’t have an answer, I wish that I did.
One challenge with meaning is that it is relative and not absolute. Your ascribed meaning may not be mine; my ascribed meaning may not be yours. The meaning of my life is not the meaning of life. My ascribed meaning isn’t much more than a coping mechanism in an absurd world. Which suggests that there is no meaning.
Harari suggests further, the Buddhist doctrine that life is suffering; Buddha said, “I teach suffering and the end of suffering.” To end suffering, drop the storyline in one’s head, and focus on objective reality.
Perhaps suffering arises in the pursuit of meaning, where there is no meaning to be found.
Maybe the movie, Matrix (1999), was on to something. Take the red pill, and reveal the un-settling, life-changing truth; take the blue pill, and continue living in ignorance and bliss.
014 | SAT 14 JAN 2023 | Loss
The father of a long-ago childhood friend died during the winter holiday; the obituary was recently published on-line. I haven’t seen the father or childhood friend since high school.
Author Saul Bellow hints at the sense of loss: “losing a parent is something like driving through a plate-glass window. You didn’t know it was there until it shattered, and then for years to come you’re picking up the pieces – down to the last glassy splinter.”
013 | FRI 13 JAN 2023 | Investing
Financial markets were underwhelming in 2022; almost every asset class was down; assets were more correlated than not; investment diversity did little to reduce volatility.
Making portfolio changes as markets improve in 2023. International index fund (10%) often lags US markets; bond index fund (40%) did little to provide a safe haven; will liquidate both.
Currently 10% of assets in cash, which provides adequate liquidity. Anticipate investing an additional 10% in Vanguard Ultra Short-term Bond Fund. Will increase investment in Total Stock Market from 40% to 75%. Invest remaining 5% as unique opportunities arise.
Sold International index fund in five trades during mid-January, 18% gain.
012 | THU 12 JAN 2023 | Cyprus
It’s likely that I will visit Cyprus, round-trip flight from Athens to Larnaca. It’s likely that I will fly from Adana Turkey to Beirut Lebanon, and onward to Amman Jordan. Cross into Israel via Allenby Bridge, back into Jordan, onward flight to Kuwait City.
Considered flying from Cyprus to Tel-Aviv, and taking the bus south to Eilat and cross into Jordan at Aqaba. It’s not clear if Jordanian visas are granted at Wadi Araba border crossing. Further, there could be an issue having a Jordanian entry stamp at the Israeli border, or to have only an exit stamp from Amman. It’s not worth the risk of being denied entry when visiting the Arabian Peninsula.
011 | WED 11 JAN 2023 | Freakonomics
Listened to podcast, People I Mostly Admire, interview between Steve Levitt and Stephen Dubner. They discussed how they split the profits on their first book, Freakonomics. They agreed to split the profits in half; Stephen Dubner explains:
“Just split it down the middle. It is just so much easier to give more than is expected and to take less than expected. The world is so full of people trying to take to the extent of stealing that if you can just establish yourself as a person who is not only not going to steal, but you’re actually just going to give. It’s really exciting to try to be the kind of partner where all your other partners get better off, and that you don’t feel like you’re extracting.”
It’s likely that the world would be a better place if there was more giving and less taking.
010 | TUE 10 JAN 2023 | Europe
For summer travel, will fly round-trip, Newark to London, enjoy several days in London; Eurostar to Paris, several days in Paris; high-speed train to Milan, several days in Milan, before taking the train to Bari, and overnight ferry to Patras, Greece.
On return trip, ferry from Tangiers Morocco, across Strait of Gibraltar, to Tarifa Spain; shuttle bus to Algeciras, for onward train to Madrid. Enjoy several days in Madrid; fly to Lisbon Portugal; return flight to Barcelona Spain, high-speed train to Paris, Eurostar to London, return flight to Newark. Week in London, week in Paris, and ten days in Portugal and Spain.
009 | MON 09 JAN 2023 | Red Sea
My preference is to travel overland; it’s simply a different experience than flying. However, overland visas may be more difficult to coordinate than flying into a major airport.
If possible, will take ferry from Duba, Saudi Arabia to Safaga, Egypt, crossing the Red Sea. A recent travel thread confirms; ferry should include coordination of Egypt entry visa.
Given the proximity, will head north to Hurghada, Egypt, and take high-speed catamaran to Sharm el Sheikh, in south Sinai Peninsula; at a later date, eight-hour bus trip to Cairo.
Sinai Peninsula, in general, is considered un-safe due to terrorism and violence. South Sinai is a safer region to travel, and visited by tourists.
If the ferry is not available, back-up plan is two-hour flight from Medina, Saudi Arabia to Cairo. It’s also possible to fly non-stop from Jeddah to Sharm el Sheikh.
008 | SUN 08 JAN 2023 | Turkey
Travel itinerary for Turkey coming together. Bit of a challenge, given country’s geographic expanse. Eastern part of the country borders Georgia, Armenia, and Iran, is quite remote.
Arrive in Marmaris via ferry from Greece. Travel northeast to Pamukkale, west towards modern-day Kusadasi, before heading north towards Gallipoli peninsula, and Istanbul.
West towards Safranbolu and Anakra, before heading south towards Konya. Anticipate spending more time in the Cappadocia region, before heading south towards Adana. Hopefully, fly non-stop to Beirut (four times per week, SAT, SUN, MON, THU).
Recall watching the movie, Midnight Express (1978) as a teenager; found the film to be incredibly disturbing. While based on Billy Hayes attempt to smuggle drugs out of the country, the film isn’t entirely true. Director suggested that his stance on Turkey was extreme, and in hindsight, not a fair reflection of the country or its people.
007 | SAT 07 JAN 2023 | Greece
Travel itinerary for Greece is coming together; takes time given the overwhelming number of places to visit and geography. Visit in May; nice weather; before peak summer crowds.
Take overnight ferry from Bari Italy to Patras Greece. Visit Olympia and on towards Athens. North to Delphi, Meteora (Kalambaka), Mt. Olympus (Litochoro), Thessaloniki (second largest city in Athens), and Kassandra peninsula, before returning south to Athens via train.
Day trip to island of Hydra, where there are no motorized vehicles, and south to islands of Mykonos, Delos, Crete, and Rhodes, traveling via ferry. One-hour ferry to Marmaris, in southwest corner of Turkey. Apply for Turkish eVisa on-line; border entry should be okay.
006 | FRI 06 JAN 2023 | Peace
Listened to dharma talk from San Francisco Zen Center. Teaching suggested, may you find peace, in life, even for just a moment. May you find equanimity, in the midst of the storm.
Peace just for a moment, how fleeting, ephemeral, and elusive. If we don’t find peace within, we don’t find it with others; family, friends, co-workers. If we don’t find peace within, we don’t find it with other nations, so we pick up a weapon and fight, for 2,000 years.
During the holidays, it’s often suggested, peace on earth. Perhaps next holiday season, it should be suggested, peace within.
Contemplate returning to the monastery, likely, for two-year commitment; in search of ever-elusive equanimity. Maybe a person only finds peace when s/he stops grasping for peace. Nothing to gain, nothing to obtain; instead, what may I lose, give up, and surrender.
005 | THU 05 JAN 2023 | 100
Baked each week this past fall. Sometimes the bread loaves stayed home, sometimes, gifted to family or friends.
I maintain a bread-baking notebook; record the formula that I used for each bake, make notes about techniques used for mixing, kneading, bulk ferment, shaping, and scoring. Make notes about changes to try for the next bake, and also note the weather, which may impact baking (ie. temperature or humidity).
I have now baked more than one hundred loaves. The loaves are consistently good, or good enough to give to others, and not be embarrassed. The dough has adequate strength that I may shape the dough without it sticking to everything (my hands, counter, bench scraper). The loaves have excellent oven spring, and a well-pronounced ear.
I continue to enjoy baking; just enough art and just enough science to be interesting and fascinating; a skill that I may continue to develop over my remaining life; a skill that doesn’t involve my laptop.
I’ll have a few weeks to bake in April; I will experiment with pushing up the hydration of the dough, which should produce a more delicate, open crumb.
004 | WED 04 JAN 2023 | No thing
One day, a monk was sitting.
Second monk asked, what are you doing.
First monk replied, I’m not doing any thing.
Second monk said, then you are sitting leisurely.
First monk replied, if I were sitting leisurely I would be doing something.
Second monk said, what is it that you are not doing.
First monk replied, one thousand sages don’t know.
Some people suggest that meditation is good for nothing. Other people suggest that doing nothing is of the highest order.
In a society that endorses busy-ness, the risk is to look down upon doing nothing. To be certain, doing nothing isn’t using one’s iPhone, doing nothing is doing no thing.
It’s odd how many times people attempt to look busy at work. Perhaps there would be more creativity and innovation if employees were allowed to do nothing.
003 | TUE 03 JAN 2023 | Prisoner
Finished reading Prisoner (2019), by Jason Rezaian, who served as bureau chief for the Washington Post in Tehran Iran; he was held in captivity for 544-days (July 2014 – Jan 2016).
Rezaian shares about his time in solitary confinement, “If you’re lucky you learn to quiet your mind, just a little, and live softly. It’s not really submission. Don’t do that. It’s closer to an acceptance. You’re being carried down a river and your odds of survival do not increase if you try to swim upstream. To the extent that it’s possible, just go with it.”
His understanding of acceptance is consistent from the teaching shared by a Buddhist monk.
002 | MON 02 JAN 2023 | C’mon C’mon
Watched, C’mon C’mon (2019), movie directed by Mike Mills, starring Joaquin Phoenix. Filmed in black and white; produced by Lionsgate and A24, known for unique content.
Film is understated, it weaves in reality with unscripted content. It took a chance and tried something different; a break from movies that bludgeon its audience with special effects.
Movie takes place in Los Angeles, New York, Detroit, and New Orleans; cities are recognizable, and in a sense, become their own characters.
Near the end of the film, one actor shares, “whatever you plan on happening never happens. Stuff you would never think of, happens.”
001 | SUN 01 JAN 2023 | New Year
Best wishes for health and happiness in the New Year. May you find all that you seek.
365 | SAT 31 DEC 2022 | Blog
Write daily blog post since September 1st; during the past four months, 120 posts, 40-pages. I enjoy the process, or perhaps, work-in-process. Provides flexibility for topic and length.
Don’t have the talent or ability to write at the last moment. I maintain at least seven draft posts and seven edited posts. Sometimes, I post the night before, if I anticipate traveling.
Maintain a list of sixty idea “threads” that I find interesting and would like to develop. Periodically, I cull the list. I try to write about what I know, or write about what I find fascinating. If I don’t enjoy the topic, if I don’t find joy, neither will the reader.
For the New Year, will continue to post each day, at the top of the feed. I will also post one long blog, predictably, on the first day of each month. Best wishes for the New Year.
364 | FRI 30 DEC 2022 | Holly-daze
Usually return to Connecticut to visit family and friends during the winter holiday. It often seems like a good idea, but never feels good. Don’t fit in; single and alone; not married, no children. Large gatherings of people drains the energy out of me. As much as I would like to see family and friends, I’m left feeling defective, depressed, and discouraged.
The days are shorter, there is less sunlight. The weather is colder, it’s difficult to be active outdoors. Grey skies and brown trees. Connecticut could be called the brown state.
Prefer desert climate, perhaps not during the summer; appreciate the sunshine, temperate weather, and limited precipitation, if any. Visiting Central America and Mexico is ideal during the winter; average daytime temperature 75-degrees, no rain, and affordable.
363 | THU 29 DEC 2022 | Tom Bihn
For almost a decade, traveled with a black Tom Bihn TriStar (33-liter, 2000-cubic inch). Replaced the bag this fall with a black Tom Bihn Synik (30-liter, 1830-cubic inch).
Tom Bihn luggage is thoughtfully designed and hand-made in Seattle; likely the most durable luggage ever. Visited the headquarters on my way to Alaska this past summer.
TriStar was a nice design; it looked professional for work, and incredibly functional traveling in the middle of nowhere. It could be carried by its handles, shoulder strap, and as a backpack. Backpack straps are functional, no problem going through the airport. But I found the pack wasn’t comfortable to wear over longer distances, let’s say walking three to five miles to the local bus station. Not lazy, it just hurt. I sold the bag recently on Craigslist.
Synik is designed as a backpack, and includes a lightweight aluminum frame for weight distribution. Redeployed most of my packing cubes from the TriStar to the Synik. The backpack is my solution for one-bag travel. Backpack is small enough to fit in an airplane overhead compartment, and also fits next to me when traveling on a bus. In a foreign country, it’s best to keep the bag within arm’s reach. A small backpack requires me to pack wisely, and don’t carry anything that won’t be used frequently, or anything heavy or dense.
362 | WED 28 DEC 2022 | Curiosity
One reason that I stepped aside from CFO career is that it became boring. It still required intellectual horsepower, there was no end to lawyers structuring complex agreements. Sometimes, it seemed like the only purpose for complexity was complexity itself.
Perhaps one challenge for institutions of higher learning, and even careers, is the lack of curiosity. Beyond requisite skills, perhaps people – young and old – should pursue curiosity, with its inherent potential for limitless energy and possibility.
To pursue money or power, for its own sake, is likely fleeting or ephemeral, a fool’s errand.
I travel the world because I’m curious about the world. I write because I struggle to understand the world.
361 | TUE 27 DEC 2022 | Hyperion
Recently read The New New Thing, by Michael Lewis (2000), who documents Jim Clark, the serial entrepreneur who created Silicon Graphics and Netscape, among others. The opening chapter describes the first sailing of Clark’s 156-foot computer controlled sailboat, Hyperion, in the rough December waters of the North Sea.
Clark, at age thirty-eight, found himself as a failed college professor. “You reach these points in life when you say, I’ve reached some sort of dead end here. What was the point of getting here? And you descend into chaos. All those years you thought you were achieving something, and you achieved nothing. I developed this maniacal passion for wanting to achieve something.”
Lewis continues, “and in something like an instant, the man had changed his life. He reinvented his relationship to the world around him in a way that is considered normal only in California. No one who had been in his life to that point would be in it ten years later.”
Clark’s passage resonated with me; a failed CFO. How will I maniacally reinvent my life.
360 | MON 26 DEC 2022 | Jet-setting
Pieced together an itinerary to travel through Arabian Peninsula; fly non-stop from country to country without backtracking, easier said than done.
Fly from Amman, Jordan to Kuwait City; Kuwait recently resumed issuing tourist visas after a two-year hiatus during the pandemic. Fly from Kuwait City to Doha, Qatar. Fly from Doha to Dubai, United Arab Emirates, to visit my niece, who works in Dubai. Fly from Dubai to Salalah, Oman. Salalah is purported to turn “green” and become a desert oasis during the summer rainy season (less than one inch of rain).
Bus from Salalah to Muscat, Oman, traveling 1,000 kilometers (600-miles). One of the few opportunities to travel by ground through the desert. Fly from Muscat to Bahrain. While Bahrain and Qatar are less than 50-miles apart, there are no direct flights between the two countries, due to strained relations.
Fly from Bahrain to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, and onward bus travel from Riyadh to Jeddah, on the Red Sea coast; a departure point to Mecca. Mecca is one of Islam’s holiest cities; only Muslims are allowed to enter.
359 | SUN 25 DEC 2022 | King
Re-read On Writing (2000), by Stephen King, his “attempt to show how one writer was formed. Not how one writer was made; I don’t believe writers can be made.”
King shares some colorful anecdotes about his childhood, and reminds readers that he is one of “the final handful of American novelists who learned to read and write before they learned to eat a daily helping of video bullshit (television).”
“When you write a story, you’re telling yourself the story, when you rewrite, your main job is taking out all the things that are not the story.” King shares his most valuable piece of editing advice ever received: “second draft = first draft less 10%.”
“You learn best by reading a lot and writing a lot, and the most valuable lessons of all are the ones you teach yourself.” King is often asked if he writes for the money. His response, “No, don’t now, and never did. I write for the pure joy of writing, and if you can do it for joy, you can do it forever. If there is no joy in it, it’s just no good.” Perhaps, also true about life.
358 | SAT 24 DEC 2022 | Healthcare
Healthcare is a human right, reasonable access for all. A diagnosis of a complicated medical condition should neither be a death sentence nor trigger personal bankruptcy.
A reformed US healthcare system would be funded by employer-based payroll tax and individual income tax. These funds would be segregated, to pay for medical care provided by private (non-government) doctors, specialists, and facilities. Such a system would eliminate the need for employer-provided medical insurance, Medicare, and Medicaid.
Providers would remit billing codes to the government on-line for timely electronic reimbursement; no mail. Billing codes would be reimbursed by a single, in-network rate, adjusted for regional cost of living.
It’s likely that a market for supplemental insurance would proliferate, to reimburse for procedures not covered by the system (ie. elective cosmetic surgery), or to reimburse providers that choose to operate out-of-network, rather than accept established reimbursement rates.
357 | FRI 23 DEC 2022 | Insurance
After the past few weeks in the healthcare system, have contemplated dropping health insurance. Technically, Sedera is a health share out of Austin Texas, and not insurance.
Recognize that I’m the exception. 60% of Americans receive medical insurance through their employer, and 20% of Americans receive medical insurance through Medicare or Medicaid. I’m part of the 15% of Americans that are either under or un-insured.
I recognize that the purpose of insurance is to mitigate the risk of financial loss, but, I’m not sure if I receive value in exchange for premiums. Over four decades, age 25 through age 65, an average American could pay $160,000 in premiums, excluding co-pays, co-insurance, and deductibles. Would rather set aside cash to pay for the health care that I consume, using US-based cash-pay providers, or affordable care outside the United States. I’m also willing to accept the premise of not “saving my life” at any cost.
356 | THU 22 DEC 2022 | Migraine
Woke after midnight with a migraine. Before going to bed, noticed initial symptoms; took Benadryl, to no avail. At 1:00am, took Excedrin, to no avail. Perhaps didn’t drink enough water, or should have remained standing for fifteen minutes before returning to bed.
Woke after sunrise; pain was soul-crushing. Crawled to the bathroom to take another Excedrin. Nausea was overwhelming; Excedrin came back up. Sore throat for the remainder of the morning. Returned to bed with an ice pack on my head; ears ringing like church bells.
It was a nice day; sunshine and 55-degrees. Wanted to go trail running. Prefer being productive; the day was hijacked by a migraine. Got up at 4:00pm, to respond to work-related emails, gathering like fallen leaves on a windy day.
By bedtime, my body was vertical; showered and shaved. Migraine dissipated, but a headache remained. Didn’t want to go to bed, I was in bed all day.
Sometimes, the challenge of a severe migraine, is that the migraine returns in a day or two, in a series of rebound headaches. I call it migraining – a verb – not as severe, but still, challenging to manage. Ugh.
355 | WED 21 DEC 2022 | Trail running
Yesterday was mild, 55-degrees. Went trail running at Hartman Park, 300 acres of undeveloped woodland, two miles from my parent’s house. Most often, go running with my twin brother. It’s become more difficult with colder weather and fewer daylight hours.
Ran five miles, over a single-track trail, at a slower pace than I would normally run on a flat surface. Needed to keep an eye on the ground, watching out for rocks and roots, hidden beneath fallen leaves. While the pace is slower, it was a good workout, lots of opportunities for proprioception, jumping over water obstacles and logs.
354 | TUE 20 DEC 2022 | Medical costs
Received five different invoices from five different billing agencies for colonoscopy; facility fee, anesthesia, doctor, lab, and pathologist. Invoices totaled $5,700 before $3,400 discount as cash-pay customer; net amount paid $2,300, submitted to Sedera for reimbursement, as colonoscopy is considered preventative. Average colonoscopy cost $2,750.
Imagine a scenario where you take your car in for repair. When you leave the garage, you don’t receive the bill, because the billing is too complex. When you receive the bill, you receive five different invoices from five different billing agencies; an invoice for the facility fee, computer diagnostic, diagnostic reading, parts, and labor. Shouldn’t be this hard.
Plan to get my next colonoscopy screening before my 60th birthday; I will consider better priced alternatives in the United States, and also consider alternatives outside the country.
Colon cancer screening saves lives. Colonoscopy Assist provides an affordable solution, capping the total cost at $1,075, with locations throughout the United States.
353 | MON 19 DEC 2022 | Butterflies
Poet, Mary Oliver, wrote Seven White Butterflies, as a punctuation-less poem, as if there was a finite amount of punctuation that a writer could use, as if someone said, “no more semicolons.”
Seven white butterflies
delicate in a hurry look
how they bang the pages
of their wings as they fly
to the fields of mustard yellow
and orange and plain
gold all eternity
is in the moment this is what
Blake said Whitman said such
wisdom in the agitated
motions of the mind seven
dancers floating
even as worms toward
paradise see how they banter
and riot and rise
to the trees flutter
lob their white bodies into
the invisible wind weightless
lacy willing
to deliver themselves unto
the universe now each settles
down on a yellow thumb on a
brassy stem now
all seven are rapidly sipping
from the golden tower who
would have thought it could be so easy?
352 | SUN 18 DEC 2022 | Cyprus
Plan to visit Greece and Turkey. Cyprus is nearby, but visiting is less easy than it appears.
Cyprus, part of the European Union (EU), remains divided since 1964. The Republic of Cyprus, controlled by Greece, is recognized by the world. The Turkish Republic of North Cyprus, controlled by Turkey, is recognized only by Turkey.
The border is patrolled by the United Nations; both Greek and Turkish Cypriots are allowed to pass. The capital city of Nicosia, on the border, is the last divided capital in the world.
Most travelers enter Cyprus from the south; fly to Paphos, ferry to Limassol, or fly to Larnaca. Entering from the north is illegal; fly to Ercan International Airport, or ferry to Kyrenia (Girne).
Travelers arriving from the north could be detained at the border for illegal entry. Travelers departing from the north could be detained entering an EU-member country, not having legally departed Cyprus. Message boards are conflicted.
Anticipate flying from Beirut Lebanon to Larnaca, and flying onward to Tel-Aviv, Israel.
351 | SAT 17 DEC 2022 | Cobain
Came across a quotation by musician Kurt Cobain, “They laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
Some people strive to be eccentric for the sake of eccentricity. Other people are genuinely unique, no artifice, no striving, and no desire for undue attention.
350 | FRI 16 DEC 2022 | Israel
Plan to visit Israel next summer. A country with great history, but not without political and religious turmoil. Israel does not stamp passports, but a separate piece of paper, to ensure onward travel to Muslim-practicing, Arab nations.
Only two bordering countries allow unfettered access to Israel, Jordan and Egypt. Anticipate flying from Beirut Lebanon to Amman Jordan. The alternative is to drive from Beirut to Amman via Damascus Syria. Plan to visit key sights in Jordan, including Petra, before crossing the border at Allenby Bridge to Israel. Anticipate returning to Amman, before traveling onward to Kuwait. It’s important to not have a Jordanian exit stamp at Allenby Bridge; stamp the visa not the passport.
The other challenge is managing the Jordanian visa, for most Americans, a 30-day, single entry, visa on arrival. U.S. State Department suggests that Americans may re-enter Jordan at Allenby Bridge using the same 30-day visa as long as it has not expired; re-confirmed by contacting the American consulate in Amman. Challenging but not impossible.
349 | THU 15 DEC 2022 | Self-help
Read many self-help books over the years; have come to doubt the value of self-help books.
Not certain that there is anything to improve. Not certain that improvement is possible. In the teaching of Zen Buddhism, there is no self, thus, no self-help, and nothing to be gained.
Shunryu Suzuki, founder of San Francisco Zen Center, would remind his students that “each of you is perfect the way you are … and you may use a little improvement.”
I find myself in a strange place, a place that I don’t recognize, a place unique from my peers.
348 | WED 14 DEC 2022 | EWR – LHR
Purchased round-trip plane ticket for summer, Newark to London on United Airlines. Waited for the booking window to open, eleven months forward. Sitting way in the back, seat 39D.
Fly to London last week of April; return to New York first week of November. Non-stop flight on-board wide body, Boeing 767. Ticket was not inexpensive, $1,835 including tax and fees.
Will travel for more than 190-days, amortizing the ticket over the duration of the trip is less than $10 per day; also an opportunity to earn frequent flier miles, which I use often.
January 7th, cancelled reservation and rebooked for $725 and $1,100 travel credit; 40% of original purchase price. My friend, Davinder pointed out the fare difference.
347 | TUE 13 DEC 2022 | Travel
I have a rough idea of where I am traveling this winter after the New Year.
If a person travels long enough, events may go sideways. Flights delayed or cancelled; broken trains pushed back to the platform, long-distance bus that doesn’t show-up.
It is dangerous or reckless – a false sense of confidence – to assume that I am impervious to things going wrong.
There are many things that may go wrong: kidnapped, mugged, stabbed, COVID, flu, other illness, terrorist attack or bombing, or family member falling ill.
Not scared, not afraid, but often uncomfortable. Sometimes, it’s better to settle into the discomfort without trying to make it go away, because it doesn’t go away.
346 | MON 12 DEC 2022 | Water filter
Tap water isn’t safe to drink in Mexico. Visiting Mexico this past year, AirBnB hosts provided five-gallon containers of drinking water. Staying at a hostel, I would buy water, one dollar per day, or, boil water and make black tea.
Before I depart for Central America, I looked into buying a water filter to minimize the need to buy drinking water. Charcoal water filter bottles have mixed reviews. The filter must remain wet; users complain that it’s difficult to use the built-in straw. UV light water filters are not inexpensive, but they are not robust, and often break after the purchase date.
345 | SUN 11 DEC 2022 | Stutz
Watched the Netflix documentary, Stutz, directed by Jonah Hill, and produced by Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara. Movie introduces the tools used by psychologist Phil Stutz.
People live in a world with pain, uncertainty, and constant effort. Adversity is the villain; you are the hero; appreciate the process.
Confidence is the ability to move forward under uncertainty, to appreciate that every accomplishment may be marred or flawed; to recognize that fairness does not exist.
Radical acceptance is faith that every experience has value; move forward by finding the positive in every negative. Process loss, or non-attachment, is the willingness to lose everything. What if you lived in a world where you could only give and could not take.
344 | SAT 10 DEC 2022 | Speech
In Buddhism, right speech is an element of the eightfold path to end suffering. The intention is to not lie, to not speak crudely, to not gossip. Buddhism is easy to understand, but often difficult to practice.
Some people refer to the Socrates speech filter, to not speak before passing three tests. Is what you are about to speak truthful, kind, and useful.
May we speak appropriately with family, friends, and colleagues. May we pause before posting on social media. May news media and politicians practice right speech. Imagine.
343 | FRI 09 DEC 2022 | Hmm
Running errands the other day; listened to podcasts while going about my day. There were two interesting quotations. “We don’t get what we deserve; we get what we get.” The second quotation suggested that “life is trial and error.” My life is mostly error.
342 | THU 08 DEC 2022 | Aging
After completing the colonoscopy, recognize that I’m getting older; recognize that I’m not impervious. Twenty-five years ago, my body was unstoppable. I am subject to decay. Intention is to take care of myself, diet and exercise, but it doesn’t seem to be enough.
It seems to be a reminder, that I should live now, without delay, travel the world, while my hips and knees work, while my mind still works, too.
If I resist the inevitable – aging and falling ill – I will suffer.
341 | WED 07 DEC 2022 | Sick care
When not traveling, I schedule various medical appointments. Yesterday, went to the dentist and optometrist. Asked if I take any medications; there is surprise when I reply “no.”
Medical care doesn’t keep people healthy, it treats people after falling ill.
If I was hit by a bus, I would need and want hospital care. I don’t want medical care to extend my life. I would rather end my life, than to lie in bed infirm or incapacitated.
Instead of paying for medical care premiums, maybe I would be better off investing those dollars in activities that would keep me healthy and away from doctors.
340 | TUE 06 DEC 2022 | Results
Doctor removed a small 4mm sessile (flat) polyp during the colonoscopy; polyps are found in one third of all procedures. Polyps are sent to the lab for biopsy, and may be benign, pre-cancerous, or cancerous. It may take a decade for a sessile polyp to become cancerous.
The polyp was pre-cancerous; my next colonoscopy will be in seven-years. Cologuard is non-invasive and inexpensive, but, when would the polyp be detected.
339 | MON 05 DEC 2022 | Colonoscopy
Completed a colonoscopy recently. Two years ago, completed the Cologuard test, what I call, shit in a box. Feel sorry for the UPS driver who has to pick-up or deliver the sample.
Many of my friends were getting a colonoscopy, and I didn’t want to miss out on the excitement. Cologuard test has to be repeated every three years; a colonoscopy, up to ten years. One advantage of the Cologuard test, is that there is no risk of perforating the colon. Didn’t fear the procedure; I’ve had an upper endoscopy twice; with anesthesia, you don’t feel anything, except, perhaps brief euphoria, as you drift off into sleep.
I’ve often enjoyed reading about Dave Barry’s colonoscopy experience, and certainly, as I was preparing for the procedure, couldn’t help but recall the infamous bathroom scene from the 1994 film, Dumb and Dumber.
Spent two hours at the medical office; one hour in prep, with a saline solution hooked to an IV line; the procedure itself takes less than thirty minutes, and less than thirty minutes post-procedure. Nurse had difficulty finding a vein for the IV, settling on my left hand after failing with my right arm. In the procedure suite, the Propofol (anesthetic), sometimes referred to as “milk of amnesia” burns at the application site. It didn’t feel as much like a burn, as it felt like someone was pricking my hand with a pin, or stabbing my hand with a razor.
338 | SUN 04 DEC 2022 | UVA
There was a recent shooting on the campus of University of Virginia, where I attended graduate school; three students were killed. Shooting sprees are like a contagion, at some point, it’s likely that each of our lives will be touched by needless violence.
The second amendment, the right to bear arms, was ratified in 1791 under the Bill of Rights. Some historians believe that the amendment wasn’t intended for individuals to bear arms, but rather, to prevent the need for a standing army, with the ability to assemble a militia in the defense of a young nation.
Many Americans live in neighborhoods, and buy food at supermarkets. In Alaska, there are subsistence residents, who live off-grid, and do their own hunting and fishing.
For many Americans, outside of the military and peace officers, there isn’t a need for firearms. Without firearm restrictions, it is all too easy to use a firearm out of anger.
How many more school children will be killed before citizens demand that lawmakers amend the constitution.
337 | SAT 03 DEC 2022 | Holmes
Elizabeth Holmes was sentenced to eleven years in prison for her role in the Theranos deception. Her co-conspirator, Ramesh Balwani, is scheduled for sentencing December 7th. The prosecution was seeking a fifteen-year sentence. Holmes will report to prison in April 2023, after the birth of her second child; it’s expected that Holmes will appeal her sentence.
Theranos was documented in the book, Bad Blood by Wall Street Journal reporter, John Carreyrou. I’ve read the book more than once, it’s a page-turner.
The judge, in reading the sentence, suggested that investors may lose money, because some start-ups fail, however, investors don’t expect fraud, and shouldn’t tolerate fraud.
336 | FRI 02 DEC 2022 | Taken hostage
Watched the two-part, four-hour PBS documentary about the Iran hostage crisis, which documents events leading up to the November 1979 embassy seizure, and the hostages 444-days in captivity.
I was nine years old at the time, I was aware of the hostages. Television news counted the days in captivity. I remember gasoline rationing, my parents filling-up the car on alternate days, based on the vehicle license plate number.
The first part of the documentary shares history leading up to the embassy seizure. The CIA deposed Prime Minister Mohammad Mosaddegh in 1953, and placed the Shah, who previously, was a figurehead with little power. By 1979, the Shah was exiled from Iran, and sought asylum, in part, for medical treatment due to cancer.
The second part of the documentary provides insight into Operation Eagle Claw, the failed April 1980 military mission to rescue the hostages that killed eight American servicemen. The military operation was rife with ineptitude.
As the hostage crisis continued, Saddam Hussein invaded Iran, leading to the prolonged Iran-Iraq war. It’s ironic that the United States supplied Hussein with military assets and intelligence – the infamous handshake between Hussein and Donald Rumsfeld – only to attack Hussein a decade later during Operation Desert Storm.
The hostages were released on January 20th 1981, after Reagan’s presidential inaugural address. It’s not difficult to argue that these calamities were self-induced by the United States, foreign policy influenced by access to crude oil. Maybe Matt Damon was correct in this scene from Good Will Hunting.
335 | THU 01 DEC 2022 | Failure
A colleague called yesterday, we discussed his new career opportunity. The opportunity involves both risk and uncertainty. Sometimes, we may not identify all risks. Other times, we may not de-risk the opportunity. Are we willing to accept the worst-case outcome.
Some career opportunities are more safe; these opportunities are too often mind-numbing, and too often, eliminate any potential for up-side. Helen Keller suggested that “security is mostly a superstition; avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.”
Fear of failure is likely more inhibiting than failure itself. Failure isn’t fatal. We only fail when we fail to try.
334 | WED 30 NOV 2022 | Two pounds
During the past few weeks, exercising with two-pound jump rope. Ropes available in two-pound, three-pound, and five-pound. On the surface, it doesn’t sound like much weight, but when you use the rope for any period of time, you feel it in your shoulders, arms, and abs.
I often do 100 jumps at a time; it gets me moving and away from my laptop, and gets me breathing hard. Some people do interval training, 60-seconds on, 60-seconds off.
In the past, I’ve exercised with speed ropes. The heavy rope spins more slowly. I usually jump on the grass, which is more forgiving than a hard surface, both for me and the rope. The rope includes a nylon cover to protect from damage when striking the ground.
If you’re looking for a different way to remain physically active, try a weighted rope.
333 | TUE 29 NOV 2022 | Sedaris
Recently read Happy-Go-Lucky (May 2022), collection of short stories and essays by David Sedaris. It was available at the local library, and I can’t resist reading his books. Most of the stories were written during the pandemic and COVID lockdowns. There were some good one-liners in the book, including his comments on “vegan soup.”
One person at the library commented that Sedaris is neurotic. I agreed, that he is not normal, that he is not like “us.” Otherwise, he would likely be boring, and have nothing to say. Thank goodness.
332 | MON 28 NOV 2022 | Bourne
I enjoyed the Bourne movies. In the opening scene to The Bourne Supremacy (2004), Bourne grabs his passport and a small backpack, before giving chase to an assassin.
There is nothing that connects me to this world. No spouse, no children, no house, no car. Just a passport and a backpack. Maybe some detritus in a cardboard box that would never be missed.
331 | SUN 27 NOV 2022 | HTX
I lived and worked in Houston Texas for five years, longer than any other location. I never picked Houston, I wouldn’t have picked Houston, but I was asked to relocate.
The city grows on you; there is nothing that a person can’t do in Houston. It is the fourth largest city in the United States, it’s not an accident.
The city is well-off, it has financial resources. The city is an amalgamation of people and cultures, many wonderful options for ethnic food. Texas Medical Center is one of the top five complexes in the country.
Even with the heat and humidity, I miss the city, I miss my friends. I miss attending Houston Zen Center. I miss my neighborhood in Montrose; I miss driving along Allen Parkway.
There is no going backwards, only forwards.
330 | SAT 26 NOV 2022 | Mini Moto
When I pass through Houston Texas in March 2023, plan to take a two-day motorcycle training class, to add the driver license motorcycle endorsement. Written segment of the course is completed on-line; the weekend course, in-person, covers driving skills. Motorcycles and helmets are provided, $275 cost.
I no longer have a car, but would still like a means of transportation. I considered a bicycle, ebike, or scooter, but would likely start off with a small motorcycle. Honda makes three small motorcycles – Grom, Monkey, and Navi – between 110-130cc, street legal, light weight (less than 250-pounds), and capable of reaching speeds up to 60 or 65 mph.
Motorcycle doesn’t take up much space; if traveling, could easily store in someone’s garage or shed. Would also create an avenue to motorcycle around-the-world, which has become very popular. This would require a heavy-duty motorcycle, like a BMW Adventure Bike, which were popular on the Dalton Highway in Alaska.
329 | FRI 25 NOV 2022 | Leaves
I don’t enjoy raking leaves. I raked many leaves in high school and college; carrying away wet, decomposing leaves on a tarp. Maple trees, oak trees, in a heavily wooded area.
Managed to get most of the leaves removed for my parents using a Stihl backpack blower and a John Deere tractor with a bagging system. The tractor isn’t impervious; it’s still possible to clog the system if the leaves on the ground are dense, or, if the leaves are wet.
The weather was mostly warm and dry, which is better than trying to rake leaves on a cold, windy day, or, trying to rake frozen leaves after an early-season snowstorm.
Perhaps raking leaves is one reason why I prefer the dry climate of the desert southwest. There are no leaves to rake, if there are leaves, at least, it’s a discrete volume.
328 | THU 24 NOV 2022 | Bellegarde
Apprenticed at Bellegarde Bakery in New Orleans during the fall of 2019. Visited the bakery twice since, during my cross-country road trips. The bakery was impacted during the pandemic. The founder, Graison Gill, recently sold the bakery to its employees; the bakery is now an employee-owned cooperative. Graison is opening a new bakery in London.
327 | WED 23 NOV 2022 | Equus asinus
Read a military book last month, the author suggested that “there is a fine line between hard ass and dumb ass.” Others have suggested that it’s not a fine line, but, more like a cliff.
The infamous Ribbon Creek incident; was the Marine drill instructor a hard ass or dumb ass.
Working in private equity, some meetings included the “loudest, dumbest person in the room.” There was no discovery; leave your brain at home, do what you are told.
326 | TUE 22 NOV 2022 | Intention
My intention is to write authentically, to find an authentic voice. To write as if my life depended on writing, to write as if my hair was on fire. I have maintained a daily journal since 2007, my earliest writing practice. Writing practice is aspirational, to write about that which I wish to embody.
Perhaps there is nothing original to write, nothing that hasn’t already been said, but to express in my own voice. Perhaps my writing will resonate with others, perhaps not. My writing doesn’t have to please anyone but myself, and maybe, it won’t even please me. To be an effective writer is to hone the power of observation.
Natalie Goldberg suggests that a person doesn’t have to write well, but rather, just write. She suggests further, let go of your failures, sit down, and write something great. Or, write something terrible, and feel great.
I try to remind myself that Robert Pirsig wrote only one “great” book, one is enough. Maybe.
325 | MON 21 NOV 2022 | More
Does the world need another painting, another bronze, another book, another poem.
Visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art, it was very busy, very crowded. A line to enter the museum, a line to buy tickets. The galleries with noteworthy art pieces, congested.
The world is not static, it is constantly changing. Art has often provided a commentary, an opinion piece, a reflection of the times, by artists who view the world differently.
Perhaps in a world rife with technology, smart phones and social media – and a limited span of attention – we need, more than ever, another painting, another bronze, another book, another poem.
It’s likely that we may live without art, but likely, that our lives are enriched by art.
324 | SUN 20 NOV 2022 | Met
Went to NYC yesterday with friends, Dave and Kim. Took Metro North from New Haven; train broke; had to change equipment at Stamford. Visited Metropolitan Museum of Art.
The museum is overwhelming; we had about six different paintings that we wanted to see; it helps to note the gallery number before arriving at the museum. Although many people appreciate Washington Crossing the Delaware, I couldn’t help but enjoy Robert Colescott’s George Washington Carver Crossing the Delaware. Also appreciated van Gogh’s Self-Portrait with a Straw Hat.
Museum was crowded, likely because of the temperate weather, and the NYC marathon.
Enjoyed an early dinner, small plates, at Cello, before getting an ice cream cone, and return train to Connecticut.
323 | SAT 19 NOV 2022 | Drivel
It’s not that I give something up – friends, clarinet, music, car – it’s that life changes.
One chapter closes, another chapter begins.
What do I gain without a car, freedom perhaps.
Have I not been possessed by my possessions.
Are there any possessions that cannot be replaced.
Not family or friends.
Not health.
Transient and impermanent.
Take a long hike; Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail.
Walk, bicycle, ebike, scooter, motorcycle, train, freighter.
Rent an RV, or, buy an RV, travel for a year, and sell it back.
Something different, something new, something un-tried.
Misguided, man seeks the truth.
Absolute truth, relative truth.
Maybe there is no truth.
Let the truth slip through my fingers, like specs of gold,
never to be recovered again.
Does art, music, writing bring a tear, a smile, a laugh.
Is life not fragile.
322 | FRI 18 NOV 2022 | Ira
Wrote a post several weeks ago, people with whom I would enjoy meeting for coffee. Would enjoy having coffee with Ira Glass, host of the podcast, This American Life. Maybe it’s the sound of his voice, with an element of gravitas, similar to Morgan Freeman or Fu Schroeder.
I’ve listened to several interviews with Glass; it was Glass who discovered the writer, David Sedaris. I enjoy listening to This American Life; it’s a thoughtful and often creative podcast, and while some episodes resonate more than others, there is more substance than noise.
321 | THU 17 NOV 2022 | Muck
“Chronic remorse…is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.”
This is quoted from Brave New World, Aldous Huxley’s dystopian novel published in 1932. I read the book, or tried to read the book, several years ago.
This quotation was shared in a recent talk at the San Francisco Zen Center.
I thought of politics and the mid-term elections after reading this quotation. Sometimes, it appears that there is more mud-throwing than substance. When a person throws mud, it’s difficult to stay clean, the person throwing mud gets dirty, too.
The twenty-second amendment to the U.S. constitution implemented a presidential two-term limit in 1947. I wonder if the country would be better off if it implemented term limits, in particular, for senators, and put an end to career politicians.
320 | WED 16 NOV 2022 | Truth
Stumbled across a quotation while traveling in Vermont, “truth is the daughter of time.” Is the quotation ascribed to Leonardo Da Vinci, who suggested that “truth alone is the daughter of time.” Is the quotation ascribed to Francis Bacon, who suggested that “truth is the daughter of time, not of authority.”
Perhaps the idea is that truth – irrefutable – reveals itself in time, of its own accord.
When I visit the national parks, recognize that time, water, and wind are some of the strongest forces on the planet. Their power, perhaps like the truth, is inarguable.
Or, perhaps, in a world of social media and “fake news” maybe the truth is whatever a person wants it to be, perhaps, not dissimilar from the Steve Jobs reality distortion field.
319 | TUE 15 NOV 2022 | Lost
Sometimes I wonder how I ended up where I am, how I landed far afield from my peers. It wasn’t one, single decision that led far astray, but rather, a series of many small decisions.
It’s as if I was following a 360-degree compass heading, and somehow, modified the heading one degree at a time, until I find myself in a place that I don’t recognize. Where am I.
If I don’t recognize where I am today, will I recognize where I am in ten years hence.
318 | MON 14 NOV 2022 | Entrepreneur
When film-maker and producer, Ken Burns, graduated from university, he created his own production company, so that he didn’t have to climb his way up from the bottom.
Phil Knight, the founder of Nike, studied accounting, and worked briefly for an accounting firm, before he quit and launched Nike. His memoir, Shoe Dog (2016) paints a less than glamorous picture of the company in its early days. Knight learned more through trial and error, than if he climbed his way through the ranks of accountancy.
I know of several young people in university. If I could only share one piece of wisdom, it would be to forge their own path – try and fail, fall down, get-up and try again – than to pursue the “safe” path of seeking an internship, getting a job after graduation, and getting experience. There is nothing “safe” about getting a job. Just ask the employees at Twitter terminated after the recent takeover by Elon Musk.
People gain experience and judgement when they try and fail. Randy Pausch suggested, “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted; experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”
317 | SUN 13 NOV 2022 | Car
I sold my Honda Fit. My Dad was driving a 20-year old Subaru that barely passed its emissions test. He flies model planes, and they fit well in the back of the car, in part, due to the car’s “magic seats” which fold into the floor, providing as much room as a large SUV.
Anticipate that I will travel nine or ten months a year for the next decade. It doesn’t make sense to own a car and pay for insurance and maintenance, not to mention, the risk of damage from mice, squirrels, or other rodents who may want to call the car “home.”
There is some regret about getting rid of the car, especially with the lop-sided car prices since the pandemic. The car is well-engineered, and is far more reliable than my previous Civic. In hindsight, I should have gotten the car in one of its signature colors, like Blue Raspberry or Orange Revolution. Maybe next time.
Hopefully this decision pushes me in a different direction. Perhaps I’ll follow Itchy Boots example and motorcycle around the world. Or live in a place where I may rely on public transportation, walking, bicycle, or e-bike.
316 | SAT 12 NOV 2022 | Broken vessels
Finished watching The Patient, ten series drama on Hulu, starring Steve Carell (Dr. Alan Strauss) and Domhnall Gleeson (Sam Fortner).
The show wasn’t flawless, but it stands on its merits. The show’s producers deserve credit for taking a risk, taking a chance, because the series was a far more rewarding experience compared to much of what’s available on television or streaming services.
In the last episode, Alan reminds us – the viewers – that “we are all broken vessels.” How true. Some people didn’t like the series ending, but it was appropriate. The series really couldn’t have ended any other way, or ended in any other way that wasn’t genuine.
It wasn’t the saccharine-sweet, Hollywood ending where everything ends perfectly. The ending was like real-life; dirty, messy, bitter, no happy endings. Do we not watch television or movies to be distracted from life’s misery; not this time.
315 | FRI 11 NOV 2022 | Veterans Day
Happy Veterans Day to the men and women that have donned a uniform and served the country.
The Marine Corps birthday celebration and Veterans Day were often two of the finest days in the Marine Corps, but in stark relief. The birthday celebration was often over-the-top. While stationed in New Orleans, I recall seeing a police motorcycle drive through the hotel conference space. Major General James Livingston often presided over the ceremonies, at the time, he was the only active duty Marine awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.
I had more than one set of the dress blue uniform. I would have a clean and ironed uniform set aside for the solemn parades on Veterans Day. Often ascribed to Plato, it’s been said that “only the dead have seen the end of war.”
314 | THU 10 NOV 2022 | Happy Birthday
Today marks the 247th birthday of the United States Marine Corps, dating back to 1775 at Tun Tavern in Philadelphia. Happy birthday Marines.
313 | WED 09 NOV 2022 | Passport
New passport arrived yesterday – my third – four weeks with expedited processing and expedited shipping, no drama. Elected a 50-page, instead of the standard 30-page book. When I lived and worked in Ottawa, I had to surrender my passport at the US Embassy for a week to have pages inserted when I ran out of space; not the end of the world, but, a little bit inconvenient. My intention is to use all fifty pages with entry and exit visa stamps.
I received one of the next generation passport (NGP) books that the U.S. State Department began to issue in 2021. The data page is reinforced plastic for durability. My image is a laser-engraved black and white photo. The passport number is alpha-numeric, and is perforated and embossed on every passport page in the book. Happy travels.
312 | TUE 08 NOV 2022 | Election Day
Today is Election Day. There has been a bit of noise and rancor leading up to the mid-term election. I voted by mail, since I’m out-of-town for the winter holidays. The ballot for Houston (Harris county) was seven pages of “fill in the bubble.”
I requested a mail-in ballot on-line. I was mailed a form that I had to complete and mail back before receiving the ballot.
When in Houston, I would vote early in-person; just a little bit easier to manage in a city of 2.5-million people. I would walk down the street from my office to the polling location; if it was raining, I could take the light rail.
What will be the outcome of the election; a divided nation cannot stand.
311 | MON 07 NOV 2022 | President’s Own
The President’s Own Marine Band was on tour this fall, first tour in three years, due to the pandemic. The Band played at the Coast Guard Academy’s Leamy Hall, in New London. Attended the concert with my friend, David; he used to play saxophone with the Band. Good performance, the musicians are some of the best instrumentalists in the nation.
310 | SUN 06 NOV 2022 | Zero sum
As I was driving this past summer, had a thought that life often presents itself as a zero-sum game. Someone has to win, someone has to lose. Perhaps, this is why many people become self-centered or greedy, in a world with finite resources.
What would happen if everyone was granted one wish, a self-affirmation of sorts, “if you build it, they will come.” It’s a bit of a visualization exercise.
It’s not a free for all, not every wish will be granted; people would need to choose wisely, if that’s possible. Does a person wish for a wide-screen television, good health, or world peace (whirled peas).
Maybe it wouldn’t make any difference at all, but maybe, it would create a world where everyone “wins” where everyone received at least one thing that they wanted. And maybe, that would make people just a little bit more kind, just a little bit more tolerant. Maybe not.
309 | SAT 05 NOV 2022 | Sushi
Jiro Dreams of Sushi is a 2011 documentary directed by David Gelb. The film follows Jiro Ono, sushi master and owner of a three-star Michelin restaurant.
I often reflected on and admired Jiro’s lifelong dedication to his craft; his care and attention. My CFO career lasted fifteen years; I never worked more than five years with any one firm.
In contrast, I sometimes note the apathy in career state or government employees; their work sometimes appears lifeless; I can hear the argument, “just give me my pension.” Willing to trade the essence of one’s life for a pension.
I greatly admire the writing of late film critic, Roger Ebert, who wrote “Jiro dreams of sushi…and apparently nothing else…this is a portrait of tunnel vision… Are there any unrealized wishes in his life? Secret diversions? Regrets? If you find an occupation you love and spend your entire life working at it, is that enough.”
308 | FRI 04 NOV 2022 | Buddhism
PBS produced a two-part, two-hour documentary about Buddhism in 2010, directed by David Grubin, and narrated by Richard Gere. Guest appearances include poet Jane Hirshfield, poet W.S. Merwin, and scholar Robert Thurman (father of actress Uma Thurman). Part one.
The documentary has merit for sharing the origin story of Siddhartha Gautama, the historical Buddha, and the Buddha’s first teaching – the four noble truths – that life is suffering and the path to end suffering. Part two.
307 | THU 03 NOV 2022 | Slap & Fold
I don’t have a stand mixer, so I used the slap & fold technique to develop the bread gluten. Gluten provides strength to the dough, and this gluten matrix “captures” the carbon dioxide during fermentation, that allows the bread loaf to rise.
The outside of the bread dough remains smooth, which allows the dough to be handled without sticking to everything. This makes it easier to shape the loaf tightly before baking.
It is possible to overmix the dough using a mechanical device; it’s almost impossible to overmix the dough when working by hand. A baker’s arms will become fatigued before the dough is over-worked.
One of the advantages to mixing by hand, is that a baker learns to recognize the properties of the dough by sight and feel, before relying on a machine. The machine is beneficial when preparing large amounts of dough that would be too overwhelming to mix by hand.
There are many ways to make bread; continue to explore various techniques; trial and error.
306 | WED 02 NOV 2022 | Anne Frank
After watching Ken Burns recent documentary, The U.S. and the Holocaust, turned to reading Diary of a Young Girl, by Anne Frank, which documents her family’s hiding from Nazi persecution during World War II.
The family hid in the upstairs annex of an Amsterdam building, between 1942 and 1944, before the family was betrayed, arrested by the Gestapo, and transported to several different concentration camps.
Anne, and her older sister, Margot, both died of typhus approximately one month before Bergen-Belsen was liberated by allied forces.
Of the eight people hidden in the annex, only one survived, Anne’s father, Otto Frank. He later remarried, and died in Basel Switzerland, in 1980, at age 91, due to lung cancer.
Anne Frank’s diary was saved by a secretary in the building, and returned to Otto Frank after the war. Her father published his daughter’s diary, a reminder of the persecution and perseverance of six million Jews. The diary has since been produced as a play and film.
305 | TUE 01 NOV 2022 | Wait
From time to time, during the past year, driving through Alaska and Canada, if I I ran out of podcasts to listen, would often listen to the NPR podcast Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! If you have never listened, the show has guest panelists, often comedians, and contestants, who are quizzed about the weekly news in a humorous manner.
Sometimes, the shows are laugh-out-loud funny. Some great contemporaneous riffing. The show’s host is writer and humorist, Peter Sagal. I listened to a podcast interview with Peter, and learned that he has struggled with depression.
Joe Nocera, of the Chicago Tribune, addressing the 2018 suicide deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, wrote “Others noted that we can never know someone else’s pain – and that, in any case, just because someone leads a seemingly blessed life doesn’t mean she or he can’t suffer from depression.”
304 | MON 31 OCT 2022 | Anger
It has taken many years to diffuse my anger. It’s likely that Zen Buddhism helped, although, I didn’t practice Zen Buddhism to diffuse my anger.
I don’t believe that I had the most appropriate role models growing up. Not casting blame, simply sharing an observation. Children have anger, and likely don’t know how to process anger. In the formative years of growing up, some adults that I would learn to emulate, didn’t manage anger well. Almost every person becomes angry, but, how does a person choose to manifest anger.
My high school music teacher would often erupt into fits of rage; yelling, throwing objects, turning red in the face. Perhaps she could justify her anger, because she cared about students, or she cared about music. It’s likely that her behavior suggests that adding fuel to anger is acceptable, instead of teaching a more appropriate response.
My father would also get angry; and he still does. He is retired, and healthy. I don’t understand his anger at times, over some really trivial matters, like junk mail.
Earlier this summer, I was in Dutch Harbor Alaska, stranded after two days of flight cancellations. I wasn’t pleased – it’s not what I wanted – but I didn’t become angry. Anger simply doesn’t help.
I’ve read that anger destroys the vessel in which it is contained. In Zen Buddhism, anger is one of the three poisons – and obfuscates reality. Others have suggested that anger is an “ego defense” mechanism. Or, “D,” all of the above.
303 | SUN 30 OCT 2022 | Stamford
Drove to Stamford Saturday morning; met my friend, Jonathan, for brunch. We attended graduate school together, and have stayed in touch over the years. I stay in touch with about six classmates, out of a class of 250. It’s been four years since our last visit, impacted by the pandemic. It was good to meet up and re-connect. He is well-grounded, we share a common appreciation for the outdoors, which likely explains our enduring friendship.
The return drive, north on Interstate 95, was rife with frustration, slow-downs, and traffic congestion. It’s likely that there aren’t enough travel lanes given the traffic density, rate of speed, and aggressive driving. I got off the highway at exit 70, just past the Connecticut River, where there was a vehicle roll-over earlier in the morning.
302 | SAT 29 OCT 2022 | Excel
I’m doing some modeling work for a colleague. Building out a budget and ten-year forecast (by quarter), which requires numerous inputs, and produces a full-set of integrated financial statements, including balance sheet, and statement of cash flows. No plugs.
Every time that I build a new model, I may look at how I did it “last time” but I always build the model from scratch. Part of my mindset is that the last model wasn’t good enough, or, perhaps, there were errors or gremlins in the last model that I don’t know about, and don’t wish to re-create. Even in the best Excel workbook, there is a often 5% error rate.
Recently, I was building out the model, building out the investment profile for an early-stage private equity firm. There were numerous input dates, for example, fundraising, investing, harvesting, and end of fund life. I wasn’t sure how to do this, but I did want the formula to be efficient and effective.
Good modeling is sometimes an exercise in curiosity; if you’re curious, you’ll figure it out. Google, YouTube, or a large scratch pad.
I came up with an effective formula, it’s pretty long, and when I look at it, I never would have come up with it. I actually came up with the formula in sections. In other words, I built out a short piece of formula that produced the results that I was seeking. In another cell, built out another short piece of formula, and so on, and then went backwards, and made a formula that combined all the parts.
The other element that I incorporated, that I haven’t done previously, was using a formula that tests for true or false (using multiple inputs), and let the answer be binary (true=1, false=0) and used the result in a multiplication calculation.
Perhaps you can teach an old dog new tricks. Ruff.
301 | FRI 28 OCT 2022 | Pin cushion
Feel like a pin cushion during the past month. Six vaccinations, and I don’t really like needles. Bivalent COVID booster, seasonal flu shot, yellow fever vaccination, typhoid booster, and two-shot series for shingles (SHINGRIX).
Many times, I don’t feel great following the vaccination; soreness in the arm, at the site of the injection; mild body aches and pains; general malaise.
The vaccines are certainly a better alternative than falling ill while traveling. Just saying.
300 | THU 27 OCT 2022 | Billy
My friend Gaelyn, called Wednesday afternoon. She is the Abbot of Houston Zen Center. We don’t often speak on the phone, so the call was a surprise.
We made small talk, the call unfolded organically. Gaelyn alluded that she was calling with bad news, and told me that our mutual friend, Billy, died, by suicide.
I met Billy when I was baking at Bellegarde Bakery in New Orleans. We would see each other attending Mid-City Zen. We crossed paths again, after he asked if I would support one of his incarcerated people at Louisiana State Penitentiary in Angola.
Billy and I shared time together in September 2021, as I passed through New Orleans. We met at Leo’s Bread, and sat outside in the shade. We spoke for several hours, sharing stories. We later walked to his home in Tremé, and talked for a few more hours. Billy was great company.
The gravity of his absence hits me when I sit down and stop moving, when I become quiet and still. Billy wasn’t an average person; he was singularly unique. It’s likely that in some respects, he never quite fit in. It’s clear after reading his New York Times obituary, that Billy indeed, “dented the universe.” He made a difference, likely in ways that he never would have imagined, or could have believed.
I’ve wrestled with suicide ideation for more than half my life. It never quite goes away. I’m not angry with Billy; I can understand how much pain and suffering he may have felt – soul crushing – and just wanting it to end.
I sometimes wonder if the best thing that we may do with someone who is wrestling with suicide, is to listen, to be quiet, to acknowledge the person’s pain and suffering, and to bear witness. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. At some point, it will likely touch each of our lives. It has mine. Billy, my friend, you are dearly missed.
299 | WED 26 OCT 2022 | Objectivity
I do consume the news. I try to be an informed world citizen. I don’t want to be obsessed by the news, never turning it off, but I don’t want to live in the dark like a mushroom. Is it possible to rely on the news, or a podcast, to reveal my own blind spots, to learn and grow.
The news media is challenging, because it’s so blatantly slanted. There is little objective reporting at CNN, FOX, or NPR. Is there an objective news source.
I recently tried to listen to a podcast interview with economist, Paul Krugman. I was hoping to learn something, to better understand the economy, to better understand the current inflationary environment, and mitigation strategies. The podcast host was quite slanted, never stepped off his soapbox, and drowned out any message that I might learn from Krugman. After a few minutes, I deleted the podcast. I’m not suggesting that I’m an ardent Krugman fan, I just wanted to understand what he had to say.
The few times that I stay at a motel, sometimes, I’ll turn on FOX news in the morning. I wouldn’t normally get my news from FOX, but want to understand its slant, its view of the world, and see how it presents its news.
298 | TUE 25 OCT 2022 | NYC
On Monday, took the train from Old Saybrook to Grand Central Station in NYC. Walked a few blocks to Omar’s, a Mediterranean restaurant, to meet my friend, Davinder, and his family for lunch. Schools were closed due to the federal holiday; we had a nice afternoon.
Davinder and I used to work together at JetBlue. We try to meet up at least once a year. Last year we met up for coffee in Stamford. The weather was dry and temperate; the trees were showing off their many fall colors. The trains weren’t crowded.
Finished reading a book on the train, Talking with Strangers, by Malcolm Gladwell (2019). Gladwell argues that people are often fooled. Sometimes, dishonest people appear truthful; sometimes, honest people appear deceitful; even the experts are fooled. The CIA failed to identify a Cuban operative, or Neville Chamberlain’s meeting with Hitler during World War II.
297 | MON 24 OCT 2022 | Coffee
I have coffee in the morning; enjoy the smell and taste, not to mention the hit of caffeine. I have a Porlex, stainless steel coffee grinder, and grind fresh coffee each morning. Often make coffee using a ceramic pour-over (Hario v60 or Kalita), or a French press.
Traveling in Mexico this past winter, most places I stayed did not have a coffee maker. Not a surprise, as many Mexicans drink instant coffee. Most of the time, I made a pour over, using a coffee sock.
If I’m at a coffee shop, I may have an Americano. This past year, while traveling, if I needed to work from my laptop, I’d visit a Starbucks, where I might order a short drip coffee with a shot of heavy cream. The flavor and fat from the heavy cream is very satisfying.
296 | SUN 23 OCT 2022 | Bonfire
Sometimes, it feels like quitting the CFO career was a mistake. Sometimes, I wonder, if I blew up my life this much, perhaps, I might as well keep going, and blow it up completely.
Shunryu Suzuki, founder of San Francisco Zen Center, suggested “when you do something, you should burn yourself up completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself.”
295 | SAT 22 OCT 2022 | Marriage
Marriage. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal suggests that the rate of first time marriage for people in their 40s and 50s is increasing. People who may have previously focused on education, career, or, disillusioned by a previous relationship.
One reason that I didn’t pursue marriage, is that I’ve seen too many people unhappily married; I would rather be single than unhappily married. Second, I am terribly independent; I don’t mind being on my own. I’m also introverted; I need “alone” time to recharge. Lastly, I’m terribly quirky, which likely, few people have the patience to tolerate.
There was a period of time that I would have enjoyed being married, but, I never enjoyed dating; who wants to make themselves vulnerable to rejection and hurt. I don’t like on-line dating; I would much prefer an organic relationship. I would enjoy traveling with someone.
When I hang out with my married friends, I feel like a third wheel, the odd man out, tagging along. The dreaded table for three at a restaurant. I always thought that I could get married at 50, and still be married for half my life. Hope springs eternal.
294 | FRI 21 OCT 2022 | American Cartel
Last week, finished reading American Cartel (July 12th 2022), by Scott Higham and Sari Horwitz, reporters with the Washington Post. I learned of the book listening to an NPR podcast in August.
The Washington Post and 60 Minutes worked together on this reporting back in 2018.
If you thought that the Sackler family and Purdue Pharma contributed to the United States opioid epidemic, it was just a small contributing factor, compared to the drug manufacturers, drug distributors, and pharmacies.
A reasonable American would think that the government or the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) is protecting Americans, but the book makes it clear that the government and DEA are too easily influenced by the highly profitably drug industry, and its political contributions.
The number of pills pumped through Florida, West Virginia, and the rust belt, is truly staggering. At its peak, more than 100-billion pills were manufactured, distributed, and dispensed between 2006 and 2014, more than 300 opioid pills for every American.
The greatest nation? It’s difficult to read the book and not feel embarrassment to be an American, to not feel embarrassment that a person may work hard to make a difference, and realize that, maybe, it’s all for naught.
293 | THU 20 OCT 2022 | Yom Kippur
Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, is the holiest day in Judaism. My friend, Bobby, shared with me some writing by Rabbi Alan Lew (1943-2009). Lew was known as the “Zen Rabbi.” He opened the first Jewish meditation center, and his work bridged both Judaism and Zen Buddhism. I suppose that we may learn from any person, from any religious tradition, if we’re open-minded.
“On this journey, our soul will awaken to itself. We will move from self-hatred to self-forgiveness, from anger to healing, from hard-heartedness to broken-heartedness. This is the journey the soul takes to transform itself and to evolve. Every soul needs to express itself. Every heart needs to crack itself open. Every one of us needs to move from anger to healing, from denial to consciousness, from boredom to renewal.”
292 | WED 19 OCT 2022 | Bad
An article published in the Wall Street Journal last month, was titled, “Failure is an Option.”
The author suggests that most people are “terrible at being terrible…faced with evidence of our own mediocrity, we wilt in embarrassment.” One person commented, “it’s such a relief not to have to be good.” Another suggested, “what is it that you’ve always wanted to do, but were too afraid.”
I played the clarinet for twenty years. I was good, but not great, and eventually quit. When I visit my parents, I will sit down to play piano – if no one is home – so I don’t hurt their ears.
I used to ski, every weekend between November and April, more than fifty days per year. I spent most time skiing moguls and trees. I was good but not great, and eventually quit.
I haven’t pursued bread baking as much as I could; I’m still challenged by achieving enough dough tension while shaping. To learn bread baking, is to be open to making “bad” loaves.
The poet, Mary Oliver, wrote “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.”
291 | TUE 18 OCT 2022 | Gratitude
Two weeks ago, when I was driving from Canada to Vermont, there were traffic delays passing through Montreal. The city is often ripe with dense traffic, it was raining, too. I listened to a podcast interview between Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert.
Colbert suggested that “if we are grateful for our lives, than we must be grateful for that which is pleasant, and that which is unpleasant.” In other words, we can’t pick and choose.
Colbert reflected on the 1974 death of his father and two brothers, aboard Eastern Air Lines flight 212. Cooper reflected on the death of his older brother, by suicide.
Zen priest, Reb Anderson, suggests that the practice of Buddhism is to meet whatever arises without complaint. To complain, only makes that which we resist, stronger.
290 | MON 17 OCT 2022 | Vermont
Two weeks ago, enjoyed a few days in Vermont, while en route from Canada to Connecticut. Drove south along Highway 100, 200-miles long, it runs through the center of the state.
Highway passes through many scenic valleys, and passes through many ski resorts, including: Jay Peak, Stowe, Mad River Glen, Sugarbush, Killington, Okemo, and Mount Snow.
It was a scenic, leisurely drive, there were pullouts, where I could allow vehicles to pass. The fall colors were glorious; passing farm houses and stone walls, pumpkins and apples.
The state is plagued by a challenging economic environment. There is no shortage of trailer homes. It’s also a long winter, six months of grey skies and brown, lifeless trees.
It was a lovely visit, but, not sure if I could live here, at least, couldn’t live here year round.
289 | SUN 16 OCT 2022 | Vaccine
Received the Moderna bivalent vaccine on Friday morning at a local Walgreens; local CVS had only the Pfizer vaccine. Previous vaccine doses were Moderna. The bivalent vaccine includes protection for the “original” COVID virus, but also the omicron strain. This marks the fifth vaccine dose that I received. Due to my international travel, it seems to be a prudent measure, not just for my health, but for ease of transiting international borders.
My arm was sore later in the day, like someone punched me. By the time that I went to bed, every muscle hurt. I woke up the following morning with a headache; by dinner, I felt better.
288 | SAT 15 OCT 2022 | Politics
Last month, visited Canada’s Maritime Provinces. People often asked where I’m from, and when I shared that I’m from Texas – at least my mail goes to Texas – I also shared that my politics don’t match the Texas politics often seen on television or newspapers.
I explained that the politics in Texas five largest metropolitan areas, Houston, Dallas / Fort Worth, San Antonio, Austin, and El Paso, are often more liberal, than rural towns in the state.
Texas has some extreme positions on abortion, immigration, and gun rights. After returning to the United States this fall, I made my first ever political contribution for the mid-term election this fall. It wasn’t a large amount of money, and I doubt that it will change the election results in November – but – a first.
Politics in the United States seems more divisive than ever. Many foreign travelers shared this feedback with me. Politics is a tricky business, likely, the best candidates don’t apply; who wants to have their “dirty laundry” made public. Second, some very talented and intelligent people likely earn more in the private sector. Third, it’s likely that the people that do run for public office, often have outsize egos, that require constant attention and feeding.
287 | FRI 14 OCT 2022 | Danger
Anticipate traveling to Central America next winter. My parents asked if Central America is dangerous. It’s likely more dangerous than Mexico, but less dangerous than Ukraine.
Upon reflection, Central America may be less dangerous than grocery shopping at a Tops grocery story in Buffalo, New York (May 2022), and may be less dangerous than shopping at a Wal*Mart in El Paso, Texas (August 2019).
Central America may be less dangerous than being a student in the US public school system; less dangerous than Uvalde Texas (May 2022), Parkland Florida (February 2018), or Newtown Connecticut (December 2012).
The constitution’s second amendment protects a citizen’s right to bear arms, during a period of time when militias played a role in the defense of a young nation. I sincerely doubt that the founding fathers considered mass shooting, hate crimes, or young students bearing arms in a public school. Thoughts and prayers are nice, but they don’t end gun violence.
286 | THU 13 OCT 2022 | Small business
After visiting Canada’s Maritime Provinces, enjoyed a few days in Vermont. Stayed one night at Hostel Tevere in Warren Vermont, in the Mad River Valley, and close to three ski resorts, Stowe, Mad River Glen, and Sugarbush. Tevere is an old Vermont farmhouse, with wide, pine boards; it is a restaurant on the first floor, and a hostel on the second floor.
I spoke with Tevere’s owners, Ryan and Justin. Ryan checked me in; he attended University of Virginia. I met Justin the following morning, as he made coffee for guests.
My impression is that they enjoy what they are doing, and where they are living. I imagine that running a small business is not easy, but they also manifest a sense of peace, too. I don’t get the impression that they are looking to become famous, wealthy, or powerful, just good citizens, treating well, its customers, employees, suppliers, and neighbors.
After attending business school, the lesson that was impressed upon me was, “go big or go home.” If you’re not going to be the next Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, or Google (FAANG stocks), don’t even try.
If you drive scenic Vermont Route 100, during the winter ski season, or during the fall when the trees change color, please stop by Hostel Tevere, you won’t be disappointed.
285 | WED 12 OCT 2022 | Young at Heart
I visited my friend, Kris, in Austin Texas, summer 2008. He wanted to see a movie, Young @ Heart, which is a documentary, of sorts, about a chorus composed of senior citizens.
The chorus sings unconventional arrangements of contemporary songs. One such song was Coldplay’s Fix You. The song was supposed to be performed as a duet; one week before the concert, one of the soloists died. The chorus concert performed was quite touching.
The movie demonstrates the power of art; the power of music, but also, the power of social interaction. When I lived in Ottawa, I would swim laps during lunch. There was a 98-year old man that would go swimming, too. He didn’t really swim that much, mostly, treaded water, but he was a social butterfly. When I’m 98-years old, I aspire to be like him.
284 | TUE 11 OCT 2022 | Intolerance
Traveling around the world, recognize that in some places, religious freedom may not exist. The freedom to practice one’s preferred religion, or the freedom to discuss religion.
I know at least two people who strongly believe that their religion is the only true religion. Such a thought or mindset, discounts many of the world’s other religious practices.
Christianity: 2.4-billion (30%)
Islam: 1.9-billion (24%)
Unaffiliated: 1.2-billion (15%)
Hindu: 1.1-billion (14%)
Other: 0.8-billion (10%)
Buddhism: 0.5-billion (6%)
Judaism: 15-million (0.2%)
Total: 8.0-billion (100%)
If I choose to practice Zen Buddhism, I don’t have to denigrate your chosen religion. I may respect you and your religious tradition. It’s not much different than respecting a person’s spoken language, and cultural or ethnic traditions.
I don’t try to convert any person to Zen Buddhism. One of Buddhism’s attributes, is that it is flexible like bamboo, not rigid like pine; it withstands questioning and being challenged.
The Buddha suggested “do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”
When I volunteered at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, I led a small group of incarcerated people in Zen Buddhism. When I entered the prison, or attended training, people would often ask what group of people I served. I often demurred, as it was a less confrontational path, than trying to explain Zen Buddhism to the other volunteers in prison.
283 | MON 10 OCT 2022 | Unwanted
Stayed at an AirBnB last month in Moncton, New Brunswick. It was a nice suite, clean and quiet. My impression is that I was an unwanted guest in the host’s house.
I pulled up the listing on AirBnB and re-read other guest reviews; there was another guest who shared similar feedback, that the guest was unwanted.
I woke up the next morning, and departed early, despite a late morning check-out time.
Contacted AirBnB support; asked how to leave an appropriate review without being mean. AirBnB suggested that I be honest, to ensure a useful platform for hosts and guests.
I left the appropriate feedback in the public comments, as kindly as possible. This wasn’t the first time that I’ve had this experience; it doesn’t happen often; I’ve stayed at more than 125 AirBnB properties. Sometimes, my impression is that the host wants to earn money on the platform, but doesn’t want a guest in their home. Hopefully, this isn’t your experience.
282 | SUN 09 OCT 2022 | Twice
It’s been said that s/he may never enter the same river twice.
It’s never the same river.
S/he is never the same person.
It’s often a teaching in Zen Buddhism; no past, no future; just the present moment. As Zen Priest, Paul Haller, suggests, experience the experience that you are experiencing.
I remember being invited to attend a conference at University of Virginia, in Charlottesville, a few years after graduate school. I stayed at the Boar’s Head Inn where I couldn’t afford to stay as a student. I felt a degree of sadness, that it wasn’t the same Charlottesville in my memories, and a degree of sadness, that I couldn’t stay.
I often feel the same when I return to Houston. I always enjoyed certain neighborhoods, Montrose, Houston Heights; driving down Allen Parkway. Each time I return to Houston, it’s difficult to recognize. There continues to be so much new construction, and re-routing of roads. Old restaurants close, new restaurants open. It’s like I never lived in Houston.
In Zen Buddhism, nothing is permanent, except change, and perhaps, suffering. Perhaps we could say that nothing is permanent except impermanence. Man’s suffering arises because s/he seeks solid ground under her feet, instead of the constantly shifting sands.
281 | SAT 08 OCT 2022 | Empty
When driving in remote locations, I often invoke the half-tank rule. When the gas tank reaches half full (half empty), find a gas station and fill up. I remember driving in rural Nebraska (2019), and drove 200-miles without seeing a gas station.
My car has a 10.5-gallon fuel tank, the low fuel warning light comes on when there is roughly one gallon remaining. I can often drive 400-miles on a tank of gas, as high as 450-miles; sometimes the miles per gallon calculation by the dashboard computer is inaccurate.
There were two instances this summer where I came too close to running out of gasoline. In August, I was finishing up the Alaska Highway, arriving in Dawson Creek, British Columbia. The second time was in September, arriving in Port Mouton, Nova Scotia.
In my thirty years of driving, I have not run out of gasoline, but I’ve been stressed out more than once, looking for a gas station. There are a number of “drafting” techniques to increase fuel mileage. First, my car has low resistance tires. Second, I try not to exceed 60 mph, because the drag on the car greatly reduces fuel economy. Visiting the national parks is ideal, because the speed limit is often 40 mph, with no traffic lights. Third, it’s possible to “draft” behind tractor trailers. Lastly, if going down a big hill, I will sometimes shift the car into neutral and coast (car has a manual gearbox). I recognize that car enthusiasts don’t recommend this, because the driver surrenders control of the car.
In a normal driving situation, I often look for a gas station once the low fuel indicator lights up on the dashboard; this means that I have around 50-miles or range remaining.
280 | FRI 07 OCT 2022 | Ken Burns
Recently listened to podcast interview with filmmaker, Ken Burns, discussing his most recent documentary, The US and the Holocaust, a three-part, seven-hour series on PBS.
I appreciate the energy and enthusiasm that Burns brings to his work, his level of attention and care. When he speaks, he sounds informed and intelligent.
He discusses the role of the United States during the holocaust, and suggests that the United States was aware of what was happening in Germany. He reminds us of the scale, too; that more than six million of the nine million European Jews were exterminated.
Burns quotes Ecclesiastes, chapter 1, verse 9: “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” He goes on to quote Mark Twain that “history does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes.” Burns suggests that the failure of human nature is man’s inherent nature to be cruel.
Finished watching the series last night; it’s coverage and footage is unique, narrated by Peter Coyote. The interviews with the survivors were compelling and touching.
279 | THU 06 OCT 2022 | Dignitas
Often listen to the podcast, This American Life, hosted by Ira Glass; his voice has an element of gravitas. A recent episode, Ends of the Earth, presents author Amy Bloom, a Connecticut resident, narrating her most recent book, In Love (March 2022).
Bloom documents the death of her (second) husband, architect, Brian Ameche. Her husband was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, the early stages of dementia; Brian concluded that “I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees.”
While there are several “right to die” states, there were roadblocks, too. So they pursued a narrow path with Dignitas, a not-for-profit in Zurich Switzerland, whose tagline reads, “to live with dignity – to die with dignity.” Amy and Brian had only a small window to pursue, as the patient has to retain the cognitive function to clearly express the intention to end his life.
It’s queer that in the United States, we may euthanize our pets, to mitigate their suffering, but we may not easily euthanize people to mitigate their suffering. The focus of modern medicine often extends the quantity of life (at any cost), with little consideration of quality.
I was a volunteer at Houston Hospice Texas Medical Center, at the in-patient unit. My observation is that few people take a proactive stance on end-of-life planning. I have these discussions with my family, as we encounter and negotiate illness, sickness, and death. Death doesn’t need to be a taboo topic.
278 | WED 05 OCT 2022 | Pump you up
After visiting the Maritime Provinces, wanted to share an observation about fuel stations, sometimes referred to as “gas bars.”
First, there aren’t any fuel locks on the pump handle. A person’s hand needs to be on the handle during the filling process. Does this reduce the number of pump handles that get ripped out of the pumps when a customer inadvertently drives off.
Second, at small villages, the pumps don’t have a credit card reader. A person fills up the car, and afterwards, pays inside. Perhaps, in these rural parts of Canada, people are honest, or perhaps, everyone knows each other, and no one will try to “pump and run.”
Third, fuel is more expensive in Canada, likely due to higher taxes. My average fuel cost was $4.70 per gallon, at least a dollar higher than what I would pay in the United States. Some of these locations were remote, in particular, Newfoundland and Labrador.
It’s also worth noting that when there are multiple fuel stations in the same city, the fuel price is the same from station to station, perhaps due to regulation. There are variations in fuel price from province to province, but likely due to transportation costs, to remote locations.
277 | TUE 04 OCT 2022 | Roadkill
Last month, I drove west in New Brunswick, from Hopewell Rocks Provincial Park towards Bay of Fundy National Park. It was early morning, dawn, patchy fog. I often drive under the speed limit, to allow space and time for animals, such as moose or deer, to behave erratically when faced with an oncoming car.
Two deer were along the right side of the road; I slowed the car and stopped quite aggressively; the car behind me was traveling too closely, and swerved into the left lane to avoid smashing into the back of my car.
I bring this up, because I’ve seen a lot of roadkill – many raccoons – during this trip to Canada; sometimes a momma raccoon with an adolescent. I don’t know if the raccoons are blinded by the car headlights; I don’t know if people try to hit the raccoons. I recognize that some people consider these animals to be a scavenger and a menace, but it’s still a sentient being that feels pain.
I remember hitting a raccoon when I was a young adult. I was driving on a rural road, and came around the corner, the raccoon was in the middle of the road, I didn’t have enough time to swerve. I felt terrible; it wasn’t intentional.
276 | MON 03 OCT 2022 | Robert Pirsig
Recently re-read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (1976), by Robert Pirsig. The book was rejected by 120 publishers, and went on to become a bestseller. I wanted to evaluate my reading of the book at age 25, compared to age 52.
In an interview with National Public Radio (NPR), Pirsig shared “I write about what I know. It may be right, it may be wrong, but it’s what I know.”
Pirsig writes, “the truth knocks on the door and you say, ‘Go away, I’m looking for the truth,’ and so it goes away. Puzzling.”
He suggests that people are foolish by making quick assumptions. If relevant in 1976, perhaps even more relevant 2022. People make quick assumptions to combat a short attention span, and information overload.
Pirsig suggests of the “mass hypnosis of 20th century education.” I agree with him, in hindsight, what I could not see when I was a student. Education appears to cultivate obedient lambs that too often accept as doctrine, that which should be challenged.
He also suggests that traveling has more value than arriving; it’s the journey, the experience, rather than the destination
Lastly, in the epilogue, Pirsig notes that his son, Chris, a character in the book, was murdered outside San Francisco Zen Center, where Chris was a student, in 1979, at age 22. Pirsig writes, “I go on living, more from force of habit, than anything else.”
275 | SUN 02 OCT 2022 | Forest Bathing
In September, visited several national parks in Canada’s Maritime Provinces, unintentionally, to practice forest bathing.
Forest bathing, shinrin-yoku, was introduced to Japan in the 1980s, and became an integral part of preventive health care and healing in Japanese medicine. There is an increasing amount of scientific evidence suggesting the health benefits of spending time in nature.
In the parks, the air is clean and fresh; I breath more deeply. The parks are often remote, without cell service, so I don’t feel obliged to check my iPhone. On hiking trails, I see few people, listen to bird song, relax, and stretch out my body. I’m less hurried, and stop to sit at a bench, just because it’s there, or stop to eat my lunch at a picnic table among the trees.
I enjoy the convenience of living in a large city, but find that living in nature is more healthful.
274 | SAT 01 OCT 2022 | Racist
Last month, stopped at Starbucks in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island; I was managing the tail end of a migraine, and needed some caffeine. There was a patron waiting for his beverage, his t-shirt read “keep the immigrants, report the racists.” Canada is interesting, because it has one of the most open immigration policies in the world.
I remember watching a news program, and someone shouted out that the candidate is a racist (bigot). Racism or bigotry isn’t binary, but rather, exists on a continuum, a sliding scale.
I am racist; perhaps more than the person to my left; perhaps less than the person to my right. There are two elements of behavior; one is the behavior that I manifest and demonstrate; the second, is, what am I thinking, but not saying out loud, or manifesting. Sometimes, I am embarrassed by the thoughts going through my head.
I remember watching All in the Family (1971-1979) as a child; I didn’t like the show. I disliked the Archie Bunker character, likely, because at my age, I couldn’t recognize that Norman Lear was actually making fun of Archie, rather than celebrating Archie’s bigotry.
In order for a person to change, to the extent that change is possible, I believe that there is value to admitting fault, admitting to being defective. My intention is not to be racist, but I’m aware that I am racist, at times. I am a privileged white male, how am I not racist.
273 | FRI 30 SEP 2022 | Art
There is a busy, harried element to traveling; it becomes the new normal. I enjoy taking a break, and visiting art museums. Removed from the frenetic streets, subways, buses, and trains; time and space to decompress, strolling through quiet galleries, reflecting and meditating on the art pieces.
I have visited some wonderful art museums over the years, including the Hermitage in St Petersburg, the Art Institute of Chicago, and the Museum of Fine Arts in Houston. Small art museums, too, that serve their local communities.
Earlier this year, visited Guadalajara for two weeks; the local university has an art museum open to the public; visited three times, focusing on the artist, Hector Navarro. Appreciated the benches in the center of a gallery, taking time to sit and to reflect on a piece of art.
A breath of fresh air; restoring a sense of humanity; appreciating the quiet and solitude; my ears ringing, a break from the din and cacophony of the city streets.
272 | THU 29 SEP 2022 | Hiroshima
During the last year of my enlistment in the Marine Corps, stationed in Okinawa Japan, the southernmost, prefectural island. In late fall, my unit was on temporary assignment at Marine Corps Air Station Iwakuni, on the Japanese mainland. I had a day off; I remember waking up early, and taking the train to Hiroshima, and then a streetcar.
Streetcar stopped at Peace Memorial Park; stepping off the streetcar, I saw the infamous, atomic bomb dome, what was the Prefectural Industrial Promotion Hall. It was surreal, I remember seeing pictures of the dome in history books; remember getting goosebumps.
I visited Peace Memorial Museum; remember seeing film footage of the ensuing destruction; people’s shadows etched onto concrete – and the survivors – sheets of skin falling off their bodies. I remember being disgusted and nauseated. I remember thinking that I would prefer to be obliterated. I doubted my own resilience and fortitude to survive, and to suffer.
Listened to a podcast recently, it explored the 2011 Fukushima nuclear accident, resulting from the 9.0-magnitude earthquake and tsunami. Podcast reported that local residents were forced from their homes, and not allowed to return, due to radioactive contamination. Podcast reported that many residents have since committed suicide, rather than endure the disruption in their lives.
I have struggled with suicide ideation for half my life; I may only imagine how much suffering that these people have endured. May their souls rest in peace.
271 | WED 28 SEP 2022 | Mandarin
I learned Mandarin Chinese after graduate school. Purchased a set of Pimsleur CDs, and practiced during the one-hour commute to JetBlue’s office in Queens. Driving home from work might look odd; stopped in rush-hour traffic, hot summer day, car windows down, with a pasty white guy speaking Mandarin.
Near the end of graduate school, I had a friend with whom I was quite fond. She asked me one day if I respected her Chinese-American heritage. The easy answer was “yes” but I believed that actions speak louder than words, and learned to speak Mandarin.
Mandarin is a challenging language to learn; it’s a tonal language, each word may be pronounced four different ways (rising, falling, falling-rising, and high); one word may have four different meanings due to intonation.
When I introduced myself to my students at the University of Connecticut, I played three truths and a lie; I shared four statements about myself, one of which was a lie. In Mandarin, I told my students that “I speak a little Mandarin, but not very well” (pinyin: Wǒ huì shuō yīdiǎn pǔtōnghuà, dàn bùshì hěn hǎo).
The things that a person may do for a pretty woman.
270 | TUE 27 SEP 2022 | Recovery
I know several people who have recovered from substance abuse, whether alcohol or other drugs; Bobby, Chris, Graham, Leo. They each attend, or attended, daily Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and participated in its twelve-step program.
When I lived at Green Gulch Farm in Muir Beach, California, attended weekly AA meetings to better understand; I found the community to be empathetic and supportive.
I understand that some people quit “cold turkey” but also recognize that this doesn’t work for other people. My understanding is that some people, once recovered, still attend meetings, to help other people break their addiction.
People who want to stop the cycle of addiction, may do so. Part of the challenge is being truthful with oneself, and admitting one’s addiction. There are many treatment modalities available, including in-residence, and non-resident treatment centers. Recovery is possible.
269 | MON 26 SEP 2022 | #$@&%*!
After completing Marine Corps boot camp, attended combat training at Camp Pendleton, in southern California. The instructors would swear; experienced fleet Marines would swear. I, along with my peers, imitated this behavior.
After a year, I recognized that if my parents or friends heard me speak, that I would be embarrassed by my un-becoming behavior, and stopped swearing. To this day, my intention remains to not swear, to not speak crudely.
I slip on occasion; for example, hitting my thumb with a hammer, avoiding a near-miss on the highway. But often, it’s in private, and not in the presence of other people.
Recently stayed at a hostel, and the hostel owner would swear, in the ordinary course of his day. In my mind’s eye, swearing indicates a lack of respect for oneself or others, a lack of self-control, or anger management issues.
One of the bodhisattva precepts is right speech; to not speak of lies, to not speak crudely.
If you are curious, the grawlix is the series of characters that often appear in place of profanity, and credited to cartoonist Mort Walker, creator of Beetle Bailey.
268 | SUN 25 SEP 2022 | Bidet
Friday September 9th, drove four hours south to Port-aux-Basques for seven-hour ferry from Newfoundland to Nova Scotia. Parked car in the queue, and entered the reception center.
Walked into the bathroom; toilets had auto-flush sensors, and flushed constantly from the moment that I sat down, spraying my ass. The toilet paper was so thin, that you could see through it, like tracing paper. I finished using the toilet and stood up, of course, the toilet would no longer flush.
267 | SAT 24 SEP 2022 | The Queen
My university students were provided a no-cost subscription to the Wall Street Journal. I would often start class with a headline, tying in material addressed in class. Student response was less than enthusiastic, and I discontinued the practice.
After the death of Supreme Court justice, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, on September 18th 2020, I shared with the class some points of interest, including:
– At Harvard (1956), she was one of nine women in a class of 500
– Dean asked female students, “why are you at Harvard, taking the place of a man”
– Graduated first in her class (Columbia Law); not hired by any NYC law firm
– She argued six cases in front of the Supreme Court, winning five
– Served on the Supreme Court for 27-years
– Survived three bouts of cancer (colon 1999 | pancreatic 2009 | lung 2018)
While she was noted as a liberal juror, it in no way diminished her friendship with conservative juror, Antonin Scalia, in particular, given their mutual appreciation of opera. They challenged each other professionally, without attacking each other personally.
The recent death of Queen Elizabeth II reminded me of the notorious RBG. The world may be a darker place without the Queen; not immune from criticism, the Queen remained an exemplar of dignity, grace, and respect. May her Majesty rest in peace. Long live the king.
266 | FRI 23 SEP 2022 | Deadlift
When I served in the Marine Corps, there was an incentive to be physically fit. I spent a lot of time at the gym. I weighed 120-pounds when I enlisted, and 150-pounds when I was honorably discharged.
I never excelled with squats or bench press, but rather, the deadlift; lifting a heavy barbell off the floor, and standing up straight. It is an efficient lift, it works the back, arms, and legs.
My personal record was a 315-pound deadlift, more than twice my bodyweight. This is a 45-pound Olympic bar, loaded with three 45-pound plates on each side, indeed, enough weight that the bar bends in the middle, and sags at the ends. People would stop and watch, to see if I would complete the lift.
I didn’t wear gloves, but rather, chalked my hands, to ensure that the bar wouldn’t slip, using an over-under grip; left hand gripped underhand, right hand gripped overhand (I’m left-handed); this provided the opportunity to improve hand and grip strength, too.
I no longer lift this amount of weight; but still enjoy deadlifting.
265 | THU 22 SEP 2022 | Legs up the Wall
I have been driving a lot, more than I would prefer, visiting Canada’s Atlantic and Maritime Provinces. Try to break up the drive, but in places like Newfoundland and Labrador, where the region is remote, I am driving more than I would like. Sometimes, my body becomes stiff after driving. I cook with a lot of turmeric (and black pepper), which is beneficial. I perform a few minutes of yoga each morning and evening; make it a priority and a habit.
I find that legs up the wall pose is beneficial. Spending too much time sitting in the car, this pose seems to help move everything back from my legs to the rest of my body; it also allows me to stretch out the shoulders and chest. I also did this pose after working long days in the bakery, often standing on concrete, a very hard surface, up to ten hours per day.
264 | WED 21 SEP 2022 | Alcoholic
My older brother is an alcoholic, for not less than 35-years. Reality; no judgement, no anger.
Alcoholism is a disease; it may be treated, if not cured. My parents have been supportive. We have gently shared with him treatment alternatives; he declines. I have learned in life that people don’t like being told what to do.
Alcoholism is a destructive disease; harmful to the brain, liver, and nervous system. It’s destructive to families, too; there is some type of residual carnage, like a war zone.
Sometimes, his behavior is constructive; he’s able to not drink for a period of time. At other times, he reverts to drinking. Sometimes, it feels like a wicked case of whiplash. What version of my brother do I experience today, will it be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.
I respect that an alcoholic has to slay her dragons each day. I try to make myself accessible; if he calls, I answer the phone. Sometimes, he is drunk. I ask him if he’s drunk, or, if he’s been drinking. Often times – many times – he is not truthful. It’s not that he’s lying to me that is harmful, but rather, that he is lying to himself. If he can’t look in the mirror and admit to being an alcoholic, then there is nothing to cure or remedy. His behavior of lying erodes our relationship. There is an element of trust that simply does not exist, or ephemeral, at best. Without trust, I really don’t want to have anything to do with him.
It’s been suggested that insanity is doing the same thing, over and over, but expecting a different result. I’m not a foolish optimist; it’s difficult to see how this reality ever changes.
263 | TUE 20 SEP 2022 | CBD
Many people know that I suffer from migraines; they have become progressively worse since 2003. Migraines often strike early in the morning, when I’m sleeping, around 2:00am. If I don’t take immediate steps to abort, the pain will quickly become intense, and not respond to any medication.
I have been using cannabidiol (CBD) since May. CBD is derived from hemp, and is legal to buy in the United States and Canada. CBD does not contain tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the psychoactive ingredient found in marijuana that produces a high.
In my experience, CBD reduces the migraine’s intensity, and reduces the migraine’s duration to twelve hours. I am able to endure a migraine without bed rest; which means that my day is somewhat functional, albeit, I won’t be setting the world on fire.
When I feel a migraine coming on – and I can definitely tell – the pain and intensity is quite different from a garden-variety headache, I take one Excedrin Migraine, one Benadryl, and one CBD gel cap, with a full glass of water. If available, an ice pack on my head, too.
262 | MON 19 SEP 2022 | Broken Glass
Roland Fryer is a Harvard economist; recently listened to podcast interview with him on Freakonomics Radio with host, Stephen Dubner. Fryer is controversial at times, and was suspended two years from Harvard for sexual harassment. He explains in the interview, that he “broke a lot of glass during his career.”
I broke a lot of glass during my career; it was not beneficial; I would not do it again. At Pratt & Whitney, I attended the CEO Q&A forums, I would research my topics carefully, and ask very difficult questions to George David. Maybe, I was trying to prove that I was “smart.” Maybe I was trying to trip-up the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Maybe I was wrong.
At JetBlue, I could become stubborn or angry; I was working 100-hours per week; working in the office during the week, and working JFK airport operations on the weekend; no excuse.
Epocal was backed by private equity investors; I was hired as CFO to commercialize and sell the company, and to reap a windfall for its investors. I held the false assumption that there was certain behavior necessary to deliver results. The company nearly went bankrupt; at one point, I hadn’t paid suppliers in seven months. At times, I yelled at the CEO; he was brilliant, but stubborn; he would never apologize or admit fault. My behavior was inappropriate.
Fault and responsibility lies with me. I wouldn’t behave this way again; it was not beneficial.
261 | SUN 18 SEP 2022 | Got Books
I didn’t read many books as a child; I didn’t enjoy reading. I got through high school without reading any of the books in English class. I was likely a slow reader; likely didn’t understand what I was reading.
I began reading in earnest, while living in Ottawa Canada. I would walk to the Greenboro branch of the public library; reserve books on-line, and pick them up once available.
I have become a voracious reader, reading at least one book per week; over the past thirteen years, I’ve likely read more than 675 books. Some of these books were great, worth reading more than once; some of these books were underwhelming or didn’t resonate; that’s okay.
Author, Stephen King, suggests that to be a writer, that it’s invaluable to also devour books.
Perhaps, reading is what kindled my interest in writing. Finding an authentic voice, and using words, to understand a world that I do not understand.
260 | SAT 17 SEP 2022 | Diamine oxidase
In July, began taking Ancestral Supplements Grassfed Kidney. I couldn’t find the product in Alaska stores; ordered it on Amazon, delivered to the local hostel. The supplement provides a natural source of diamine oxidase (DAO), which supports health, in part, by naturally reducing histamine levels.
As shared in previous post, my body seems to build up histamine levels, and when levels become high enough, triggers migraine headache. I’ve used this product for two months; I take at least one tablet per day, I may take up to three tablets, if I’m consuming known migraine triggers (ie. chocolate, fermented foods, alcohol, etc.). Don’t experience any side effects, and migraine frequency has dropped significantly in the past two months.
259 | FRI 16 SEP 2022 | Standing out
Visited India in fall 2011; circumnavigated the country on 30-day India Rail pass (second class AC). Would often take overnight trains, and wake-up where I needed to be the next morning. I remember standing on the train platform, waiting to board. I remember being stared at by others, because the pasty, white guy doesn’t fit in, doesn’t belong. It was uncomfortable. In the United States, I am not unique; I don’t receive the stares of others. This experience, this memory, help me to empathize with those who may be different.
258 | THU 15 SEP 2022 | Got Bread
Baked bread while visiting family in August; pull apart dinner rolls, using an enriched dough with butter and sugar, and a yeasted boule. Baking continues to improve, likely due to curiosity. I keep a baking notebook (of course, you say) and note what works and doesn’t work with each bake; surf Google and YouTube looking for suggestions, ideas, and techniques. It’s trial and error – lots of error – but all about improving the craft.
Visiting family in Connecticut this fall; renewing my passport. Intention is to bake bread each week; artisan sourdough, enriched Pullman (brioche), sourdough pull apart rolls, and others.
Professional baking, five or seven days a week is hard work; not a direction that I wish to pursue, but I am open to seasonal baking opportunities, for example, summers in Alaska, or even astral summer (Nov – Feb) in Antarctica.
257 | WED 14 SEP 2022 | AirBnB
I’ve stayed with more than one hundred AirBnB hosts since 2014. Most of the time, everything is fine. Other times, the experience is underwhelming. I’ve only walked away from one reservation. My impression is that AirBnB reviews are inflated, likely out of politeness; perhaps not unlike the “pretty baby” episode in Seinfeld.
I try to ensure that my reviews will be beneficial to a prospective guest. My intention is to be honest and truthful; to not be mean, hurtful, or argumentative. If the listing requires improvements, I use the private comments, without highlighting the fault to potential guests.
256 | TUE 13 SEP 2022 | Napping
When traveling, often begin driving by sunrise; partly, because I’m an early-morning person; I used to wake up my twin brother early in the morning, when we shared a room.
Sometimes, I become fatigued when driving, that no amount of coffee will benefit. Getting into an accident, going off the road, or hitting a large animal would not be beneficial.
I find a safe place to pull off; rest area or truck stop. Set the iPhone timer for 15-minutes; enough time to wake up refreshed without feeling groggy. Put the driver seat all the way back, and interestingly enough, often fall asleep immediately, likely, in less than a minute.
There were few places to stop and rest while driving the Alaska Highway. When I arrived in Connecticut to visit family, I was fatigued and overtired, and greeted by a 20-hour migraine.
255 | MON 12 SEP 2022 | Corvette
I may drive a 2012 Honda Fit with 160,000 miles, but I appreciate cars. I always wanted a BMW 3-series coupe; when I could finally afford to pay cash, I no longer wanted the car. Perhaps, I had learned the hard-earned value of a dollar.
If I purchased a performance car, I would quickly struggle with buyer’s remorse. If I purchased a new car today, it would be the Mazda Miata (targa top); enjoyable to drive at street-legal speeds; great lines; affordable.
From time to time, I see the mid-engine Corvette (C8) on the road; it’s a great looking car.
254 | SUN 11 SEP 2022 | 911
It’s been suggested that memory is often faulty, but I remember that it was a beautiful day. The sky was azure blue; no clouds; temperate fall weather. I worked at Pratt & Whitney, the jet engine company; I was preparing the 2002 budget for aftermarket (repair) services.
There was news of an “incident” at the twin towers in New York City. I walked downstairs to the lobby, where there was a television; the lobby was packed with people. The news was devastating. Returned upstairs to my desk, and threw away the budget.
During the drive home, listened to the radio news, trying to understand what happened. The next morning, I read the newspaper and cried; the senseless tragedy was overwhelming.
253 | SAT 10 SEP 2022 | One Medical
Because I am self-employed, I do not have employer-provided medical insurance. I don’t yet qualify for Medicare, and medical insurance under the Affordable Care Act isn’t affordable.
This past year, I subscribed to Sedera, for medical cost sharing. I also subscribed to a telemedicine service, MedLion Clinic. I used the service only once, for a travel medicine consult, before going to Mexico.
Instead of renewing with MedLion, I subscribed to One Medical for $150, applying a $50 discount code. One Medical includes a telemedicine service, but also has offices in major cities across the United States, if I need to see a doctor in person, or to coordinate lab tests.
There is no charge for telemedicine appointments; in-person appointments have a fee, which may be covered by conventional, employer-provided medical insurance.
Amazon announced in July that it will acquire One Medical for $4-billion. It’s likely that One Medical will become a benefit for Amazon employees. The acquisition also allows Amazon to expand into healthcare, which it has tried to do, albeit, unsuccessfully, in past years.
252 | FRI 09 SEP 2022 | Car door
When driving on a road trip, often start my day by 4:00am; less traffic; cooler temperatures. When packing up the car, try to make just one trip from the house (maybe it’s a “guy” thing); my hands are often full. At some point, it’s likely that I’ll place the Yeti coffee mug on top of the car roof, before I open the driver side door. If I have to put something in the trunk, I often shut the driver side door, just in case. I have this nightmare vision that someone will drive by at a rapid rate of speed, and rip off the car door, perhaps like a “bad” episode of Seinfeld. Perhaps I’m just being ridiculous.
251 | THU 08 SEP 2022 | Safety
Safety does not exist. A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not why ships are built (Shedd).
I thought that I was taking risks and chances, but I am mistaken. There was little risk enlisting in the Marine Corps (in 1993). There was little risk joining Pratt & Whitney, JetBlue, or serving as CFO. I have learned that the best opportunities for learning, growth, and creativity, are those that stretch me outside of my comfort zone; opportunities that scare.
Certainly, some alternatives are safer than others; for example, if camping in Arizona or New Mexico during monsoon season, choose to camp on high ground, rather than in an arroyo. For example, when traveling through Mexico via bus, choose to travel during daylight hours, rather than at night, when the bus is more likely to be hijacked and robbed.
250 | WED 07 SEP 2022 | Anthony Bourdain
Recently watched The Roadrunner, 2021 documentary about Anthony Bourdain, directed and produced by Morgan Neville. Documentary ends with Bourdain’s death by suicide in 2018, at age 61, three days after the suicide of Kate Spade. Despite his great talents, it’s not difficult to see Bourdain as a tormented soul. Bourdain jokes about death, at times. It’s not a joke; it’s a cry for help. Was there a person in his life with which he could confide. Perhaps his first wife, Nancy. His second wife, Ottavia. His girlfriend, Asia. His brother, Christopher. His mother, Gladys. A best friend. A doctor. He was talented; he had a lot for which to live. The world was a better place with Anthony Bourdain. He is dearly missed. Silence kills.
249 | TUE 06 SEP 2022 | Irritation
Some people might believe that living and working in a monastery is peaceful and serene. It’s not much different than living with my family during the holidays, or, the difficulties experienced in my professional work environment.
Monastics are like pebbles in a bag – rough edges smoothed by time – constantly abrading against one another. The situation is often aggravated, because people who choose to live at a Zen Buddhist monastery, are often suffering.
When I lived and worked at Green Gulch Farm in Muir Beach California, I didn’t get along well with one of the monastics; she didn’t get along well with me; a general sense of friction. What is surprising, is that we were actually quite similar in our personalities and mannerisms. Perhaps what irritated me, were the traits that I dislike in myself, mirrored back to me.
Perhaps what irritated her, were the traits that she disliked in herself, mirrored back to her.
248 | MON 05 SEP 2022 | Truth seeking
My friend, Greg, suggests that I am truth-seeking, a person seeking the truth. Perhaps what I have learned on this journey is that there is no truth; what I believe is the truth is only my opinion. I didn’t choose to be a truth seeker, it chose me. It seems to have been an inevitable path; a path that was difficult, if impossible, to ignore.
While traveling through Portland, came across the book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (1974), by Robert Pirsig, which I am now re-reading. Pirsig writes, “It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, ‘Go away, I’m looking for the truth,’ and so it goes away. Puzzling.”
247 | SUN 04 SEP 2022 | Freedom
Visited Lyme Public Library last month; read the book, What They Forgot to Teach You at School, published by the School of Life, co-founded by British philosopher, Alain de Botton.
One of the book’s arguments suggests that “people tend to fantasize about freedom; not having to work, or taking off on long trips. This isn’t freedom; freedom is to be not beholden to the expectations of others. People are often enslaved by the expectations of others. People often live with the idea that our choices may not meet with general approval. True freedom is to meet the expectations of oneself, rather than the expectations of others.”
This argument resonated with me; often feel “trapped” by the expectations of others; and who are these “other” people. In my hospice experience, some patients didn’t liberate themselves until they were on their deathbed; perhaps better late than never.
Freedom isn’t traveling the world, living in a monastery, baking artisan bread, or writing. Freedom is to live free from the tyranny of expectations.
246 | SAT 03 SEP 2022 | Kintsugi
Zen Buddhism is influenced by several Japanese cultural traditions, for example, ikebana, the art of flower arranging.
It is also influenced by the Japanese tradition of kintsugi, emphasizing dignity in the art of repair; broken vases are mended using gold lacquer, and displayed as precious works of art.
The Japanese aesthetic of wabi sabi, is a world view centered on transience, imperfection, and acceptance; finding beauty in what is imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete.
Mark Epstein, author and psychotherapist, recalls a discussion with Ajahn Chah, in his book, Thoughts without a Thinker: “for me, this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on a shelf and the wind knocks it over, or my elbow brushes it off the table, and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”
Damaged and defective; faults and flaws, mended with gold; shining brilliantly, for all to see.
245 | FRI 02 SEP 2022 | Hitchhiker
Yesterday, drove six hours, 250-miles northeast, on Highway 138, from Quebec City to Baie-Comeau, Quebec. Two hours into the drive, there was a backpacker hitchhiking at the side of the road. Pulled off and stopped the car. The gentleman, with a heavy French accent, told me that he was heading north. He got into the car; I asked him if his intention was to murder me or steal the car. He didn’t reply; perhaps he didn’t understand the question.
I didn’t get his name, but he told me that he is five eight years old. He works at the (iron ore) mining camp in Labrador City, as a cook in the industrial kitchens that serve 1,000 workers daily. He works fourteen, twelve-hour days, followed by two weeks off. I dropped him off in Baie-Comeau; he would hitch another ride to his home. It rained during the day; he expressed his gratitude for remaining dry.
Many people have been kind to me during my travels; sometimes when things go sideways; other times, simple, garden-variety kindness. There is likely some form of travel karma; pay it back; pay it forward. The world would likely be a better place if people could be more kind to one another.
244 | THU 01 SEP 2022 | Intention
Intention of this post is to publish each day, similar to Seth Godin. Post may be as short as a sentence, or as long as several paragraphs; play with fascinating tangents, in a fluid, dynamic manner. Will “pin” the post to the top of the feed; newest material always on top.
Writing is the power of observation. I write to better understand a world that I don’t understand. Every idea or observation that I write down, could have as much (or little) value as an artist’s doodle. Writing for me is a daily practice, like yoga or meditation.
It’s been suggested that humans are the only earthly sentient being that writes. I’ve enjoyed writing during the past year; re-writing “shitty” first drafts (that no one will ever see). I plan to continue writing – and wonder – where might I be in a decade.
garthmonroe 