I recently finished a one-week individual meditation retreat in Silver City, New Mexico. Silver City is in the southwest corner of the state, 6000 feet above sea level. I wanted to rent a small cabin on AirBnB, but didn’t find anything affordable. However, I did find an affordable room in a retreat house, that used to be a Catholic convent, attached to a small chapel.
I’ve been practicing Zen Buddhism for more than a decade. At Zen Center San Diego, I often attended one-day meditation retreats, scheduled from 6:00am-6:00pm. Attendance was sparse, maybe three or four people, including the time-keeper, alternating between seated meditation (zazen) and walking meditation (kinhin).
At Houston Zen Center, I attended week-long meditation retreats; one retreat was often held the first week of December, to celebrate the Buddha’s awakening. The second retreat was often held in February, when Reb Anderson would visit from the San Francisco Zen Center.
I also attended a six-month residential practice at Green Gulch Farm Zen Center, in Muir Beach California. The period began in January 2020, but quickly disintegrated influenced by the pandemic. Residents were asked to depart, when convenient. One resident, before returning to Europe, rented a cabin and finished the practice period meditating on his own.
Bodhidharma is credited with establishing the Zen branch of Mahayana Buddhism, and is well known for his “wall-gazing.” It is said that he meditated in silence for nine years in a cave. In the Genjo Koan, an influential sutra in Zen Buddhism, it is said that “to study the Buddha way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self.” While I have practiced many years at Zen centers, I have often wondered if I should try longer periods of meditation by myself, and celebrate this age-old tradition of “wall-gazing.”
In New Mexico, I sat meditation for eight hours per day for five days; 4:00-8:00am and 4:00-8:00pm. Each period of sitting meditation (zazen) was forty-five minutes, followed by fifteen minutes of walking mediation (kinhin). When seated, a person focuses on the breath; when walking, a person focuses on the footstep. When distracted, a person returns to the breath; over and over and over, again. At the end of the meditation period, I would recite sutras, and practice bowing, an exercise in humility.
After finishing the meditation retreat, I am reminded of Paul Haller, one of the senior monastics at San Francisco Zen Center, who often suggests that zazen is good for nothing.
There are advantages to practicing with a community (sangha); it is often suggested that monastics are like pebbles in a sack; each pebble smooths out the sharp edges of the other pebbles. When practicing in a sangha, the monastic forms are also quite beautiful.
I’ve been frustrated with my meditation practice during the pandemic; I haven’t enjoyed participating via Zoom. Conducting a solo meditation retreat was a beneficial alternative.
Did I achieve enlightenment? I sometimes define enlightenment as being awake or aware; in either case, enlightenment is often fleeting. I sometimes define enlightenment as recognizing that suffering is endless. Shunryū Suzuki Roshi, the founder of the San Francisco Zen Center, sometimes suggested that enlightenment is the ability to exist without complaining. Did I achieve enlightenment? Maybe yes, maybe no.
From time to time, people new to meditation might ask how long should a person sit. I often suggest that a person should sit once a day, every day, ideally in the morning before the day goes sideways. In terms of duration, I might suggest that people sit between five and fifteen minutes per day, to establish the habit; sitting daily, even when a person does not want to sit, is more important than duration. Over time, sitting between thirty to sixty minutes may be beneficial. Don’t take my word for any of this, be a lamp unto yourself.
I’m a morning person, and I prefer to sit meditation before sunrise. My intention is to sit an hour once a day; to recite the Heart Sutra (teaching on impermanence), and to bow nine times (humility practice). Once a week, my intention is to sit two hours. Once a month, my intention is to sit three hours. Once a quarter, my intention is to sit four hours.
Delusions are inexhaustible; I vow to endure them.
garthmonroe 